Losing the Thrill? (Formspring Question)

I received the following comment/question via Formspring:

Love your honesty in answering questions, quite HOT! I am new to BDSM, obviously. So, before I get over my head in this new relationship and my heart broken, let me ask you this? Do dominant men lose the thrill of their sub once they are "broken in"?

First, thank you so much for the compliment.  Can't say that me or my honesty has ever been referred as hot before, but I won't complain.  :)

This question is almost like deja vu.  I've had this conversation a couple of times over the past month or so.  Even within the last week.  I will assume by broken in this means that you are at least past the initial stages of becoming familiar with being submissive and having a Dominant lead them down that road.  Or, at least that's how I'm going to approach this. 

As for my own personal views, I think that any Dom who is just there for the thrill of "breaking you in" and then wishes to be on his way isn't worth the time.  This is, of course, unless this is known from the start and you are both in it for this reason.  Otherwise, you go through all this with him, get attached, develop feelings, connect and bond on a deep intimate level, and then end up an emotional basket case because he moves on.  And why?  All because he made his conquest and is now onto someone else.

In my eyes, unless you go into with that purpose and it is known, that is just...Wrong...Wrong...Wrong...on so many levels!

For me, losing the thrill doesn't even cross my mind or play into it.  It's not about getting a submissive used to this and what it is like and then nothing more.  It's about the ever-evolving relationship and dynamic between the two of you.  I don't see it as a period of initial learning and then you move into the next phase.  I see it as something that is continuously growing and becoming more, with no specific phases or end points.  It is a constant progression together to become more for each other.  If you back out after the initial "break in" period ( I feel like I'm talking about a car or something lol)  then you are missing out on how deep and fulfilling a D/s relationship can grow to be. 

I think so much of it depends on the person you are involved with in this.  A good person/man (Dom doesn't even really have to be a part of the equation) won't ever see it as getting your feet wet and then leaving you start it all again.  If this is a concern for you, then you two need to be very open with your communication and define what you want and your expectations with each other.  He needs to know how you view your relationship, now and in the future, just as you need to know how he sees it.  there doesn't need to be any surprises, as far as this goes. 

I hope this answers your question(s).  Thanks for asking this, and again for the compliments. 

~DV~

Thank You Lurkers...and Non-Lurkers Alike

I have come to realize that today is "Love Your Lurkers" Day.  So I will say hello to all of you out there that stop by, whether sporadically or regularly, but never leave a comment or say anything.  I know I have them, as I think all of us in blogland do.  I believe the chart to the right is a pretty good representation of what really goes on about those that comment and make themselves known.  So...that means we all have a huge following of anonymous lurkers that read, but remain in the shadows.  I thank you all, known or not, that stop by and enjoy what I write and have to say. 

 Well, today you can no longer hide!  We all know you are there.  So feel free to drop by, make yourself known, and leave a comment about whatever you would like.  This is a free comment zone about anything and everything, so feel free to throw it out there.  Bring it on my dear lurkers!  Come out of hiding and step forth from the shadows, at least for a moment, and let it be known that you like to stop by and read DV's blog.  Ok...ok...I know...you really don't want anyone knowing you like it here.  But you can do it just for today, and anonymous comments are more than welcome.  Whatever your reason, feel free to leave a comment and of course....Thank you for lurking, and at least for today...de-lurk yourself!  :)

DV

The Look In Your Eyes

The look in your eyes
The feelings never more true
You look fabulous
With me owning you

Your beauty shines
Your smile is bright
You have found happiness
In my glowing light

You finally see
The you that was hidden
Of your doubt and hesitation
You will now be ridden

 

You bring me my belt
And say "please make me feel
Your power and strength
Is so very real"

Your ass in the air
Waiting for lashes
Breathing deeply
You feel the first lashes

One, then two
Then three, then four
You hope I'm not done
You need many more

Your skin bears red stripes
From the crack of the belt
Finally you are alive
You have now felt

You completely let go
You had no choice
I made you go there
It's total rejoice

You blood runs hot
It burns like fire
Within you flows
A never known desire

All you want now
Is to give me more
Whether standing by my side
Or on your knees on the floor

 You let me inside
All those firmly built walls
And now all you want
Is to give me your all

Because deep inside
You know I care
I give love and support
And will always be there

The look in your eyes
The feelings never more true
You've never been happier
Than with me owning you


~DV~

Titles and Names...

