FAF and other news

Well..once again you all surprise me with your FAF voting.  Your choice for the week, in a landslide victory, is posted to the right.  Not that I can disagree with the winner at all, I just figured it would be a closer and tougher vote.  Shows what I know.  One of these days I will finally figure out that I shouldn't guess and assume what you all like and will vote for.  :)

Due to the holidays and my planned, or should I say mandatory, traveling, I will be out of pocket and in and out of town for the next week or two.  That means there will be no FAF the next two Fridays, and probably no other postings as well.  I will be stopping by as time allows to check in on you all, and maybe comment here and there, but that will probably be all I can squeeze in.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas, and a fabulous New Year.  If I don't talk with any of you before hand...thanks for spending part of your 2010 with me.  It has been an exciting time, and I look forward to great 2011 with all of you.  May you all get all the kink and perversion you need and wish for from Santa and in the coming year! 

Take care everyone and Happy Holidays!

DV

Sunday Humor

 

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Thanks for all your votes last week!  The women of color theme seemed to go over well.  We had more comments than usual, and a good turn out on the vote.  I will be saving pics, and we will do this again for sure.  The winner of last week is posted to the right.  It really wasn't even a close vote, as some of the others have been.  Once again, you all surprise me with your choice and taste.  I love that!  It shows how different we all are and that we have different things that arouse us sexually.  Hooray for us all!!!

This week...well I'm going to make it tough on you.  Yes, I know you may surprise me again, but I think this will be a close vote.  I have some very fine wine chosen this week that will make you study and think.  And the old rule still stands...no voting more than once.  LOL!  Good luck and enjoy!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

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DV

Formspring Question

Dear Sir. I've talked to my husband about wanting him to be more dominating. While he seemed to listen, I don't feel like he's taking me seriously. I don't know what to do to get him to understand just how serious I am.

I received this in my Formspring.  First of all let me say to the anonymous sender, your message cut off, but I think I get the main point of it.  You can email me if there is more I need to be aware of or that you would like to discuss. 

This can be tough.  I will try to touch on several points.  They may be wrong, or may be right, or a mixture thereof, but they are my opinion, so here we go.  First of all I think it is obvious that you are, or at least have, a real submissive side to you.  I'm not sure how old you are, but I'll at least assume you are mature enough to be discussing this, since you are married and I get the feeling have been for a while.  I think many women come to realize, or accept, their submissive needs as they mature.  A lot of the women I have talked to and dealt with, and are newly accepting of their submissiveness, are at least in their mid-thirties, if not older.  I think it is a great thing that you feel you need this enough to bring it up to him and want to discuss it.  So many couples have communication difficulties and can't talk about their sexual needs and desires with each other.  No less meet those needs and  desires.  So, the fact that it is strong enough of a pull inside you to even ask this of him is a good thing.

As far as your husband goes, he may not be taking you seriously.  I'm not sure how you have approached him, or to what level you have talked about it together, but I would say to continue to talk.  It needs to be calm rational discussions about what you want, why you want it, and what you need and expect of him.  You need to make him understand just how important this is to you.  Hopefully he can be open enough with you to discuss his side of your request.  To discuss his issues and problems with it, if he has any, and why he would or wouldn't be interested in this.

There are some reasons that he may not be taking you seriously, at least in your eyes.  He may be haring you loud and clear, but pushes it aside hoping that it just goes away.  Why would he do this?  For one because he feels inadequate.  Maybe he feels like he can't do what you are wanting him to.  This is a classic cover-up by a male.  We are just like that.  When we feel inferior, especially sexually, we will either lash out and over-exaggerate to cover ourselves, or we will avoid and hide to not have to deal with it.  If this is the case, it takes a strong man emotionally to be able to open up to you about these inferior feelings, and then be able to work through them together.  This can be very difficult for a guy, and for some guys impossible. 

Another option could be his personality.  Maybe he is not naturally Dominant.  Maybe what you are asking of him is way outside of his normal box, and he isn't comfortable going there.  That doesn't mean he is any less of a man.  It is just a role his personality doesn't allow him to move into, at least not easily.  A lot of men are also brought up to always treat a woman as a lady, and to respect her.  Many times, venturing into bdsm goes against the way he has been taught to treat a woman.  So, this can be a social factor that makes it hard for him.  You have to reassure him that you are no being degraded or treated any less than any other time.  this is something you want and need from him. 

