The Geek Within - Social Science (Part 3)

By now I think it has been established that many of us (me and those that follow me) are geeks.  Stand up, hold your head high, adjust your horned rim glasses, and salute your pocket protector with all your might.  LOL!

I have taken you down the road and pointed out some important parts of TTWD.  Or maybe I have pointed out some potential obstacles within TTWD.  I have taken a look at psychology and sociology, and how they can play a role in this lifestyle.  There are the feelings, emotions and mindsets of those in this lifestyle, which may be similar or may be very different than those in the vanilla world.  I have also taken a look at some of the outside influences and societal factors that can shape the thinking process of a person.  These influences from society are a huge factor in how a person sees and participates in a power exchange relationship.

Now it is time to try to bring everything together.  I realize I am simplifying all of this and it is much more complex than I may be able to explain, but I'll do my best.  Why do we need to be concerned with psychology?  Why do we need to be concerned with sociology?  If you are strictly a researcher, then maybe you don't need to concern yourself with the whys.  Yet, most of us are more than just a geeky researcher.  We are also practitioners.  In some form or fashion we actively participate in D/s, or some type of power exchange relationship...whether it be the newly found desire, a part-time relationship, a long distance relationship, or one that is constant and 24/7.  It is within these relationships that you need to be able to understand, at least on some basic level, these aforementioned social sciences. 

As a Dominant, I feel it is my duty to not only be able to participate in physical activities with Sunshine, but to also understand what else is on her mind.  I can do an endless number of things to her physically.  In doing so, I better know how she will react to what I do to her.  I better know what she can tolerate and what she can't.  I better know when I'm pushing too far and when I'm not pushing enough.  I need to be able to have a grasp on her emotions and feelings...both about our current activities as well as her submission in general.  In other words, I need to have a grasp of her psychologically, and know how to handle what may arise.

As a Dominant, I also need to know about the social background of Sunshine.  As we move forward and progress in our relationship, I need to know what obstacles there may be.  It may involve religion, upbringing, family views, etc...  Any or all of these may have an influence or impact on her and how it affects our D/s dynamic.  I need to know where her views are based.  I need to know what factors may influence and affect her, and what may not.  I need to be prepared to deal with these things in a supportive and understanding manner. This knowledge about her is not to use against her in any way.  It is to have a better understanding myself of what her mindset may be, and how to work with that to enable her to be all she desires to be.

As you can see, there is a psychological mindset that can involve the relationship and dynamic itself.  Then there is a mindset that can be influenced by outside factors.  There is the potential stress of specific activities you may engage in, and there is also the potential stress from the outside.  All of these factors need to have attention paid to them.  They can all have a profound affect on your relationship.  As long as you are aware of the influences and mindsets, then they can be handled.

As a Dominant, I feel it is your duty to be aware of these and to research and learn your partner as much as you research specific activities.  Learn how to help each other through stress and difficult times.  Know what to look for and what may be a cause for certain concerns by your partner.  The more you know each other and are able to help each other, the better and stronger your relationship will be.  Being willing to put forth the effort to learn and understand your partner will also build trust and respect.  And what geek doesn't want trust and respect?!?! 

The Geek Within - Social Science (Part2)

In my last post I broke the news that I am a geek.  Well...so to speak anyway.  By the comments received, there are a lot of geeks out there.  It's my love of learning and diving deep into a subject of interest that is why I came to carry this tag.  And yes, it was attached to me in love and fun.  Although, there is some truth to it...that I cannot deny.  Anyway...in my last post I talked a bit about psychology.  I expressed my desire to learn about the inner workings of the brain and how it relates to the D/s lifestyle.

In this post I want to take a look at sociology.  Wikipedia defines sociology as:

"Sociology is the study of society and human social activity.  Its traditional focuses have included social stratification, social class, social mobility, religion, secularisation, law, deviance."

We as humans are very social creatures.  We seek interaction with others, belong to groups of similar interests, and see social class (wealth) as a way to divide and categorize people.  We seek to be accepted and to fit into the world in which we live.  Larger groups of like minded people within our society tend to make unwritten rules as to how they believe a person should behave and conduct themselves.  In the wikipedia definition, this would primarily be religion and law.  There are standards of behavior within our society that are taught and passed down through generations.  these standards are seen as the norm and are what is generally accepted and expected of a person from their behavior.  These behavior expectations are called mores (pronounced morays...like the eel).  Mores are the norms or values of a particular society.

I think some of you can see where I am going with this.  When it comes to TTWD, many people see this as a deviant act, or as behavior that falls outside the typical values of how a relationship should be conducted.  It goes against how men and women are brought up and raised to act and treat others...especially those of the opposite sex.  It goes against all that has been fought for on behalf of women over the years.  (Women's Lib)  In some senses and and in some relationships, it even goes against the abolishing of slavery and all that entire race of people have fought against.  The main difference here is the willingness to be a part of it, since the slavery is a choice and is not forced. 

This can be especially tough for a submissive woman to justify in her head.  She has been taught to behave and act in a certain way her whole life.  She has been taught to stand up0, be strong, and not have to rely on anyone else.  Yet for some women, being submissive is who they are.  It is a need for them.  It is natural to them and a place where they feel most like themselves and most normal.  This can create an inner battle within her mind between how she feels she is expected to behave, and what she feels she truly wants and needs.  This can make her feel bad about herself and as though something is wrong with her.  A great amount of grief can arise from the turmoil all of this creates.

