Still Finding Our Way...

 It's been a while since either of us posted... again... but we are alive and well and surviving the pandemic without much issue.  We have always pretty much been home bodies so this hasn't been as bad for us, I don't think, but even we are getting a bit stir crazy and ready to be able to get back out and about as we were able to do pre-pandemic.  We aren't in a place of total lock-down, but still some restrictions and mask mandates.  At this point we feel everyone knows about Covid and the risks.  You don't need the government telling you what you can and can't do.  We fully believe in personal responsibility so if you want to go and do then you should, but you know the risks and it falls on you to accept that. 

 
As for our Master/slave dynamic, we are still at it and trying to find our way.  It doesn't seem to be a part of things as much as we would like, but it is still a definite part of who we are and what we have.  Since getting married almost 2 years ago, there have been a lot of changes, or maybe challenges is a better word.  Medical issues (started before getting married), slave quitting her job to stay home and us getting used to being under the same roof 24/7 since I work from home (even before the pandemic), kids in the house, an ailing 92 year old grandmother living with us that we care for, and whatever else that life has thrown at us.  

While we can't be overtly Master/slave 24/7, it is always there and present.  Finding the balance between every day interactions and Master/slave has been the hard part for us.  Maybe more for me than her, if I'm being honest.  She will definitely say more for me than her.  Working, having other people in the house 24/7, daily life, etc... many times I'm tired and just want to relax.  While in contrast she is ready for Master/slave time.  This doesn't mean I don't want that time together and being more outwardly Master/slave, but day in and out it can be difficult at times.  

I am working on this myself and making a conscious effort to do better from my side.  Admittedly, and she will also gladly point out my faults (bad slave - lol) that my follow-through or enacting on consequences for her hasn't been what it should be.  As she tells me, more times than not she needs me to be "mean Master" and stick to my guns and hold her accountable.  I can't disagree with her on this.  We seem to have gotten so lax (ie, I have gotten so lax) that we need to go the extreme other direction to find some balance in the middle.  She needs to be micromanaged and held accountable for every little thing.  Until that happens she probably won't feel like the slave she is and needs to be, and to see that I am engaged and care enough to do it.  

This isn't just on the daily domestic side of things, but also applies sexually.  Or maybe I should say "DOMestic".  (come on, that was at least a little bit funny)  She needs me to use her and make her serve in that capacity.  She is a very sexual woman/slave, and needs that side of things greatly.  Maybe more so that most women, or even men for that matter.  When I'm tired and just want to relax she does not hesitate to tell me that the 16 year old me would be greatly disappointed in myself for having a woman throw herself at me and doing nothing about it.  She has a point!  We are engaged sexually, but not as much as she would like or we should be.  

It seems as though I have a lot to work towards and improve upon.  Yeah, I can admit it... mostly.  I am trying to do better and push us back towards what we both want and need form this.  What we both came into it expecting.  This is especially true from being married and able to have a 24/7 dynamic the way we both always strived to attain.  I/we are a work in progress.  Very happy together and not wanting that to change whatsoever.  Yet, we need to get back to where we feel we once were so we can then go beyond that.  We will get there.  Of that I have no doubt.  In the mean time we will just enjoy the ride and see where it takes us, while trying to live the way we both need and finding happiness in the dynamic we have and getting what we each need from the other.  

~DV~

My first experience with another woman... (His view)

This was a wonderful experience for Hds. She has had some hesitation in the past with accepting her desires and attraction to women. Maybe hesitation isn't the right word.  More like she tries to deny it but can't.  And being the good Master I am I won't let her deny it.  In fact I rather enjoy making her admit it.  

This was something we had talked about for a while, but it hadn't come to fruition yet.  I vetted several candidates and the woman I chose I spoke with for a coupe of weeks before agreeing to meeting.  She was a bit older, completely understood her place and what I was seeking in this.  This experience was setup to be all about Hds. It was about her submission and slavery, trusting me, and getting past her nerves to be able to experience this. It was about putting her on display, knowing she was being seen in a completely bare and vulnerable position. She was there to be enjoyed and in a position where she had no choice, but she didn't want choice.  This was something she wanted but also needed to be made to do.

