Less Submissive Positions

Photography by Gordon Denman

So I got to thinking...  I know, I know!  You coud feel the earth shake when it happened.  Blah blah blah!!! 

Anyway, some of the posts and sites i have been reading talk about scenes and scenarios a couple engage in, and involve the Dom/Master taking and using his sub/slave as he so chooses.  This is how it should be, I might add, and what she needs.  I got to thinking about the different positions that these couples are in and use to engage in sexual intercourse.  I for one, enjoy a myriad of positions, as each has it's own benefits and sensations.  Sometimes you just go where the moment takes you, and where that moment has you end up. 

It seems, however, that you don't hear or read much about a sub being on top and riding her Dom.  I like to have a woman on top.  Sometimes it's nice to lay there and let her work her magic.  Yet, being on top seems to come across as a position of power.  One of being in control.  Maybe I'm wrong, but this is just the perception I have in my head.  This being the case, I can understand why you don't hear much about it.  Why would a Dom, or a sub for that matter, want the sub on top and in control of the situation?  Other than the fact that it is just a pleasureable position for the mere sensation of the intercourse itself.

So my questions are these... 

1.  Does this position, woman on top, and assuming the woman is the sub, make her feel less submissive? 

2.  Does it make a Dom feel less Dominant?

3.  For the subs, what other positions make you feel less submissive and less controlled?

I'm just curious.  I haven't really seen a post on certain positions and their place in a D/s relationship.  Again, I'm always trying to learn and see all sides of a situation.   The better I, as a Dominant, understand both my side better and the sub side better, the better I can become as the Dominant person I am.  I am the type to be a logical thinker.  I need all sides involved to be able to make the best decision possible.  IT's one of those OCD personality traits I have.  I lot of my thought process doesn't work around feelings and attachments.  It is more based on information and what seems to be the best process and scenario given the information provided.  This is a fault, but also a blessing. 

I have digressed, and gotten off the topic.  I'm just curious as to other people involved in this lifestyle, and how they view different positions.  Bring on the comments!

A Touching Moment

Photo by Roger Woods

I was searching through my vault of pics and came across this one.  I forgot I had it, but I do so love it.  

I believe it encompasses the esscence of a D/s relationship.  She is bound and on her knees showing her total submission to her Dom.  She is dressed sexy just for him.  She is waiting for him to instruct her.  He gently takes her face in his hand, lifts her chin, and looks her in the eye to be able to see what is his, and to feel the gaze back from her that says how much she is giving all she has to him. 

I would love your comments and feedback.  What do you see?  How does this image make you feel?  What does it bring to mind and heart for you? 

Hmmm...Ok

I have received a number of compliments on the pictures I post.  I always try to find a picture to accompany my post that goes along with the theme of it.  A sincere thanks to all that have commented. 

In the past i have done a segement of posts where I post a picture, give my interpretation, and open the forum for your comments and your own interpretations.  I intend to try to make this a weekly thing.  Maybe I'll get creative a do it on a certain day each week and give it a catchy title.  This is my plan moving forward anyway.

Having said that...I recently received an email asking if I would accept pictures and post them on my blog.  I really hadn't thought about it before, but here's my thoughts.  IF you would like to send me a pic, I will be happy to review it/them and see about posting it.  You are welcome to do it anonymously, or send them and I will post them as anonymous on my blog.  I will never give out information about the pic unless you wish for me to do so.  I was asked if I would do this so this person could post some pics, without them being related directly to their blog, but still get them out there to be seen.  I will also be happy to do this to open up discussions about them for my readers.  Or...if you would just like me to post so sexy pics from you as one of my readers, then I can do that.  I will be happy to discuss this with you one on one if you like.  I see no reason I can't put up pictures I like, if you would like to submit them.  I will scrutinize them, and be a bit picky, after all this is my blog.  :)

So....Hmmm...Ok!  If you are interested, I will do it.  Let's see what you ahve, and I'll see about posting it, and getting some discussion going about this.  I'm not looking to totally change the direction of my blog with this.  I just thought it might add a new demension to things and be enjoyable for all.

Passion and Need

There is just something about in a relationship with someone that has so much passion it is almost indescribeable.  Someone that has a fire that burns so hot it can't be put out.  And not just any passion, but a passion for you. 