Whatever the reason for his not being accepting of your requests thus far..communication is the key.  the two of you must talk about it openly and honestly with each other, and being willing to say why you do or don't want certain things.  there are always compromises in your play that can fit the needs for you both.  You just have to be willing to talk about it and find that middle ground.  It may not be easy, and there may not be a quick fix, but it can be done.  Love and marriage is about compromise and meeting each others needs.  If this is that important to you, and what you want and need is important to him, then together you can work through this and find a place that is good for you both.  I hope this answered your questions, or at least helps a bit.  Even if they are anonymous, I would love your comments and thoughts, and any additional information you can provide. 

Thanks for the question!

DV

Tuesday Humor

Ok...this is funny!  You will have to work for this one a bit, but it's worth your time.  Follow the directions below, and see what you get!  All I can say is...leave it to the French!  LMAO!

DV

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

If you have been keeping up, then you know we had a good race last week.  We even had to go to overtime to find a winner.  It was a close vote, but the picture to your right finally was declared the winner.

This week I'm going to have a theme that I have been collecting on for a while.  It was pointed out to me a while back that I rarely post any women of color.  The fact is that most of the places I am when I'm coming across pictures to save for FAF have very few women of color...no less good ass pics.  Well, now I have collected a few and have enough for our weekly FAF.  This week is nothing but women of color and their fine asses.  I hope you all enjoy!

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Formspring - Have you ever thought about or tried being a sub?

This is a question I got on Formspring.  Very interesting!  Well...I can't say I've ever been asked this before. The truth is however, I have at least tried to put myself in a subs shoes. I've tried to imagine myself being in that position. That is very difficult for me to imagine. Even thinking about it I don't feel comfortable. I guess it's like a lot of subs saying they have to be in charge in their vanilla life and they hate that. Life demands it, but it just is so not who they are and want to be.

I will say that there are times when I do like an aggressive woman. One that doesn't mind telling you what she thinks and wants, and isn't afraid to go after it. Especially sexually! There are times when it is nice to have her come and be the aggressor and do her thing. That doesn't mean I'm giving up control necessarily, or being submissive either. Just that sometimes it's nice to see a woman become the instigator and go after what she wants and needs, rather than waiting to be directed or told. Not only do I enjoy it, but it shows me where her mind is, what she likes and wants, and that getting it is on her mind.

So..can I be, or try to be submissive? No! It just won't work for me. I could try, but I would feel so uncomfortable doing it that I never would be able to enjoy it.

DV

Ask me anything

FAF Runoff!

Once again we had a close vote on the weekly FAF.  Two of the pics tied for the most votes, so...we have to have a runoff to find a winner.  The voting will be open until Thursday night, so hurry to get your vote in and don't miss out.

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Yep...I did it again!!!

Once again, DV has been selected to hit the masses.  I had the opportunity again, in this months issue of Safeword Magazine, to have another of my posts published.    There was one I wrote not too long ago that got a lot of positive feedback from all of you, and we had some great discussions about it as well.  So...that is the one I submitted for re-print.  It is on page 40 in the December issue, which is up on the site now.  You can also click my link below to go directly to it.

Read my article here!

I would like to thank everyone that follows and reads my blog.  Also a big thanks to all those that leave comments and open up the lines of discussion, whether you agree with my thoughts or not.  It is due to all of you that I was able to be found and get this opportunity in the first place.  Thanks for all your continued support and coming back time after time to see what I'm up to.  Without you this wouldn't have been possible.  I also want to thank my Mom, and Dad, my agent, my publicist, Swiss Cake Rolls, morning coffee, Sam Adams beer, pizza, burgers, the thousands of fantastic asses on the internet, and ESPN.  Without you all I wouldn't be the man I am today.  LMAO!  Ok...I was having an Oscar moment...and it's gone now.  But seriously...thanks for all the comments and support I have gotten. 

DV

Formspring Question

Do you think subs and/or slaves tend to be emotionally stronger than 'regular" or vanilla girls? -On a side note, I'm posing this question to several different Doms and Masters, just to see what bounces back. THANKS!

Thank you for your question.  That is a very interesting one, and one I had to think about.  I've never really thought about it in those terms. 