After being confident in my choice of who would be a part of this experience with us I informed HDS.  Least to say she had a panic attack.  Yet, we talked through it, she trusted me, and I assured her we would meet in public prior to this happening.  On the day this was to happen we met at a nearby Starbucks to ensure we all meshed and it still felt right.  She even suggested and allowed us time to talk through it before proceeding with anything, which only helped assure me I had made a good choice.  She understood what I was trying to do and was fully supportive.  

Once we moved forward and met at the hotel, Hds and I got there first.  I had Hds in position and ready by the time the knock came at the door.  You could hear HDS' heart beating as I went to answer the door, as she knew there was now no turning back.  As we went through the paces a it, hearing the other woman ask to touch her, hearing me grant her permission, and then Hds feeling her hands on her body was wonderful for her to experience as well as for me to watch. Seeing how much Hds really did enjoy it, and how much her desires were found to be valid in the touch of this woman and having her hands explore her body. She was soft and caring and made sure to not overstep her place in this.  

To this day I remind HDS about how she had another woman touching her, how she was raising her ass off the bed and moving her body in unison of having her pussy rubbed and explored, and how she didn't want it to stop. Topped off with being fucked in front of this other woman and holding her hand and looking her in the eye as she orgasmed multiple times for me.  

There was little to no touching at all between myself and the other woman. It wasn't about me being with her. It was all about having her there and Hds getting this experience. It was a step into the kiddie pool as a starting point for exploring her bi side, and it couldn't have gone better. The woman I chose was wonderful and couldn't have made this better for either of us. She was there to assist and asked to touch her and and help, but she was not at all aggressive or pushing for too much.

We further explore this in the future as opportunities present themselves, and we will see if we move from the kiddie pool to something a bit deeper. Hds also has fantasies of Master being with another woman and her being made to watch, but that is a complete other topic and scenario for another day! In the scope of this experience, I am so proud of Hds for trusting me and being able to have this experience.

DV

My first experience with another woman...

Walking into the hotel room my feelings were bouncing back and forth from excitement to nervousness.  I knew Master had arranged for another woman to be there.  I had met her earlier so she wasn’t exactly a complete stranger.  But I was unsure what Master had planned and that had me a little anxious.  I remember walking into the room, looking at Master, and telling myself that I trust this man more than anyone I ever have in my life.  He knows me better than anyone in this world.  He loves me.  And I know that my safety is his top priority...not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well.  It didn’t matter what he had planned, I would obey.  At that moment the only thing that mattered to me was pleasing him. 

Sitting in the chair, he applies the blindfold.  Normally I love the blindfold because it heightens my senses and I love the anticipation of what he’s going to do.  But today I was thankful for the blindfold because it gave me a strange sense of security as I sat there on display.  I could hear Master answer the door and then they both sit down in front of me.  I was VERY thankful for the blindfold at this moment as it gave me this false sense of hiding as Master and our new friend began talking about me as if I wasn’t in the room.  And for some reason, that was making me wet.  She was asking questions about our relationship, things that we enjoy, what we were looking for etc.  Master is talking about me.  I am throbbing now and can feel how wet I am getting.  My head is starting to get a little fuzzy and I do all I can to focus solely on Master’s voice.  He tells me to spread my legs. “Awww, look at how wet she is” he states.  I hear her tell him “she is beautiful” as I make a mental note at how thankful I was for this blindfold.  As if it was ‘if I can’t see you, then you can’t see me’

 

I remember Master helping me stand and moving me to the bed.  Layed out on my stomach, I feel the first lash across my ass.  Again, I can hear them talking.  Making comments about how nice those marks look across my ass.  I don’t even realize what I am doing until I hear Master voice “What a greedy whore she is raising her ass higher begging for more.  Look at how wet her pussy is getting”  The next voice was hers asking for his permission to touch me.  For a moment I froze as I waited for his reply.  A mental reminder that I gave myself to him a long time ago.  I no longer have choice.  He granted her permission and I felt her hands on me.  Sliding her fingers across my pussy and commenting on how soft and wet I was.  I knew Master had to be pleased.  Proud that I didn’t flinch or disobey.  I knew he had to be enjoying watching her touch me, and that only fueled my fire.  I feel a gush when I hear Master “look at her raising and wiggling her ass as you slide her fingers through her pussy” 

At some point she asks Master if she could watch him fuck me.  I remained on my stomach and raised my ass for him to slide inside me.  I feel the bed shift as she sits down next to me.  Master removes my blindfold.  As I look up at her, she brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes.  She makes a comment about how big my Master’s cock is and asking me to tell her how it feels inside me.  I am unsure how it came to be, but I remember reaching out to her.  My hand roaming over her nice tits.  Playing with her nipples.