I have been in relationships where I have the passion and total need for someone, but it wasn't reciprocated.  I have been involved with the contrary of them having it for me, but I just didn't feel it the same way.  It's when the two of you have the same feeling of want, need and passion for each other, that the relationship almost becomes magical.  There is nothing like being so into someone that it almost drives you batty.  Yet, at the same time they feel the same way about you.  It's the knowing that the other person is as into you as you are them that really gets things going. 

Then as things really move forward the NEED realy starts to creep in.  When that person needs you and has to have what you offer.  Is there anything better?  In the context of most of the things I write about (D/s), need is everything.  It's what makes things operate like a well oiled machine.  A sub that really needs her Dom, and all he can offer her.  A Dom that needs his sub, and all she gives him in return.  Without need, it's just vanilla.  Feeling the need, understanding it, accepting it, and not being afraid of it is vital.  A sub needs her Dom, the control he gives her, and it makes her feel safe and secure with where she is.  Without it she is lost.  this also goes for a Dom.  If he didn't need his sub, then what's the point?!?! 

We all want to have that person to need and to need us.  We all have feelings and personalities that contain needs, and we all want tofeed that need as much as possible.  To have the need and passion that makes you want to crawl across the table just to indulge in each other because you can't wait any longer...well, that's just priceless!

For The Women

A lot of my readers are women.  So...for my readers, I want you to know that I am not totally a uni-directional person.  I don't just have a one track mind on my side of the fence.  I am aware of your desires and needs, so today I decided to cater to them. 

I always post pics that are female related, but not today.  Today I will switch gears a little bit and give my readers a sexy view from the other direction.

Now you can't say that I'm making all my female readers look at and talk about nothing but naked women.  You now have some eye candy of your own.  :)

You're Not Done When You're Done

I was reading a blog yesterday with a post that hit on something that I think is not mentioned as much as it probably should be, but is a very important aspect of a D/s experience.  The specific post I read was "Worked Down" by A Daddy and His Baby Girl.  Daddy wrote the post and it was a synopsis of a scene they participated in.  He did not specifically mention the topic that I will , but eluded to it's need very well.  The topic is.......aftercare.

Most of us read about scenarios, activities, and scenes all the time.  We see how involved and intense they can be.  Most of us at some point have engaged in activities that were extremely intense as well.  Typically though, we just read and hear about the activity itself.  A very important aspect is after the scene is over and done with.  This is when it all comes together. 

After an intense session, or even a not so intense session, a sub needs time to relax and come back down to earth...or out of subspace as the case may be.  Having been through an intense situation she needs to feel all the comfort and nuturing that her Dom can give her.  She has just been through a tremendously tense and stressful situation, even if it was pleasureable.  A lot of the time it involved pain on a multitude of levels and intensities.  She has been used by her Dom for his pleasure.  She has been treated and controlled by her Dom the way he desires, and she has submitted herself to him in receiving this attention.  Yet when it's all said and done she needs to feel the love and support only he can give her.

A sub needs this down time after her session to feel her Dom's sensitive side.  She needs to be held.  She needs to be cuddled.  She needs to know and feel she has the appreciation and love she deserves for what she has given to him...her body, mind, and soul.  It is this close time together after a session that it all comes together and becomes a complete circle.  She is reassured by him of his pleasure with her, and can feel the appreciation he has for what he was able to take from her.  Without the aftercare, she can feel alone and isolated.  She can feel used and unappreciated, and not used in a good way.  Aftercare is just as important as the rest of the scene.  Aftercare should be part of your scene. It should never be left out. A sub should always receive it to complete the circle of submission back to her Dom. If the circle is not completed, the sub can in a sense be left wandering around trying to find her way and get lost not knowing which direction to go. 

So, when you're done with your scene, you still aren't done.  Hold you sub tight and let her know how much she means to you.  She needs to know that you needed what you got from her and that you are there for her no matter what.  She needs to comfort only her Dom can provide in that very moment.  she needs to know that her Dom cares enough to see her through this and that what she gives him worthwhile. 

Aftercare...don't forget it or leave it out.  It may occur after the scene is over, but is a big part of the overall sceanrio of your time together.