What's in a name?  Does having a title make you any more of a person?  Does it make you any more important than someone else?  Does it make someone else any less than you? 

So many times I think people get way to caught up on names and titles.  Especially in the various aspects of the bdsm lifestyle.  People tend to think they have to have a certain title or be called something specific.  That they feel less important with out it.  Some people are offended by being called one thing while reveling in being called something else.  And to those that are new to this and trying to learn, all the different monikers can be...well, confusing and daunting. 

Are you a Dom, Master, Daddy, Top, Domme, Switch, Mistress, Sir?
Are you a sub, slave, bottom, lil, babygirl, pet, brat, kitten? 
Are you kinky or vanilla?
Or you monogamous you polyamorous?
Is it just the two of you, or are you part of a House, a Pack, a Group, a Family?
Are you a sadist,. masochist, or sadomasochist?
Are you in a relationship, owned, collared, in training, being mentored, mentoring?
Are you straight, gay, bi, queer, heteroflexible, curious, pansexual, asexual? 

Does any of it really even matter?
Hell, I got confused even writing this.  I'm not sure what my orientation is now?!?!

Yes, I think it matters, to a degree, but don't get stuck on a name or title.  Really it doesn't make you any more or any less than you were five minutes ago before having that name.  Yet, within certain circumstances, it does help define and describe who you are and how you fit into this.  But, don't get too caught up on names and titles. 

In the big picture, it doesn't mean that much.  What does matter is what you and your partner have with each other.  It's how you see each other and how the names you use with each other plays into your dynamic.  As long as that works for you, then the rest doesn't matter.  Yes, you may be submissive, but if being his babygirl makes you feel your place and special with him, then by all means use it.  Yes, I may be a Dominant, but if she needs to call me Daddy, and that is what helps define our relationship, then we will use it. 

I may classify myself as Dom (which I do), but that really only matters to one person...the one I'm involved with.  Otherwise, it has no real bearing on me and the person I truly am.  It's just a title or name I use.  It's a description.  It doesn't make me any more or any less than someone who calls themselves a Master or a Top, or a sub or a slave.  It's just a way of defining myself within this lifestyle, based on how you see yourself and what you want from this. 

So, don't get too caught up in names and titles.  Don't let all the possibilities overwhelm you.   Just be yourself.  Yet, if you really want to mess with some people who seem to be caught up in titles and what you call yourself, then pick as many of these adjectives as you possible can and throw them at people just for fun.  Such as...

I am the Dominant Daddy of a kinky submissive heteroflexible babygirl, who is owned and collared within our monogamous yet sometimes poly relationship, in which she is exploring her masochistic tendencies and bringing out my sadistic side, as I train her to go further and eventually become my bisexual slave, at which time I will introduce her to the House Of DV, where she will become a part of the rest of my harem and officially be a part of DV's Family.   

(and yes that last part was way over the top sarcastic)  ;)

That Time Of The Month? (Formspring)

I recently received the following question via Formspring...

What do you do with your sub when she is on her period?

This is actually a pretty good question, and one I haven't seen many people write about.  Or maybe...because of the topic I purposely skipped over those posts.  LOL!  Anyway...I'm going to try to keep this...ummm...tasteful.

I think a lot of this depends on the two people involved.  Some people will avoid sexual contact completely during menstruation.  Others don't let it slow them down one bit.  Personally, I can hold out and avoid that area during this time.  I would prefer not to deal with the mess.  Or as a special friend once told me... "I have two other perfectly good holes.  There is no need to go there while I'm on my period."  This always made me laugh, but she has a good point.

There are plenty of other good ways to enjoy each other, and keep the D/s dynamic alive, without having to deal with sex during her period.  As pointed out before, there are other ways to enjoy her body.  you can work on oral skills together.  You can work on anal pleasure together.  You can work on your bondage or flogging skills.  The choices are endless.  Or as Domly as it may or may not sound, you could use this time to relax and just hold each other and be together.  Nothing says you can't use this time to take a break, re-group and refresh, either. 

I have always enjoyed using this "down time" as a time and way to bond mentally and emotionally.  It's a perfect time to spend reading and researching about this lifestyle together.  You can share thoughts and ideas.  You can banter back and forth about your views, how they are similar and how they differ.  You can expand on what you would like to try together.  You can look at expanding your horizons and what those horizons may be.  It's like setting the ground work and having a planning stage.  So, when the skies clear and things are back to normal, you are then ready to jump back into being more physical and intimate with your new-found knowledge. 

