Some Words On "Being Broken"...

There seems to have been a few posts lately in regards to a submissive being "broken" by her Dominant.  There have even been some tense moments where comments were left and discussions got a bit heated.  The fact of the matter is...we all have different views on what "being broken" is or means.  And this is one of those areas that is tends to mean something completely different from one person to next. 

I think it is important to understand the context of what being broken means when it is discussed.  I think it also has a stereotype attached to it, much like this lifestyle.  That's the irony of this...most of us know that the lifestyle we choose to live isn't anything like the public image and how it's perceived, and I think being broken is much the same.  It has a negative connotation that many people can't see past. 

This image, at least to me, is of a woman being completely stripped physically, mentally, and emotionally.  Down to a completely raw person that resembles nothing of their prior self.  This being done only to build and re-shape her the way someone else wants.  This type of treatment I do not condone or agree with.  For me this is not about completely breaking her down to make her what I want her to be.  I want my sub to be who she is and all of who she is, with my help of course.  I'm not here to change her.  I'm here to help bring out of her the parts she has inside that she may not be aware of or be comfortable expressing. 

Sometimes to grow and progress we have to break through or break down walls.  In order to do this you have to push boundaries and limits.  You have to take a sub to the edge of this wall and then push some more.  You have to break her mentally or emotionally, but only in regards to this wall.  And once through the wall you must stop.  you don't keep going.  Many times this is the hurdle she needed help getting over.  Once done, the path becomes much more clear for future growth and even bring you closer together as a couple. 

And example of this is a conversation I had with a submissive once.  She was very into her relationship, trusted her Dom with all she had, and would have done anything for him.  She had found a love of spanking that she never knew she had.  One of her issues was opening up letting go emotionally.  She said that she rarely cried, especially from physical pain, and can remember this even as far back a a child.  She would bite her lip until it bled in an effort to take the pain and not let the tears flow from her eyes.  So, this is what she now wanted.  She wanted her Dom to take her, spank her, and help her break through this wall.  She wanted to be made to reach a point where letting go of it all was the only choice.  She wanted to be broken to the point of letting years of tears flow from her eyes.

This was the one place, and with the one person she trusted the most, that she felt she could be taken to a point of completely letting go and finding a way through this emotional barrier.  She wanted this wall broken down.  She was asking to be broken...at least in this specific way.  This is the one way she could finally find the freedom and peace from her own emotional prison.  It isn't something she could do on her own.  She needs help and needs to be pushed to that point.  Her "breaking" isn't about breaking her down completely in order to rebuild her.  It's about breaking her in a specific way that she feels, and he feels as well, that is beneficial and will make her a better person moving forward.

So I will leave you with this...try not to let preconceived ideas and views cloud your judgement when you hear about "being broken", or anything else for that matter.   Most of us here are very open minded and can look at the many sides of a situation before forming an opinion.  Especially when it comes to "breaking" someone, make sure you understand the context under which the person is using the term, and how they mean it to apply to them.  Just as all BDSM and D/s isn't about tying someone up and beating the hell out of them, "being broken" isn't always about stripping someone of everything they are.  Most of the time its just about pushing a specific boundary or limit, and with a specific purpose.  If you look at it from a different angle, many times you can get a much better understanding of what a person intends and what it means to them.  The meaning can be different for everyone. 

Doing It Right?!?!

"This is how you know you're doing it right!" 

I came across this picture and it had this caption along with it.   This made me stop in my tracks and think...and stare...and think some more.  Is this true?  Is this how it is supposed to be?  Is this what we should all push for and strive to achieve?  To make her so emotional that she breaks down and cries?

I have written in the past (as many of you know) about feelings and emotions for a submissive in TTWD.  Do I think we should strive for this type of mental and emotional breakdown?  No, not strive for necessarily!  Do I think that this is bound to happen at times?  Yes...absolutely!  I think it is inevitable.  I don't think there is any way around it.

A submissive, whether new to her submission or one that is been involved in this for a while, can be very emotional.  A Master or Dominant is supposed to help her find herself.  To help her find who she really is and needs to be.  To help bring that out of her, into the open, and face it head on.  He is there to push her limits and take her farther than either of them know she can go.  This will bring out some very raw emotions, as well as nervousness and maybe even some fear.  She may not only be scared of what he may do to her, but of how she will react to it.  A majority of the time, this fear is of the unknown.  She is heading into uncharted waters and doesn't know what to expect.  This is only natural.

Just for the record, let me add my usual mantra about this process.  Any of you that follow me regularly know this already.  This isn't about blindly pushing and forcing a submissive to do things.  It isn't about doing things to her, just for the sake of doing them.  A Master or Dom should be very calculated in his approach and methods.  This should be done with care and safety in mind.   I don't necessarily believe in pushing to the point of breaking, with the intent of breaking.  Yet, at times it will happen.  If you are doing your job, she will be pushed past the breaking point at times.  However, it is the Doms job to be able to read her and see when she is there, even if the activity is new to him as well.  She is at his mercy and his control, and it is his job to take care of her.  There is never anything wrong with small baby steps and working into things.

You must be prepared to care for her not only during the process of the activity you are doing, but after as well.    The aftercare and support can be as important, if not more so, as the actual activity itself.  This is when she will know that you are there for her...the bond between you can strengthen...and she can feel the love and care you have for her.  It is in this that she knows she is not alone in dealing with this.  It re-affirms her decision to be yours, as she can see and feel that she gave herself to you, you pushed her, she went over the edge, and you are there to catch her and help her through the mental and emotional aspects that follow.  It is in this, that she will become even more yours, as the bonds between you grow deeper.

So...do I think you have to break her down, like in the picture, to be doing things right?  No I don't!  But I do think it will happen at times, whether it is planned or not.  It is part of the process.  It is how the two of you deal with it and deal with each other, when it does happen, that matters most.  It's this dealing with it that can ultimately show you both how much you mean to each other, bring you closer, and show you the purpose of the whole relationship.  She should never have to deal with these emotions on her own.  It should always be something you work through together to better understand where you have been, where you are, and where you would like to go.  Apart...you will not make it very far!  Together...you can climb mountains!