The Geek Within - Social Science

Back when I was younger, this might have upset me.  It might have rubbed me the wrong way.  I would have fought and denied the very thought of it.  These days...not so much.  In fact, I take it as a compliment...an honor..as something to be a bit proud of about myself.  What is it you ask?  My Sunshine likes to refer to me as a "geek" or a "nerd".  She does it very lovingly though.  And mostly it is in reference to this lifestyle and TTWD.  I am her "sexual geek".  Although, the more I look at it, the more it pretty much covers the way I am overall.  

So what makes me a geek?  It's the way I write.  It's the way I study and research.  Not just about this lifestyle or sex, but anything I don't know about or find interesting.  Google is one of my best friends.  LOL!  It has an answer for everything, or can at least get you started in the right direction.  I do love to discover and learn, in depth, about things I find of interest.  Obviously, D/s is one of those things.  And for me (and any of you that have followed me for a while know this), it's not just D/s...it's the inner workings, feelings, and mindsets associated with this lifestyle.  I would venture to say I'm a social science geek, and how it relates to and involves a D/s dynamic and relationship.  I find the mental and emotional aspects of this fascinating. 

For me (and for the purposes of this series of posts), there are two areas of social science I want to look at with all of you.  They are psychology and sociology.  Then we will also take a look at actual hands-on field practice. 

According to Wikipedia:

"Psychology is the science of behavior and mental processes.  Its immediate goal is to understand individuals and groups by both establishing general principles and researching specific cases.  For many, the ultimate goal of psychology is to benefit society."

The geek within me is intrigued about the psychology of D/s.  I have written many times about feelings and emotions involved in this.  I am indeed very interested and enjoy understanding the mindset of both a Dominant and a submissive.  I am also interested in how this mindset changes and evolves over time.  Everyone involved in TTWD is different and has differing feelings and emotions about it.  Yet, we are all surrounded by some commonalities.  This will almost always be based upon some sort of power exchange between the two people involved. 

The mind is an organ that scientists have been trying to understand for as long as humans have been alive.  It is a very deep and complex network.  Can one truly understand it?  Probably not.  Everyone is different, has their own personality, has varying likes and dislikes, etc...  Even though every single person is made up the same anatomically, it is within the brain that we all differ, are unique, and are individuals.  It is amazing how some people need and crave D/s, while others are appalled by the thought of it.  Some people have a need and desire to be spanked, while others can't even begin to fathom that desire.  Even within this lifestyle, a person can start out not wanting and being against a certain activity (let's say spanking), but then over time they change and grow to maybe not only like it, but need it as part of their relationship. 

I am a geek for liking and being interested in the psychology of TTWD?  I guess so!  I want to understand it more.  I want to learn and keep growing and progressing with my own knowledge of it.  I want to be able to understand Sunshine's mindset, feelings and emotions better.  I believe that in doing so I will be a better person and Dominant for her and us.  Google will continue to be my friend.  I will continue to read and follow blogs related to TTWD.  I will continue to source and browse pictures that involve and illustrate this.  It is through all of these avenues that I learn more and more each day. 

I will learn more about submissives, as well as Dominants.  I will learn more about myself.  For me it is one of those scenarios where the more I learn and the more answers I find, the more questions I have...the more I find I didn't know, and I can feel and see things I hadn't before.  It is as much about discovery of myself as it is about Sunshine and TTWD.  So call me a geek or a nerd...I don't mind at all.  I'm proud of the fact that I like to learn and discover.  Especially when it has direct benefits for me and my relationship. 

In the next post I will delve into sociology and how some of it relates to D/s and TTWD.

The View From The Outside

How are we perceived?  How do others see us?  How do others view this lifestyle?  These are questions we all face and think about at one time or another.  Those of us in this lifestyle know what it is all about, or are at least learning.  We see things that we know we need from it.  Those needs may vary, and the dynamic you need may be different from the next person, but we all fall under the umbrella in some form or fashion of some type of power exchange relationship. 

I have had some conversations with my Sunshine about this very thing...how this lifestyle is perceived by those outside of it.  The view from the outside is much different than the view on the inside.  We did not meet under the assumption of a D/s relationship, but I did make it clear very early on that this was a big part of who I am.  She had her own views of what all it entailed, which is like so many people not involved or having experience in TTWD.  Yet, her views and perception of this has changed dramatically.  She has found a side of herself that was hidden...and maybe she didn't even know existed.  She knows it now, and is embracing every ounce of it she can, and I couldn't be happier about that.

I was reminded of the perception of others when I read a post of another blogger this morning.   The post was written by ALuv at Sincerely Yours... , and the post was titled In Search Of.  It made me think of the saying...don't judge a book by it's cover.  First appearances may make you think or believe a certain way, but if you take the time to look inside and delve a little deeper, you may see much more than you initially thought was there.   You may be missing a lot if you take something at mere face value and look only at what is seen on the surface.  Underneath it all there is much more than may meet the eye.  ALuv points this out and says it very well. 

"If someone would have said to me 4 years ago that D/s relationship is something I was going to be longing for I probably would have said "you are nuts!" and one of the reason was because I really didn't know what it was about, what it meant, how the dynamics of the relationship works.
I honestly thought it was only about leather, whips and chains, inflicting pain in others and getting a kick while doing so, so yeah, I sorta knew the basics *giggles*. I heard and seen the collars, the toys and just about a great deal of the kinks but I was unaware of the most important part of such relationships; trust, respect, communication, and obedience. The closeness between two people without inhibitions, absolutely no fear to say how one is feeling, please and be pleased, be heard and understood, understand and not judge, be so open that even when dressed in their presence they can see you completely naked. So wonderful *shivers"

I think people on the outside see and believe exactly as ALuv pointed out.  This is strictly about leather, whips, and chains, making demands and inflicting pain.  What is seen on television and on the internet does nothing to dispel this myth.  Yet, when you look beyond the surface, there is a whole other world of feelings, emotions, needs, and desires.  It is about the closeness, the respect, the trust, the love and care, the connection between two people.  It can be a relationship that is stronger and more open than any traditional relationship.  

So many people are afraid of the unknown.  They will look down upon something based upon how they perceive it...even when they really know nothing about it.  We all have our opinions.  I prefer to have an educated opinion, rather than making judgements on things I know nothing about.  There are many aspects of play in this lifestyle that aren't for me.  Does that mean I will talk bad about them?  Not at all!  Everyone has what works and doesn't work for them and there respective personalities and situations.  It's too bad so many people see TTWD as being out on the fringes, kinky, and as an alternate lifestyle.  To me it is a normal lifestyle.  I know this isn't for everyone, but it is for me...and obviously a lot of you as well. 

Don't be deterred by those that are ignorant to what we do.  There will always be people who don't understand.  Just as there will always be people who understand wholeheartedly.  Allow yourself the freedom to be who you are and to seek out what you need.  When dealing with those that aren't in the know...just smile, feel good about yourself, and know you are feeling and experiencing things that they will never even come close to knowing personally.  Maybe someday they will open their eyes enough to know what you know and be able to find a little piece of heaven for themselves.