Comfort And Stability Versus Change

I received this picture this morning from my Sunshine.  Part of it really made her think about things going on in her life.  It really made me think too, as it holds true for things happening in my life as well.  I think we can all relate to this in one way or another.  We all have regrets about situations where we didn't take a chance, didn't make a decision, or waited too long to make a decision. 

Why is it that we as people tend to delay decisions?  Why do we put off making decisions we know we need to make, and will ultimately make life better for us?  The answer is...comfort and change...or the fear of change.  We get comfortable in our situations.  We need stability.  We don't like change.  Even when we find ourselves in situations that aren't the best or aren't ideal, we will stay in those situations because they feel normal and comfortable.  There is some stability and knowing what to expect in those situations.  We would rather stay in a non-ideal situation than have to deal with change and turn our stability upside down. 

I continue to use "we" as I describe this because I feel overall that people in general are this way, and I am as well.  I like stability and knowing what to expect.  There are changes coming up for me that will be life altering in a huge way.  The changes may be sooner or may be later, but they are coming one way or another.  I know in the end that these changes will be the best for all involved.  I know that ultimately these changes will make me happier and enable me to be more of who I want and need to be as a person.  They will give me a chance to get what I need as a person that I can never get otherwise. 

So why don't I just go ahead and move forward?  Why don't I make these changes now?  The simple answer is comfort and stability in where I am.  I don't have to make these changes now.  If forced or pushed, I could move forward with the changes now.  I have no problem in doing so, but for now I don't have to do anything.  Will I regret not going ahead and making the changes that are coming?  Will I wish I hadn't delayed and had gone ahead and gotten things moving forward?  Possibly!  But, there are a lot of other factors in play, so for now...stability is good.  Yet, I will say this...I am slowly moving forward.  The changes are because of me and my own initiation.  They will happen because of me.  They will happen because I know what I want and need to make me a happier person.  Because I refuse to settle long term for anything less.  These decisions can be heartbreaking and gut-wrenching, but will also be the best for all involved long term....or at least so I believe.

At one time or another we all have to make life altering decisions.  It could be about your relationship, your marriage, or even whether or not to take the steps to finding who you truly are as a Dominant or submissive.  Sometimes it involves letting go of the past to be able to have a brighter future.  We all have to face changes at some point or another.  We all have to step out of our comfort zone, let go of the stability, and try to better ourselves.  Are you willing to make the necessary changes to be able to be happier and find who you truly are?  Are you already doing that?  Can you make those tough decisions?  It's never an easy thing to do.  Yet, sometimes we have to be willing to let go to move forward.  Don't settle for less than you need and deserve.  If you settle, even though you aren't happy, because you are comfortable and stable, then I can promise you one thing for certain...In The End, as you look back, you will regret not standing up for yourself and making the changes needed to be happy and the person you really are inside. 

Decisions (Part 3)

We all make decisions in our life that were not the correct action of choice. We all make mistakes. That is an inherent part of being human. It is learning from your mistakes that is what becomes most important. If you keep making the same mistakes over and over, well...that's where you may have a problem. Making the same mistake over and over and expecting a different outcome? That's known as insanity. Am I insane? It's possible!


Let's take a look back at my previous posts about decisions. I had a marriage that had problems. I had an affair. My marriage ended. I have a second marriage. We are openly having affairs, so to speak, and quite possibly my marriage is ending. Are we beginning to see a pattern here?

I am now making my way back around to where we started. I'm back to my contemplative state that was fueled by the post Just a Little Thing Called... on Thinking About It Differently. In her post, Maryann asks about the "L" word...Love. What is love? How do you know when you're in love? Is there such a thing as love at first sight? Do you believe in soulmates? Is it physical or is it chemical? These are a lot of good questions. I'm sure everyone has their own thoughts on it, and looks at it differently. For me, the biggest question with my relationships are:

Have I really been in love?
Have I fallen out of love?
Maybe it was them and not me?
Maybe they really weren't the right person for me?

I'm sure there are more questions, but these are the ones that immediately come to mind. I do believe I have been in love. I have cared for all my spouses (all - that sounds pretty horrible) unconditionally and wanted to be everything to them, and them for me. No relationship stays as exciting as it was when it first started. That is just a fact! Those initial butterflies, the thrill of the chase, the excitement of someone new, getting to learn all about that person. After a while things calm down and you begin to settle in. Keeping that fire between you is hard work. It takes both people involved giving everything they have to each other to keep the relationship going. No marriage or relationship is perfect all the time. Tthey all have their ups and downs. But, when one person isn't giving as much as the other, whether it's can't give as much or won't, then the breakdown has begun.

I claim just as much fault for letting my relationships get to the point they have as anyone should. It takes two people to make things work. Once you both are not on the same page, or even in the same book, then trouble looms. So, I have to ask myself...were these women the right ones for me? I don't know. Is it me that stops giving it my all and causes the breakdown of the union? Maybe. Am I incapable of keeping a relationship together long term? I don't know. Will I always be wanting to see what is on the other side of the fence? I don't know. I'll be the first to tell you the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. It may be a different kind of grass, but it's still grass and it's still green. I do love my current wife, without a doubt. But it's more like a best friend or brother sister kind of love. It's not the type where I want to be intimate with her type of love. We have grown way past that, and I believe she would tell you the exact same thing.

