Still Finding Our Way...

 It's been a while since either of us posted... again... but we are alive and well and surviving the pandemic without much issue.  We have always pretty much been home bodies so this hasn't been as bad for us, I don't think, but even we are getting a bit stir crazy and ready to be able to get back out and about as we were able to do pre-pandemic.  We aren't in a place of total lock-down, but still some restrictions and mask mandates.  At this point we feel everyone knows about Covid and the risks.  You don't need the government telling you what you can and can't do.  We fully believe in personal responsibility so if you want to go and do then you should, but you know the risks and it falls on you to accept that. 

 
As for our Master/slave dynamic, we are still at it and trying to find our way.  It doesn't seem to be a part of things as much as we would like, but it is still a definite part of who we are and what we have.  Since getting married almost 2 years ago, there have been a lot of changes, or maybe challenges is a better word.  Medical issues (started before getting married), slave quitting her job to stay home and us getting used to being under the same roof 24/7 since I work from home (even before the pandemic), kids in the house, an ailing 92 year old grandmother living with us that we care for, and whatever else that life has thrown at us.  

While we can't be overtly Master/slave 24/7, it is always there and present.  Finding the balance between every day interactions and Master/slave has been the hard part for us.  Maybe more for me than her, if I'm being honest.  She will definitely say more for me than her.  Working, having other people in the house 24/7, daily life, etc... many times I'm tired and just want to relax.  While in contrast she is ready for Master/slave time.  This doesn't mean I don't want that time together and being more outwardly Master/slave, but day in and out it can be difficult at times.  

I am working on this myself and making a conscious effort to do better from my side.  Admittedly, and she will also gladly point out my faults (bad slave - lol) that my follow-through or enacting on consequences for her hasn't been what it should be.  As she tells me, more times than not she needs me to be "mean Master" and stick to my guns and hold her accountable.  I can't disagree with her on this.  We seem to have gotten so lax (ie, I have gotten so lax) that we need to go the extreme other direction to find some balance in the middle.  She needs to be micromanaged and held accountable for every little thing.  Until that happens she probably won't feel like the slave she is and needs to be, and to see that I am engaged and care enough to do it.  

This isn't just on the daily domestic side of things, but also applies sexually.  Or maybe I should say "DOMestic".  (come on, that was at least a little bit funny)  She needs me to use her and make her serve in that capacity.  She is a very sexual woman/slave, and needs that side of things greatly.  Maybe more so that most women, or even men for that matter.  When I'm tired and just want to relax she does not hesitate to tell me that the 16 year old me would be greatly disappointed in myself for having a woman throw herself at me and doing nothing about it.  She has a point!  We are engaged sexually, but not as much as she would like or we should be.  

It seems as though I have a lot to work towards and improve upon.  Yeah, I can admit it... mostly.  I am trying to do better and push us back towards what we both want and need form this.  What we both came into it expecting.  This is especially true from being married and able to have a 24/7 dynamic the way we both always strived to attain.  I/we are a work in progress.  Very happy together and not wanting that to change whatsoever.  Yet, we need to get back to where we feel we once were so we can then go beyond that.  We will get there.  Of that I have no doubt.  In the mean time we will just enjoy the ride and see where it takes us, while trying to live the way we both need and finding happiness in the dynamic we have and getting what we each need from the other.  

~DV~

My first experience with another woman... (His view)

This was a wonderful experience for Hds. She has had some hesitation in the past with accepting her desires and attraction to women. Maybe hesitation isn't the right word.  More like she tries to deny it but can't.  And being the good Master I am I won't let her deny it.  In fact I rather enjoy making her admit it.  

This was something we had talked about for a while, but it hadn't come to fruition yet.  I vetted several candidates and the woman I chose I spoke with for a coupe of weeks before agreeing to meeting.  She was a bit older, completely understood her place and what I was seeking in this.  This experience was setup to be all about Hds. It was about her submission and slavery, trusting me, and getting past her nerves to be able to experience this. It was about putting her on display, knowing she was being seen in a completely bare and vulnerable position. She was there to be enjoyed and in a position where she had no choice, but she didn't want choice.  This was something she wanted but also needed to be made to do.

After being confident in my choice of who would be a part of this experience with us I informed HDS.  Least to say she had a panic attack.  Yet, we talked through it, she trusted me, and I assured her we would meet in public prior to this happening.  On the day this was to happen we met at a nearby Starbucks to ensure we all meshed and it still felt right.  She even suggested and allowed us time to talk through it before proceeding with anything, which only helped assure me I had made a good choice.  She understood what I was trying to do and was fully supportive.  

Once we moved forward and met at the hotel, Hds and I got there first.  I had Hds in position and ready by the time the knock came at the door.  You could hear HDS' heart beating as I went to answer the door, as she knew there was now no turning back.  As we went through the paces a it, hearing the other woman ask to touch her, hearing me grant her permission, and then Hds feeling her hands on her body was wonderful for her to experience as well as for me to watch. Seeing how much Hds really did enjoy it, and how much her desires were found to be valid in the touch of this woman and having her hands explore her body. She was soft and caring and made sure to not overstep her place in this.  

To this day I remind HDS about how she had another woman touching her, how she was raising her ass off the bed and moving her body in unison of having her pussy rubbed and explored, and how she didn't want it to stop. Topped off with being fucked in front of this other woman and holding her hand and looking her in the eye as she orgasmed multiple times for me.  

There was little to no touching at all between myself and the other woman. It wasn't about me being with her. It was all about having her there and Hds getting this experience. It was a step into the kiddie pool as a starting point for exploring her bi side, and it couldn't have gone better. The woman I chose was wonderful and couldn't have made this better for either of us. She was there to assist and asked to touch her and and help, but she was not at all aggressive or pushing for too much.

We further explore this in the future as opportunities present themselves, and we will see if we move from the kiddie pool to something a bit deeper. Hds also has fantasies of Master being with another woman and her being made to watch, but that is a complete other topic and scenario for another day! In the scope of this experience, I am so proud of Hds for trusting me and being able to have this experience.

DV

My first experience with another woman...

Walking into the hotel room my feelings were bouncing back and forth from excitement to nervousness.  I knew Master had arranged for another woman to be there.  I had met her earlier so she wasn’t exactly a complete stranger.  But I was unsure what Master had planned and that had me a little anxious.  I remember walking into the room, looking at Master, and telling myself that I trust this man more than anyone I ever have in my life.  He knows me better than anyone in this world.  He loves me.  And I know that my safety is his top priority...not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well.  It didn’t matter what he had planned, I would obey.  At that moment the only thing that mattered to me was pleasing him. 

