For those that don't know, I reside in the southeastern US. Yes, you know the place...where everyone allegedly wears overalls, makes moonshine, is missing half their teeth, talks with a severe drawl, dates an marries their cousins, drive s pickup truck, goes muddin' on Saturday night....you know all the stereotypes. Compared to many areas of the country, this area is very conservative and set in their ways and thinking. I live in the bible belt where you go to church or your going to hell. I've yet to figure that one out...isn't there some type of requirement to believe God or something?!?! Anyway, no matter what anyone says, race is still a big issue in the south as well. Alternate lifestyles...holy crap! The thought of BDSM, same sex relationships, or anything else out of the ordinary, is almost enough to give some people a heart attack or stroke right on the spot.
I will admit, in years past I wasn't as open minded as I am now. I may have had views and opinions that aligned with some of the above mentioned stereotypes. So what changed? I did...and becoming involved in the bdsm community changed me. It wasn't a quick overnight change. It wasn't sudden. But over time, and being more involved, I began to change and evolve into a more understanding and tolerant person.
The one thing I have learned most over the years is that just because someone is different, doesn't mean it it wrong. It's just different. Spending time on tumblr, spending time on FetLife, reading all the blogs (yes that means all you freaks reading this very post - lol), it all shows you just how many different avenues there are in this world that people venture down, and the same goes for the BDSM lifestyle. What I used to see and think was over the top crazy weird, and think people were a bunch of total freaks, I now see as people enjoying being who they are and being happy expressing themselves.
These days I see myself as being one of the freaks, so to speak, at least in my own way. I realize there are a lot of people that look at my lifestyle choices and think it's outrageous. There are others that see what I do as very mild. Conversely, I see a lot of people that I think are very mild and, others that I still think are freaks and do some really weird stuff. The difference now, though, is that I say freak with love behind it. We all do what we like and what makes us happy. My kink and lifestyle isn't for everyone else, just as the kinks and lifestyle of some others is in no way for me. These days I can look at other's choices and understand that it is the personal choice and kink, and as long as it works for them then fantastic.
I am much more accepting of others these days. I have learned that we all have our thing and do what works for us, what we need, and what makes us happy. That doesn't mean I have to like it, want it for myself, and want to be involved, but I am understanding in knowing that it is what works for them. I have become more liberal in my stance and views (no that does not mean Democrat), and tolerant of the lifestyle choices others choose to live by. Those choices don't make them bad or make them wrong...they are just different than me, just as my choices aren't wrong, but are what I need and works for me.
So I leave you with this... try to be understanding of others and the choices they choose to live by. Just as you may look at someone and think they are weird or doing something that seems out of sorts, they very well may be looking at you the same way. Just realize that they are different than you, but that doesn't make them bad people. If they aren't forcing their ways down your throat, you shouldn't do it to them either. Only try to understand they are doing what works for them and makes them happy.
This is a life lesson I have learned over my 20 something years on this earth (cough cough)...okay, forty something. And this is a life lesson I very well may not have learned were it not for D/s, BDSM, and this lifestyle I have chosen to make part of my life.
I will admit, in years past I wasn't as open minded as I am now. I may have had views and opinions that aligned with some of the above mentioned stereotypes. So what changed? I did...and becoming involved in the bdsm community changed me. It wasn't a quick overnight change. It wasn't sudden. But over time, and being more involved, I began to change and evolve into a more understanding and tolerant person.
The one thing I have learned most over the years is that just because someone is different, doesn't mean it it wrong. It's just different. Spending time on tumblr, spending time on FetLife, reading all the blogs (yes that means all you freaks reading this very post - lol), it all shows you just how many different avenues there are in this world that people venture down, and the same goes for the BDSM lifestyle. What I used to see and think was over the top crazy weird, and think people were a bunch of total freaks, I now see as people enjoying being who they are and being happy expressing themselves.
These days I see myself as being one of the freaks, so to speak, at least in my own way. I realize there are a lot of people that look at my lifestyle choices and think it's outrageous. There are others that see what I do as very mild. Conversely, I see a lot of people that I think are very mild and, others that I still think are freaks and do some really weird stuff. The difference now, though, is that I say freak with love behind it. We all do what we like and what makes us happy. My kink and lifestyle isn't for everyone else, just as the kinks and lifestyle of some others is in no way for me. These days I can look at other's choices and understand that it is the personal choice and kink, and as long as it works for them then fantastic.