So where does this leave me? Yep, I'm floating in limbo in contemplation. Just thinking and wondering. I do believe the right woman for me is out there somewhere. The one that will be my everything and stay that way. The one that will help me keep the fire going at all costs. I hope that I can take all the mistakes I have made in my life, and the decisions I have made, and use them to make a better future. A better future for me as well as that special someone else. There is no replacement for experience. If mistakes are the stepping stones to learning, then I have a path to the moon and back as well as a Ph.D. I like to think that everywhere I have been in my life is just the path to where I need to be. This path is molding me into the person I need to be. That may cause a lot of heartache along the way. That's just something I have to be willing to deal with and face.

Over the past few years, my immersion in the D/s lifestyle has opened my eyes to a lot of new things. It has helped get a better view of myself and shine a light on who I think I really am. What type of D/s relationship would suit me best if I had a choice? I'm not sure. Due to my situation currently, I have not been able to get fully involved to the point that I think I know that answer. I have not found the person willing to jump in this with me fully to see where it might lead and what it might bring. I have enough experience and knowledge that I have a great basis and know where I stand on many situations and practices. I certainly don't know everything, or claim to. I am an ever evolving process, willing to learn, examine, and look at new experiences. I'm certainly not going into anything blind at this point, like I once was. Yet, anyone that thinks they are the best and that they know it all and can't learn more and be better...well, honestly they scare me.

The decisions we make, good or bad, have gotten us to where we are at this moment. If you don't like that, then make the decision to change. If you do like where you are, then great for you. The decisions we make, and the mistakes that come with those decisions, are what make you who you are today. Learn from your mistakes and your experiences. Use them to make you better going forward. I beg you not to become "insane". Your decisions ultimately form everything you are. Don't be afraid to make decisions or mistakes. That's how we learn! It's trial and error!


Decisions!!!

Decisions (Part 2)

In our last segment, I covered a lot about my life, where I have been, and how I got to where I am now. Could I have made better decisions along the way. Sure I could have. We all could have made better decisions in our life. But hindsight is 20/20, and if I had that hindsight before making my decisions, well...wouldn't life be nice. Yet, our decisions and what they make us endure in life are what shape us into the person we are today. If you are happy with where you are and the person you are today, then you can't complain. If you aren't happy, then you can make the decision(s) to change that and begin down a new road.


We can all look back and say I should have gone down the road not taken. But this is where you are now and that can't be changed. So...now we are facing the decisions of what to do next? Where do I go from here? Where do I "want" to go from here? Where do I "need" to go from here? That can be the hard part. The want versus the need may be two totally different scenarios. Especially when your decisions can have life altering affects on the other people in your life. I hate to tell you all, or even admit it to myself, but life isn't all about "you". As much as we like to be selfish and gain self-gratification in al that we do, thee are other people to be considered. And sometimes must be considered even more so than we consider ourselves.

This segment has absolutely nothing to do with me, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the D/s dynamic. It has to do with my daughter. I talked in my last post about my situation with my wife and the decision we made to stay together for our daughter. This is a very tough subject. It has more questions than answers. We both want nothing but the best for our daughter, as any parent should. We don't want her to be brought up in a broken home. We want her to be raised in a stable family with both parents present. Or that is what we have discussed and agreed upon. Last week the subject was brought up again, about what if we didn't stay married. I surprised myself when I said this, and I'll paraphrase:

I have no intentions of leaving and no intentions of splitting up our home. However, if I thought it was best for "daughter" in the long run then I would do that."

I have had to think very long and hard about this. But would I do what I though was best for her...sure I would. What is best for her? Well, that I have no idea about. I was watching "Grey's Anatomy" last year (I know I know, get off my back). There was an episode where one of the Doctors was justifying to her father about her divorce. the gist of it was that she would rather her son be raised by parents that were happy but separated, than by parents that were not happy and fought all the time. She didn't want her son raised to think and believe that is what marriage is about. That marriage is a special thing between two people that love and care for each other and show it. I can't argue with this, and it really hit home for me. Maybe my daughter is better off not being raised in a home where we can't show her what love really is and should be? Maybe she shouldn't be raised in a house where we allow each other to see other people? Not that we do it openly where she would know, mind you. Is that teaching her bad habits and giving false impressions? Is this teaching her that mariage is not sacred and special? Would she be better off with us not together?

I don't know the answers to these questions. I wish I had the hindsight already, so I would know the answer. Whatever the answer, it is not an easy one. It will not be taken lightly, and will not be made quickly. This is one that keeps me in turmoil. I love my daughter to death. So what is the right direction to take? I don't know that there is one. Thee may not be a right answer. It may just be the best of the bad alternatives.