Sitting in the chair, he applies the blindfold.  Normally I love the blindfold because it heightens my senses and I love the anticipation of what he’s going to do.  But today I was thankful for the blindfold because it gave me a strange sense of security as I sat there on display.  I could hear Master answer the door and then they both sit down in front of me.  I was VERY thankful for the blindfold at this moment as it gave me this false sense of hiding as Master and our new friend began talking about me as if I wasn’t in the room.  And for some reason, that was making me wet.  She was asking questions about our relationship, things that we enjoy, what we were looking for etc.  Master is talking about me.  I am throbbing now and can feel how wet I am getting.  My head is starting to get a little fuzzy and I do all I can to focus solely on Master’s voice.  He tells me to spread my legs. “Awww, look at how wet she is” he states.  I hear her tell him “she is beautiful” as I make a mental note at how thankful I was for this blindfold.  As if it was ‘if I can’t see you, then you can’t see me’

 

I remember Master helping me stand and moving me to the bed.  Layed out on my stomach, I feel the first lash across my ass.  Again, I can hear them talking.  Making comments about how nice those marks look across my ass.  I don’t even realize what I am doing until I hear Master voice “What a greedy whore she is raising her ass higher begging for more.  Look at how wet her pussy is getting”  The next voice was hers asking for his permission to touch me.  For a moment I froze as I waited for his reply.  A mental reminder that I gave myself to him a long time ago.  I no longer have choice.  He granted her permission and I felt her hands on me.  Sliding her fingers across my pussy and commenting on how soft and wet I was.  I knew Master had to be pleased.  Proud that I didn’t flinch or disobey.  I knew he had to be enjoying watching her touch me, and that only fueled my fire.  I feel a gush when I hear Master “look at her raising and wiggling her ass as you slide her fingers through her pussy” 

At some point she asks Master if she could watch him fuck me.  I remained on my stomach and raised my ass for him to slide inside me.  I feel the bed shift as she sits down next to me.  Master removes my blindfold.  As I look up at her, she brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes.  She makes a comment about how big my Master’s cock is and asking me to tell her how it feels inside me.  I am unsure how it came to be, but I remember reaching out to her.  My hand roaming over her nice tits.  Playing with her nipples.

Master tells me to cum “Show her how you cum for your Master” I scream out as I have an incredibly intense orgasm.  She was very gentle and tender with me while holding my hand throughout.

This day in the hotel room brought Master and I closer than I could have imagined.  I put myself and my trust in his hands.  Master freed my mind and allowed me to just enjoy this experience together. 

His devoted slave 

This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you...

As mentioned in the last post by Hds, I am struggling physically.  I have a herniated disc in my neck and surgery is looming not far away.  If you have never had this issue Then I hope you don't ever have to go through it.  The neck pain and soreness itself is not that bad.  The radiating nerve pain in my shoulder and down the arm is the main issue.  Along with numbness in a couple of my fingers, or if I move the right way my entire hand starts tingling and going numb.  This has slowly been getting worse and no other attempts to resolve it have helped, hence the need for surgery.  It wasn't too noticeable at first, but now the weakness and lack or coordination in my hand and arm are becoming more apparent. 

One of the rules I have with Hds is she is to text me when she gets to work in the morning so I know she made it safely.  She is also to text me when heading home in the evenings so I know she is on the road and on her way.  She has a bit of a drive and a fair amount of traffic to deal with, so it is somewhat a safety thing as well as my own peace of mind.  Least to say she tends to forget at times.  I have to ask if she made it to work. Or, she just comes walking in at home, which leads me to ask why she is home because I didn't even know she was on the road.  She has even tried to be sneaky and text me from a block away and then she walks in the door just minutes later.  This is usually a 30-45 minute drive depending on traffic, to which I say "nice try Hds" and her usual response is "well I did text you to let you know I was on my way home". 

The punishment for not letting me know she is on the road is usually five whips with the belt (not the fun kind).  Granted, I'm not always good with my follow-through on carrying out the punishment.  I have been doing better, but she gets some kind of masochistic joy out of poking the sadist and pointing out that she ca do what she likes because I won't follow through on it anyway.  A couple of days ago Hds comes walking in while not sending me a text she was on her way home.  After pointing this out, I grabbed her hand and began leading her to the bedroom. 

Hds  "Wait... no... where are we going?"
DV  "To give you the punishment you have earned for not texting"
Hds  "Wait... no... you can't do that!"
DV  "Excuse me?!?!
Hds  "I mean... the kids are home!  Grandma will hear it!  Don't wake up Grandma!"
DV  "No the kids aren't home and Grandma is asleep." (as Hds is being bent over the bed)
DV  "Trust me, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." (referring to my arm pain)
Hds  "Damn that hurt!"  (after receiving her 5 lashes with the belt)
DV  "Isn't that the point?  You're not supposed to like it!  You need to be held accountable for your actions, or lack thereof!"  
Hds  "Yes Sir!"

I will be the first to admit I haven't been as good with following through with holding Hds accountable as I need to be.  This has been part of the learning curve and us figuring out how to find our balance.  I need to do better and have been trying to do better at being more of the Master she needs me to be... that I need to be for me.  Least to say, my current health situation has not made this any easier.  It's a daily struggle most of the time right now, and finding the energy, mentally or physically, or difficult.  Yet, we will push through it and persevere.  We will get there, or at least enjoy the Journey in trying to get there.  Even if that means Hds tries to take advantage of my weakened state to do what she wishes, I have to suffer through punishing her and holding her accountable, and knowing that swinging the belt will hurt me more than it hurts her.  In her defense, she really does not like to disobey, or certainly do it on purpose.  She isn't the brat type, and for that I am thankful.  She has been very good to me in trying to help and take care of me.  This is a good thing, because there is much more to come!

~DV~

Adjusting To The new Norm Part 2...a slave's view

Most days my slavery comes so natural, but every now and again I find myself struggling with feeling my slave-hood and I need that little reminder from Master.  Sometimes a look is all it takes to snap me back into my place.  And sometimes I need more.  I need to physically feel his control and ownership.  It could be a sharp slap on my ass or across my cheek that gets my attention redirected and focused on where it should be.  Then there are times that I need more.  I need a firm grip of my hair and being told to please his cock as he pushes me to me knees.  I need to be taken and used merely for his pleasure.  I need a strong hand and a reminder of who I am and where I belong.  I need to feel him!

As you may  have read in Master's previous post, there has been some struggle with adjusting to our new norm.  Adjusting to living together and the day to day stuff has been quite easy and has felt like a natural transition.  However, we have additional responsibilities that the average newlyweds don't normally have.  We have the 19yr old living at home while going to college.   We have the 12yr old that thinks she's 19 and should have the same rights as the 19yr old.  We also have the 91yr old that for the most part is pretty self sufficient, but still needs help on a daily basis.  Our home feels like Grand Central Station with everyone coming and going.  Needless to say, there has been very little alone time for the boss and I.  The cherry on top of our madness...Master's spanking arm is injured! 

