Titles and Names...

What's in a name?  Does having a title make you any more of a person?  Does it make you any more important than someone else?  Does it make someone else any less than you? 

So many times I think people get way to caught up on names and titles.  Especially in the various aspects of the bdsm lifestyle.  People tend to think they have to have a certain title or be called something specific.  That they feel less important with out it.  Some people are offended by being called one thing while reveling in being called something else.  And to those that are new to this and trying to learn, all the different monikers can be...well, confusing and daunting. 

Are you a Dom, Master, Daddy, Top, Domme, Switch, Mistress, Sir?
Are you a sub, slave, bottom, lil, babygirl, pet, brat, kitten? 
Are you kinky or vanilla?
Or you monogamous you polyamorous?
Is it just the two of you, or are you part of a House, a Pack, a Group, a Family?
Are you a sadist,. masochist, or sadomasochist?
Are you in a relationship, owned, collared, in training, being mentored, mentoring?
Are you straight, gay, bi, queer, heteroflexible, curious, pansexual, asexual? 

Does any of it really even matter?
Hell, I got confused even writing this.  I'm not sure what my orientation is now?!?!

Yes, I think it matters, to a degree, but don't get stuck on a name or title.  Really it doesn't make you any more or any less than you were five minutes ago before having that name.  Yet, within certain circumstances, it does help define and describe who you are and how you fit into this.  But, don't get too caught up on names and titles. 

In the big picture, it doesn't mean that much.  What does matter is what you and your partner have with each other.  It's how you see each other and how the names you use with each other plays into your dynamic.  As long as that works for you, then the rest doesn't matter.  Yes, you may be submissive, but if being his babygirl makes you feel your place and special with him, then by all means use it.  Yes, I may be a Dominant, but if she needs to call me Daddy, and that is what helps define our relationship, then we will use it. 

I may classify myself as Dom (which I do), but that really only matters to one person...the one I'm involved with.  Otherwise, it has no real bearing on me and the person I truly am.  It's just a title or name I use.  It's a description.  It doesn't make me any more or any less than someone who calls themselves a Master or a Top, or a sub or a slave.  It's just a way of defining myself within this lifestyle, based on how you see yourself and what you want from this. 

So, don't get too caught up in names and titles.  Don't let all the possibilities overwhelm you.   Just be yourself.  Yet, if you really want to mess with some people who seem to be caught up in titles and what you call yourself, then pick as many of these adjectives as you possible can and throw them at people just for fun.  Such as...

I am the Dominant Daddy of a kinky submissive heteroflexible babygirl, who is owned and collared within our monogamous yet sometimes poly relationship, in which she is exploring her masochistic tendencies and bringing out my sadistic side, as I train her to go further and eventually become my bisexual slave, at which time I will introduce her to the House Of DV, where she will become a part of the rest of my harem and officially be a part of DV's Family.   

(and yes that last part was way over the top sarcastic)  ;)

That Time Of The Month? (Formspring)

I recently received the following question via Formspring...

What do you do with your sub when she is on her period?

This is actually a pretty good question, and one I haven't seen many people write about.  Or maybe...because of the topic I purposely skipped over those posts.  LOL!  Anyway...I'm going to try to keep this...ummm...tasteful.

I think a lot of this depends on the two people involved.  Some people will avoid sexual contact completely during menstruation.  Others don't let it slow them down one bit.  Personally, I can hold out and avoid that area during this time.  I would prefer not to deal with the mess.  Or as a special friend once told me... "I have two other perfectly good holes.  There is no need to go there while I'm on my period."  This always made me laugh, but she has a good point.

There are plenty of other good ways to enjoy each other, and keep the D/s dynamic alive, without having to deal with sex during her period.  As pointed out before, there are other ways to enjoy her body.  you can work on oral skills together.  You can work on anal pleasure together.  You can work on your bondage or flogging skills.  The choices are endless.  Or as Domly as it may or may not sound, you could use this time to relax and just hold each other and be together.  Nothing says you can't use this time to take a break, re-group and refresh, either. 

I have always enjoyed using this "down time" as a time and way to bond mentally and emotionally.  It's a perfect time to spend reading and researching about this lifestyle together.  You can share thoughts and ideas.  You can banter back and forth about your views, how they are similar and how they differ.  You can expand on what you would like to try together.  You can look at expanding your horizons and what those horizons may be.  It's like setting the ground work and having a planning stage.  So, when the skies clear and things are back to normal, you are then ready to jump back into being more physical and intimate with your new-found knowledge. 

