The Fire (Part 2)

I received a submission from a reader that was inspired by my recent post "The Fire".   This is an account of how she sees and feels the fire within and with her partner.  I'm glad to know I could light the fire within to get the creative juices flowing in expressing how this feels to others.  Thank you for sharing and for being willing to share your work with everyone.  I think it's great to be able to see how others perceive and feed off what I have written.  I think many of my readers will be able to associate with these very feelings and thoughts. 

DV

You are fanning the flame in me 

that was dormant until I met you.

When you touch me, 

my body, my soul, my heart

they come alive,

 and in such a way

that the flame can no longer be denied.

You won't allow me to ignore 

this fire anymore...

Teaching me the patience 

that comes with the slow burn.

Stroking the fire in me 

but in your time

and for your pleasure.

I want to move faster, 

jump in with both feet,

and my whole heart,

but you are in charge

 of this controlled burn...

Not wanting to move too quickly,

so I get scorched and scared away. 

The heat that is generated

when our bodies are together

 is like a wild fire in me...

Needing more and more...

to be with you, only you.

My fire longs for your control, 

for your command, for you...

The fire inside of me that you are nurturing

belongs to you,

wholly and completely,

only to you.

~anonymous reader~

Out Of the Shadows And Into The Light

There comes a time for every submissive when she all of a sudden begins to understand like never before.  She all of a sudden gets it.  It is one of the light bulb moments where everything comes out of the shadows and into the light.  Into a place where it is easily seen and understood.  There is a newly found clarity like there has not been before now. 

As a Dominant there are many things I can tell a submissive.  There is an abundance of feelings and emotions I can explain to her about her submissive nature, and even tell her to expect and not be surprised when those feelings occur.  Yet, there is no way for her to really understand and comprehend until she is there, in that place herself.  These are things she has to actually feel and go through before she can really have a grasp of what I have told her.  I have found this especially true with the submissives I have dealt with and talked to over the years.  I can tell them until I'm blue in the face, but until they feel it for themselves there is no way to truly absorb the full meaning and comprehension of such feelings. 

One of the main things that a submissive can't grasp until she ultimately feels the strength of it for herself is "need".  I think we all move from the want stage into the need stage at some point.  A sub may want to experience certain things and learn about being a good submissive...but after a certain point the need within her begins to build.  The need to submit...the need for her Dominant...the need for his strength and power...the need for him to have control.  For many, feeling needy...well, it feels wrong.  It goes against who they have always been.  They don't think they should feel that way and want to fight it.  To me...I think it is natural and necessary.  I want a submissive to feel and be needy.  If she doesn't need me, need to submit, and need what I have to offer, then what is the point?!?!  There is none!

There is also a very special moment for me that grows within a submissive's need.  It's her specific need for me.  It's her specific need for us.  It's her specific need to give herself to me and feel the strength of my hands upon her body.  This can come about in a couple of different forms.  One of these is the need to have marks left upon her.  This typically will be in the form of bruising and/or soreness.  She needs to know I have had my hands on her body.  She needs the reminder of that after we are done with our time together.  It doesn't matter if it is from a spanking, fingers digging into her breasts, or whatever the choice of activities may be.  She has a deep need to be able to see and feel the evidence of my strength and power upon her flesh after the fact.  She needs to be able to see that she has given herself to me, and feel and see where that has happened and where I have been.  And I know how deep her need is when she happens to say..."I'm not bruised and sore enough.  I need more, please!"  What a sweet sound to a Dominants ear.

Another area of a submissive's need that can develop is with her orgasms.  I can tell her that her body and orgasms belong to me.  I can tell her that her orgasms and being able to cum belong to me.  She will reach a point, that light bulb moment, when she actually begins to feel and understand that.  She will truly begin to comprehend my ownership of her body and experiences.  This is never more evident than with her self-pleasure.  She may reach a point where she doesn't masturbate nearly as much.  She doesn't want to please herself nearly as much.  Why?  Because it's not the same.  It doesn't feel the same.  She needs to be able to cum for me and because of me.  She realizes that her orgasms do belong to me, and they don't feel nearly as strong or important unless they are induced by me directly.  Anything less than directly from my hands or body just isn't enough.  She has come to rely and depend on me for her pleasure, and in a way that only I can make her feel and experience.  This is a huge milestone and one that I absolutely treasure with my entire being.