*insert tears*

As I sit here writing this, I am doing so with some heavy guilt.  You see, I have been feeling a bit neglected.  Actually, I feel like we have been neglecting "us"  and I haven't exactly been handling it with the grace of a slave.  As I sit here I can hear Master helping his grandmother to bed.  We have a baby monitor in her room so that we can hear her if she needs anything during the night.  Right now I hear him kiss her goodnight and say "I love you MaMa"  

*insert more tears*

That's right kids, the big Domly DV loves his MaMa!  He adores her and she him.  He is amazing with her.  As hard as it has been, and as much work and worry that it can be, I am incredibly happy for Master that he is able to have this time with her.  She tells me just about every day "don't tell anyone this, but he has always been my favorite grandchild"  And just like that the feelings of neglect are replaced with feelings of selfishness.  I've been thinking of myself and my own selfish wants/needs instead of keeping my focus where it belongs...on my Master, on his wants and needs, and my service to him.  

Perhaps I should make time in the mornings for a some slave meditation to start my day off in the right direction.  Perhaps I should stop right here before I give Master any ideas that could result in less sleep for this slave!! 

His devoted slave

Adjusting To The New Norm...

As mentioned in an earlier post, the past year has been full of changes.  Most notably has been our marriage.  As I tend to remind Hds (His devoated slave), she is now legally bound to me as my slave.  In reality, the small ceremony in the family backyard had no mention of this, and there is no legal paperwork stating this, but in our minds and as far as we are concerned she is now legally mine.  That is how we think, view it, and conduct our relationship.  It is the basis of what we have, and has been from the first time we spoke.

We have always talked about wanting and needing a 24/7 relationship.  It is what we have both been striving to attain.  Yet, this has turned out to also be one of the biggest struggles to actually implement and put into practice.  You see... when we were not married and living separately it was easy to get into the Master/slave mindset when we had time together.  Not being together all the time, in looking back at it now, sort of made it easier to implement when we were together.  It has always been a part of who we are and has always been there between us.  It has always been a part of our conversations and the foundation of our relationship, whether together or not.  Yet, when you aren't together all the time you have that downtime to yourself and then can actively engage in it when you are together. 

We have always enjoyed being able to joke around, cut up with each other, and just enjoy time together.  We have also always enjoyed our Master/slave dynamic.  Now that we are married and together full time it's more about finding the balance between the two that has been a challenge.  It's not realistic to be, for a lack of a better way to put it, in full on "Master Mode" constantly.  Don't get me wrong, the dynamic is always there.  We both want, need, and naturally are in our respective roles.  The challenge is more in finding the balance in our dynamic in every day life versus being able to move more into "Master Mode", and the back and forth.  I'm not sure that makes much sense as I try to explain it, but it doesn't roll out of my head clearly explainable. 

Another part of the challenge is there are always others present in the house now.  One college age teenager living at home, another pre-teen that is a part timer in the house, and recently a 91 year old grandmother that we moved in to take care of instead of in a nursing home.  Least to stay, breaking out the belt for a beating (I say beating lovingly, of course) and the loud whacks as it snaps across her ass, or having my way with Hds and making her scream and orgasm uncontrollably isn't exactly something as easily accomplished as before.  We did once take advantage of being alone only to have two of the older kids come home and through the door before we realized it and they got to hear their mom making noises that sounded like an exorcism was in progress.  That was awkward, as yo can imagine, but another post all to it's own. 

Even with all the challenges and adjustments we both still wouldn't change it for anything.  We are right where we have aimed to be and have what we intended.  Making it all work hasn't been the easiest or roads to travel, but then again the journey is half the fun.  There is a still a lot of trial and error in an effort to find what works, what doesn't how best to go about certain circumstances, etc... but we will eventually settle into it.  Of course, then something at home will change and we will have to adjust again, but that's life and we will face it when it is upon us.

~DV~

My Collar

The Christmas season is generally not a stressful time for me.  I learned long ago that if I can get the majority of my shopping done prior to Thanksgiving, then I can spend the rest of my time putting up the tree, decorating, and enjoying the season.  But this year, outside stresses have decided to pile it on!

I work my professional job Monday-Thursday.  I also own a small side business where I get to use my creativity and play with power tools.  I generally take my last orders for Christmas one week prior, but this year I had a couple of requests that I caved and agreed too.  Two items I outsourced to have cut.  The delivery came yesterday and I knew I had plenty of time to finished them up and have delivered before Christmas.  Until I opened the box....One of the items was spelled wrong and cut in the wrong font.  Three items were each broke in three pieces, and two items were broke in half.  Of course it is now too late to have them recut and finished before Christmas.  I hate having to tell customers that I have failed them and now they are going to be scrambling to come up with another gift idea.  That was the last straw for me last night.  I just broke down and all the little things that have been piling up over the last week came pouring out in a ugly cry. 

"This is spelled wrong and in the wrong font.  These are broke, and these are broke. This customer issue.  This rude customer.  Plus, I have piles all over the house and garage of items that need to be finished, picked up, or delivered.  Having to lay down X amount for a new dryer 4 days before Christmas is not my idea of a good time.  My kids are grown and scattered in 3 different states so they won't be home for Christmas.  I miss my grandbabies.   The little one is struggling with daddy not being there when she wakes Christmas morning, and that breaks my heart for her.  I have to make something to bring to the work luncheon on Monday.  I have to make homemade rolls for our family Christmas lunch at your parent's house.  I'm angry about these orders and I hate disappointing customers.  I'm just overwhelmed and tired"  

Poor Master just had it laid on him in true "ugly cry" fashion.  He calmly asked "What do you need"  "What can I do for you"  I had no answer for him.  None of this can be fixed.  It just is what it is.

That's when he got up and walked in our room.  When he came back, he had my collar in his hands.  When he placed it around my neck, I immediately have this sense of peace wash over me.  I doesn't fix the previously stated issues, but it puts it on the back burner and allows my mind to stop for a while and gives me the break I need from all of it.  I wrapped my fingers through the O ring as I laid my head in his lap.  The next thing I know, he is waking me up and telling me it's time to go to bed.  I slept with my collar on.  I'm still wearing it as I type this out.  If  Master allows it, I will wear it until I have to leave tomorrow morning.  

I have always been in awe at how everything within me changes the moment Master places the collar around my neck.  How it calms me and refocuses my thoughts on what is important.  It reminds me of my place and who I am.  As much as I try to please my customers, the only person I truly need to please is Master DV.  When I'm stressed and upset, that doesn't please him.  So going forward, there will be changes in my side business, and the time I spend with my family.  

