March 7, 2021

Still Finding Our Way...

 It's been a while since either of us posted... again... but we are alive and well and surviving the pandemic without much issue.  We have always pretty much been home bodies so this hasn't been as bad for us, I don't think, but even we are getting a bit stir crazy and ready to be able to get back out and about as we were able to do pre-pandemic.  We aren't in a place of total lock-down, but still some restrictions and mask mandates.  At this point we feel everyone knows about Covid and the risks.  You don't need the government telling you what you can and can't do.  We fully believe in personal responsibility so if you want to go and do then you should, but you know the risks and it falls on you to accept that. 
As for our Master/slave dynamic, we are still at it and trying to find our way.  It doesn't seem to be a part of things as much as we would like, but it is still a definite part of who we are and what we have.  Since getting married almost 2 years ago, there have been a lot of changes, or maybe challenges is a better word.  Medical issues (started before getting married), slave quitting her job to stay home and us getting used to being under the same roof 24/7 since I work from home (even before the pandemic), kids in the house, an ailing 92 year old grandmother living with us that we care for, and whatever else that life has thrown at us.  

While we can't be overtly Master/slave 24/7, it is always there and present.  Finding the balance between every day interactions and Master/slave has been the hard part for us.  Maybe more for me than her, if I'm being honest.  She will definitely say more for me than her.  Working, having other people in the house 24/7, daily life, etc... many times I'm tired and just want to relax.  While in contrast she is ready for Master/slave time.  This doesn't mean I don't want that time together and being more outwardly Master/slave, but day in and out it can be difficult at times.  

I am working on this myself and making a conscious effort to do better from my side.  Admittedly, and she will also gladly point out my faults (bad slave - lol) that my follow-through or enacting on consequences for her hasn't been what it should be.  As she tells me, more times than not she needs me to be "mean Master" and stick to my guns and hold her accountable.  I can't disagree with her on this.  We seem to have gotten so lax (ie, I have gotten so lax) that we need to go the extreme other direction to find some balance in the middle.  She needs to be micromanaged and held accountable for every little thing.  Until that happens she probably won't feel like the slave she is and needs to be, and to see that I am engaged and care enough to do it.  

This isn't just on the daily domestic side of things, but also applies sexually.  Or maybe I should say "DOMestic".  (come on, that was at least a little bit funny)  She needs me to use her and make her serve in that capacity.  She is a very sexual woman/slave, and needs that side of things greatly.  Maybe more so that most women, or even men for that matter.  When I'm tired and just want to relax she does not hesitate to tell me that the 16 year old me would be greatly disappointed in myself for having a woman throw herself at me and doing nothing about it.  She has a point!  We are engaged sexually, but not as much as she would like or we should be.  

It seems as though I have a lot to work towards and improve upon.  Yeah, I can admit it... mostly.  I am trying to do better and push us back towards what we both want and need form this.  What we both came into it expecting.  This is especially true from being married and able to have a 24/7 dynamic the way we both always strived to attain.  I/we are a work in progress.  Very happy together and not wanting that to change whatsoever.  Yet, we need to get back to where we feel we once were so we can then go beyond that.  We will get there.  Of that I have no doubt.  In the mean time we will just enjoy the ride and see where it takes us, while trying to live the way we both need and finding happiness in the dynamic we have and getting what we each need from the other.  



willie said...

I appreciate your honesty. You and B (my husband) should really form a too-tired-distracted-lazy(lol)- lost a bit if mojo support group.

As you're wife can probably attest to, saying and knowing is ONE thing...

Anyway I used to be of the mindset that small steps lead to great strides, and they can, however when you've already touched on success it's hard to wait for the small strides to add up again. Still, forward momentum is still forward movement- it just has to continue.

The two of you are not alone in these struggles. I wish you fortitude


DauntlessVitality said...

Thanks for the comment and words of encouragement. I agree it is hard sometimes to see the small steps when you are used to larger ones. Yet, they are still steps and moving forward and that is what matters most.


Fondles said...

LIfe will send you what it sends you and sometimes the D/s isn't able to come thru as much as we like.

Taking care of an elderly person and having kids in the house and you working from home and both of you being in the same space all the time - surely that has got to take its toll. and just like it can take a few years for a new D/s couple to find their footing, so will you, again. because isn't it kinda like being in a new relationship all over again? with different circumstances, different group dynamics and living arrangements?

I love that you popped up recently and I saw your comment. I hope you manage to get back to that place again, but even if you don't get there anytime soon, be kind to yourselves and give it time.

Sending hugs.