The Parts That Make Up the Whole

Sometimes it's not about all the fine details. Sometimes it's the ambiguity of things, and your imagination that are the most erotic and sensual. Sometimes filling in the blanks yourself is much more exhilarating than if you know all there is to know. Sometimes it's what you can't see that makes it so exciting and intoxicating.

 
 
To me, the outline and curves of a sexy woman are sensuous to no end. It's what all men crave and long for about a woman. It's every individual curve a woman has that makes up the whole. It's learning to enjoy every curve and the eroticism of everything about her - mind, body and soul - that will keep you going...keep you interested...keep you enthralled...and will ultimately keep her interested in you as she discovers you are interested in her as a whole and not just her individual assets.


I obviously speak from a man's point of view, who loves women.  Yet, you can swap it around for your own perspective.  I hope everyone that has partner can take the time to appreciate all the curves they have to offer and get to know them all intimately. And not just her physical curves, but mental and emotional curves as well. It is the whole package that makes her who she is.  It's not just her sexy body, her good looks, her personality, or her intelligence.  It is the mixture of all of it together in one homogenous mixture that makes the whole of her being. 

Once you can see all the parts of her working together as a unit for the whole... It is then and only then that you can truly love and be loved in return and feel the ultimate passion two people can share!!

Inner Workings Of An Icemaker

Have you ever wondered about the inner workings of the automatic icemaker in your refrigerator?  Probably not, if I had to guess.  All you know is you plug it in and you have ice in the tray when you need it. 

Well...I have news for you.  There is a lot of work that goes into keeping that tray full of ice that is ready to be used upon your need.  One day I found myself curious as to how those things actually make ice and get it into the little cubes we so love.  I opened my freezer, started taking it apart piece by piece.  I was determined to figure out exactly how this thing worked.  I was astonished at what I found.  I ran to get my camera to take a picture, so I could prove to everyone else what I was seeing.  Here is that picture!

Now, as Paul Harvey would say (for those that know him), you know the rest of the story.  :)

I bet you think twice the next time you get ice from your freezer.  For that one moment, you'll think about whether she is hiding in there somewhere!  LOL!

How Do We Do this?

How do we do this?

By that I mean, how does a couple go about having and moving forward with a BDSM or D/s relationship?  My previous submissive (L) told me when we first started that she had done a lot of reading a research.  A lot of what is on the WWW to be found and read is pretty hardcore, I must admit.  even a lot of what you may read in blogs on this site may appear that way.  So, how does a new submissive that is just starting out not get overwhelmed and scared to death when researching and learning about the lifestyle?  How does she not run away and hide at the thought of reading about other submissive's expereinces, and her thought of taking things from fantasy to reality?

"L" told me that she knew this is who she was (being a submissive), but a lot of what she read about scared the hell out of her.  She just didn't know if she could do all of this.  My answer to her was simple, and I think it is something that should be understood by all subs and prospective subs...

"We can make this whatever we want it to be.  We can do what works best for the two of us"

I think this is very important, and I feel that other true Dominants will agree.  Just because you read about it, and see what others are doing, doesn't mean that you have to do it, or do it that way.  I believe that you can learn about the basic pronciples of this lifestyle, but an individual relationship is molded by the two people involved and constructed based on what works best for the two of them.  A good Dom will not push his sub too far too fast, or make her do things she is totally against.  He must always make adjustments as he goes in doing what is best for his sub, mentally and emotionally.  Yet, he must also push her limits to be able to take her farther and enable her to progress and to grow. 

Two people can take this lifetstyle and make it into whatever they like.  It doesn't say anywhere that this has to be done a specific way.  There is no rule book that says follow steps 1 through 5...or else.  Everyone likes different things and is into different things and manners in which they do them.  This is where complete and open communication comes into play.  You have to be able to share with each other and express yourself.  If you don't or can't, then I can promise you that trouble is on the horizon. 

So my advice is to read, research, and read and research some more.  Yet, don't be put off by all you read and find.  You will discover everything from vanilla couples that like to role play every once in a while, to completely hardcore 24/7 relationships.  There is nothing wrong with taking tidbits from here and there and customizing the relationship into what both involved people need it to be.  After all, if it's not what you want or need, then what is the point?  Custom blend your relationship to be what you need, but keep an open mind to all the other possiblities.