I woke this morning with a clear head and able to logically think through the issues weighing on me last night.  Things break during shipping.  People make mistakes.  I do the best I can for my customers and they know this.  I can't make everyone happy.  The rude ones will no longer be given my time.  Our kids grow up and start their own lives. (that one will probably always be a hard one for this momma)  Sometimes life isn't fair or easy.  This dish I'm bringing to our work luncheon will only take me 15 minutes to throw together.  The rolls don't have to be done until Christmas morning.  Plus I totally rock my homemade rolls so it's worth it.  Master knows that I have been busy and he hasn't said a word about me taking over the garage, the dinning room and part of his office.  After Monday, I have the next 6 days to get our home back in order.  More importantly, this is our first Christmas as husband and wife, Master and slave.

I love my collar!  I love it for all that it represents and for all that it does for me mentally as well as physically!

His devoted slave 

       

Hello Blogland!

Master DV has given me an assignment to write my first post introducing myself.  I’m not the writer that he is, but here goes…

I am Hds (His devoted slave), Master DV’s slave wife.  As he had mentioned in his previous post, we have been through a lot of changes, struggles, and adjustments over the years, but those struggles brought us closer and made us stronger.  Much of moving into 24/7 has been very natural, yet we have had our adjustments trying to navigate in the M/s area and figuring out what works best for us.  We also have had the usual adjustments when two people move in together.  For example…I think ketchup belongs in the fridge, and he feels it belongs in the pantry.  Seriously…the pantry!  Yuck!  Outside of the ketchup issue, we both feel very blessed to finally have exactly what we have wanted and had been working towards.  

I have always loved his writings and his views on this lifestyle, and I have been trying to get him to start writing again for a while now.  Adding me and making this a joint blog….I didn’t see that one coming!  You all know that he rarely writes and talks about his personal life, so this came as a bit of a shock to me.  It has also made me feel incredibly honored that he would want me to be a part of this.  

Master DV had given a bit of an insight as to what has been happening over the years.  I will just leave it at that for now since much of it will probably end up being it’s own individual post over time.

I would just like to end with thanking Master DV for this assignment and entrusting me with his blog that he has put so much time into over the years.  Being his slave wife is truly a blessing and my greatest pleasure!

His devoted slave

Long Time, No see...

Hello blogland!  Long time no see.  Well... you haven't seen much of me anyway.  I have still been following many of you and reading your posts from time to time, but have remained quietly in the shadows.  I turned into one of those lurkers, I suppose. 

So much has happened the past few years since I was writing and posting consistently.  Where do I even begin?  As some of you have seen, my blog was not available for a while.  I finally finished my book and self-published it.  It was a compilation of my posts and organized by content type.  The place where it was published (the giant bookseller we all know) required me to not have my blog active in order to be able to reach the most people.  I wasn't writing anyway, so I gave it a try.  Didn't gain me much activity so I have re-activated my blog.  The book is still available if you'd like a copy and don't want to scroll through my entire blog. 

On a personal front, I wrote long ago and provided some insight on my marital situation and how it had all but fallen apart.  We basically had an open marriage and stayed together for our daughter.  That finally reached the tipping point and I got divorced.  It has been a struggle at times.  As much as we were on the same page and both knew it was for the best, there have been times it hasn't gone as smooth as either of us would have liked.  I guess no divorce ever has, and every divorce can be contentious at times.  I can say we have remained friends and get along a majority of the time.  We do our best to co-parent our daughter, who has had her own struggles with it all.  Luckily we are friends and can hang out and get along so it could be much worse.

On a better note, several years ago my slave, who had been long distance relationship for over three years, decided to move so we could be together.  She basically packed up and moved across the country, with her teenage daughter in tow.  They both needed a fresh start in a new place.  I think it was a culture shock for a while, but they have since settled in nicely to the deep south southern life.  The move has been good for them both and they will both tell you they are acclimated southerners now.

In June of this year we tied the knot and married.  We both finally had what we had always wanted... to be married and able to live as legally joined Master and slave.  Both living under the same roof for the first time the way we had talked about and dreamed for a long time.  We were both used to the way things were, so being together 24/7 has had it's challenges.  It has been an adjustment for us both, but all for the good.  If I could just get her to behave like the slave she is then t would be great.  Although, she will say it's my job to make her behave.  That's part of the challenge we are adjusting to in living this on a daily basis. 

There have also been some health scares for her during 2019.  Health issues that ended up requiring surgery.  And then an additional follow-up surgery.  And then an emergency surgery less than 24 hours after the second due to a complication that arose.  I won't go into all the details in this post, as that is a post all to it's own, but life threatening situations will certainly make you re-think what is important. 

So where does that leave us going forward?  HDs (HisDevotedslave) will tell you that she has been trying to get me writing again for quite a while.  My problem is that I can't write just to write.  I have to feel it and want to write.  Yet, I think it's probably about time to get this going again.  My Dauntless Journey has now become "Our" Dauntless Journey, and sharing our journey together is the direction I see this moving.

Any of you that have followed my blog know that all my writing has been based on situations dealing with Dominants and submissives.  I have rarely, if ever written about my own relationships and daily happenings.  I have always kept things less personal, yet giving insight into the various mental and emotional aspects of this lifestyle.  That is about to change, I believe.  I think it's time to provide more of a view into our lives and what we face and encounter, both good and bad.  Some of it in relation to our Master/slave dynamic, and some more vanilla pertaining to our trying to navigate this on day in and day out basis.  After some thought, I will likely add HDs as a co-author for this blog and have her provide some posts and thoughts as well.  I think it will be good to provide thoughts and views form both sides of the aisle. 

I hope some of you are still out there and following.  I do realize that due to my prolonged absence many of you have probably gone away.  That is ok, and I wouldn't have waited around for me either.  For those of you still hanging around, the new chapter of the Journey has begun, and I look forward to sharing it with you.

~DV~

My New Book...

Hello everyone!  Well the two of you that probably still following me.  Yes. it's been a while, but I am alive and well. 

In my absence I was not completely dormant and doing nothing.  I have been compiling my blog into a book.  The book, A Dauntless Journey, is now complete and is available on Amazon.  It is a collection of my blog posts from here on Blogger.  The book has been organized into content type to put similar subject matter together by section.  Who knew one day I would become a real author?!?!  Well, kind of anyway.

I invite you to stop by Amazon and pick up a copy.  Get a second copy and send to a friend while you are there.  If you need it, there is a free Kindle Reader App you can download for your phone, tablet, or computer to allow you to read the book.  Most devices already have it installed. 

