January 23, 2013

Happy Blogaversary To Me!!!



Happy Blogaversary to me!  It was three years ago today that I made my very first post.  I come a long way since then, both as a Dominant and a blogger.  I have seen a lot of changes in myself over this time, and most of it for the positive.  I have made a lot of blogging friends, follow a lot of other blogs, and seen blogs come and go.



I want to thank each and every one of you.  It has been a pleasure to get to know many of you, and to receive your support over the last three years.  Your kind words and inspiration for my thoughts and writing have been amazing.  The being able to receive your feedback has been so helpful.  Knowing I have been able to make a difference to some of you in how you see this lifestyle, and what you have learned from my posts, means everything to me.  It's one of the things that keeps me posting.  Without all of you I wouldn't have near the reason to keep writing.

So, here I am...over 200,000 page views, nearly 400 followers, and nearly as many posts later.  I plant to continue my journey and continue writing about what I feel, believe, and learn along that path.

For now though, come on in, have a blogaversary cupcake, drink a little of the DV Koolaid, and enjoy yourself.  I promise the Koolaid isn't spiked...too much!  :)

Thanks again to all of you, and I look forward to what the continued blogging future holds.






January 21, 2013

Looking Beyond The Surface

As I have traveled through this lifestyle and my own journey I have learned a lot about myself.  I have learned about myself as a man.  I have learned about myself as a Dominant and the type of Dominant I am.  I have learned what I comes naturally to me, and what I have had to work on to become better.  We all have natural abilities that suit us well, and some things we have to try harder to understand and become proficient. Above all else, the one thing that seems so natural to me is understanding the submissive mindset.

I see things differently than a lot of people.  I see things much more clearly than a lot of people.  Being able to understand a submissive's way of thinking just seems so natural to me.  Now, some of you will take that as a challenge, and that is not my intent.  Everyone is different, and therefore has to be approached differently.  Yes, there are times that I can be thrown for a loop and have no clue.  Yet for the most part, I have a good grasp of submission, as I have written about for several years now.

Many people look at a beautiful woman and see what's on the outside.  They see her face, her nice body, how her hair is done, her stockings, her dress cut up to there.  Throw in the word "submissive" and they immediately want to do naughty things to her.  I see her a bit differently.  Yes, I see the beauty and attraction, but I also see more.  You have to look much deeper.  I immediately start thinking of what she wants, what she needs, and what kind of submissive she is.  I start thinking of how to teach and lead her.  I see her potential.  It's not just looking at the woman and taking in the sight.  The most important thing is...looking beyond the surface to what is looking back at you.

I have always stated that I am very much into the mental and emotional aspects of D/s.  I believe that to understand her you have t understand how she thinks and feels.  You have to get to the core of why she wants what she does.  Why she feels she needs the things she mentions.  What is behind her desire to submit.  What does she really need from it and hope to have in a Dominant partner.  Is it the force?  Is it the care?  Is it the pain?  Is it the pleasure?  Is it the peace and security?  What is her driving force?  Until you begin to find this out, you can never fully understand her.  In turn, you can never really be the Dominant she is needing  until you figure out what she is needing and why.

So, how do we find all this out?  Yep, it all comes back to communication.  It all comes back to each of you being completely open and honest.  And yes, that may very well mean being exposed and vulnerable.  As a Dominant you have to be open and share with her just as much about you as she does about herself.  She can't fully respect your asking her to be open and share if you aren't willing to do it yourself.  She has to see it's a two-way street.  Only then will she begin to open up to you and let you into her darkest corners to be able to understand her more clearly.  You have to ask a lot of pointed and direct questions.  You have to allow her to ask questions as well, and give her open honest answers.

Many times you have to look far beyond the surface of her answer to find the true meaning of what she is saying.  And what she is truly saying she may not even know herself.  This is where the ability to understand her mental side and feelings comes into play.  It's up to you as the Dominant to help her understand.  It's up to you to enable her to see herself and what she is going through, especially when she has no clue herself.  Obviously, this can't be done if you don't know and understand her mindset.  This can only come with time and educating yourself.

I have been blessed with the gift of this understanding...at least most of the time.  It's my job to know so that I can help her know.  I have tried hard and worked at learning more and more.  It takes time and effort.  Yet, having a natural ability to understand this goes a long way as well.  A Dominant has to have a good general understanding of this, but also has to be willing to take the time to get to know a submissive and try to understand her as well.  Don't just take what you see and what she says at face value.  Look deeper!  Try to see not just the physical woman in front of you that says she's submissive.

