Principles of "The Art Of War" in D/s (Part 2)

In the last post I introduced you to The Art OF War and one of the principles of the book.  In this post, I want to take a look at two more principles that are very similar to each other.

The first principle is:
"To know your enemy, you must become your enemy."

This is followed by:
"It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperilled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperilled in every single battle."

Like this states, I think it is imperative that you know what you are up against, as well as know yourself and your own abilities.  I'm not at all saying that a Dominant and a submissive are enemies in a battle.  There are a couple of things I am saying, though.   


First, I am saying it is imperative that as a Dominant, you know yourself.  You have to be fully aware of your own level of knowledge, and your abilities.  Having a lack of either is nothing to be ashamed of as we all start somewhere.  The point is you don't go into it thinking you know it all.  You have to be willing to accept, admit, and face where you are and then be willing to learn and advance yourself to become better.  A lack of self-awareness and a lack of willingness to learn will always be a downfall.  Staying static or backtracking because of a poor attitude or mindset is detrimental to yourself, as a Dominant, and to your submissive.  You are better off alone, for everyone's sake, if this is where you find yourself.   It will hold you back and keep you from being able to move forward into becoming a better Dominant. 


Second, you must know the other side of the fence from yourself.  As a Dominant, you MUST know your submissive.  Personally, I think that knowing your submissive could very well be more important than knowing yourself.  I think it is vital that you learn the typical traits and tendencies of all submissives.  I think you especially need to learn and know those of your own submissive.  You can't expect to lead her and give her what she needs and deserves if you have no clue what those needs may be.  Every submissive, just as every person and personality, is different.  Everyone has different wants, needs and desires, and each approach to TTWD and the whole D/s dynamic may vary.  Some approaches may be more forceful, while others may be more subtle and gentle.  Just going at it blindly is a horrible idea, and you can't automatically expect her to instantly adjust to your way and style.  A good Dominant needs to be able and willing to adjust to his submissive as well.


As the principle illustrates, knowing yourself and knowing your submissive is a win-win situation, and only good can come from it.  Knowing yourself but not her...well, that's a fifty-fifty shot of getting it right.  When it comes to a relationship, I don't care to base it on odds like that.  And, not knowing yourself or her...that is just plain shooting in the dark.  There is no way something good can come out, in the long run, with that blind approach.

As a Dominant, I feel I owe it not only to myself, but also to my submissive, to be the best I can be.  That involves facing what I know, knowing my limits and shortcomings, and taking steps to better myself.  It also involves knowing my submissive inside and out (no pun intended), and being able to read and understand her.  Knowing what she likes and doesn't, and what her needs are, as well as her deep desires.  I like the odds that come with this scenario, as it gives your relationship a fighting chance to last and survive.  Or, in terms of war tactics...conquering and defeating the odds ensures victory, with the ultimate goal of creating a thriving and glorious long term relationship.

Principles of "The Art Of War" in D/s

The Art Of War - written by Sun Tzu.  This book was written somewhere around 600 B.C., and is widely considered one of the foremost books on the strategy of warfare.  It is one of the oldest, if not the oldest, book about strategy in war, yet is still considered to have merit even to this day.

There are a lot of great leaders and military personnel that know and act based upon the principles of this book.  It doesn't matter if you were from the stone ages, where you ran at your opponent and threw rocks, or from the modern era and use satellites, drones and laser guided missiles to attack your enemy...the principles of The Art Of War still apply.  These tactics always have been and probably always will be highly regarded. 

So what does this have to do with a Dom/sub relationship you may ask?  Well...of course you know I'm going to tell you.  Did you really think I was just giving you a history lessen on warfare?!?!

One of the principles of The Art Of War is:  "Lead by example, not by force".  There are a lot of different types of Dominants out there.  Many are very forceful, overbearing, and demanding.  Maybe this works for them, and maybe there are some submissives that want/need this type of approach.  For me...not so much.  I think it is always best to lead by example.  I believe in teaching and showing my submissive.  I believe in being able to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. I can't expect her to willingly follow and give herself to me if she doesn't believe in me and what I am telling her.

If I am to ask her to be totally open and share her thoughts and feelings, I should first do the same.  If I am to ask her to give herself to me, she should be able to see that I am giving and devoting myself to her.  Give her a reason to believe in you.  Let her see that you are following your own advice.  When this is done, she is much more likely to believe in you as a Dominant and a person.  She will be much more hesitant to submit and follow when it is only because you have demanded it of her. Forcing someone to do something may get results, but not the end results you may want.  Leading by example will build trust and respect.  And we all know how important those two elements are in a D/s relationship.

We hear a lot about leading and guiding in TTWD.  This may be rightfully so.   Yet, how you lead and guide, as a Dominant, can make all the difference in the world.  If done the right way for you and your submissive, you can go much further and get there quicker and easier.  The wrong approach can make things much harder and delay the progress both you the Dominant and your submissive can make.  Or worse, it can destroy the relationship altogether.  Show her you care and are invested in your relationship.  Show her you are willing to do what you ask of her.  Lead by example...it will be well worth your time and effort. 

In an attempt to not make this post too long and bore you, I am splitting this into two parts.  In part two of this series on The Art OF War, I will take a look at knowing your enemy and knowing yourself.