How do you do it?!?! (Long Distance)

I read a post a couple of weeks ago that stayed with me.  The post was written by Discerning Dom and was titled "Long Distance".  Because I have been there and done that, I know exactly how this feels.  I have kept trying to think of a way to write this, but have had trouble with it.  So the only thing I know to do is tell you how I feel about this. 

In the post, Discerning Dom speaks of his own personal long distance relationship, and how he goes about dealing with it on a daily basis.  I have done the online D/s thing.  There are ways to make it work, between email, text, chat, phone, etc...  In this day and age it is easy to meet people from all over the country, if not the world.  Things aren't like they used to be.  It used to be that you met someone through the travels of your life.  Whether it be school, work, church, Friday night at the bar, the hot chick working behind the counter at the movie rental store, or whatever other way you can think about.  These days you never have to leave your house.  Fire up the ole computer and away you go.  You can be talking and chatting with people from god knows where within minutes.  My point being...it's not hard to strike up an electronic conversation and begin discussions with someone.  I'm not by any means saying this is wrong, or that I'm against it.  Just pointing out that we live in a very mobile and fluid society these days, and it is much easier to connect with those that interest you, from all over the world. 

I was asked a question and gave an honest answer on my other blog, Dauntless Arousal, that had to do with long distance relationships.  My answer was that I wish for more than what a long distance relationship can give.  I have been involved in them, and have dealt with them from a D/s dynamic and perspective.  They can be fun and enjoyable, and you can even really connect with someone and develop true feelings for them in this manner.  This type relationship can have everything but the physical connection.  And that is where I begin to have my problem. 

For me personally, I need the physical connection.  I need to be able to touch and be touched.  I need to be able to take all I have discussed with someone and put it into practice.  It's one thing to control and demand things of a sub over a distance.  It's another thing to be able to do that to them in person.  If I am involved in something long distance, especially one where there is really no chance of ever seeing each other, then I find myself lacking after a point.  I need more, and more is something I can't have.  I also reach a point where I feel I can only take a sub so far under those circumstances.  I hit a wall and feel as though I can't really do much more than I am already doing. 

I don't want any of you to think I am down on long distance relationships.  That's not my intention.  If it works for you, you enjoy it, and you get what you need from it, then great for you.  I just find that for me, while it may serve it's purpose short term, long term I have trouble with it.  I need more, and want to give more, than what distance can offer.  This may leave me alone (so to speak), but at times the being involved and needing, yet not being able to have, can be worse than doing without all together. 

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving yesterday.  Mine...well it pretty much sucked, as I got sick and stayed in bed the past few days.  Nevertheless, not a Holiday or sickness can stop me from posting FAF!  And seeing as how it's Black Friday, I have some specials for you.  LOL! 

I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their holiday weekend.  At least those of you in the States that celebrate Thanksgiving.  Last week's winner is posted to the right.  Take care everyone!

Fantastic Ass Friday - November 26, 2010

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Friday Humor

A few thought provoking quotes of humor for your Friday after noon.  :)





If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? - Linda Ellerbee

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. - Frederick Ryder

You know why God is a man? Because if God was a woman she would have made sperm taste like chocolate. - Carrie Snow

"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

It's that time of the week again!  The last work day of the week (for most of us anyway), and time to get your weekend started with a new round of nice asses.  I hope this has been a good week for everyone, and that you all have a great weekend.  Last week's winner is posted to the right.  Take care and enjoy!

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DV

To Be Well Rounded...

Even in a Dom/sub relationship, there are many aspects that encompass what is made into the whole.  You can have bits and pieces of BDSM, but if you aren't well rounded in your approach, then the relationship will be lacking on some levels.  Here is a little picture tutorial to explain.  Because as we know...many times, pictures speak louder than words.

Many of us enjoy some of this... 

And the some of this...

And then there are those that not only enjoy, but need some of this...

 

I'm pretty sure we all enjoy a bit of this...

And this...

But is you are going to have a well rounded relationship, it's not all about sex, total Domination, being tied and/or restrained, gagged and being made to do what your Dom wants.  If you are to be well rounded and have your sub's full trust, honor, and respect, you have to do some of this...

And it is vital to have precious time together like this...

It's those tender and caring moments that bring the rest of it together into a complete package.  You can't fully benefit from the relationship without having all of this.  Well rounded...what we should all strive for in our relationships.


DV

My Published Article

I mentioned before that I had one of my post that was going to be published (re-printed).  It now has been and it looks and turned out great!  Or at least I think so anyway.  (of course I' am a bit biased).

It was published in the new online magazine called Safeword.  The theme is based on many aspects of BDSM and caters to those involved in the lifestyle.  It appears, from all I can see to be a pretty good magazine for online reading and gaining new perspectives, as well and affirming ones you are already familiar with.  I encourage you to check it out and see what you think.

The post I had published on Safeword is online now, in this months issue.  It is on page 36 and ends on page 38.  The post is titled "Feelings".  Some of you may remember this post from a while back.  You can click here to go directly to it, if you like.

Thanks to all for enjoying what I write and continuing to come back fr more and following my blog.  Without you all, this probably wouldn't have been found and published.  I appreciate all your comments, views, and opinions about what I write.  I hope I can continue to inspire, raise questions, and show views that make you think about your own needs and relationships.

DV

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Good Friday morning everyone.  I hope you have all had a good week.  I haven't been on here at all since this time last week.  Been out of town for work and other things keeping me busy.  So...I have a lot of catching up to do in the next few days.




