So Much More...

When people in general hear something or think about D/s or bdsm, the first thing that comes to mind for them is kink.  It is about the physical acts, the force, the sex, being tied up, spanking, etc...  It is what most would refer to as stepping outside the norm of sexual interactions.  If you just like to play the roles every once in a while, then sure, it is all about the physical acts.  When you don't understand it, sure all you see is the physical acts.  When you have never experienced it for yourself, all you know and see are the physical acts beyond what is the norm for you.  But for many of us, it isn't just the kink.  It isn't just the physical acts.  It's so much more!

In my most recent post (You Raise Me up), the video I made and posted attempts to show this.  Yes, the video portrays Domination and submission.  Yet, I tried to make it show and exemplify the deeper side of this lifestyle.  Showing couples that are involved in these types of relationships, and attempting to show the connection and bond between them.  Trying to show the depth of what they have together.  The lyrics to the song stress this point as well.  When we have a great partner and are together, you do raise each other up.  You give each other strength.  You enable each other to be more than you could be on your own.  And don't think it is just the Dom enabling the sub.  It goes both ways.  A sub can have just as powerful an affect on her Dom and show him how much more and better he can be as well. 


There was a recent post I read by Kitty, where she re-posted and quoted some words written by her Daddy and Husband.  The post (click here to read it) is about how the word submission is viewed in society and gets a bad rap.  Then it goes into the religious references of how a husband and wife should be towards each other.  Daddy explains his view extremely well.  He makes it very clear, which I completely agree with, that submission isn't just about giving and not receiving.  It isn't just about a woman submitting to her husband, obeying, and doing as he says.  The husband should be willing to give as well.  In being in charge and having control, the husband should be willing to give everything he is and has  The Husband should give all he has to and for her, up to and including laying down his own life for her. 

Does that sound like kink to you?  Does that sound like it's just fun physical acts?  Not to me!  It's so much more!  It's a connection and bond that transcends everything else.  Even in everyday life, it's the dynamic within the relationship that can lend strength and stability.  It can make you feel more like yourself, more balanced, and more centered than you could ever be on your own.  It can make you desire to give more of yourself than you have ever given anyone.  It's a place and feeling of safety and security.  There is no other place you would rather be than with that person, giving of yourself, and accepting what they have to offer in return.  It is...home!

Public Service Announcement

I hereby bring you this Public Service Announcement to inform you of...well, of a problem I have been seeing and hearing about lately.  I think it is worth mentioning and talking about, even though I know I have before.  Even though many of you have talked about this before.  I have received a few emails lately looking for some advice or telling me about a specific situation.  The announcement is...BEWARE OF THE PLAYERS!!!  That would be the want-to-be Doms, the fake ones, and especially the ones that knowingly portray themselves as a Dom to prey on a submissive for an ulterior motive. 

As we all know, there are a lot of alleged Dominants out there.  Any guy, or girl for that matter, can come along and claim to be Dominant.  Anyone can put up a profile on a website and declare themselves as Dominant.  Don't believe me?  Just go to Fetlife or Collar Me or any other website, and you can have a profile up and running in about 5 minutes.  This can wreak havoc on those of us that really are part of this lifestyle, and especially on a submissive who is fairly new to TTWD and can't easily spot a "BAD" Dom.  It's no wonder so many people see this TTWD in a bad light.  It's very easy to step into this world and have a bad, if not horrific, experience.  It's no wonder so many people have a view about this, and those of us involved in this, that is completely and totally distorted and incorrect.

So...what do we do about this?  First and foremost be very careful and try to be sure who you are dealing with at all times.  Always use common sense.  When first meeting someone, always make it in public.  I don't care how long you have emailed or talked with someone.  You still never really know.  Nothing replaces a real meeting and the vibe you get from it.  Trust your gut feelings, and your intuition.  Never discount them.  They can alert you to things that may seem off base, but you can't quite put into words and explain.  Until you get to now someone, always have someone else know where you are.  They don't have to know about TTWD, but they do need to know you are meeting someone new, where you are and an expected check-in schedule.  This way if something does happen to go wrong, then you have some sort of backup on your side. 

Unfortunately, there is no Dom School.  It's not like you can ask to see transcripts and a diploma of where a person graduated and learned about being Dom.  We have all learned this on the fly and on our own.  I do wish we could load all the little future Doms and subs on a bus and ship them off to school, but that isn't going to happen.  It's a good thought though.  LOL!  And don't get me wrong, everyone is new at some point and has to start somewhere.  There are some great people out there that wll become a part of this lifestyle.  They have to learn somehow and in some way.  There is a mountain of information, blogs, websites, etc... on the internet. There are books you can buy.  There are local groups you can become a part of and participate.  My point is...educate yourself.  Never stop learning.  Learn about different aspects of this lifestyle and what all my be out there.  that doesn't mean you will like it all, or want to participate in it all.  But through this learning, you will find what you want and need the most, and can weed out the rest.  You can learn a great deal about yourself and TTWD by doing research and constantly trying to gain more knowledge.  These blogs many of us write, I think are a great tool.  They pretty much cover the spectrum of dynamics and activities.  You can read and follow numerous blogs and learn a lot.  Not to mention we all have fun writing them (most of the time anyway lol) and we all become close in our own way in this blog community. 

I don't care whether you are a Dominant or a submissive.  I don't care if you are into M/s, D/s, or just a little kink every now and then.  Please be careful with all that you do.  Please try your best to be safe and know with who you are meeting and dealing.  It isn't always possible, but be sure to look for red flags and take note.  Also, whether you are seasoned or new, never think you are done learning.  there is always more to learn and expand upon.  You can never stop growing in your position and dynamic.  If you do you will become stagnant, and that breeds trouble and despair.  You can't go wrong for yourself and your partner/relationship when you are trying to further your education about TTWD.  Please stay safe and be careful in all your endeavors.

This concludes today's Public Service Announcement!