June 6, 2016

Don't Trust The Vultures...

I saw this cartoon and had to laugh.  It is a funny blurb.  But then it immediately got me to thinking.  It seems as though this is so true in real life.  Many times people seem supportive and encouraging, yet they aren't doing it for your benefit, but rather for their own personal reasons and gain.

Because it's the way my brain works, I immediately related this picture and my thoughts to this lifestyle.  Trust is the cornerstone of it all.  Being able to trust someone, or a group of people in this lifestyle is at the core essence of all this is.  Domination requires trust.  Submission requires trust.  If you don't have that trust then you have nothing.  The vultures will try to push and test you, regardless of trust.  Don't let them!

So many times I read about people who have put their trust in someone only to have that trust completely violated.  More times than not this is a submissive putting their trust in a "Dom" to only find out the hard way that the trust was not earned or warranted.  The so called "Dom" had only his own agenda and desires in mind and was manipulating the sub for his own benefit.  What seemed like encouragement was really just pushing someone to a place where there was no good outcome.

So how does a person know who to trust?  I wish there was an easy answer to this, but there isn't.  I wish I could say follow these certain steps to e able to know if you can trust someone, but I can't.  It takes time and getting to know someone.  It takes time and action to back up words to develop and build trust.  Trust is earned over time, not demanded, required, or blindly given.

You should never give yourself completely until you feel someone has earned your trust enough to deserve that from you.  Never put yourself in a position with someone that could cause you harm if you don't know whether they do have your best interest at heart.  You have to know that person has your best interest and well being as their utmost concern.  Trust your gut on this as well.  Your heart and head may tell you one thing, but your gut feelings will rarely if ever be wrong.  If something feels wrong or off then it probably is.  You may not be able to put your finger on exactly what isn't right, but if you have that feeling then it's not worth the potential bad outcome to continue.

Learning to trust can be difficult.  Learning who to trust can be hard as well.  Surround yourself with those you know you can trust and rely on.  Make sure you don't put yourself in a position to be used for the benefit of others, and to your own demise.  Safety and well being above all else.  The right people will completely understand this and be patient with you.  They won't push you to a place they know you aren't comfortable and/or know you don't want to go.  They won't make you feel bad or belittle you for not doing something that feels wrong.  Trust yourself and your own feelings first and foremost.  the rest will come in time as it should.


  1. so very true, and even then if the dynamic changes, question what someone is trusting

  2. I have nothing to add (you've given great advice), just wanted to say it's nice to see a post from you. :)

  3. true, true, and if I'm to be honest I can't say that any of my ex-es would have been suitable Doms for me because while we were in love and had been together for (some of them) years, I simply didn't trust them to have my best interest at heart. I'm pretty sure if BIKSS and I aren't together anymore, I'd probably not have another Dom either. I trusted him completely as a friend WAY before we got involved.