February 8, 2011

No Turning Back

This is a subject that has come up several times lately.  It's one of those situations where it can be very hard, if not impossible, to undo what has been done.  I'm talking about venturing into this D/s world, or TTWD. 

I think that once you open your mind to BDSM, assuming it is truly a part of who you are, then it is hard to do otherwise.  Once you are here, there is no turning back.  It doesn't matter whether you are Dominant or submissive.  I know this from my own experience, my submissives, as well as those I have talked to over the years. 

This seems to be a one-way door, that once you walk through it you cannot go back.  By this I mean that once submissive has submitted and had that part of their inner self exposed and opened to this wonderful world, anything less just won't be good enough.  I mean that as a Dominant, once you have been here you just can't go back to a "normal" relationship and have it be enough.  I think it is very difficult to have a vanilla relationship after having been deeply involved in a D/s relationship.  there are things that we get from D/s, on an emotional and mental level, that we just can't get from a vanilla relationship. For most of us, no matter how hard we try and how much time and effort we put into a vanilla relationship, we just wont be able to get everything from it that we want and need.  There will always be an aspect that is missing.

I have had a couple of situations over the years that have been more vanilla than anything else.    No matter how I try, my Dominant side always seems to come back out and rear it's head...especially in the sexual realm.  I can try to just let things play out and role as they may, but my natural instincts are to take control and do things that most vanilla women may not be prepared to face.  Whether that be spanking, a hand on their throat, being given some type of order no matter how subtle, etc...  Being dominant is just part of who I am at my core being, and there's nothing I can do to change that.  It will always be there, and will always trying to find a way out and to manifest itself.

I think the same goes for a submissive.  As has been discussed many times before, many a submissive has either not understood what she was feeling and needing, or has denied it to herself, for many years.  Once she lets go of that, begins to understand and to embrace who she is, and then most importantly gets a taste of her submissiveness, she can see deep inside herself and discover things she only dreamed about before.  Once this happens, it is very difficult to go back to where she was.  Once she gets a taste of this lifestyle and realizes this is who she truly is, then anything less just won't be enough. 

Do we call this a problem?  Maybe, maybe not!  For me it is not.  I'd much rather know who I am and understand myself, then to always feel like I'm missing something.  I'd rather cross the line and not be able to go back, then to have never crossed it to begin with.  It's like firing a gun...once the trigger has been pulled, you can't bring the bullet back into the barrel.  Once you cross that line, there is "No Turning Back"! 


  1. Interesting way of putting it.
    D/s is fulfilling in a way that vanilla is not. I suppose if you have never been there, it's easy to live without. But once you get a taste, I doubt it's possible not to want the whole cake.

  2. Well does this post speak to me! the taste, the teaser, the door with no way back. Only time will tell in my situation. No way back, this is the almost painful part for me. The dance is sometimes illusory. I agree lil, it isn't possible not to want the whole cake.

  3. i dont think I could ever go back to a vanilla relationship. I am a submissive all the way. And Im loving it.


  4. I am in a vanilla relationship and it is soo boring definitely once you have tasted some aspect of BDSM you definitely dont want to go back, its a craving and i need my fix lol.

    blossom xx

  5. Well done post DV. At whatever degree we decide to engage in D/s and experience it, once we discover it is a part of our 'core being' it will always try and find a way out into our world in one form or another.

    B (silvermoon)

  6. I am fairly new to discovering this submissive side to myself. I am enjoying every minute of it and definitely enjoy exploring and pushing limits I never knew I could. It is also intense on me emotionally, but it makes everything that much more satisfying. My lifestyle is pretty vanilla, but do I really think I could go back to a more vanilla sex life? I think if I had to, maybe? But I also believe that this is truly who I was meant to be and even in a more vanilla sex life, parts would just seep through. I know I would miss the erotic nature of it all if I wasn't engaging in a D/s sexual relationship.

  7. Thanks for the comments. I'm glad to see that you all agree with my assessment of this situation. I'm not in any way saying this lifestyle is for everyone. But those that it does suit, seem to have found their calling within it. I'm glad you all enjoy it so much and I wish you luck on your continued journey within the lifestyle.


  8. This is a timely post for me, too. I have walked through the door to explore my submissive side..and I don't think I'll be looking for the Exit anytime soon!

  9. Exit? No, there isn't one. An Emergency Exit in that case. Atleast if you have found "yourself" in it, and not only dabbled a bit sexually. Once you have found the submissive- or Dominant in you, well I think it is like finding out if you are gay or straight (or bi). What is, is.