My book can be found here... A Dauntless Journey

Thanks to everyone that has supported me and provided insight and encouragement over the years that provided me the ability to write all I have.

~DV~

Pushing Her Mental Boundaries...

I have been asked about the theme of my tumblr blog and it being BDSM related yet I post a lot of girl on girl pics.  There isn’t a simple answer to this.  It’s much more involved then one might think.  Of course, there is the fact that those pics are just plain hot and I post them because I like them.  Yet, it also goes deeper than that in relation to my slave.

My slave has always had bisexual desires and found women attractive.  Getting her to admit she has those desires has been a bit more of a challenge.  It has taken work and time and patience.  It has taken a lot of support and encouragement in letting her know that it is ok to desire the things she does, not just with her bisexuality but also being the slave she needs to be, her desire and love of pain, and a whole host of other things.  It has taken her becoming more secure in what we have, who she is for me, and that we are in this together no matter what.  Everyone has those certain mental boundaries that are an issue for them, and her admitting her desires for women has been one of those.

There are multiple levels to her coming to terms with her bisexuality, or at least the desire for it, and how it fits within our Master/slave relationship.  She has the thoughts of her being made to please other women.  Her being allowed to make other women please her.  Her bringing another woman to her Master for him to enjoy while she has to watch, or maybe she will be allowed to join.  Us bringing another woman into our relationship on a longer term basis to teach and to submit to us and become a part of what we have.  

There are many possible ways to involve another woman and she loves the thought of them all, but that has taken time to get to this point.  This is where it is your job as a Dominant or Master to work with her.  Something like this can’t be forced or demanded.  It can’t be shoved down her throat (no pun intended) as an ultimatum.  I guess it could be, but you won’t get the desired result from doing it that way.  She may do it if forced, but she won’t be doing it because she wants it.  I would much rather help her get there, help her accept her desires, and help her embrace her desires so that it is something she wants and needs, and isn’t something she is doing just because she is required.  To me, that is the sign of a good leader… inspire her to do more and become more, not force it upon her.  Lead her to want to do it and not just do it because she has no choice.  

Back to the original question… why do I post girl on girl and threesome pics?  Because we both like them.  It’s something we both enjoy.  I know she will be looking at my tumblr, as I will be hers, and seeing what pics have been posted.  It helps us talk about these fantasies and thoughts and communicate more about it.  Because it turns her on to post and see these pics and embrace her desires.  So yes, they are hot and we just like them, but there is also a deeper reasoning behind posting them that helps to fuel our Master/slave relationship and what we both want from it together.  

~DV~

Don't Trust The Vultures...

I saw this cartoon and had to laugh.  It is a funny blurb.  But then it immediately got me to thinking.  It seems as though this is so true in real life.  Many times people seem supportive and encouraging, yet they aren't doing it for your benefit, but rather for their own personal reasons and gain.

Because it's the way my brain works, I immediately related this picture and my thoughts to this lifestyle.  Trust is the cornerstone of it all.  Being able to trust someone, or a group of people in this lifestyle is at the core essence of all this is.  Domination requires trust.  Submission requires trust.  If you don't have that trust then you have nothing.  The vultures will try to push and test you, regardless of trust.  Don't let them!

So many times I read about people who have put their trust in someone only to have that trust completely violated.  More times than not this is a submissive putting their trust in a "Dom" to only find out the hard way that the trust was not earned or warranted.  The so called "Dom" had only his own agenda and desires in mind and was manipulating the sub for his own benefit.  What seemed like encouragement was really just pushing someone to a place where there was no good outcome.

So how does a person know who to trust?  I wish there was an easy answer to this, but there isn't.  I wish I could say follow these certain steps to e able to know if you can trust someone, but I can't.  It takes time and getting to know someone.  It takes time and action to back up words to develop and build trust.  Trust is earned over time, not demanded, required, or blindly given.

You should never give yourself completely until you feel someone has earned your trust enough to deserve that from you.  Never put yourself in a position with someone that could cause you harm if you don't know whether they do have your best interest at heart.  You have to know that person has your best interest and well being as their utmost concern.  Trust your gut on this as well.  Your heart and head may tell you one thing, but your gut feelings will rarely if ever be wrong.  If something feels wrong or off then it probably is.  You may not be able to put your finger on exactly what isn't right, but if you have that feeling then it's not worth the potential bad outcome to continue.

Learning to trust can be difficult.  Learning who to trust can be hard as well.  Surround yourself with those you know you can trust and rely on.  Make sure you don't put yourself in a position to be used for the benefit of others, and to your own demise.  Safety and well being above all else.  The right people will completely understand this and be patient with you.  They won't push you to a place they know you aren't comfortable and/or know you don't want to go.  They won't make you feel bad or belittle you for not doing something that feels wrong.  Trust yourself and your own feelings first and foremost.  the rest will come in time as it should.

Q&A With DV

Apparently it's question and answer month.  So, to stay in the spirit of everything, and to try to get back on here more and be more engaged with my blog (yes, I've been shamed for not posting much), I will be participating.

Any time during the month of March, feel free to send your questions to me and I will be happy to answer as truthfully and openly as I possibly can.  Of course if it gets too personal or violates some sort of privacy then I likely will decline to answer. Otherwise, if you send the questions then I will post them along with my responses.  You can feel free to ask questions as a comment here or email me directly.

You ask... DV will answer.  I look forward to what you all want to know!


~DV~

Paving The Path (Struggles and Growth)...

Things have changed over the past year.  They have gotten better in a way and stayed stagnant in another.  Coming out of a not so great marriage and needing a fresh start, my slave moved here to be with me last summer.  Not in the same house, but locally where she has her own place for her and her daughter.  It has been wonderful having her here so nearby, but it hasn't come with it's challenges.

There were some issues with her daughter and not adjusting well to the move.  We got past that and she is doing great now.  There were some issues with the first job she found here and it was a badly managed business which caused ungodly amounts of stress.  Now on job number 2, and it's better but still not quite what she would love to be doing.  She has had her own adjustments in being away from her family and friends.  Then there is the problem of us not being able to be together as much as either of us would like, even though it's much more than we had before.

That last one, the lack of time together, that one has a lot to do with me and my side of things.  As many of you know, I am married but at this point it's out of convenience.  Although I'm really beginning to see that it's not very convenient.  We have stayed together for our daughter.  We grew apart long ago, but still get along well enough.  We each have our own outside relationships, but we are at a point we each are wanting more than we can have.  We all get along and even hang out together (yes the four of us in our own convoluted messed up relationships).  It's great we all get along and makes life easier.  Yet, I still have obligations at home that keep me here and keep me from being with the slave I want to be with on a more constant basis.  It's hard for us both, but hopefully change in that arena is on the horizon.

