I recently received the following question via Formspring...
What do you do with your sub when she is on her period?
This is actually a pretty good question, and one I haven't seen many people write about. Or maybe...because of the topic I purposely skipped over those posts. LOL! Anyway...I'm going to try to keep this...ummm...tasteful.
I think a lot of this depends on the two people involved. Some people will avoid sexual contact completely during menstruation. Others don't let it slow them down one bit. Personally, I can hold out and avoid that area during this time. I would prefer not to deal with the mess. Or as a special friend once told me... "I have two other perfectly good holes. There is no need to go there while I'm on my period." This always made me laugh, but she has a good point.
There are plenty of other good ways to enjoy each other, and keep the D/s dynamic alive, without having to deal with sex during her period. As pointed out before, there are other ways to enjoy her body. you can work on oral skills together. You can work on anal pleasure together. You can work on your bondage or flogging skills. The choices are endless. Or as Domly as it may or may not sound, you could use this time to relax and just hold each other and be together. Nothing says you can't use this time to take a break, re-group and refresh, either.
I have always enjoyed using this "down time" as a time and way to bond mentally and emotionally. It's a perfect time to spend reading and researching about this lifestyle together. You can share thoughts and ideas. You can banter back and forth about your views, how they are similar and how they differ. You can expand on what you would like to try together. You can look at expanding your horizons and what those horizons may be. It's like setting the ground work and having a planning stage. So, when the skies clear and things are back to normal, you are then ready to jump back into being more physical and intimate with your new-found knowledge.
By no means does the world stop or slow down because a woman has her monthly cycle. It's just part of life. Your D/s relationship shouldn't stop or be put on hold either. Yes, if it's all about sex for you, then this may slow you down a bit, at least for a week, but it shouldn't be all about sex anyway. There are plenty of ways to keep the fire alive, and to actually grow what the two of you have together, during this time. It's not always a bad thing. Some time away from the physical, and concentrating more on the mental and emotional, can be very good for your relationship.
Of course all this is assuming she isn't the type to turn into a monster and wants to rip apart any and everything that stands in her way, and would prefer to rip your guts out and jump up and down all over them just for looking at her in what she perceives is a wrong way. If that's the case...you're on your own. I can't help you. Run! Run for your life! You are better off having a man cave somewhere and hiding out until the sweet little sub returns to normal. (sorry I couldn't resist a little jab for fun) :)
What do you do with your sub when she is on her period?
This is actually a pretty good question, and one I haven't seen many people write about. Or maybe...because of the topic I purposely skipped over those posts. LOL! Anyway...I'm going to try to keep this...ummm...tasteful.
I think a lot of this depends on the two people involved. Some people will avoid sexual contact completely during menstruation. Others don't let it slow them down one bit. Personally, I can hold out and avoid that area during this time. I would prefer not to deal with the mess. Or as a special friend once told me... "I have two other perfectly good holes. There is no need to go there while I'm on my period." This always made me laugh, but she has a good point.
There are plenty of other good ways to enjoy each other, and keep the D/s dynamic alive, without having to deal with sex during her period. As pointed out before, there are other ways to enjoy her body. you can work on oral skills together. You can work on anal pleasure together. You can work on your bondage or flogging skills. The choices are endless. Or as Domly as it may or may not sound, you could use this time to relax and just hold each other and be together. Nothing says you can't use this time to take a break, re-group and refresh, either.
I have always enjoyed using this "down time" as a time and way to bond mentally and emotionally. It's a perfect time to spend reading and researching about this lifestyle together. You can share thoughts and ideas. You can banter back and forth about your views, how they are similar and how they differ. You can expand on what you would like to try together. You can look at expanding your horizons and what those horizons may be. It's like setting the ground work and having a planning stage. So, when the skies clear and things are back to normal, you are then ready to jump back into being more physical and intimate with your new-found knowledge.
By no means does the world stop or slow down because a woman has her monthly cycle. It's just part of life. Your D/s relationship shouldn't stop or be put on hold either. Yes, if it's all about sex for you, then this may slow you down a bit, at least for a week, but it shouldn't be all about sex anyway. There are plenty of ways to keep the fire alive, and to actually grow what the two of you have together, during this time. It's not always a bad thing. Some time away from the physical, and concentrating more on the mental and emotional, can be very good for your relationship.
