October 14, 2010

Submissive Emotions and The Dominant (Pt 2)

Women...emotions...women...emotions..women...well  you get the picture.  The two seem to go hand in hand and be synonymous.  I won't say this is always the case, as everyone is different.  Yet, for the most part women are very emotional creatures.  Much more so than men.  Or at least most men.  There are exceptions to every rule.  But I think in general we can all agree that, women are emotional, and men are less so.

If we take this a bit further and into the sexual realm, this seems to hold true as well.  When it comes to sex, for women it is an emotional experience.  They need to feel a connection and it's more than just a physical act.  Again, there are always exceptions to this.  There are plenty of women that enjoy sex just for the sex.   Yet, for women it can be a very emotional experience.  They approach it from a much more mental and emotional side than do their male counterparts.  They aren't just looking to have sex for the sake of having sex.  They think much deeper than this when considering being that intimate with someone.

For the men, well...we like sex.  We look at a woman in terms of whether we find her attractive and would we have sex with her.  That's just how we are.  That's just how we think.  Sex for men is very physical.  It can eventually become emotional, but we enjoy the physical pleasure of sex.  There is no way around that.  That is just how it is.  We think below our belt a lot times, and we all know how much trouble that can cause.  This is something many women do not truly understand since they think emotionally.

For many guys, we can have a great girlfriend or wife we love dearly, have a great home life, and a great job, and still want to have sex with other women, potentially ruining everything great in our life.  Why?  Because we are attracted to the other woman and want to have that experience with them.  It is a purely physical desire.  It has no bearing on our home life or significant other.  It doesn't mean we love you any less.  It's just how we think.  This isn't so for women.  Since they think and act in regards to emotions, if they wanted or did have sex with someone else, they could/would potentially be very distraught.  It can wreak havoc on their emotions in figuring out how to deal with what they have at home versus what they have done with someone else.  It can become an internal battle for them as they try to figure out what all they are feeling.

So at this point you are asking...what does this have to do with being Dominant or submissive?  Well...you need to be aware of all I have mentioned, whether you agree or not, when getting involved in a D/s type relationship.  Why you ask?  Because a submissive, as I talked about in the original post, can have a wide range of emotions that are very intense when she starts moving into D/s and facing her submissive side.  This can be a very difficult time for her mentally and emotionally as she begins to accept who she is and needs to be.  Now you throw some sexual aspects into the mix, knowing she is emotional about sexual activities as well, and combine them with the other emotions she is facing and dealing with and trying to justify in her mind, and you have quite a cocktail of emotions that are all over the map.

Odds are, as with most submissives I have talked with and read about, along with their submission comes a sexual awakening.  They are finding that not only are they expected to be an open sexual being, but it is perfectly fine to be this way.  There isn't anyone there looking down on them for being open sexually.  There is no reason for them to feel pressure to hold it in and hide who they want and need to be.  They are expected to freely express their sexuality.  Their libido is now in high gear.  This just adds to the mix of things running through her mind and body.  She is feeling things, and in ways, she never has before.  Ways she never knew she could.  Ways she never even knew were possible.

As a Dominant, you better be fully aware of all that is going on within your submissive.  You better be able to understand where she is coming from and what may be going through her mind.  This can be hard for many Doms, as they don't think this way.  We approach things differently.  Yet, you have to be able to think like her to some degree to be able to understand her.  It's your job to understand her.  She is there in the puddle of mush, and emotions, and feelings, and sexual liberation, and she is looking to you to lead, and guide and show her the way.  How can you do this if you don't understand and have a grasp on what is happening within her?  You can't!  It helps that as a male, a Dominant isn't as emotional.  He can take into account much of what is going on, think through things logically, and make an informed decision on how to proceed.  That's not to say that a Dom shouldn't care, feel, show affection and a softer side, and have emotions of his own.   He absolutely will and should.  Yet, it isn't as prevalent as with his sub.  He has to keep a level head to be able to lead her down the path of their journey.

You can tie her up, spank her, have wild sex, and require her to do things.  But can you deal with her emotions and what she is feeling after you do this?  You better find a way, as this will be a pivotal time.  She has emotions about her submission itself, about the sexual acts you just made her do, and about you the Dom.  You need to be able to understand this, talk to her about it, guide her through this and care for her.  Be able to openly talk and discuss these things with her to help her understand what she is feeling and why she is feeling it.  This is an important time in nurturing and caring for her.  This will affirm to her all you have been telling her and what she is feeling, if you nurture her the right way.  If you don't, it is very apt to push her away, make her withdraw, and cause issues for you both.  Problems are easily avoided with the right care and attention.  If done correctly, she will pull you even closer, submit more, and be even more yours that she was before.  And that my friend is a beautiful thing. 

It is important to be able to at least try to see and understand all there is to know about your submissive.  From her mental and emotional needs, to the physical.  To know what she is going through so you can help her the best way possible.  Without knowing these things, and being willing to learn and know, it is like the blind leading the blind.  It is well worth your time and effort to learn and know all you can.  It will only benefit you both in the long run.  Assuming you get to the long run and aren't stopped short because you didn't understand her and things fell apart.


  1. You know how much I enjoy your writing...what I want to know is where did you get this subject from? What was going through your mind?

  2. I'd like to know who's mind you were looking into? In my personal experience, most men don't really *get* this about women. They know it to be true, but you seem to really understand it.

    I second reina, what was going through your mind?

  3. Thanks for the comments ladies. What is going through my mind? Hmmm...that might scare the hell out of you. LOL! It is just some things that I have noticed and picked up on about some relationships I have been reading about. It is a scenario that I firmly believe in about the care of a sub and understanding her. It is something I felt needed to be written about. It is something both a sub and a Dom need to know and be aware of. For many people, I think this is an area that is overlooked a lot and needs some attention. Just my opinion.


  4. Being a submissive is very "Freeing". It's always a source of frustration when I have no one controlling me.