Master tells me to cum “Show her how you cum for your Master” I scream out as I have an incredibly intense orgasm.  She was very gentle and tender with me while holding my hand throughout.

This day in the hotel room brought Master and I closer than I could have imagined.  I put myself and my trust in his hands.  Master freed my mind and allowed me to just enjoy this experience together. 

His devoted slave 

This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you...

As mentioned in the last post by Hds, I am struggling physically.  I have a herniated disc in my neck and surgery is looming not far away.  If you have never had this issue Then I hope you don't ever have to go through it.  The neck pain and soreness itself is not that bad.  The radiating nerve pain in my shoulder and down the arm is the main issue.  Along with numbness in a couple of my fingers, or if I move the right way my entire hand starts tingling and going numb.  This has slowly been getting worse and no other attempts to resolve it have helped, hence the need for surgery.  It wasn't too noticeable at first, but now the weakness and lack or coordination in my hand and arm are becoming more apparent. 

One of the rules I have with Hds is she is to text me when she gets to work in the morning so I know she made it safely.  She is also to text me when heading home in the evenings so I know she is on the road and on her way.  She has a bit of a drive and a fair amount of traffic to deal with, so it is somewhat a safety thing as well as my own peace of mind.  Least to say she tends to forget at times.  I have to ask if she made it to work. Or, she just comes walking in at home, which leads me to ask why she is home because I didn't even know she was on the road.  She has even tried to be sneaky and text me from a block away and then she walks in the door just minutes later.  This is usually a 30-45 minute drive depending on traffic, to which I say "nice try Hds" and her usual response is "well I did text you to let you know I was on my way home". 

The punishment for not letting me know she is on the road is usually five whips with the belt (not the fun kind).  Granted, I'm not always good with my follow-through on carrying out the punishment.  I have been doing better, but she gets some kind of masochistic joy out of poking the sadist and pointing out that she ca do what she likes because I won't follow through on it anyway.  A couple of days ago Hds comes walking in while not sending me a text she was on her way home.  After pointing this out, I grabbed her hand and began leading her to the bedroom. 

Hds  "Wait... no... where are we going?"
DV  "To give you the punishment you have earned for not texting"
Hds  "Wait... no... you can't do that!"
DV  "Excuse me?!?!
Hds  "I mean... the kids are home!  Grandma will hear it!  Don't wake up Grandma!"
DV  "No the kids aren't home and Grandma is asleep." (as Hds is being bent over the bed)
DV  "Trust me, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." (referring to my arm pain)
Hds  "Damn that hurt!"  (after receiving her 5 lashes with the belt)
DV  "Isn't that the point?  You're not supposed to like it!  You need to be held accountable for your actions, or lack thereof!"  
Hds  "Yes Sir!"

I will be the first to admit I haven't been as good with following through with holding Hds accountable as I need to be.  This has been part of the learning curve and us figuring out how to find our balance.  I need to do better and have been trying to do better at being more of the Master she needs me to be... that I need to be for me.  Least to say, my current health situation has not made this any easier.  It's a daily struggle most of the time right now, and finding the energy, mentally or physically, or difficult.  Yet, we will push through it and persevere.  We will get there, or at least enjoy the Journey in trying to get there.  Even if that means Hds tries to take advantage of my weakened state to do what she wishes, I have to suffer through punishing her and holding her accountable, and knowing that swinging the belt will hurt me more than it hurts her.  In her defense, she really does not like to disobey, or certainly do it on purpose.  She isn't the brat type, and for that I am thankful.  She has been very good to me in trying to help and take care of me.  This is a good thing, because there is much more to come!

