Pride and Ownership...

There is a part of every Dominant that is very difficult to see.  Within each Dominant is a part of him (substitute "her" if it makes you feel better or suits your situation) that very few will ever see.  Only those with which he is directly involved, such as his submissive, will likely see this side of him. This mysterious and hidden part is his sense of pride.

I have talked before about many of the new things and feelings that a submissive will experience and find about herself.  Not just anyone can pull this out of her.  It takes a special man..the right man...to be able to maneuver inside of her and find these special feelings.  She may be submissive, but she does not and will not submit to just anyone.  Only for him.  Only for the one that she feels has earned and deserves her submission.    Only for the one man that she feels comfortable opening up to and making herself vulnerable.  Only he is allowed to see this side of her.

The same goes for the Dominant.  There are parts of him that only his submissive will be allowed and privileged to see.  It's not because he is holding it back from everyone else.  It's not because he refuses to show and express his feelings.  It's because it takes that special woman, that special submissive, that can maneuver inside of him and allow him to feel things no one else can.

With the right submissive and partner, the Dominant will feel a sense of pride like at no other time.  It's a sense of pride in what he has been able to accomplish and in his submissive.  When his guidance and leadership has been able to help her see things like never before, and she feels sensations deep within her soul that she didn't know were even possible, his sense of pride begins to shine.  It's seeing his handy work come to fruition.  He has led and guided her down a path of discovery, and now she has discovered what he has been leading her to find.

He sees this within her.  He can sense the growth and progress she has made.  Based on the new discoveries and feelings, she presents herself and acts differently.  She has blossomed into someone much more beautiful in his eyes.  Knowing he has been able to hep her do this brings about his sense of pride.  It's like a teacher happy with his students.  It's like a parent happy with the decisions and choices of his children.  Yet, it's deeper and more emotional.  There is care and love.  There is appreciation.  There is a true sense of value.  There is affirmation of all you have been doing.  This is a pride like no other.

In this lifestyle we talk about ownership.  There is the physical ownership of a Dominant taking on a submissive.  She is his and belongs to him.  Yet, there is also the mental and emotional ownership that develops over time.  It's when she truly feels this within herself that she is truly owned.  When she feels it inside...when she feels like she belongs...when she feels like there is no other.  There really are no words to describe how this feels, but it is there and is a feeling only those that have been there understand.  Being able to get a submissive to this place and feeling owned...there is no feeling like that for a Dominant either.  That instills and brings forth a sense of pride in leadership that nothing else can do.

When she truly feels owned, not in the physical sense, but mentally and emotionally, and there is no greater feeling or place she would rather be, the pride a dominant feels is equal to the feelings she has in her ownership.  She has never been happier than being in this place, and he has never been more proud of her and all she has accomplished to get there.  In a way, she owns him as well.  This is what we all strive for...for two separate people to grow into one phenomenon that is greater than the both of them singly.  For both of them it brings about feelings of pride and of ownership.  And it's feelings that only that special person could have brought out of them...and that few other people will ever see.

Ownership and Betrayal

Maybe this should be titled "Ownership and Betrayal (or lack thereof)".  I will tell you why I think this.  I saw this picture and it immediately made me think about her being owned.  Not for one moement did I think about the land or actual physical real estate to which I'm sure the sign is referring. 

Maybe I'm a bit off center with my thinking.  Maybe the rest of the world is. I don't know.  But when you are in this lifestyle and you are a Dominant, you look at your submissive or slave as your property, eventually anyway.  She has committed herself to you and you own her.  She has given you the most precious thing possible...herself.  She belongs to you and no one else.  She is yours and yours alone to do with as you so choose.  OK, OK, at least within reason, but that's a whole other discussion.  This is not something you can go out and purchase like any other piece of property.  It's not on the shelf at the supermarket.  You can't get it at Wal-Mart.  you can't order it online.  (ok well maybe you can, but...)  So how does a Dominant come to own a submissive.  YOU EARN IT!  You earn the right to her.  You earn a place in her heart and soul.  This is something that money can't buy.   

So...as usual this got me to thinking.  I consider ownership of a sub to be very simialr to marriage.  Whether you wear a ring or have a formal ceremony makes no difference.  It is the devotiona dn commitment to each other that makes the relationship what it is.  When my mind gets on a subject and it flows here there and everywhere.  Not necessarily in an effort to cover all the angles and possibilities.  It just happens to roam around on it's own picking pieces up here and there.  If you look at traditional relationships and marriages, they come and go.  Divorce rates seem to be as high as ever.  People are having affairs much more commonly these days.  And, this is not just men, but women as well.  Just look at all the websites dedicated to sex, swingers, affairs, etc...  there is even a well known site, Ashley Madison, which is specifically geared towards married people looking for something on the side. 

If we look back at a D/s relationship, you just don't seem to have quite the issues as a traditional relationship, as far as affairs and sneaking around.  Maybe I'm naive and blind.  It is possible!  But they don't seem to be near as prevalent, and you don't hear about it much, whether it's on these blogs, on other boards, or wherever.  I'm not saying that these relationships don't end and last forever.  So do and some don't.  Yet, the style of relationship, the intensity, the level of commitment and time, and the level of mental and emotional involvement seem to lend itself to being a bit more affair proof.  Betrayal of what is the basis of everything in the relationship does not show it's head very ofetn, at least in my opinion.  This could be due to more open communication, and deeper feeling of commitment, and much more being at stake.

Maybe the vanilla world should take a look at BDSM relationships and take notice.  Maybe they could learn a thing or two about what it takes to have a deeply involved relationship.  Maybe I'm totally off base and wrong in this entire post.  Yet, it does appear to me that the ownership of a sub and the lack of betrayal in these relationships seem to be correlated, at least on some level. 

What do you think?  What are your thoughts?  Am I wrong?  Tell me your opinion!