The Breakfast Of Champions

The key to starting your day off right is a good breakfast! 

Ok, ok...for me it is a pot of coffee, but...

I think I'll start having Fruit Loops for breakfast!!!

What To Do?!?!

So...lie down and tell me...what should I do with you?!?! 

Should I spank your sweet ass?  You'd probably like that.  Should I make you service me?  You'd probably like that.  Should I tease you and make you want it so bad you can't stand it?  You'd probably like that too. 

Maybe I'll just stand over you in silence and let you wonder what is to come of you?!?!  All while I take in the sights your body has to offer!  Yeah...making you lay there, build your curiosity, the intensity, and making you wonder for now sounds like a great idea.  I like keeping you in the dark and not knowing what is coming next!

Recently it was suggested to me that I really listen to the lyrics of "Someday" by Rob Thomas.  It really is a good song.  I hope you enjoy it!

So...here it is!

Emerge From The Darkness

Photography by Jessica Tremp

I feel lost...I feel alone...I feel like I'm not me!!!

As some of you know, not too long ago I ran into some family issues that required me to set my sub free.  This was not an easy decision, but something I felt I had to do.  Partly for my sake, because I could not deal with all of this at once, and partly for her sake, because she deserves better and more than I can offer.  This brings me to where I am now. 

In dealing with things that require my utmost attention with my family, I have my good days and my bad days.  Today is one of the days I am feeling a bit down.  I am surrounded by people, yet I feel alone.  I am not allowed right now to be who I am, so in turn I must be who I am needed and required to be.  That causes me some stress.  I have to set aside who I am, and who I love to be, to be able to concentrate on what is ultimately most important...my daughter.

As a Dom, I feel it is important to share my feelings, just as I ask and require of my sub.  Do I see this as I'm weak?  Not a chance!  I see it as I'm able to express myself and share what I'm going through.  In return those around me can better know and understand me and who I am.  In return it will make us stronger in the long run.  We all have our ups and downs...good days and bad.  Should a Dom/Master always be strong and firm and never show emotion.  Absolutely not...at least in my opinion.  Or that's at least how I operate.  A Dom needs to be able to show all sides of himself, and feel comfortable with himself and his feelings in order to be the best he can be.  Only through this can he grow to be stronger and better than before.  This is similar to what a lot of subs say as well.  By giving themselves to another person to be controlled...used...owned...they actually feel more free and alive.  Being able to do so makes them stronger in the end.  More of the person they truly are.  A Dom needs to be able to experience the same things.

So...good days or bad...ups or downs...dealing with them and beng able to work through them will make us stronger.  Feeling comfortable enough to share and be a bit vulnerable will make us stronger.  It will allow us to rely on our friends and to let them help us through the tough times.  That's what friends are for right?!?!  Whether they are friends in your everyday life, or those from cyberland, they are still friends who undertand. 

Make your way through the darkness, hold your head high, and the eventually the sun will beam down on you once again!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

When you are in a D/s or M/s type relationship,

this shirt brings a whole new meaning,

now doesn't it?!?!

Wishing everyone the luck of the Irish!

Happy St. Patty's Day!!!

Friday Enticement

Photography by Amel Kovich

Here is a little Friday enticement in hoping everyone has a great weekend!

Power and Control...or a lack thereof

There is an age old question, or so I believe, about a BDSM type relationship...Who really has the control?  Does a Dom really have control or does he only have control to the extent or level that his submissive gives him, thereby really putting the submissive in control?  One could argue either side of this and also argue it for days.  It is not my intention to get into that aspect of this topic. 

When asked I simply say this...A Dom is nothing without a sub, he is just a man.  A submissive is nothing without a Dom, she is just a woman.  (Swap the genders around to meet your needs)  You can't have one without the other.  A Dominant without a submissive is Dominant of what?  Himself?  His space?  He is just a man with Dominant tendencies and personality.  With a heavy heart and deep sadness, this is where I currently find myself...just a man with the characteristics of who I am.