I think we are all people, and we all have emotions and an emotional capacity.  Some people are more emotional than others, and some people are emotionally stronger than others.  I don't think that one particular group of people are any more strong than another, in an emotional sense.  I don't think that emotional strength necessarily belongs to one specific group, orientation or lifestyle, than another.  That would tend to make the conclusion that if you have great emotional strength, then you are ore likely to be a certain way, or in a certain lifestyle.  This is not the case. 

I do think that by the nature of TTWD, that a sub/slave is subjected to facing their emotions on a much greater level than many vanilla women.  Based on the activities we in this lifestyle engage in, the openness that is required of most subs, and the connection between a sub and her Dom, I think that emotions are much more at the forefront in many cases, more than in a vanilla relationship.  These emotions can be much more intense and have to be faced on a more regular basis, than in a vanilla situation. 

As I have written about previously, I think many subs, when just starting out, aren't aware of just how emotionally intense this can be.  They are made to face things, and they experience things, on a much different level than they ever have before.  They find that they have a much deeper connection physically and emotionally than they have before.  I believe this to be a natural occurrence based on a sub opening up and giving themself to someone like they never have before.  They are offering themself to someone, thereby being more open mentally and emotionally from the start.  Then you couple that with the trust they give their Dom, and the physical experiences the encounter, and there is no choice but for the emotions to come to the surface in a big way. 

I suppose that based on this, over time in having to deal with these emotions on a regular basis, that a sub could become stronger emotionally than a vanilla person.  This could be because they are more in tune with their emotions, and face them on a more intense level on a regular ongoing basis.  This lifestyle can be very demanding mentally and emotionally.  So, it stands to reason that over time a sub would become more emotionally strong in learning to deal with her own feelings and her submissive side.  But, I don't think that a sub is naturally any more strong in this area than anyone else.  I think it is part of human nature to gain strength as we are pushed further and further.  I do think that becoming stronger is a part of this lifestyle and it develops over time.  Yet, many vanilla people go through many trials and tribulations in their life that strengthen their emotional capacity.  In general, I will say that subs do probably become emotionally stronger over time due to the nature of TTWD and what they face in this type relationship.

That was a good question...thanks for asking!

DV

Friday Humor!

I know this is bad...but I just couldn't resist!  LOL!

DV

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

I hope everyone has had a good week.  Last week's winner is to the right. 

It's been crazy busy around my neck of the woods, and doesn't appear to be heading in the direction of letting up.  At least not until after all the holidays.  Just to give everyone a heads up...there probably won't be a FAF the weekend of Christmas or the following weekend.  I will be busy and doing some traveling and I'm not sure I will have time those weeks.  So...FAF will be going on vacation for the holidays.  I also plan on having a playoff soon.  We will be taking all the weekly winners and pitting them against each other to see which ass comes out on top as the overall winner.  :)

I hope you all have a great weekend, stay warm, and are getting all you shopping done.  In TTWD, naughty and nice both get rewarded, so none of you have anything to worry about.  :)

Theme of the week...Stockings!

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How do you do it?!?! (Long Distance)

I read a post a couple of weeks ago that stayed with me.  The post was written by Discerning Dom and was titled "Long Distance".  Because I have been there and done that, I know exactly how this feels.  I have kept trying to think of a way to write this, but have had trouble with it.  So the only thing I know to do is tell you how I feel about this. 

In the post, Discerning Dom speaks of his own personal long distance relationship, and how he goes about dealing with it on a daily basis.  I have done the online D/s thing.  There are ways to make it work, between email, text, chat, phone, etc...  In this day and age it is easy to meet people from all over the country, if not the world.  Things aren't like they used to be.  It used to be that you met someone through the travels of your life.  Whether it be school, work, church, Friday night at the bar, the hot chick working behind the counter at the movie rental store, or whatever other way you can think about.  These days you never have to leave your house.  Fire up the ole computer and away you go.  You can be talking and chatting with people from god knows where within minutes.  My point being...it's not hard to strike up an electronic conversation and begin discussions with someone.  I'm not by any means saying this is wrong, or that I'm against it.  Just pointing out that we live in a very mobile and fluid society these days, and it is much easier to connect with those that interest you, from all over the world. 

I was asked a question and gave an honest answer on my other blog, Dauntless Arousal, that had to do with long distance relationships.  My answer was that I wish for more than what a long distance relationship can give.  I have been involved in them, and have dealt with them from a D/s dynamic and perspective.  They can be fun and enjoyable, and you can even really connect with someone and develop true feelings for them in this manner.  This type relationship can have everything but the physical connection.  And that is where I begin to have my problem. 