By no means does the world stop or slow down because a woman has her monthly cycle.  It's just part of life.  Your D/s relationship shouldn't stop or be put on hold either.  Yes, if it's all about sex for you, then this may slow you down a bit, at least for a week, but it shouldn't be all about sex anyway.  There are plenty of ways to keep the fire alive, and to actually grow what the two of you have together, during this time.  It's not always a bad thing.  Some time away from the physical, and concentrating more on the mental and emotional, can be very good for your relationship.

Of course all this is assuming she isn't the type to turn into a monster and wants to rip apart any and everything that stands in her way, and would prefer to rip your guts out and jump up and down all over them just for looking at her in what she perceives is a wrong way.  If that's the case...you're on your own.  I can't help you.  Run!  Run for your life!  You are better off having a man cave somewhere and hiding out until the sweet little sub returns to normal.   (sorry I couldn't resist a little jab for fun)  :)

An End And A New Beginning (FAF)

Well, I believe we have come to the end of an era.  As you have probably noticed, new editions of FAF have been few and far between.  Time and availability have been a major issue as of late.  And as much as I hate to admit it, the drive to continue and keep up with FAF hasn't been there either. 

So, for now I will have to say goodbye to FAF for the foreseeable future.  I'm not going to say this is the death of it, but it is certainly in a deep coma at this point.   I appreciate all of you that came by every week to check out the pictures and vote for your weekly favorite.  A special thanks as well to all those that submitted pictures. 

FAF wasn't just nice sexy pictures of the posterior...it was much more to some people.  Over the time of FAF, I received emails from people/couples telling me how it brought them together.  they would sit down each and every week and review the pics and each pic their favorite.  Then they would discuss why they chose the picture they did.  So, it wasn't just about the sexy pics.  there was an element of bring couples together and opening the lines of communication.  That was a wonderful added benefit that never could have been known when this started.

Having said all that, for those of you that can't go without your pictures, I would like to invite you to my two tumblr blogs.  Many of you know about one of them...Dauntless Arousal.  This blog is all about D/s and bdsm with a flair for the artistic and writings of others on tumblr.  The second blog is new.  It is called DV's Fantastic Asses.  There you can get your fill of all the fantastic asses you like.  Still done with a view of the artistic shots.  So, I kindly invite you to visit those two blogs for all your picture needs.  Each is updated and has pictures added almost daily. 

Thanks again to everyone for your support of Fantastic Ass Friday.  It has been a pleasure to be able to offer you some wonderful pictures each and every week. 

~DV~

Bound In The Light

You came to me 

I took you there

To all the places you denied but needed to go

The walls…The numbness

The hollow feelings…The need to hide

The fear…All gone

Breathe deep…Life fills you

You no longer just exist

You now live to feel

To feel the excitement

To feel the arousal of the senses

To feel what’s it’s like to be cared for

Appreciated…Wanted…Needed

Feelings within your heart and mind

Feelings you didn’t know were possible

Just to feel at all is new

And feeling like you belong and have found yourself

Your true self

The one you have been made to feel was wrong

Giving...Offering...Serving

You now see it fills you with peace

Serenity…Tranquility…Harmony

It feels safe…Secure…Protected

It feels like home

And here you lie

Naked…Exposed…Vulnerable

Completely open and available

Allowing access to all you are

Begging to be molded…shaped…formed

And shown who you already are

Not changed or made what you are not

Brought to the forefront of all you already are

A new fear…anxiety…nervousness

Now envelopes you

Not of what lies before you

What may happen to you

What may be subjected upon you

But of not having that

Of not being guided in who you are

Of not being able to see all this can bring

All this can offer

All that you are

It’s the fear of going back

Back to what was before

Back to being less

Being as you were before

Lost…Hopeless…Numb

You have found your strength...Your fortitude

You have been shown you have far more

Than you ever knew was possible

So you fight with all your might

You refuse…Struggle…Plead to stay bound

To stay bound in the light

The light that now shines

The light that shows you all you are

Encompasses your very being

It is freedom…Hope…Promise

The lack of binds…Of going back

Of being free to be who you were before

That is not living…That is death…That is denial

The fear of not feeling...Of not being

Is far greater than the safety of being nothing

~DV~

Strange But True Sex Facts...

I came across a post on the blog Lady Cheeky: Smut For Smarties.  The post is titled 88 Strange But True Sex Facts.  There was actually some really interesting facts on the list.  I am just going to post some of the ones I find most interesting and intriguing, but feel free to follow the link to the original post for the full list. 

As always feel free to comment and open discussion on any of these you like.  There is some very thought provoking information in many of these facts.


1. A woman is more likely to want to commit adultery during ovulation than at any other time in her cycle.

 4. Chocolate contains phenylethylamine, the same feel-good chemical responsible for the ecstatic high people experience through sexual attraction and love.

 9. The earth could be re-populated to its current level using the number of sperm that could fit into an aspirin capsule.