I am much more accepting of others these days. I have learned that we all have our thing and do what works for us, what we need, and what makes us happy. That doesn't mean I have to like it, want it for myself, and want to be involved, but I am understanding in knowing that it is what works for them. I have become more liberal in my stance and views (no that does not mean Democrat), and tolerant of the lifestyle choices others choose to live by. Those choices don't make them bad or make them wrong...they are just different than me, just as my choices aren't wrong, but are what I need and works for me.
So I leave you with this... try to be understanding of others and the choices they choose to live by. Just as you may look at someone and think they are weird or doing something that seems out of sorts, they very well may be looking at you the same way. Just realize that they are different than you, but that doesn't make them bad people. If they aren't forcing their ways down your throat, you shouldn't do it to them either. Only try to understand they are doing what works for them and makes them happy.
This is a life lesson I have learned over my 20 something years on this earth (cough cough)...okay, forty something. And this is a life lesson I very well may not have learned were it not for D/s, BDSM, and this lifestyle I have chosen to make part of my life.
9 comments:
We live in the UK, and in a small country village, which pretty much has a similar stereotype to the ones you mentioned, to this day i still have pangs of guilt that i dont attend church every Sunday.
Everyone knows everyone, or at least they think they do, but nobody really knows what goes on behind others closed doors.
I like to think im not judgemental but i think we all do judge to some degree, perhaps because we are viewing others on our own morals.
But i do agree that we should not judge harshly others in this lifestyle, i have had my fair share of comments that question my relationship, is it healthy etc and yeah it does get to me, and usually its because a lack of understanding that there are people like me that genuinely are happy to be in a relationship that is strictly controlled.
Of course there are kinks i dont get, they dont appeal to me at all, but i dont think they are wrong, what works for me, in my relationship is right for me....but by no means would it be right for everybody.
Loved this post DV
x
I love this post! As I have accepted my own kink, I have in turn become more accepting of other people's choices. In so many blogs I read I see the integrity and intelligence of individuals, not just the 'weirdness' I might have seen before.
Actually, overhearing a conversation at work where they were jokily suggesting a colleague might be kinky, made me realise I'd forgotten that's how vanilla people see kinky people like me! Like I would have, once.
Tori, I've just left a comment on your blog too, as you are someone whose kink I totally don't get (I'm sure you hear that a lot!), but understand completely that it's your choice.
I live in a small UK village too, is this a pattern?
Ash
I will reply to that comment.
lol which kink, umm i have a fair few!
Yes i do hear it a fair bit, however i appreciate you have said it without judgement....and that is what makes a difference.
ahh it all happens in small sleepy villages!
Freak??? WTF!? I am NOT a freak...oh wait...you read me...and you know more of the shit that I don't post too...DAMN! LOL!
We also live in a small town. And also have our share of closed minded people. We have also become more accepting of others' lifestyles and choices. Great post.
hugs
p
DV love this post. I started accepting different lifestyles a few years back, being subjected to them. However, being in this community has opened my mind more. Master opens it more. It all comes down too that feeling and passion that occurs when we are together. What we do doesn't seem "kink", it is just us. So, who am I to judge on what works for others?
Fabulous post. I have lived in the south. Yes, it is very proper. Very close minded, very intolerant sometimes. They'll be praying for you!
But I think you are very fortunate to have come to such a healthy place of acceptance. I do feel for those who are never able to enjoy their sexuality (whatever their proclivities). It's a part if life that is so much fun to enjoy.
Fabulous post. Thank you so much for sharing!!
Hugs,
Fiona
It's always nice to see your perspective DV. I have always been "weird", an "outsider" ... NOT normal (thank the maker). But this past year, it has been difficult, learning all about this wild new world and my place in it, & not knowing how, what to share, with the people in my life. I am not ashamed of who I have become but I do not want to be "exposed" to negativity either. I just do what I usually do & trust my instincts.
Anyway, great post!
Just letting you know that I nominated you for a Liester Blog Award See my blog here: http://desireousstartingfromscratch.blogspot.com/2014/04/liebster-blog-award.html
I'm convinced that tumblr makes everybody more open-minded
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