ARGH!!! Decisions, Decisions?!?!?!?!?!

Decisions

Life is full of decisions.  Some decisions we make are the right ones and some are not.  Sometimes it's not quite that cut and dry.  There are times when it's not a matter of right and wrong.  It's more of a matter of which is the best direction to go.  Other times it's choosing the lesser of the evils.  Yet, all of the decisions we make alter what happens down the road and what comes next.

Lately I have been very reflective about my life and the choices I have made.  This stems from my current life and choices I now have to make or will be making on the horizon.  I was reading a post this morning on the blog Thining About It Differently in regards to love and how you know when you are in love.  When it comes to a special partner in your life, one that you love, the traditional way of going about a reltionship with them is to be exclusive and monogamous.  This has been an issue for me in the past, and I don't have a problem admitting to that.

My first marriage ended, not immediately but ultimately, due to the fact that I had an affair.  There were other issues in our marriage, which I'm sure led me to engage in such behavior.  Yet, I don't make excuses and the affair was a decision I made.  We probably would have still ended up divorced, but that sure didn't help matters any.  My second marriage, and current one, has taken quite a different road.  We are both very open minded, and over the years have just grown apart.  We both acknowledge and accept this.  We both know and have talked about our issues and how to resolve them.  We both agree that we aren't sure if they can be resolved.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing.  We both love each other and care for each other deeply.  It just happens to be more like a best friend situation than intimate lovers.  This is an area where we both have needs and desires that can't be tended to by the other.  We are still together now for our daughter.  We made the decision to stay together to keep our family in tact and stable for our daughter. 

We decided several years ago to try an open marriage.  Since we both have needs on a sexual level, yet don't want that with each other, and since we are staying together, we decided to give this a try.  We allow each other to see other people and still keep our home life stable.  This has allowed me the chance to explore and delve into what I have found to be so enjoyable...the D/s lifestyle.  This is something she was never interested in and wants no part of.  Actually, I never really knew I wanted it either until I had the opportunity to explore and learn more about it.  Everything just seemed to click and make sense.  I had always been fairly Dominant in bed, but now my eyes were being opened to something where I really felt a connection.  The more I read and got deeper into it, the more the pieces started to fall into place.  An understanding if you will.  Sound familiar?  Seems like a read a lot about submissives seeing the light.  Well, guess what?!?!  It happens on the other side of the fence as well. 

(As this has a few more parts to it, I will be making a multi-part series out of it.  Otherwise this will get way too long.)

On Being Torn...

I have nothing of substance related to D/s to write about today.  My mind is cloudy and I'm having trouble focusing.  Not literally, just having issues keeping my mind on track and what I deem as normal.  I just need to vent! 

I have been out of town for work all week.  Sometimes it's nice to get out of the office for a few days...but ts always nice to get back home as well.  There is nothing like your own bed.  Hotels get old in a hurry.

I have had a lot going on in my life lately.  Work has been busy and the pressure is building.  That's not necessarily a bad thing.  I'm happy to have a great job that pays well and is secure.  This day and age, that is so important, as so many people seem to be out of work, landing in new jobs, struggling to pay the bills, and so on.

I have had a lot of things going on at home as well.  These things have been culminating over time.  It has been piling up, and the pile can only get so high before it eventually starts crashing down.  It never fails that personal issues seem to come about at the worst times.  Just like now, while I'm out of town and can do nothing about any of it.  All I can do is sit around, think, and stew over it.  Not that I could fix everything if I was home, but at least I would be on my own turf and have some better footing.  Being blindsided with personal situational problems while I'm out of town and trying to work makes me feel like I'm.......well, like I've got a gun to my head.  I feel like I'm being asked to make long term potential life altering decisions without proper time or the place to think through everything.  Like I'm being put on the spot and eing asked to make a decision now.  Being asked for yes or no answers, when the answers aren't near that simple.  There are a lot a gray areas.  I feel torn in many directions with heavy ramifications no matter what I decide or say.  ARGH!!!!!

Sorry, I don't mean to rant and carry on!  I know none of you even have a clue as to my situation, therefore making this whole post seem very unclear.  Maybe someday I'll expand and share with my following public my whole situation.  But, now is not the time.  Thanks for your understanding as you stumble through this and really have no clue what I'm taling about.  LOL! 


On a happier note...let's talk about something more fun and enjoyable.  The sentiment seems to be a resounding "YES" to continuing with "Fantastic Ass Friday".  So, I will charge forth with our lovely Friday asses.  I have been collecting some very nice options for this weeks post.  Now, I just have to sort through them and decide wich ones will mkae the cut and be posted.  As requested, I will also post a pic or so each week, as long as I can find suitable pics, that are geared more to my female readers.  See, I'm not a total dictator.  LOL!  You asked and I shall fill your request and need. 

I hope everyone has a great rest of the week.  If you find yourself drowning and needing air, come on over to my part f the pond.  I may be underwater, but I have plenty of oxygen left in the airtank that I'll be happy to share.