Need is not a bad thing.  Being needy is not something a submissive should avoid and feel bad about feeling.  It is natural and it is necessary for the progression of the relationship.  Or at least that's my opinion and what I prefer.  A submissive needs to be able to reach a place where she needs to submit and feel the need for her Dominant.  This is also something I think every Dominant needs from his submissive as well.  The mutual need should feed off each other and take you further than you could have gone otherwise.  It's beautiful thing to see her need, and then be able to give her all she has to have and wants to give in return.  Without a growing and flourishing need...we have nothing. 

Chemistry 301 (Need and Addiction)

All of you thought you were here to read sex blogs, learn about bdsm, get turned on and aroused, and get a glimpse into other peoples relationship dynamics.  You had no idea I was taking you back to school...no less to chemistry class.  And just for the record, I got out of high school chemistry by the skin of my teeth, and avoided it completely in college.  :)  But alas, we are talking about a different kind of chemistry, aren't we?!?!  The kind that occurs between two people and pulls them together into a relationship.  The kind that makes two people want each other, feel good around each other, and need each other.  Chemistry 301 is all about NEED! 

I mentioned in Chemistry 101 that you can feel so connected to someone that this special connection and chemistry between you could take you higher than any drug ever could.  I'm not going to get into the actual chemical responses of the brain, in dealing with either a relationship or illegal drugs (or even legal ones for that matter).  That's left to the scientists, which I am certain not one.  Yet, there does definitely seem to be some emotional, and I'm sure chemical, reactions within the brain that drive us. There are many times you meet someone, and you just can't totally explain what you are feeling, yet it just doesn't feel right.  The opposite is true as well.  Maybe you can't fully express in words what you are feeling, but you know with this person it just feels right. 

As this continues, your relationship grows and builds, and as you become closer, this special connection and chemistry becomes much more than that.  It begins to evolve into a deep yearning, desire and need.  You begin to rely on your partner for much more than you have anyone in the past, or at least in a long time.  You feel like they are a part of you.  Like they are the missing piece that completes you.  Like they make you feel whole.  This is where NEED really comes in and starts to develop.  The more you are together, the more you need the other person.  You begin to feel lost without having them.  You are driven to be with this person.  They seem to fit you like a tailor made glove, and nothing about your relationship ever seems wrong or out of place.  The growing need for each other can even become physical.  For example...there is an old saying "I need you so bad it hurts", or "I miss you so bad it hurts".  There is some definite truth to this.  The need may be emotional, but it can manifest itself to be felt in a physical way.

This need can manifest on multiple levels.  The first is an emotional level.  You can grow into being so content and comfortable with your partner that you need them emotionally.  You need to have them in your life.  You need to hear their voice.  You need to be in contact with them.  There is an emotional need for their love, care and attention.  You may go hours or days and not hear from them, and begin to feel alone and distraught.  But then when you do hear from them, your whole demeanor changes.  You feel uplifted and much better about yourself.  That is a big part of the emotional connection and need. It's not only being attracted and feeling a connection, but how that person makes you feel about yourself.  It's a constant circle of making each other feel good about the relationship, your partner and yourself.  It's feeling wanted, needed, and appreciated as much as you feel the same about them.

The second area the need for someone can manifest itself is in a physical manner.  When you have all these other things going on (emotions, connection, chemistry), it naturally makes you want to be physical with this person.  That is a natural human response.  When things seem perfect and right, then the physical aspect of the relationship can really kick into gear.  And when things feel perfect on a physical level, they just keep going.  Whether it's kissing, touching, petting, actual sexual intercourse, or whatever you may be doing.  The more you do, the more you want, the more you want to give, the more you want to experience, the more you want your partner to experience, and so on.  The need to be with that person physically really takes off.  If you are in a position like myself, where you can't be with your partner constantly, then this is where the need takes over.  You are apart but feel the need to be with them.  You need to feel their touch.  You need to feel their lips on yours.  You need to be able to make them feel as good as they make you feel.  You need to be able to physically connect on a very basic and primitive, yet intimate level.  In basic terms, you need to be able to feel skin on skin...to feel yourself get so aroused that you think you are going to explode just from their touch...and to know they are feeling the same thing you are.  Being apart can be hard and can make this need grow even more.  It's difficult to want and need someone so bad but not be able to do anything about it.  However, it does make the times when you can see each other, that much more special and intense.