With all the potential issues, roadblocks, and obstacles, we have still managed to grow closer.  It would seem as though we have grown closer by leaps and bounds.  We have become more of the Master and slave we desire to be.  We have felt the depth of what we have intensifying.  She has become more slave than she ever thought she would be.  She has become more emotionally attached (me too for that matter) than she ever has been before.  I am so very proud of her for the progress she has made and seeing her grow this way.  Becoming the woman she needs to be for herself and for me.  Seeing how far she has come fills me with pride.
 
Yet all that progress and growth and becoming closer creates its own issue.  It's makes us want this and to be together that much more.  It makes us want to be Master and slave that much more.  It makes not being together that much harder.  But like everything else, together we will get through it.  We will work on it together and come out the other side stronger and better for it.  If anything, it has allowed us to see just how much we do want and need this dynamic and with each other.

I have always said that the one thing I haven't done in this lifestyle but want more than anything is to be able to have a 24/7 relationship.  To be able to live it day in and day out with someone.  I'm sure that will bring upon its own set of issues, but those are things that we both eagerly welcome.  It will change.  We will have what we want.  Sooner rather than later.  We will get there and have it.  We have been paving the way, and together we will embark on this "Dauntless Journey" together.

Being Thankful and Giving Back...

I exchanged an email with my slave yesterday about the things I am thankful for in having her as mine.  Granted it was a bit on the naughty side and had pictures from Tumblr attached to it, but there was some seriousness to it as well.  I am very thankful for her, for all she is to me, all she gives to me, all she has been willing to have an open mind about and learn, and all she still has the potential to be and become.  She has com a long way since we first started talking several yeas ago.  When I stop to look back on where we were and where we are now it it light years apart.  She has helped me grow and become more as well,an for that I am most thankful.

Just as in everyday life, in this lifestyle we have to be thankful for what we have.  So many times we look at things from the point of view of what we don't have and wish we did.  We may look at or worry about what lies ahead instead of looking at what we have now and is right in front of us.  We can become complacent with where we are and take it for granted because we are too concerned about what is to come or what we wish we had instead.  I think it's important to take a minute to stop and look at what we have now and be very thankful for it.

In this lifestyle, I think it is also important to give back when we have the opportunity.  There are many that struggle with this, have questions, are looking for advice, or whatever the case may be.  We should take the time when the situation presents itself to try to help someone else learn, better understand, or lend an ear.

I get contacted by Dominants and submissives alike looking for help.  Maybe they have a specific question.  Maybe they feel lost and are looking for answers.  Maybe they need to know that wanting this lifestyle is not wrong and need some encouragement and support.  Maybe they are looking for advice on how to do a specific scene.  Whatever it may be, I am always happy to help, and enjoy doing so as well.  Yet, beyond that, I think it is also our duty to help.  My slave specifically understands that it is her place to help others if asked, and I expect that from her.  She has a lot of experience to be able to draw on to offer advice, teach others, and help people understand more clearly.  There have been times I have sent someone to her to talk to because I thought she could help, just as she has sent people to me.

Even all of us that have blogs, whether it i our direct intention or not, are helping others by sharing our experiences, the good and bad times, and what we face in this.  This gives others a chance to read what we write and draw on that for their own benefit.  So many times I have seen the comments on a blog post that tells the writer how much they appreciate them sharing their experiences and struggles because it helps them know they aren't alone, or it was a topic that fit their life at the time and made a huge difference.  When that happens we should be proud that we were able to share through our blog and it made a difference for someone.

I am thankful I am able to help others learn about this lifestyle.  That I am in a place where I can interact with others and teach them what this lifestyle really is about and can be.  Many times I learn more myself in helping others, as well as the gratification of knowing I was able to help.  I hope you all can help when you have the opportunity and make this lifestyle be better for someone else.  I hope you are thankful the opportunity to be able to help and find some enjoyment in doing so.  I know I do and my door is always open for whatever or whoever may come along.  So come on in, have a seat, and stay a while.  I only require an open mind and willingness to face what you may find.

~DV~

The Jekyll and Hyde Contradiction...

I believe at times we all have contradictions that that run through our head.  This is especially true within this lifestyle of BDSM, D/s, Ms, etc...  Any of you that have followed me for any length of time know that I have written about the contradictions that lie within submission.  There is the internal battle many times of what seems right versus what a submission wants, needs, or craves.   It can be hard to accept these things and come to terms with our desires for these seemingly inappropriate acts and treatment.  In today's society, it can even seem very wrong to even want to submit and give power and authority over to another person, regardless of the acts that may play out.  Well, I'm going to let you in on a little secret... this can be hard for a Dominant/Master at times as well.

When I take the time to look at some of things that I enjoy about being Dominant, and the aspects of this lifestyle that I enjoy (the not so gentle or nice aspects), and compare that to what is considered socially acceptable, it can stop me in my tracks.  In fact, in some circles I potentially could be clinically determined to be a sexual deviant and be need to be on the registered sexual offender list.  I could be one of those people that has to carry that stigma and has everyone look at him as though I am an outcast.  Why don't we just go ahead and take me to the town square and hang me for all to see and rid our community of such atrocity.

I see scenes of seemingly rough forced sex and I like it.  I see scenes of a caning and I love the pretty whelps and stripes left across the woman's ass.  I want to create those whelps myself.  I see various acts of pain inflicted and I want to do those things myself.  I want to make my slave moan and scream and beg, and then make her take even more.  I want to make her choke on my manhood, only to let her breathe and then do it again.  I see pictures of women in of cages and think "Hmmm... I need one of those!"  I think about spanking her pussy and hurting her nipples and want to subject her to it over and over.  I want to ram myself into her repeatedly so that it hurts her and she screams, and I won't stop until she's a foggy mess of a blob that can't even function.  All to exert my Dominance, fulfill my own needs, and show her how she is owned and at my mercy for whatever I choose.

Therein lies the contradiction.  At the same time, I love and care for my slave.  I want to go places and do things with her.  I want to hold her hand.  I want to spoon with her as we sleep.  I want to caress and care for her.  I want to gently kiss her on the forehead.  I want to have her head in my lap and stroke her hair and cheek as we watch television.   I want to laugh with her, and pick at each other in fun.  I want to defend her when she is threatened, and throw myself in front of any danger she might face.  I want to shield her from anything unpleasant that may come her way.

How can I be this way?  How can I want to hurt her in one breath and protect her from pain in another?  How can I want to subject her to such apparently cruel acts, but then want to protect her to the death?  It's like I internally consist of my own personal Jekyll and Hyde.