~DV~

Adjusting To The new Norm Part 2...a slave's view

Most days my slavery comes so natural, but every now and again I find myself struggling with feeling my slave-hood and I need that little reminder from Master.  Sometimes a look is all it takes to snap me back into my place.  And sometimes I need more.  I need to physically feel his control and ownership.  It could be a sharp slap on my ass or across my cheek that gets my attention redirected and focused on where it should be.  Then there are times that I need more.  I need a firm grip of my hair and being told to please his cock as he pushes me to me knees.  I need to be taken and used merely for his pleasure.  I need a strong hand and a reminder of who I am and where I belong.  I need to feel him!

As you may  have read in Master's previous post, there has been some struggle with adjusting to our new norm.  Adjusting to living together and the day to day stuff has been quite easy and has felt like a natural transition.  However, we have additional responsibilities that the average newlyweds don't normally have.  We have the 19yr old living at home while going to college.   We have the 12yr old that thinks she's 19 and should have the same rights as the 19yr old.  We also have the 91yr old that for the most part is pretty self sufficient, but still needs help on a daily basis.  Our home feels like Grand Central Station with everyone coming and going.  Needless to say, there has been very little alone time for the boss and I.  The cherry on top of our madness...Master's spanking arm is injured! 

*insert tears*

As I sit here writing this, I am doing so with some heavy guilt.  You see, I have been feeling a bit neglected.  Actually, I feel like we have been neglecting "us"  and I haven't exactly been handling it with the grace of a slave.  As I sit here I can hear Master helping his grandmother to bed.  We have a baby monitor in her room so that we can hear her if she needs anything during the night.  Right now I hear him kiss her goodnight and say "I love you MaMa"  

*insert more tears*

That's right kids, the big Domly DV loves his MaMa!  He adores her and she him.  He is amazing with her.  As hard as it has been, and as much work and worry that it can be, I am incredibly happy for Master that he is able to have this time with her.  She tells me just about every day "don't tell anyone this, but he has always been my favorite grandchild"  And just like that the feelings of neglect are replaced with feelings of selfishness.  I've been thinking of myself and my own selfish wants/needs instead of keeping my focus where it belongs...on my Master, on his wants and needs, and my service to him.  

Perhaps I should make time in the mornings for a some slave meditation to start my day off in the right direction.  Perhaps I should stop right here before I give Master any ideas that could result in less sleep for this slave!! 

His devoted slave

Adjusting To The New Norm...

As mentioned in an earlier post, the past year has been full of changes.  Most notably has been our marriage.  As I tend to remind Hds (His devoated slave), she is now legally bound to me as my slave.  In reality, the small ceremony in the family backyard had no mention of this, and there is no legal paperwork stating this, but in our minds and as far as we are concerned she is now legally mine.  That is how we think, view it, and conduct our relationship.  It is the basis of what we have, and has been from the first time we spoke.

We have always talked about wanting and needing a 24/7 relationship.  It is what we have both been striving to attain.  Yet, this has turned out to also be one of the biggest struggles to actually implement and put into practice.  You see... when we were not married and living separately it was easy to get into the Master/slave mindset when we had time together.  Not being together all the time, in looking back at it now, sort of made it easier to implement when we were together.  It has always been a part of who we are and has always been there between us.  It has always been a part of our conversations and the foundation of our relationship, whether together or not.  Yet, when you aren't together all the time you have that downtime to yourself and then can actively engage in it when you are together. 

We have always enjoyed being able to joke around, cut up with each other, and just enjoy time together.  We have also always enjoyed our Master/slave dynamic.  Now that we are married and together full time it's more about finding the balance between the two that has been a challenge.  It's not realistic to be, for a lack of a better way to put it, in full on "Master Mode" constantly.  Don't get me wrong, the dynamic is always there.  We both want, need, and naturally are in our respective roles.  The challenge is more in finding the balance in our dynamic in every day life versus being able to move more into "Master Mode", and the back and forth.  I'm not sure that makes much sense as I try to explain it, but it doesn't roll out of my head clearly explainable. 

Another part of the challenge is there are always others present in the house now.  One college age teenager living at home, another pre-teen that is a part timer in the house, and recently a 91 year old grandmother that we moved in to take care of instead of in a nursing home.  Least to stay, breaking out the belt for a beating (I say beating lovingly, of course) and the loud whacks as it snaps across her ass, or having my way with Hds and making her scream and orgasm uncontrollably isn't exactly something as easily accomplished as before.  We did once take advantage of being alone only to have two of the older kids come home and through the door before we realized it and they got to hear their mom making noises that sounded like an exorcism was in progress.  That was awkward, as yo can imagine, but another post all to it's own. 