Thanks to all that continue to vote.  I appreciate your doing so, and am glad you all are enjoying my weekly post.  Last week's winner is to the right.  I hope you enjoy the pics this week.  Have a great weekend everyone.

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Fantsastic Ass Friday (FAF)

The week is coming to a close, the weekend is upon us, and that means we get to have another round of FAF.  I know how excited you are to see this week's choices.  We had another great vote last week, and even had to have a runoff.  The winner is posted to the right.






I hope you enjoy this week's pics, and have a great weekend!

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DV

More Formspring Questions

If you are busy and your submissive needs you, would you prefer that she deal with it on her own (and you discuss it later) or would you help her even then? 

Is a too busy Dom a bad Dom? 

 I received these two questions in my Formspring.  First off let me say, that I know Friday is Formspring day for most of you.  However, for me I already have a Friday obligation (FAF), so I will just answer these as they come to me and I have time to answer them.  Second, both questions are similar and I'm not sure if they are from the same person or not.  Regardless, I will answer them the best I can.

A busy Dominant seems to be the topic of concern.  This can be a touchy issue.  The short answer to the first question, will I help my sub even if I'm busy, is YES!  I think it is the Doms responsibility to help and assist his submissive whenever she is in need.  At least the best he can under his particular circumstances.  

There is a longer answer to this.  I think it greatly depends upon the relationship, each person's specific situation, and what the Dom is busy doing.  If you are like me, and you know about my home situation, we are not living together or in a place where we can see each other frequently, then that makes things a bit different.   We both understand our situation and the dynamic of our relationship and the others involved in our lives.  So..should I help my sub even if I'm busy?  Yes!  However, she also has to understand that I may be in the middle of other obligations, and I will help her as soon as I possibly can do so. 

On the second question, is a busy Dom a bad Dom?  I think this depends.  As you long as you both understand your respective situations, then it can be worked around.  IF you are interested in a Dom who is very busy, and you need more than he can give you, then it can be a problem.  This is something the two of you need to openly discuss and lay out there for each other.  You each need to be open about what you need and expect and see if it can be worked out between you.  If one of you can't give the other as much as they need, then this may be something that doesn't fir or work.  So, is a busy Dom a bad Dom?  It doesn't make him bad or any less Dom.  It just may not make him the right Dom for you.

 DV

FAF Runoff Election

Once again this week we had a close race in the voting for your favorite ass.  These past couple of weeks have had the votes very spread, and it has been a tough choice.  Two of the pictures this week tied for the most votes...so we must have a runoff.  I will leave the polls open until midnight Thursday night.  Please vote for your favorite and let's see if we can find a winner.  In the case of a tie, I will cast the deciding vote and choose my favorite of the two.  Good luck to both of the candidates!  :)

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Formspring Question

Over a week ago I received a question on Formspring.  The question was this:

Is there anything in BDSM that you don't like or disagree with?

I have been thinking about this question.  I haven't been real sure how to answer it.  I'm still not real sure how to answer it.  So to the person who submitted it...congrats because you stumped me.  I don't really know why this question is so difficult for me to answer.  But it has been nonetheless.  

I'm sure there are things that I don't like, from an activity basis.  Yet, I can't say that I have experienced them all, so there are things I have no idea if I like or not.  I can say there are some things that I know do not interest me.  There is the usual nasty things, such as piss and scat.  I have seen quite a few people on certain sites that seem to be into needle play and designs.  I can't say that this has any interest to me.  I'm not into branding and making permanent marks on someone. 

I guess I can touch on D/s versus M/s type relationships.  I do enjoy D/s immensely.  It seems to be an integral part of who I am at my core.  Yet, I have my own approach and way of going about things.  I'm very passionate and kind in my approach.  I'm not overbearing or overly stern.  I can be demanding at times, and will do what is needed to keep my sub in line though.  When we look at a M/s relationship, I'm not so sure I can or could do that.  I have written before about enjoying being able to cut up with my submissive and have a good time.  I like her to have a little sass and want to joke around.  As long as she knows her place and remembers that.  To me, M/s slave seems to be a bit more controlling and demanding.  I'm just not sure I could be that for a woman on a constant long term basis.  

There is a lot of overlapping and gray areas of the different dynamics and styles.  You just have to find the bits and pieces of what works best for you.  There are different dynamics I would enjoy trying to be a part of on a more regular basis.  HOH, D/s, 24/7, etc...  It's all about finding your niche and what best fills the needs of you and your partner.  If I want certain things and she doesn't, then that can be a problem.  The reverse is true as well.  If she needs certain things, and I don't want to do that or am not comfortable doing it, then that can be a problem as well.  This is why finding a suitable partner can be difficult, but is worth the wait when you do find your match.

The one thing that does bother me, which I have talked about before, is Dominants that have no clue what this is about or involves, but think it will be fun.  They think it's about being able to boss a woman around, command sex when they want, and in general be an asshole to her.  To them it is about being Domineering, as opposed to Dominant.  Maybe there is a place for it and some women like that.  I believe, though, that for the most part this isn't true.  It takes a special person to be able to be in charge of a woman and to fill her needs, take care of her, protect and care for her, and to understand her.  It's not just about being in charge.  It's about so much more.  Many guys miss this and don't understand it,and this is to the detriment of the submissive he is trying to control.  Just my opinion of course and what works for me, based on how I do things and how  feel.

To the person that submitted the question, I hope this answered it for you.  If not, please send another one and I'll try again.  I think I at last covered some of it for you, and hope it was adequate enough for what you were wanting to know.