Try your best to learn the deeper reasons behind who she is as a woman and her desire to submit.  Find her potential.  Find her motivation.  Find her needs.  You are doing both of you a disservice if you don't.  And if you do, the woman you find and discover may be everything you had hoped she was.  Help her find and be the woman she needs to be.  This isn't about changing her or making her what you want her to be.  It's about helping her be who she is and finding all she is, while enabling her to reach her full potential.  Be that Dominant...the one that helps her find all she needs to be.


January 11, 2013

It Speaks A Million Words...



It's not always about force...
Or about about demands...
Or about directions...
Once established...
That is naturally in place...
It is naturally felt...
It naturally occurs...
From that you can have much more...
You can go much deeper...
Into the depths of each other...
The depths of the mind...
The depths of the heart...
The depths of the soul...
Bodies against each other...
Flesh on flesh...
Hearts beating in unison...
Moving as one being...
It speaks volumes...
A sigh...
A moan...
A whimper...
A gasp...
It's a language only they comprehend...
It speaks a million words...
The scent...
The heat...
The movements...
It speaks a million words...
Words that could never be uttered...
Could never be verbalized...
Words that are just understood...
The understood submission...
The understood Dominance...
The understood ownership...
The understood complete dynamic...
No words could ever explain it...
But the being...
The feeling...
The closeness...
It understands like nothing else...
Some things can't be spoken...
Yet they are so clearly understood...
That is connection...
That is a bond...
Between two people who experience it...
That is...
Beauty!


January 3, 2013

Pride and Ownership...

There is a part of every Dominant that is very difficult to see.  Within each Dominant is a part of him (substitute "her" if it makes you feel better or suits your situation) that very few will ever see.  Only those with which he is directly involved, such as his submissive, will likely see this side of him. This mysterious and hidden part is his sense of pride.

I have talked before about many of the new things and feelings that a submissive will experience and find about herself.  Not just anyone can pull this out of her.  It takes a special man..the right man...to be able to maneuver inside of her and find these special feelings.  She may be submissive, but she does not and will not submit to just anyone.  Only for him.  Only for the one that she feels has earned and deserves her submission.    Only for the one man that she feels comfortable opening up to and making herself vulnerable.  Only he is allowed to see this side of her.

The same goes for the Dominant.  There are parts of him that only his submissive will be allowed and privileged to see.  It's not because he is holding it back from everyone else.  It's not because he refuses to show and express his feelings.  It's because it takes that special woman, that special submissive, that can maneuver inside of him and allow him to feel things no one else can.

With the right submissive and partner, the Dominant will feel a sense of pride like at no other time.  It's a sense of pride in what he has been able to accomplish and in his submissive.  When his guidance and leadership has been able to help her see things like never before, and she feels sensations deep within her soul that she didn't know were even possible, his sense of pride begins to shine.  It's seeing his handy work come to fruition.  He has led and guided her down a path of discovery, and now she has discovered what he has been leading her to find.

He sees this within her.  He can sense the growth and progress she has made.  Based on the new discoveries and feelings, she presents herself and acts differently.  She has blossomed into someone much more beautiful in his eyes.  Knowing he has been able to hep her do this brings about his sense of pride.  It's like a teacher happy with his students.  It's like a parent happy with the decisions and choices of his children.  Yet, it's deeper and more emotional.  There is care and love.  There is appreciation.  There is a true sense of value.  There is affirmation of all you have been doing.  This is a pride like no other.

In this lifestyle we talk about ownership.  There is the physical ownership of a Dominant taking on a submissive.  She is his and belongs to him.  Yet, there is also the mental and emotional ownership that develops over time.  It's when she truly feels this within herself that she is truly owned.  When she feels it inside...when she feels like she belongs...when she feels like there is no other.  There really are no words to describe how this feels, but it is there and is a feeling only those that have been there understand.  Being able to get a submissive to this place and feeling owned...there is no feeling like that for a Dominant either.  That instills and brings forth a sense of pride in leadership that nothing else can do.

When she truly feels owned, not in the physical sense, but mentally and emotionally, and there is no greater feeling or place she would rather be, the pride a dominant feels is equal to the feelings she has in her ownership.  She has never been happier than being in this place, and he has never been more proud of her and all she has accomplished to get there.  In a way, she owns him as well.  This is what we all strive for...for two separate people to grow into one phenomenon that is greater than the both of them singly.  For both of them it brings about feelings of pride and of ownership.  And it's feelings that only that special person could have brought out of them...and that few other people will ever see.