Even with all the challenges and adjustments we both still wouldn't change it for anything.  We are right where we have aimed to be and have what we intended.  Making it all work hasn't been the easiest or roads to travel, but then again the journey is half the fun.  There is a still a lot of trial and error in an effort to find what works, what doesn't how best to go about certain circumstances, etc... but we will eventually settle into it.  Of course, then something at home will change and we will have to adjust again, but that's life and we will face it when it is upon us.

~DV~

My Collar

The Christmas season is generally not a stressful time for me.  I learned long ago that if I can get the majority of my shopping done prior to Thanksgiving, then I can spend the rest of my time putting up the tree, decorating, and enjoying the season.  But this year, outside stresses have decided to pile it on!

I work my professional job Monday-Thursday.  I also own a small side business where I get to use my creativity and play with power tools.  I generally take my last orders for Christmas one week prior, but this year I had a couple of requests that I caved and agreed too.  Two items I outsourced to have cut.  The delivery came yesterday and I knew I had plenty of time to finished them up and have delivered before Christmas.  Until I opened the box....One of the items was spelled wrong and cut in the wrong font.  Three items were each broke in three pieces, and two items were broke in half.  Of course it is now too late to have them recut and finished before Christmas.  I hate having to tell customers that I have failed them and now they are going to be scrambling to come up with another gift idea.  That was the last straw for me last night.  I just broke down and all the little things that have been piling up over the last week came pouring out in a ugly cry. 

"This is spelled wrong and in the wrong font.  These are broke, and these are broke. This customer issue.  This rude customer.  Plus, I have piles all over the house and garage of items that need to be finished, picked up, or delivered.  Having to lay down X amount for a new dryer 4 days before Christmas is not my idea of a good time.  My kids are grown and scattered in 3 different states so they won't be home for Christmas.  I miss my grandbabies.   The little one is struggling with daddy not being there when she wakes Christmas morning, and that breaks my heart for her.  I have to make something to bring to the work luncheon on Monday.  I have to make homemade rolls for our family Christmas lunch at your parent's house.  I'm angry about these orders and I hate disappointing customers.  I'm just overwhelmed and tired"  

Poor Master just had it laid on him in true "ugly cry" fashion.  He calmly asked "What do you need"  "What can I do for you"  I had no answer for him.  None of this can be fixed.  It just is what it is.

That's when he got up and walked in our room.  When he came back, he had my collar in his hands.  When he placed it around my neck, I immediately have this sense of peace wash over me.  I doesn't fix the previously stated issues, but it puts it on the back burner and allows my mind to stop for a while and gives me the break I need from all of it.  I wrapped my fingers through the O ring as I laid my head in his lap.  The next thing I know, he is waking me up and telling me it's time to go to bed.  I slept with my collar on.  I'm still wearing it as I type this out.  If  Master allows it, I will wear it until I have to leave tomorrow morning.  

I have always been in awe at how everything within me changes the moment Master places the collar around my neck.  How it calms me and refocuses my thoughts on what is important.  It reminds me of my place and who I am.  As much as I try to please my customers, the only person I truly need to please is Master DV.  When I'm stressed and upset, that doesn't please him.  So going forward, there will be changes in my side business, and the time I spend with my family.  

I woke this morning with a clear head and able to logically think through the issues weighing on me last night.  Things break during shipping.  People make mistakes.  I do the best I can for my customers and they know this.  I can't make everyone happy.  The rude ones will no longer be given my time.  Our kids grow up and start their own lives. (that one will probably always be a hard one for this momma)  Sometimes life isn't fair or easy.  This dish I'm bringing to our work luncheon will only take me 15 minutes to throw together.  The rolls don't have to be done until Christmas morning.  Plus I totally rock my homemade rolls so it's worth it.  Master knows that I have been busy and he hasn't said a word about me taking over the garage, the dinning room and part of his office.  After Monday, I have the next 6 days to get our home back in order.  More importantly, this is our first Christmas as husband and wife, Master and slave.

I love my collar!  I love it for all that it represents and for all that it does for me mentally as well as physically!

His devoted slave