The need for another person, especially when the two of you seem so absolutely perfect together, can become and addiction.  It's just like with any drug...you can become addicted and need your fix.  The need can drive you to be together and take each other as high as you can possibly imagine.  Being apart can be the same as not being able to have your drug, and you can experience withdrawals.  I do believe it's possible to miss or need someone so bad it hurts (withdrawals).  Together, everything seems perfect, there isn't a care in the world, and nothing else exists or matters.  Apart you just need more of what you have had and what you know only that person can give you and how they can make you feel.  It is very possible to get to a point where you say..."I'm addicted to you!"

Since I said this series is about me and my own emotions, I will say this...I believe in everything I have said.  I have been there and felt it all for myself.  I love the feeling of all the emotions, the connection, the chemistry, the need, the desire, and the addiction of finding that special person that makes you feel like no one else possibly ever has.  I don't want my partner to hold back.  Feed my need.  Feed my addiction.  Make me want and need you more than anything else.  I want to feel all of "this" without question or hesitation.  Make me feel like I can't live without you as a part of my life.  When I have this total connection, need and addiction with someone, there is no better feeling in the world!  When I have this and feel this way, not only do I want you to be mine completely and totally, but you will have all of me as well.  Be mine and I will be yours.  Let's be addicted together!  Nothing else could possibly be better than that!

No Turning Back

This is a subject that has come up several times lately.  It's one of those situations where it can be very hard, if not impossible, to undo what has been done.  I'm talking about venturing into this D/s world, or TTWD. 

I think that once you open your mind to BDSM, assuming it is truly a part of who you are, then it is hard to do otherwise.  Once you are here, there is no turning back.  It doesn't matter whether you are Dominant or submissive.  I know this from my own experience, my submissives, as well as those I have talked to over the years. 

This seems to be a one-way door, that once you walk through it you cannot go back.  By this I mean that once submissive has submitted and had that part of their inner self exposed and opened to this wonderful world, anything less just won't be good enough.  I mean that as a Dominant, once you have been here you just can't go back to a "normal" relationship and have it be enough.  I think it is very difficult to have a vanilla relationship after having been deeply involved in a D/s relationship.  there are things that we get from D/s, on an emotional and mental level, that we just can't get from a vanilla relationship. For most of us, no matter how hard we try and how much time and effort we put into a vanilla relationship, we just wont be able to get everything from it that we want and need.  There will always be an aspect that is missing.

I have had a couple of situations over the years that have been more vanilla than anything else.    No matter how I try, my Dominant side always seems to come back out and rear it's head...especially in the sexual realm.  I can try to just let things play out and role as they may, but my natural instincts are to take control and do things that most vanilla women may not be prepared to face.  Whether that be spanking, a hand on their throat, being given some type of order no matter how subtle, etc...  Being dominant is just part of who I am at my core being, and there's nothing I can do to change that.  It will always be there, and will always trying to find a way out and to manifest itself.

I think the same goes for a submissive.  As has been discussed many times before, many a submissive has either not understood what she was feeling and needing, or has denied it to herself, for many years.  Once she lets go of that, begins to understand and to embrace who she is, and then most importantly gets a taste of her submissiveness, she can see deep inside herself and discover things she only dreamed about before.  Once this happens, it is very difficult to go back to where she was.  Once she gets a taste of this lifestyle and realizes this is who she truly is, then anything less just won't be enough. 

Do we call this a problem?  Maybe, maybe not!  For me it is not.  I'd much rather know who I am and understand myself, then to always feel like I'm missing something.  I'd rather cross the line and not be able to go back, then to have never crossed it to begin with.  It's like firing a gun...once the trigger has been pulled, you can't bring the bullet back into the barrel.  Once you cross that line, there is "No Turning Back"! 