By no means does the world stop or slow down because a woman has her monthly cycle.  It's just part of life.  Your D/s relationship shouldn't stop or be put on hold either.  Yes, if it's all about sex for you, then this may slow you down a bit, at least for a week, but it shouldn't be all about sex anyway.  There are plenty of ways to keep the fire alive, and to actually grow what the two of you have together, during this time.  It's not always a bad thing.  Some time away from the physical, and concentrating more on the mental and emotional, can be very good for your relationship.

Of course all this is assuming she isn't the type to turn into a monster and wants to rip apart any and everything that stands in her way, and would prefer to rip your guts out and jump up and down all over them just for looking at her in what she perceives is a wrong way.  If that's the case...you're on your own.  I can't help you.  Run!  Run for your life!  You are better off having a man cave somewhere and hiding out until the sweet little sub returns to normal.   (sorry I couldn't resist a little jab for fun)  :)

An End And A New Beginning (FAF)

Well, I believe we have come to the end of an era.  As you have probably noticed, new editions of FAF have been few and far between.  Time and availability have been a major issue as of late.  And as much as I hate to admit it, the drive to continue and keep up with FAF hasn't been there either. 

So, for now I will have to say goodbye to FAF for the foreseeable future.  I'm not going to say this is the death of it, but it is certainly in a deep coma at this point.   I appreciate all of you that came by every week to check out the pictures and vote for your weekly favorite.  A special thanks as well to all those that submitted pictures. 

FAF wasn't just nice sexy pictures of the posterior...it was much more to some people.  Over the time of FAF, I received emails from people/couples telling me how it brought them together.  they would sit down each and every week and review the pics and each pic their favorite.  Then they would discuss why they chose the picture they did.  So, it wasn't just about the sexy pics.  there was an element of bring couples together and opening the lines of communication.  That was a wonderful added benefit that never could have been known when this started.

Having said all that, for those of you that can't go without your pictures, I would like to invite you to my two tumblr blogs.  Many of you know about one of them...Dauntless Arousal.  This blog is all about D/s and bdsm with a flair for the artistic and writings of others on tumblr.  The second blog is new.  It is called DV's Fantastic Asses.  There you can get your fill of all the fantastic asses you like.  Still done with a view of the artistic shots.  So, I kindly invite you to visit those two blogs for all your picture needs.  Each is updated and has pictures added almost daily. 

Thanks again to everyone for your support of Fantastic Ass Friday.  It has been a pleasure to be able to offer you some wonderful pictures each and every week. 

~DV~

Bound In The Light

You came to me 

I took you there

To all the places you denied but needed to go

The walls…The numbness

The hollow feelings…The need to hide

The fear…All gone

Breathe deep…Life fills you

You no longer just exist

You now live to feel

To feel the excitement

To feel the arousal of the senses

To feel what’s it’s like to be cared for

Appreciated…Wanted…Needed

Feelings within your heart and mind

Feelings you didn’t know were possible

Just to feel at all is new

And feeling like you belong and have found yourself

Your true self

The one you have been made to feel was wrong

Giving...Offering...Serving

You now see it fills you with peace

Serenity…Tranquility…Harmony

It feels safe…Secure…Protected

It feels like home

And here you lie

Naked…Exposed…Vulnerable

Completely open and available

Allowing access to all you are

Begging to be molded…shaped…formed

And shown who you already are

Not changed or made what you are not

Brought to the forefront of all you already are

A new fear…anxiety…nervousness

Now envelopes you

Not of what lies before you

What may happen to you

What may be subjected upon you

But of not having that

Of not being guided in who you are

Of not being able to see all this can bring

All this can offer

All that you are

It’s the fear of going back

Back to what was before

Back to being less

Being as you were before

Lost…Hopeless…Numb

You have found your strength...Your fortitude

You have been shown you have far more

Than you ever knew was possible

So you fight with all your might

You refuse…Struggle…Plead to stay bound

To stay bound in the light

The light that now shines

The light that shows you all you are

Encompasses your very being

It is freedom…Hope…Promise

The lack of binds…Of going back

Of being free to be who you were before

That is not living…That is death…That is denial

The fear of not feeling...Of not being

Is far greater than the safety of being nothing

~DV~