How?  I'll tell you how!  Because it's part of who I am as a man and a Dominant, and also what my slave needs and craves from me.  It's part of the dynamic we have together, each knowing our roles and place with the other.  Each of us, in actuality, feeding off the other to be this way to meet our owns needs as well as fulfill the needs of each other.  Am I like this with everyone?  Absolutely not!  The key to it all is consent.  I have no desire to do these things with someone that does not want and need it.  That doesn't turn me on one bit.

I'm not going to look at the hot soccer mom and kidnap her and do evil things to her just because I get off on it.  I'm not going to look at the hot professional woman in her nice dress and want to defile her.  Ok wait, I might fantasize about it, but would never act on it.  In my fantasies it happens because she ultimately wants it as well.  It's one thing to fantasize about it, but to act on it goes somewhere totally different.  It's that action on the fantasies of force against one's will that takes it to another level and will define you as a clinical deviant and sexual predator.

I don't want you to think that I'm sitting here confused and flopping around like a fish out of water not knowing what to do.  I'm not battling I came to terms with who I am long ago.  I am secure in the Dominant I am and the things I desire and need as a Dominant.  For this to work for me, I need a willing partner.  I need someone that wants this from me, and even pushes me to do more and go further with this side of myself.  I need consent as well as a mental and emotional connection to be this way with someone.  This is not about taking what I want from just anyone.  It's about being that way with and for my slave because she needs that from me, and it allows me to be able to be my true self.

I may be a walking contradiction in many ways, but I'm ok with that.  I'm good with the person I am and have uncovered.  I can have Jekyll and Hyde, and have learned to balance the two.  I won't lie to you, it's not always easy, but that's ok as well.  The struggles make the triumphs worthwhile.  For me, the benefits far outweigh the downsides.

Hi... my name is DV... and I'm a living, breathing contradiction that happily embraces both sides of himself and wouldn't have it any other way.

Emerging From The Darkness...

She had abolished herself within the dark dungeon because of the way she had been treated and viewed by all those outside. She had waited what seemed like a lifetime for the One Person that had the key to release her. For the One Person that was willing to bring her out of the darkness and accept her within the light. The One Person that could unlock the door to allow her to finally be free to fly. The One Person that could release her from the darkness she thought she would always be within.

As the door opened and the light He brought to her laid it’s beams upon her wings, they naturally spread as if she had always known how to fly. Yet, she was afraid of what lied beyond the door. At least in the darkness she knew what to expect. He didn’t drag her into the light, but instead patiently waited. He encouraged and offered support for her new life as she slowly left the darkness behind and stepped into the light. She knew that she owed everything to Him, for after all He was the one that held the key that would allow her to be who she has always been destined to be, and would completely accept her as she was.

As she emerged into the light, she knelt before Him in gratitude and reverence. She was beholden to the One true holder of the key that released her from the dungeon of herself to find the freedom in being all she can be. She knew that only with him would her wings spread wide and she would finally learn how to fly. He would nurture her soul and help her accept herself and all she is. She finally knew what it was like to find complete and total freedom in belonging to and giving herself to that One Person that had the ability to release her from the imprisonment of her own mind.

As tears of happiness rolled down her face, she took his outstretched hand to begin the Dauntless Journey down the path she had needed to be led down her entire life. She could finally feel her wings spread wider than they ever had before as she felt the care, love, and safety in his guidance. She was still afraid, but only of the unknown. Yet, she trusted Him with every ounce of her being, would give him her very best, and knew this was exactly where she was meant to be.


~DV~

Because He Said So...?

I have seen pictures and groups of pictures on tumblr, and other places for that matter, that are D/s and M/s and BDSM related with the words “Because He said So”.  I will say that as a Dominant I do adhere to this mantra, but there are some caveats to this as well. 

For the uninformed, uneducated, and ignorant people of this world, it’s these caveats that hold the true meaning behind these words. This is not a blanket statement, right, or entitlement that gives an alleged Master/Dom the right to demand anything he wants, expect it to be done or carried out, and then get mad when it doesn’t happen.  Listen to this very carefully…You are not entitled to a single thing just because you call yourself a Master or a Dom.  You don’t automatically have the right to expect anything just “Because You Said So” because you have proclaimed yourself as having a title.  

So what does it mean when you hear “Because He Said So…”?

It means the sub/slave has given him that right and authority over her.

It means she has consented this power to such a person.

It’s because she sees and feels him as worthy of such power and control.

It’s because he has earned the right to be able to be that way with her.

It’s because he has earned her respect in the Dominant position h has with her.

It’s because he has put in the time, effort and work to get t that point with her.

For me personally, when I see those words it’s not just those words alone that resonate with me.  It’s the entire dynamic of the power exchange relationship, all it takes and all the two of you have gone through together to reach a place where “Because He Said So…” is a reality and has true depth and meaning.  It is a very special feeling and place to be when you reach this together.  But it is not something that you can instantly demand and expect.  

Earn your place with her.  Put in the time and effort she deserves.  Earn your title with her, because she feels it and bestows it upon you, not because you hereby declare it for yourself.  Anyone can call themselves whatever they like.  Having someone else see you as that person and give themselves to you as that person in your life… that is the true blessing. You don’t have a right and aren’t entitled to anything.  You do have the right to earn what you want and strive to achieve your goals.  

When the title as her Master or Dominant has been earned, and she sees you as worthy of that position over her, that is much more gratifying and fulfills a level of accomplishment than anything ever demanded without effort.  And when you get that from her, that is when you can truly say… “Becasue I Said So…”!

~DV~

Control In Daily Life...

Every relationship involves two people.  Two people that rely on each other to meet their needs, make them feel good, and to make them feel fulfilled.  It's a bond they felt from the start and has grown deeper as the relationship has progressed.  It involves a lot of trust, communication and mutual respect.  A power exchange relationship (D/s, M/s, etc...) is no exception to this, and may even have some of these characteristics that are even more prevalent than their vanilla counterparts.

As we all know, much of what those of this in this lifestyle do and portray is very sexual in nature.  Whether it's written blogs, websites, Fetlife, Tumblr, or whatever the case may be, what we run across more times than not is the sexual elements.  This may be justified to some degree, as much of the time these relationships are about sexual Domination and submission.  Yet, I think it's the aspects of these relationships outside of the sexual realm that are the foundation that makes them strong.  It's the day to day interactions and normal daily life that people build lasting relationships upon, and not wild unadulterated sex, although we will all agree that is the fun part of this.

For many people it seems to be easy to engage in some type power exchange relationship sexually.  Yet, when it comes to daily life decisions it seems to be more difficult.  People appear to have a harder time taking or giving up control in daily life than they do with giving up control of their own bodies.  For me personally as a Dominant, part of my rules is that I have the last word and the power to make all decisions.  I want my partners views, thoughts, and opinions, and will always take that into account, but in the end I have the say.  That doesn't mean I want total control, that I'm overly Domineering, or that it's my way or nothing by any means.  It just establishes the boundaries for which we will conduct ourselves.  This rule is easy to say but is much harder for both people to actually carry out.