Although it was a very hard decision to make (grueling actually), due to recent family matters I had to end my current situation with my sub.  It was not due to her at all, and I hated to have to take such measures.  Yet, I had to release her from her obligations to me.  I could not give her the time and attention she needs and deserves, and could not give proper attention to the relationship.  I have too many other worries at the moment to be able to see to her needs and be able to concentrate on our relationship properly.  Therefore, she was set free to be able to try to continue her pursuit of who she is, and hopefully with a loving and caring dominant that meets her needs, is good to her, and can make her all she desires to become. 

I hope no one else ever has to endure such a situation, but I'm sure we all will at one time or another.  It is a gut wrenching experience, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  I do wish her all the best and hope she is able to find everything she deserves to have in a Dom.

The Collar

Photography by Elena Vasilieva

Here is another picture that is up for interpretation.  There's just something alluring about a pet/sub on a leash and a collar.  Although, this picture doesn't leave a lot in my mind to be interpreted. 

In this picture I see...stubbornness...defiance...rebellion...insubordination.  A fighting against the collar and against her submission and all that it stands for and means.  I she tied to a wall and fighting that?  Is her Dom/Master pulling the leash and she is fighting that?  Whatever the case, there appears to be a lack of submission, rebellion against control, and a strong sense of independence shining through. 

As a Dominant, though, sometimes I do enjoy seeing my sub fight against something.  Maybe it goes against her beliefs and she is standing up for herself.  Or, maybe she is just being defiant for the sake of it.  Eithyer way, sometimes it's nice to see a little spunk and pep in her attitude.  Well...as long as it's not in a disrespecful manner. 

What are your thoughts?  Maybe you see something I don't or am missing?!?!

Weekend Ass

Here's hoping everyone has a great weekend. 

I hope you all get a little piece of ass and make it memorable!

Did you even notice the celing fan? 

LOL!

I didn't think so!  :)

You Want To Spank Me Where?

Photography by China Hamilton

As I was browsing through some more pictures taken by China Hamilton, I came across this one.  This picture brings something to mind in dealing with sub L.  In her discovery of who and what she really is, she has changed her opinion almost 180 degrees on so many things from when we first started.  The most notable change would be her position on pain.

When we first met, L said she didn't like pain and wasn't into anything involving pain.  My how times have changed.  She has not only found that she finds an erotic enjoyment in receiving pain, but practuically begs for it these days.  Let me clarify to a dregree about pain.  the pain inflicted upon her is in the way of spanking, nipple clamps and nipple twisting, hair pulling, and ther like.  Nothing too over the top.  Yet, every time we are together she wants it more and more, and needs it harder and deeper.  I have told her she is becoming quite a little pain slut.  The pain is so arousing to her that she feels lost without it.  She has a deep seeded need to be controlled and dominated, and to recieve the pain, which she feels as pleasure, or she doesn't feel free and coplete.  she feels she is lacking something without it. 

Back to the picture, and in connection with sub L and her need for painful stimulation, she has discovered how much she enjoys having her pussy slapped.  Slapped, spanked, smacked...however you want to look at it, she loves it.  Sometimes it's a single hard and loud smack.  Sometimes it's a series of fast and lighter smacks.  However her pussy is struck she loves it and only wants more.  She has even been able to cum and orgasm just from having her pussy slapped.  I have made her spread her legs similar to the picture, and I get onto her if she jumps too much, or tries to close her legs any at all.  It's all about me controlling her pussy and giving her the sting and heat in her pussy that she loves from the slaps.  I will admit that I do rather enjoy it as well.  It's just one of the ways I can use her to my liking, and she feels used in a way that she loves.

So...ladies/subs/slaves..what is your opinion on pussy slapping?  Have you ever had it done to you?   If so, do you like it?  If not, do you have a desire to have it done?  Just curious if this is a standard practice for a lot of you, or jsut an individual preference.

Photography by China Hamilton

Once upon a time I loved porn.  Well...not that I don't still, but I'm currently referring to pics especially.  It was all about naked women on the internet.  It was almost an addiction, as I just love the female body and all it has to offer.  As I have matured I have found that I really enjoy atistic nudes and fine art nudes.  Especially those that seem to have some hidden, or not so hidden, meaning behind them.  There are a lot of photographers that do great work in the BDSM area of artistic nudes.  China Hamilton has quite a collection of these style pictures.  Some are obvious in their intent, and some are more subtle.  The above pic is the one I will discuss today.

