A New Understanding...Self-Discovery

I have always been a proponent that certain things cannot be forced.  That has always been my approach to D/s.  As much as I can make demands, set rules, define the relationship, there are some things I just won't do or force.  To me, there is much more to be gained with some things when they are discovered on their own by the submissive.

 It is a sort of self-discovery.  Not as in finding oneself, but in realizing certain things and having that "Ah Ha Light bulb Moment".  The one where something just all of sudden makes sense and was realized on her own.  Mostly this revolves around feelings and emotions.  Around her thinking and views about a particular subject.  For whatever reason, in that moment, it just clicks and has there is now a completely new understanding.

As a Dom, I can tell her how things are going to be.  I can tell her how she should view something and how it will be viewed within our relationship.  She may accept that and go with it, but at that time it will just be there.  It's like another rule.  It's just something that is expected of her.

For me, and a big part of my enjoyment in being a Dominant, is leading and guiding her down the path of her submission, and helping her discover these things on her own.  We may have in depth discussions about specific situations, and may act out certain scenarios, and I may keep heading her in the direction of my choosing.  But I want her to figure these things out on her own.  I want her to not only figure them out, but to truly feel them when she does begin to understand it.  That is when it has a much deeper meaning to both her and me.  She wasn't forced, but got to that point on her own.  And because of this, it will have much more lasting effects and be more likely to be a pat of her from then on.

An example of what I'm talking about is having marks left on her body.  This could be from something such as spanking.  I may want her to have marks (not permanent or harmful ones) from the spanking she received, or maybe some bruising.  I want her to be able to see them and have a reminder of how they got there and who put them there.  Yet, for me to tell her she will wear them and enjoy them may not accomplish my goal.  It's when she tells me that afterwards she was looking for marks and was disappointed when she couldn't find any that it begins to sink in.  It's part of her belonging to me and feeling that within herself.  It's her wishing she could see and feel the reminder of what I did to her, and needing that.  This is a light bulb moment for her, especially when she has never felt the need for that before.

Another example could be cuffs or being bound.  I can tell her I will bind her or or cuff her hands behind her back (which is something I would do), and the things I might do to her.  But when she brings you the cuffs, or asks you to use them, this has a different meaning behind it.  Now it's not just about me cuffing her, but her feeling her need to be cuffed, what it represents for her, and her need to be bound and turn over control.  This has much more meaning to it than me just doing it and her accepting it.

I can ask, demand, and do a lot of things on my own.  But for a submissive to get to some of these places herself, and come to her own understandings and realizations of what she needs, well, that can be a beautiful thing.  It can be something small, or something much bigger.  What it is doesn't really matter.  The pleasure for me as a Dominant is that I was able to lead her to discovering these things within her self and on her own.  I was able to lay the ground work and set out the pieces so she could put them all together for herself.  For me, that is being able to teach her in a way that will last because she actually feels it and it is now a part of her she found deep within.  It isn't something she does just because I'm in control and I said it was going to be a certain way.  That is being a teacher, and teaching lessons that won't soon be forgotten...at least from my point of view.

An Expanding Dynamic (Spanking)

There is an activity we all hear a lot about in this lifestyle.  Some people use it as punishment.  Some people use it as maintenance.  Some people participate in it every so often, while others participate in it regularly.  The activity I'm speaking of is...spanking.

I am going to speak about this topic from my side and experience.  I don't really know how to classify how we use it personally, but for me it really needs no label.  It doesn't matter to me what it is called, if anything.  For those of you that need a label attached to it, some sort of maintenance would probably be closest. Whatever the name or label, not everyone likes, wants, or needs to incorporate spanking into their relationship.  For some it works and fits well, and for others they want no part of it.  There is nothing wrong with either way. It's a matter of personal choice. 

I have used spanking in the past, but typically I don't push it on someone, especially in the beginning.  I think it is something that grows on you, and evolves within your relationship, at least to some degree.  The relationship I will speak about was this way.  Some sort of spanking slowly evolved through the evolution of our dynamic. Spanking had been done lightly, but nothing serious or as a primary activity.  Then there was that day...that one special day.  After some intimate time together, she laid across my lap and asked to be spanked.  This was a HUGE step for her.  A huge step for our dynamic and relationship.  Starting slow using a bare hand, and working up to harder contact.  Rubbing the point of contact in-between each stroke.  Seeing the redness.  Feeling her move underneath me.  Hearing the sounds and whimpers that uttered from within her.  It was enough to get any Dominant excited. 