There are times that I may make decisions and that is the end of discussion.  Yet, more times than not, it is a combination of my own decision and my subs decision.  I don't conduct my relationship as a dictatorship or like a communist regime.  I don't want a mindless sub or slave.  I want someone that can contribute to our relationship to make us both better and stronger.  I want someone who can think for themselves and will also make decisions that are for the betterment of us.

Giving up control on decisions that affect your life and will have long term consequences can be scary.  It takes a lot of trust and respect for the other person, and this can take a long time to develop.  So least to say, when my sub comes to me to help her make life decisions it can be very gratifying.  It shows me the depth of what we have fostered together.  It shows me the true submission she has towards me in letting me in to make these decisions for her.  It shows me the trust she has in me to make decisions that could affect and alter her life long term.  This could be financially related, about a career or job position, a situation with a friend, one of the children, or any number of possible scenarios.  She knows that based on our relationship dynamic my opinion carries a lot of weight, and she will likely have to go with my stance on the matter.  Ultimately, this is what she needs and expects of me, though.  This is the leader she needs me to be.  Even still, I don't just tell her what to do and nothing else is allowed, but rather try to equip her with information to make an informed decision on her own.  A true leader doesn't demand, he inspires.

For a Dominant that lives this lifestyle and conducts his relationship within a power exchange dynamic, in all aspects of a relationship and not just sexually, trust and respect are everything.  These are attributes that are earned and gained.  So, having your submissive trust you in all aspects of your relationship, and to make decisions that are potentially life altering, is such a satisfaction.  It can make you beam inside with delight in seeing the depth your relationship has reached and just how how far the two of you have come together.  With this comes a lot of responsibility.  You have to make sure you are ready and able to carry that weight on your shoulders and live with the consequences of your actions.  Those actions affect not only you, but also your partner.  I am more than willing to accept this responsibility.  After all, reaching this point is what we have been striving for as part of the progression of what we have and both need, or at leas it should be, as part of our power exchange dynamic and relationship.

Beaten With Love...

Over the past year or more there has been a lot of attention brought to domestic violence, and rightfully so.  With a lot of high profile domestic abuse cases, mostly it seems in sports, this has become one of the hot topics of the moment.  I stand behind this movement and believe there is no place for abuse of any kind n a relationship, whether it be physical, mental, or emotional.  There is no place for abuse in any relationship.  Read that again if you need to do so.  Being this way with your partner comes from a place of anger, rage, fear, and/or a loss of control.  I tend to think that a person that abuses their partner sees themselves as less than or weaker and they are trying to prove or exert some kind of power play against their partner to convince that person, and even themselves, of their strength and power.  There is no place for abuse of any kind.

Having said that, it may seem hypocritical to purposely inflict pain upon your partner, or even have a desire to do so.  Yet, within the BDSM lifestyle, or some type of power exchange relationship, many times this is exactly what occurs.  There is one big distinction, however, between what we do in this lifestyle and what happens in abuse situations.  It's called...CONSENT!

In abuse cases, there is no consent.  It is done against the other persons will and desire.  It is unwanted treatment done with the intent to cause harm and fear.  In BDSM, there is (or should be) full consent, and even a desire by both persons for the activity.  In some instances it is even done for sexual gratification.  I'm not going to get into the full legal issues surrounding this, as that isn't the point of this post.  But I will mention that I read in another blog post recently about a case, I believe in England, where some individuals were found guilty of a crime even though they had full consent.  So please be aware of the laws in your region and how this type activity is perceived, viewed, and the potential consequences.

There are any reasons why people within the BDSM community may engage in activities involving pain.  It could be to push submission.  It could be to feed someones masochistic side.  It be to feed someones sadistic side.  It could be for punishment.  There are many aspects f this lifestyle that can involve pain and physical infliction upon another person.  The biggest difference in what is done in this lifestyle is that is is not out of anger or rage.  It is very calculated and controlled when it is done.  It is done with a purpose.  It is done in a specific way that is planned and intended.  It is done with the receivers full consent, and always with their safety and well being in mind and at the forefront.  In having a safe word in place, the receiver/sub can even stop it immediately, no questions asked.

For me personally, I think my use of pain in a Dominant/submissive relationship is twofold.  One, over the years I have found and discovered my desire for pain infliction, at least on the mild side.  I will be the first to tell you I have a slight sadistic side I didn't know was there years ago.  This was brought out by being involved with some submissives that also had a need to receive assorted inflicted pain.  Second, I have learned of my desire to inflict pain from a place of love and care.  that's right...I said my sadistic side is played out with love and care.

Now you might ask, how can you possibly inflict pain on someone out of love?  It took me a while to grasp this concept myself.  I believe that as a Dominant, if you have a submissive that needs to feel pain, or physical force from you, then it's part of the dynamic the two of you have.  My submissive very well may need to feel the pain.  She can be masochistic on some level and have a need to feel that from me.  This can be multi-layered as to why she needs it, in being the pain helps in feel my control and Dominance, it makes her feel her place as my submissive, it gives her the physical force she needs to feel herself endure for me, and maybe even be something that arouses her in a sexual way.  So, when it's something she needs from me and our relationship, I may be doing it for my own fulfillment, but it's also done out of love and care for her and her need and desire to feel that from me.

Any relationship is about being with someone because you enjoy them and they meet your needs.  Any person that is with someone that doesn't meet there needs, won't stay there for long.  There is no point in being with someone that leaves you unfulfilled and leaves a huge void for you.  In being able to live out my sadistic side, and even explore it further, I am also feeding her masochistic side.  I am giving her what she needs from me because I care.  Because I want t give that to her.  Because she means something to me.  I would even go as far to say that not giving her the pain and force she desires and needs from me, thereby leaving her lacking in our relationship, is more harmful to her mentally and emotionally than any form of pain I can inflict.  Yet, always and in all manners, inflicting pain is done under complete control, never when mad or angry, and with a purpose.

I think this is a perfectly good example of why this is referred to as an alternate lifestyle.  It goes against many of the norms of how people should be treated and what is expected in our society.  It is an alternate way of seeing and conducting a relationship.  Yet, when it is needed and desired by both partners, it can become a true bonding experience and bring you both closer.  It can strengthen the trust you have for each other, and make your relationship stronger.  I affectionately refer to this as "Beating her with Love".  Because that's exactly what is is... giving her the pain and force she needs from me in a caring and loving way and with care and love as the full intent behind it.