I won't currently give you the name of the picture, as that would give away the mood behind it.  It also will defeat my purpose of this discussion.  I could get deeper into it, but for now I will keep my thoughts and views simple.  There are two ways in which I tend to view this picture.  One is a sub/pet/slave wanting and needing attention, and the other is the feeling after receiving attention.

I can look at this picture and see a sub that is begging for attention.  One that is wanting and needing to play.  It can come across as a plea to be bound and used, yet not receiving what she nneeds.  there is a look of depression and sadness at not gettting what she feels she needs so desperately.  She feels out of balance and out of place due to the lack of attention and control that she wants, and more importantly...needs, to make her feel complete.

On the other side, I can look at the picture and see a sub that is feeling the after affects of time with her Dom/Master.  It could be that she is exhausted from it.  She could still be in subspace.  She could be disappointed that the scene is over.  She could be wanting more, or she could have had all she can take for now.

I do enjoy pics like this that make you think or wonder what is really going through the mind of the person in the picture.

What do you see when you look at this picture?

Really?!?! You think your're a Dom?!?!

As I have been in and out of chat rooms, on forums, on BDSM related sites, etc... I have found some very interesting characters. Ok...some weirdos. There is one thing though that stands out to me, that actually scares the hell out of me, for a lot of the subs/slaves out there. It is all the guys that claim to be a Dom or Master.

Granted I'll take into account the fact that the number of Doms outweighs the number of subs by a long shot. Just as on any dating site, the number of males outweighs the number of females. However, after reading and watching some of these guys, it doesn't take someone who has any clue at all long to realize that many of these guys have no clue themselves. Anyone can claim themself with that title, go on a site, and try to act the part. One of the main giveaways, to me anyway, relates to the old adage about the one who barks the loudest and tries to call all the attention to himself and how great he is probably isn't anything like he claims. In actuality, he is probably so far from truly being a Dom that it's almost funny.

Another issue for me is all the guys that are in their mid to early 20's that claim themself as a Dom or a Master. Really? Does a guy at that age really have the knowledge, maturity, and self-awareness to truly be a good Dom? There are probably some that do. I for one know that when I was that age there was no way I could do, understand, and really "get" what is involved with being a Dom.

So many people think that it looks like fun to have a woman bow down and worship you and do anything you ask. That it would be fun to be able to beat the hell out of a woman and have her enjoy it. therein lies the mian issue...it looks fun, so I should be able to do that. WRONG!!! There is a huge difference in thinking it looks fun and authentically having what it takes. Any real Dom or Master will tell you that it takes a long time to gain the knowledge and maturity to really be able to handle all that will come your way in this position. It can be very taxing and trying sometimes, and it certainly isn't all fun and games.

I feel for the safety of a lot of subs, especially newer ones to the lifestyle. They may get themself into situations that may not be in their best interest. A sub with experience can usually sniff out a Dom that has no clue, like a fly can sniff out a garbage can. These self-proclaimers can also be the few bad apples that make it difficult and ruin things for everyone else. Subs need to take their time, learn about the person they are considering as a potential Dom, and educate yourself the best you can. IF you start seeing some red flags waving around, there are probably a lot more you can't see yet.

I for one don't claim to be the best Dom out there. I believe there is always room for improvement, and to learn more. Sort of like continuing education in the workplce. You can never stop learning, developing, and growing. It's an ever-evolving process. I also believe in learning from my sub, as she herself can teach me a lot and bring up situations that I feel I need to be better equipped to handle, leading me to more research and education for myself. I'm the first to admit when I don't know something or may be wrong. A Dom isn't perfect, just like everyone else isn't always erfect. I feel that being open about this, and showing a willingness to learn and admit mistakes, will gain me more respect from my sub than anything else. Does it make me weak? Not at all! I think it shows more strength to be able to face and discuss your shortcomings, than to try to act perfect and like you know it all.

I guess my main point to this is that subs should always beware when dealing with a new prospective Dom. Do your research and make sure you know who you're dealing with. If ever in doubt, ask someone in the lifestyle. Most other Doms and subs will be more than happy to assist you with your situation to enable you to make a good decision. Never feel bad or ashamed to ask for help. This lifestyle is a community, and the village is usually more than happy to help raise the child. Be careful in all your endeavors, and never hesitate to ask questions.