The excitement came not only in the form of what I described above, or from her reaction to the spanking.  The real excitement came with the words she spoke afterwards.  Her description of how it made her feel is what solidified the entire experience.  She spoke of how she felt comfortable in that position across my lap.  From that act of being spanked, she felt a peace...a comfort.  She felt calm and at ease.  For her, it was about being in that position.  Giving me that control.  Giving me her submission.  Feeling the strength I had over her.  Feeling my Dominance resonate through her body, by being in that position and giving herself to me in such a way.

It wasn't pain.  It wasn't discomfort.  It was pleasure.  Maybe some pleasure in a physical sense.  Yet, even more so it was pleasure in a mental and emotional sense.  It was what she needed to feel.  It made her feel happy and content...balanced and centered...like she was where she needed to be and that place is "Home".  To me this was a giant step for us and our relationship, and it was for her as well.  From her previous thoughts and mindset, this is something she never imagined she would enjoy, no less feel so at peace in being spanked.  She looked inside, opened up, let go, and found a place to be happy like she never knew existed before...and in a way she never thought she would even try.

To this day, she still will ask for a spanking.  She continues to need to feel what she gets from this.  She needs to feel the power and control.  She needs to be able to offer herself in this way.  She needs to be able to let go and submit.  But, it's not just about submitting.  It's about submitting to me.  What Dominant wouldn't be happy with this?  What Dom wouldn't be proud of how far she has come?  What Dom wouldn't respect her strength to grow and seek what she needs most from him?  I know I am with everything I have.

It's this growth, change, and evolution that makes this journey with her so enjoyable.  It is situations such as this that make me proud and happy to be the Dominant I am.  It is times like this that make me proud to be able to guide and lead in the best way I know how.  It is seeing changes such as this, and enjoying it with her, that make me proud to be able to call her mine...and proud to also be hers.

Do I What?

I came across this little snippet, which is an advertisement, from way back when.  It did make me laugh, but then again...does it have any truth to it?!?!  Hmmm...

Let me start by saying this...I don't condone beating anyone.  To me that sounds abusive and brutal.  Maybe you could say it this way back in the day, but in today's society that would get you hung on the courthouse square at high noon.  Anything physically done to another person, especially when it comes to inflicting pain, should be done with full consent of the receiving party.  Let me repeat that....it MUST be consensual.  Yet, by looking at the picture the activity in question seems to be something dear to most of us in this lifestyle...SPANKING!

I think almost all of us are or have been involved in some type of inflicted pain, whether you are the giver or the receiver.  It seems to be an ingrained part of the bdsm culture.  Not completely mind you, as everyone has their limits and things they want no part of, but the principle of it is there whether you participate or not.  Other than maybe some type of nipple play or torture, spanking would be the number one form of pain infliction, in my guesstimation anyway. 

I think there is room for some play in this arena for just about everyone.  Spanking can take on many forms, and be delivered by many sources.  You can use your bare hand, a paddle, a crop, whips, canes, and floggers.  Let's not stop there...bring out the household items such as hair brushes and wooden spoons.  You can use just about anything to spank or paddle someone, especially if you use your imagination.  The interesting part about all of these items is that they all cause sensations that are different.  The feel of them is different, the pain is different, and the marks they can leave are different.  So...just because you don't like being spanked with one item, doesn't mean you won't like another.  Of course a lot of it depends on how the item is used and with what force. 

My point is that in some form or fashion, we all can find a level of spanking that we find erotic and arousing.   I'm not going to get into the need for pain, or the submissive aspects in this post.  Just that many of us enjoy spanking.  Some of you may not.  And, some of you may be interested or curious and just haven't tried it, or are nervous about trying it.  I would encourage you to give it a go and see what you think, if you have never done it.  Start slow and easy and don't go too far too fast in the beginning.  Experiment with different items and feel the differences in how they feel.  Find the ones that like and dislike the most, and then work on things from there. 

I would love to hear from both sides on this...why you do and/or don't like spanking and why?  What is your favorite item to be spanked with?  Most unusual?  Your views?

It's Time For A Spanking

I have read a lot of posts lately, and even not so lately, about spanking, both from a Dominant's side and a submissive's side.  I got to thinkng about how much a part of this lifestyle spanking seems to be, either for pleasure or punishment.  Spanking also really seems to diffrentiate those in this lifestyle from those in the vanilla world.  For the purposes of this post, I am lumping all ass attention into one category of spanking (actual spanking, either by hand or implement, whipping, caning, belting, etc...)