For me personally, I need the physical connection.  I need to be able to touch and be touched.  I need to be able to take all I have discussed with someone and put it into practice.  It's one thing to control and demand things of a sub over a distance.  It's another thing to be able to do that to them in person.  If I am involved in something long distance, especially one where there is really no chance of ever seeing each other, then I find myself lacking after a point.  I need more, and more is something I can't have.  I also reach a point where I feel I can only take a sub so far under those circumstances.  I hit a wall and feel as though I can't really do much more than I am already doing. 

I don't want any of you to think I am down on long distance relationships.  That's not my intention.  If it works for you, you enjoy it, and you get what you need from it, then great for you.  I just find that for me, while it may serve it's purpose short term, long term I have trouble with it.  I need more, and want to give more, than what distance can offer.  This may leave me alone (so to speak), but at times the being involved and needing, yet not being able to have, can be worse than doing without all together. 

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving yesterday.  Mine...well it pretty much sucked, as I got sick and stayed in bed the past few days.  Nevertheless, not a Holiday or sickness can stop me from posting FAF!  And seeing as how it's Black Friday, I have some specials for you.  LOL! 

I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their holiday weekend.  At least those of you in the States that celebrate Thanksgiving.  Last week's winner is posted to the right.  Take care everyone!

Fantastic Ass Friday - November 26, 2010

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Friday Humor

A few thought provoking quotes of humor for your Friday after noon.  :)





If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? - Linda Ellerbee

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. - Frederick Ryder

You know why God is a man? Because if God was a woman she would have made sperm taste like chocolate. - Carrie Snow

"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

It's that time of the week again!  The last work day of the week (for most of us anyway), and time to get your weekend started with a new round of nice asses.  I hope this has been a good week for everyone, and that you all have a great weekend.  Last week's winner is posted to the right.  Take care and enjoy!

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To Be Well Rounded...

Even in a Dom/sub relationship, there are many aspects that encompass what is made into the whole.  You can have bits and pieces of BDSM, but if you aren't well rounded in your approach, then the relationship will be lacking on some levels.  Here is a little picture tutorial to explain.  Because as we know...many times, pictures speak louder than words.

Many of us enjoy some of this... 

And the some of this...

And then there are those that not only enjoy, but need some of this...

 

I'm pretty sure we all enjoy a bit of this...

And this...

But is you are going to have a well rounded relationship, it's not all about sex, total Domination, being tied and/or restrained, gagged and being made to do what your Dom wants.  If you are to be well rounded and have your sub's full trust, honor, and respect, you have to do some of this...

And it is vital to have precious time together like this...

It's those tender and caring moments that bring the rest of it together into a complete package.  You can't fully benefit from the relationship without having all of this.  Well rounded...what we should all strive for in our relationships.


DV

My Published Article

I mentioned before that I had one of my post that was going to be published (re-printed).  It now has been and it looks and turned out great!  Or at least I think so anyway.  (of course I' am a bit biased).

It was published in the new online magazine called Safeword.  The theme is based on many aspects of BDSM and caters to those involved in the lifestyle.  It appears, from all I can see to be a pretty good magazine for online reading and gaining new perspectives, as well and affirming ones you are already familiar with.  I encourage you to check it out and see what you think.

The post I had published on Safeword is online now, in this months issue.  It is on page 36 and ends on page 38.  The post is titled "Feelings".  Some of you may remember this post from a while back.  You can click here to go directly to it, if you like.

Thanks to all for enjoying what I write and continuing to come back fr more and following my blog.  Without you all, this probably wouldn't have been found and published.  I appreciate all your comments, views, and opinions about what I write.  I hope I can continue to inspire, raise questions, and show views that make you think about your own needs and relationships.

DV

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Good Friday morning everyone.  I hope you have all had a good week.  I haven't been on here at all since this time last week.  Been out of town for work and other things keeping me busy.  So...I have a lot of catching up to do in the next few days.




Thanks to all that continue to vote.  I appreciate your doing so, and am glad you all are enjoying my weekly post.  Last week's winner is to the right.  I hope you enjoy the pics this week.  Have a great weekend everyone.

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DV