Let's bring some of this together.  The turmoil in her head, and feelings of being wrong, takes us back to psychology.  It has to do with the mindset about being submissive.  The cause of the mindset and turmoil is the sociological influences impressed upon her by the society in which she lives and has been raised.  Both psychology and sociology play a big role in how a person views TTWD.  First can a person deal with going against society's norm, and then can the person deal with that within their own head and come to terms with it?  This is an age old situational tug-of-war when it comes to this lifestyle.  One side pulling you towards what is considered acceptable behavior, and the other side pulling you towards what you truly need as an individual.

I have said before, and I will say it again...one of the biggest steps a person can take in D/s, and a huge hurdle for so many, is acceptance.  Accepting who you are, what you want and need, and accepting and realizing that it is alright to want and need these things.  You have to realize that is isn't wrong just because you want something that society says you shouldn't.  At times, you have to quit worrying about what everyone else thinks and do what is best for you individually.  Or to put it bluntly...fuck what other people think.  For many people, it is far better psychologically to accept it and be able to be who you truly are, than to deny what you need mentally and emotionally for the sake of what others expect of you.  Those of us in the lifestyle that talk about being free in being owned or collared, this is what is meant by that, at least some of the time.  It can be psychological freedom to accept who you are.  It's as though the weight has been removed and you are no longer held down by the chains of societal correctness.  Hence, there is a freedom in letting go, being able to give yourself to another person, and being bound to them by commitment and love.

I have now showed you some aspects of psychology and sociology within TTWD.  In the next and final post of this series, I will show you I'm not just a geeky research scientist.  I am also a practitioner within the lifestyle.

The Geek Within - Social Science

Back when I was younger, this might have upset me.  It might have rubbed me the wrong way.  I would have fought and denied the very thought of it.  These days...not so much.  In fact, I take it as a compliment...an honor..as something to be a bit proud of about myself.  What is it you ask?  My Sunshine likes to refer to me as a "geek" or a "nerd".  She does it very lovingly though.  And mostly it is in reference to this lifestyle and TTWD.  I am her "sexual geek".  Although, the more I look at it, the more it pretty much covers the way I am overall.  

So what makes me a geek?  It's the way I write.  It's the way I study and research.  Not just about this lifestyle or sex, but anything I don't know about or find interesting.  Google is one of my best friends.  LOL!  It has an answer for everything, or can at least get you started in the right direction.  I do love to discover and learn, in depth, about things I find of interest.  Obviously, D/s is one of those things.  And for me (and any of you that have followed me for a while know this), it's not just D/s...it's the inner workings, feelings, and mindsets associated with this lifestyle.  I would venture to say I'm a social science geek, and how it relates to and involves a D/s dynamic and relationship.  I find the mental and emotional aspects of this fascinating. 

For me (and for the purposes of this series of posts), there are two areas of social science I want to look at with all of you.  They are psychology and sociology.  Then we will also take a look at actual hands-on field practice. 

According to Wikipedia:

"Psychology is the science of behavior and mental processes.  Its immediate goal is to understand individuals and groups by both establishing general principles and researching specific cases.  For many, the ultimate goal of psychology is to benefit society."

The geek within me is intrigued about the psychology of D/s.  I have written many times about feelings and emotions involved in this.  I am indeed very interested and enjoy understanding the mindset of both a Dominant and a submissive.  I am also interested in how this mindset changes and evolves over time.  Everyone involved in TTWD is different and has differing feelings and emotions about it.  Yet, we are all surrounded by some commonalities.  This will almost always be based upon some sort of power exchange between the two people involved. 

The mind is an organ that scientists have been trying to understand for as long as humans have been alive.  It is a very deep and complex network.  Can one truly understand it?  Probably not.  Everyone is different, has their own personality, has varying likes and dislikes, etc...  Even though every single person is made up the same anatomically, it is within the brain that we all differ, are unique, and are individuals.  It is amazing how some people need and crave D/s, while others are appalled by the thought of it.  Some people have a need and desire to be spanked, while others can't even begin to fathom that desire.  Even within this lifestyle, a person can start out not wanting and being against a certain activity (let's say spanking), but then over time they change and grow to maybe not only like it, but need it as part of their relationship. 

I am a geek for liking and being interested in the psychology of TTWD?  I guess so!  I want to understand it more.  I want to learn and keep growing and progressing with my own knowledge of it.  I want to be able to understand Sunshine's mindset, feelings and emotions better.  I believe that in doing so I will be a better person and Dominant for her and us.  Google will continue to be my friend.  I will continue to read and follow blogs related to TTWD.  I will continue to source and browse pictures that involve and illustrate this.  It is through all of these avenues that I learn more and more each day. 

I will learn more about submissives, as well as Dominants.  I will learn more about myself.  For me it is one of those scenarios where the more I learn and the more answers I find, the more questions I have...the more I find I didn't know, and I can feel and see things I hadn't before.  It is as much about discovery of myself as it is about Sunshine and TTWD.  So call me a geek or a nerd...I don't mind at all.  I'm proud of the fact that I like to learn and discover.  Especially when it has direct benefits for me and my relationship. 

In the next post I will delve into sociology and how some of it relates to D/s and TTWD.