It's Time For A Spanking

I have read a lot of posts lately, and even not so lately, about spanking, both from a Dominant's side and a submissive's side.  I got to thinkng about how much a part of this lifestyle spanking seems to be, either for pleasure or punishment.  Spanking also really seems to diffrentiate those in this lifestyle from those in the vanilla world.  For the purposes of this post, I am lumping all ass attention into one category of spanking (actual spanking, either by hand or implement, whipping, caning, belting, etc...)

From a Dominant's perspective, I think he feels he needs to exert his power and control.  Sometimes this is done through punishment, and sometimes because he can.  A Dom needs to be able to push the limits of his sub, while allowing her to feel the control he has over her.  A Dom needs to be able to exert his prowess and keep his sub in line.  Spanking is a physical activity in which he can inflict controlled pain, to an area that will not cause great bodily injury or long lasting wounds.  Yet, most of the time he doesn't do it strictly for the aspect of pain itself, although he does at times.  It's more of the mental aspect and ensuring his sub feels his control and knows her place.  He does it for her!  He does it because he needs to do it for her, and she needs it.  He needs to feel her submission and that she is completely his.

(I love the goosebumps all over her.)

From another perspective, I have read so many times lately in posts by submissives, how they NEED spankings.  When a sub gets out of line, she feels she needs to feel her Dom's power and control in punishment.  Sometimes she will purposely push his limits just to test where the line in the sand is, and to make sure he is in control and will stand behind what he says.  I have read several different posts lately about subs saying how much they really need a spanking NOW.  They feel out of kilter, and need to feel the cpower and control, by physical manifestation of their Dom, to feel balanced and in place...to feel get back to feeling like the sub that she is and needs to be.

Spanking is something that the vanilla world does not understand.  To them it is something fun to do every so often, if ever, just in fun or in the moment.  They do not understand the control, submissiveness, and the pain apects that are needed in this lifetsyle.  To a lot of the vanilla world it is abuse.  They do not like it, agree with it, or want any part of it.  For them...that is perfectly fine.  They are welcome to conduct their lives the way they see fit.  But...do not judge those of us in this lifestyle and the way we conduct ourselves and our activities.  We have needs and reasons for doing what we do.  One should not mock or put down what he does not understand. 

Spanking is an essential part of this lifestyle.  It is needed by both Doms and subs.  It is deeply engrained in our lifestyle and an integral part of the dynamic of a D/s relationship. 

Happy Spanking!!!

Passion and Need

There is just something about in a relationship with someone that has so much passion it is almost indescribeable.  Someone that has a fire that burns so hot it can't be put out.  And not just any passion, but a passion for you. 

I have been in relationships where I have the passion and total need for someone, but it wasn't reciprocated.  I have been involved with the contrary of them having it for me, but I just didn't feel it the same way.  It's when the two of you have the same feeling of want, need and passion for each other, that the relationship almost becomes magical.  There is nothing like being so into someone that it almost drives you batty.  Yet, at the same time they feel the same way about you.  It's the knowing that the other person is as into you as you are them that really gets things going. 

Then as things really move forward the NEED realy starts to creep in.  When that person needs you and has to have what you offer.  Is there anything better?  In the context of most of the things I write about (D/s), need is everything.  It's what makes things operate like a well oiled machine.  A sub that really needs her Dom, and all he can offer her.  A Dom that needs his sub, and all she gives him in return.  Without need, it's just vanilla.  Feeling the need, understanding it, accepting it, and not being afraid of it is vital.  A sub needs her Dom, the control he gives her, and it makes her feel safe and secure with where she is.  Without it she is lost.  this also goes for a Dom.  If he didn't need his sub, then what's the point?!?! 

We all want to have that person to need and to need us.  We all have feelings and personalities that contain needs, and we all want tofeed that need as much as possible.  To have the need and passion that makes you want to crawl across the table just to indulge in each other because you can't wait any longer...well, that's just priceless!