From a Dominant's perspective, I think he feels he needs to exert his power and control.  Sometimes this is done through punishment, and sometimes because he can.  A Dom needs to be able to push the limits of his sub, while allowing her to feel the control he has over her.  A Dom needs to be able to exert his prowess and keep his sub in line.  Spanking is a physical activity in which he can inflict controlled pain, to an area that will not cause great bodily injury or long lasting wounds.  Yet, most of the time he doesn't do it strictly for the aspect of pain itself, although he does at times.  It's more of the mental aspect and ensuring his sub feels his control and knows her place.  He does it for her!  He does it because he needs to do it for her, and she needs it.  He needs to feel her submission and that she is completely his.

(I love the goosebumps all over her.)

From another perspective, I have read so many times lately in posts by submissives, how they NEED spankings.  When a sub gets out of line, she feels she needs to feel her Dom's power and control in punishment.  Sometimes she will purposely push his limits just to test where the line in the sand is, and to make sure he is in control and will stand behind what he says.  I have read several different posts lately about subs saying how much they really need a spanking NOW.  They feel out of kilter, and need to feel the cpower and control, by physical manifestation of their Dom, to feel balanced and in place...to feel get back to feeling like the sub that she is and needs to be.

Spanking is something that the vanilla world does not understand.  To them it is something fun to do every so often, if ever, just in fun or in the moment.  They do not understand the control, submissiveness, and the pain apects that are needed in this lifetsyle.  To a lot of the vanilla world it is abuse.  They do not like it, agree with it, or want any part of it.  For them...that is perfectly fine.  They are welcome to conduct their lives the way they see fit.  But...do not judge those of us in this lifestyle and the way we conduct ourselves and our activities.  We have needs and reasons for doing what we do.  One should not mock or put down what he does not understand. 

Spanking is an essential part of this lifestyle.  It is needed by both Doms and subs.  It is deeply engrained in our lifestyle and an integral part of the dynamic of a D/s relationship. 

Happy Spanking!!!

What To Do?!?!

So...lie down and tell me...what should I do with you?!?! 

Should I spank your sweet ass?  You'd probably like that.  Should I make you service me?  You'd probably like that.  Should I tease you and make you want it so bad you can't stand it?  You'd probably like that too. 

Maybe I'll just stand over you in silence and let you wonder what is to come of you?!?!  All while I take in the sights your body has to offer!  Yeah...making you lay there, build your curiosity, the intensity, and making you wonder for now sounds like a great idea.  I like keeping you in the dark and not knowing what is coming next!

You Want To Spank Me Where?

Photography by China Hamilton

As I was browsing through some more pictures taken by China Hamilton, I came across this one.  This picture brings something to mind in dealing with sub L.  In her discovery of who and what she really is, she has changed her opinion almost 180 degrees on so many things from when we first started.  The most notable change would be her position on pain.

When we first met, L said she didn't like pain and wasn't into anything involving pain.  My how times have changed.  She has not only found that she finds an erotic enjoyment in receiving pain, but practuically begs for it these days.  Let me clarify to a dregree about pain.  the pain inflicted upon her is in the way of spanking, nipple clamps and nipple twisting, hair pulling, and ther like.  Nothing too over the top.  Yet, every time we are together she wants it more and more, and needs it harder and deeper.  I have told her she is becoming quite a little pain slut.  The pain is so arousing to her that she feels lost without it.  She has a deep seeded need to be controlled and dominated, and to recieve the pain, which she feels as pleasure, or she doesn't feel free and coplete.  she feels she is lacking something without it. 

Back to the picture, and in connection with sub L and her need for painful stimulation, she has discovered how much she enjoys having her pussy slapped.  Slapped, spanked, smacked...however you want to look at it, she loves it.  Sometimes it's a single hard and loud smack.  Sometimes it's a series of fast and lighter smacks.  However her pussy is struck she loves it and only wants more.  She has even been able to cum and orgasm just from having her pussy slapped.  I have made her spread her legs similar to the picture, and I get onto her if she jumps too much, or tries to close her legs any at all.  It's all about me controlling her pussy and giving her the sting and heat in her pussy that she loves from the slaps.  I will admit that I do rather enjoy it as well.  It's just one of the ways I can use her to my liking, and she feels used in a way that she loves.

So...ladies/subs/slaves..what is your opinion on pussy slapping?  Have you ever had it done to you?   If so, do you like it?  If not, do you have a desire to have it done?  Just curious if this is a standard practice for a lot of you, or jsut an individual preference.