Of course all this is assuming she isn't the type to turn into a monster and wants to rip apart any and everything that stands in her way, and would prefer to rip your guts out and jump up and down all over them just for looking at her in what she perceives is a wrong way. If that's the case...you're on your own. I can't help you. Run! Run for your life! You are better off having a man cave somewhere and hiding out until the sweet little sub returns to normal. (sorry I couldn't resist a little jab for fun) :)
16 comments:
Laughed at the jab. I think this was a well written, tactful post that will answer an awkward question for many. It IS part of life...I never really understood the idea of LIFE coming to a stop for that week, but your elaboration of options is fabulous.
Little bit of a de-railment, but here;
http://www.sheisthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/2011/08/my-favorite-thing-ever.html
Is my (not so much anymore) little secret.
Matt is GENERALLY confused about if or how or when I have a period because of these :)
Jen
that last bit made me laugh.
for some reason in the beginning of our relationship i would get cranky and BIKSS would have to give me a grounding spanking to centre me. he never disappeared, but stepped up and tucked me under his arm and shut me up - the way a good Dom does. I learnt over a few cycles (as did he) to predict this craziness and set the tone in advance so that i wouldn't have a meltdown. it's worked for us - and these days i'm almost cranky-free. (getting on the pill may have something to do with that! heh)
but yes, i agree, i do have two other usable holes. and mostly we use this time to talk A LOT MORE than usual, and i get to really spoil him with some oral pleasures!
As always very well written. And I agree with SirQsmlb, informative.
And very sweet:
"Or as Domly as it sounds, you could use this time to relax and just hold each other and be together."
Nothing feels better than that.
You don't have to call that a jab. I'm a woman and there are women I'll hide from at these times :)
Great post.
Thx for the comment. I had to have a little jab in there. I couldn't possibly discuss this topic and be completely serious, could I?!?!
Well said! Another here who never understood the idea of life suddenly stopping because of 'the time of the month'. As you have illustrated it is very easy to keep the flame burning hot, with a little bit of interest, imagination, love and respect. Loved this post!
Holy crap! Did my blog to just turn into an advertisement for women's products?!?! I knew talking about this was a bad idea! Geesh! (just kidding Jen) ;)
Cranky...that's a nice way of looking at it. ;) You to seem to have a firm grasp on what I was trying to say with this whole topic. There is plenty more to do and talking and communicating with each other is never a bad idea.
Emen...half the battle is knowing you get out of sorts yourself, or that others do, and avoidance is the best option. And I agree, there is definitely something to be said for closeness and just being together.
Hmm - my husband takes advantage of that time to wind me up, use me (the alternatives you mentioned), get me very needy and wanting, and leave me to stew. It's not exactly as nice as cuddling and talking, and sometimes it feels ever so slightly punitive, or sadistic on his part, but it does serve his purpose.
Well said. I am personally down with period sex, but the way I need to be dealt with emotionally as a sub is totally different from my norm. I don't get cranky or irritable...weirdly enough, I just get very self-critical. For about 3 days every month, my hormones tell my brain, "Let's spend this time ruminating on all of your flaws." I would not be able to handle the kind of degradation and psychological play that I usually crave. Instead I totally need to be petted and told I'm pretty and a good girl.
Great post.
Using all those alternatives--anything and everything but sex-and exploration of those other holes can be wonderful but so can the talking/cuddling...I guess for me it depends on how exactly I'm feeling and how much my partner in crime wants to exploit that :o)
All you have to do is want to keep the flame burning. Imagination...ah yes! together the possibilities are endless.
GG...hmmm I do like the way your husbands thinks. That time of the month or not, I do rather enjoy leaving someone to stew. And yes, it does have a purpose that can make things better or help keep the roles in place and in force between you.
This just shows how each and every person has their own preferences in dealing with this. I have known women that are like you and become overly critical of themselves. Just shows this is a great time for you to be able to take in some of the softer aspects of this and be able to enjoy the closeness together.
It always should depend on how you are feeling and your mindset. There are many options from the more physical to the more mental and emotional. Cuddling is never a bad option...by itself or after some play. And exploit...we Doms do love to do that! :)
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