10. A chicken egg could accommodate the number of female ova necessary to repopulate the earth to its present numbers.

12. White women are the most likely to engage in anal sex, particularly if they also have a college degree.

17. During any given period, women who read romance novels have a tendency to have twice as many lovers as those who don’t.

22. Heterosexual anal sex is something 43% of women have experienced.

 23. Women consider penis size the ninth most important feature for a man, while men rate it much more highly, in third place.

24. When a man ejaculates, the initial spurt travels at 28 miles per hour – faster than the world record for the 100m sprint, which currently stands at 22.9 miles per hour.
 
28. There are 20 male masochists for every female masochist.
 
39. Every time they engage in oral sex with their partner, 30% of women swallow.

43. Women over 40 years of age are more likely to masturbate than any other group.

45. According to experts, sex is about 10 times more effective as a tranquilliser than Valium.

47. 44% of women find it impossible to enjoy sex with a man who is not their intellectual equal. Just 31% of men share this problem.

48. There are about 1,000 recognised euphemisms for ‘vagina’ in the English language.

54. During their lifetime, the average driver will have sex in their car six times.

52. 75% of Japanese women own a vibrator. The average worldwide is 47%.  And this is probably because...

37. Greek couples have sex an average of 138 times a year – placing them at the top of the world sex league. Japanese couples have sex just 45 times a year, which puts them in last place.

57. One in five women living with their boyfriend has more than one sexual partner.

60. The size of the vagina decreases by 30% as orgasm becomes imminent.

62. Inside the female body, sperm cells can survive for up to nine days.

64. Over 30% of men suffer from premature ejaculation. 10% of men are affected by erectile dysfunction.

65. It’s possible to relieve depression through masturbation.

67. The average aroused vagina is 4 inches long – shorter than the average erect penis, which measures in at 6 inches.

68. The average woman can reach orgasm in about 4 minutes through masturbation, while through intercourse, it can take 10 – 20 minutes.

69. Sneezes, along with orgasms, are the only physiological responses that cannot be voluntarily stopped once they have started.

70. Straight men tend to have smaller penises than gay men.

74. The amount of wet dreams a man is likely to have increases in line with the number of years spent in formal education.

76. The majority of women prefer to have sex in the dark.

78. When having sex, black women are 50% more likely to reach orgasm than white women.

79. 60% of non-smoking women have had no sexual partners in the past year, while 70% of women who smoke have had more than four lovers over the same timescale.

80. Women who are prone to migraines tend to have a higher sex drive than those who are not.

85. 70% of men and women admit to having fantasised about someone else while having sex.

88. An overwhelming majority of sexual partners have only skimpy knowledge of what truly turns each other on.

Dom All The Time? - Formspring

I received the following question via Formspring:

Should a Dom Dominate his submissive all the time, or just during play?

This is a pretty good question, especially for those new to the lifestyle...or whatever you want to call this.  A lot of this can seem overwhelming and confusing when you are trying to learn and get a grasp on all the different facets out there within bdsm.  When looking at how this is done, most of what someone will see has to do with the physical aspects of a D/s relationship.  They see the play, the bondage, the spankings, and whatever else you might come across.  That's just the main highlights of these types of relationships. It can leave one wondering how to actually go about the relationship itself. 

The answer to the question is...it all depends!  It depends on what the two people involved want the relationship to be.  Do you want it to just be sexual in the bedroom?  Do you want to have control outside the bedroom?  Do you want to have total control of every aspect of the subs life? What level of control does the Dom want and is the sub willing to give?  The list could go on and on. 

To a degree, this is a negotiation.  As a Dom, you have to figure out what you want and need from the relationship.  You have to know if you want control outside the bedroom, and if so, to what degree.  How do you envision this control playing out in real life?  What do you want and expect from it?  As a submissive, you have to ask the same questions of yourself.  Then, the two people can get together and see if their list of desires and visions matches up, or how well.  As a couple, you can work through your lists together to find some middle ground that fits what you both need.

The most important thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong way to do this.  There is no step by step guide.  There is no bdsm or D/s police that are going to come by your house and tell you to stop because you're doing it all wrong.  There is only one rule that you need to follow above and beyond all else...DO WHAT MAKES YOU BOTH HAPPY!  Period!  The end!  That's all that matters.  As long as the two of you are happy with how you do things, nothing else matters.  Pick and choose the parts and pieces of this that are of interest to you, keep an open mind to additions later, and leave the rest on the shelf.  

Above all, enjoy yourself!  This should be fun and exciting.  It should meet some wants and needs and help you two become closer to each other.  It should build some bonds between you.  It should open the door to further and better communication.  Find all the good you can from it and enjoy yourself!  That's what it's all about!

DV