Certainly there are many ways to go about participating in this lifestyle. We all have our own way of doing it. We all need different things from it. Yet, the common core of it is Domination by one person and submission by the other within a relationship together. This aspect is something that both people need for their respective roles. It's a part of who they are and they don't feel complete without it.
There are two sides, or a duality, to the roles we choose to adhere to within this lifestyle. There is an active side and passive side. Meaning, you can actively Dominate or submit, or you can passively Dominate or submit. As a Dominant, submission from your partner is gained over time. It is earned. You become respected in your role as a Dominant by your actions and being the person the submissive has come to need, desire, and crave. You didn't get that submission by just sitting around, beating your chest, roaring, and calling yourself a Dominant. You didn't get that submission by just demanding submission. You gained it over time by actively being the Dominant you claim to be. You got it by your actions reinforcing your words. You got it by assuming and taking on that Dominant role and the submissive being able to see and believe in you as that leader.
The problem that can arise in many relationships is the Dominant not maintaining the active role in Dominating. Once he has a submissive he becomes more passive in his approach. He doesn't feel as though he has to actively Dominate and the the submissive should just submit, obey and serve in belonging to him. To a degree, this can be acceptable. He has earned his place as her Dominant and she should submit because of that. She should submit because he is the Dominant and in charge. She should submit and serve because she needs to do that for him. Yet, being constantly passive and just expecting submission without putting forth effort will lead down a path of destruction in the relationship.
The active Domination is what gained her submission in the first place. It is what earned her trust and respect in how you Dominate and show yourself as a leader. It is what fills her needs as a submissive by having you be that Dominant she desires. Throughout the relationship you must continue to actively be Dominant with her. This is what she needs to feel from and with you. This is where she really feels her submission, which is what she needs. She needs to see and be reminded that you are that person she fell for, cares for, and the one she gave her submission.
Domination and this lifestyle is not about doing all the work on the front end so you can sit back and coast later. It's not about just being able to always sit back and have someone serve you. If a Dominant doesn't continue to fuel the submissive fire within his submissive, then that fire will begin to fade. Problems will arise if she doesn't continue to have more fuel put on the fire, as the old fuel burns away. It is a constant effort to maintain any relationship, and one that has the aspects of Domination is no different just because there is some power exchange involved. Her submission is never to be taken for granted, and you must continue to earn it to keep it.
In an established relationship, there does not have to be a constant level of active overt Domination. Her submission has been earned, and that comes with a certain level of being able to Dominate just because of your role, or passively Dominating. Yet, there is a balance that must be maintained and kept to keep the relationship in order and on track. A balance between being able to use your Dominance based on what you already earned versus what you have to continue to earn. A Dominant, although maybe not as much as early on, has to keep actively Dominating his submissive to enable her to feel what she needs from you and keep that fire burning.
Don't just sit back and expect your submissive to be at your beck and call with no effort on your part. Continue to physically Dominate her through the relationship. Continue to push and test her submission. Continue to show her where her place is with you. Continue to use and enjoy her. Continue to make her submit to you and give her no other option. Or at least do this enough to maintain the balance of the relationship. After all, it's who you both are and what you both need from each other. Any relationship takes work, and this is no exception. Yet the rewards an be great and help you keep a strong, lasting, and close relationship that fulfills the needs of you both.
~DV~
There are two sides, or a duality, to the roles we choose to adhere to within this lifestyle. There is an active side and passive side. Meaning, you can actively Dominate or submit, or you can passively Dominate or submit. As a Dominant, submission from your partner is gained over time. It is earned. You become respected in your role as a Dominant by your actions and being the person the submissive has come to need, desire, and crave. You didn't get that submission by just sitting around, beating your chest, roaring, and calling yourself a Dominant. You didn't get that submission by just demanding submission. You gained it over time by actively being the Dominant you claim to be. You got it by your actions reinforcing your words. You got it by assuming and taking on that Dominant role and the submissive being able to see and believe in you as that leader.
The problem that can arise in many relationships is the Dominant not maintaining the active role in Dominating. Once he has a submissive he becomes more passive in his approach. He doesn't feel as though he has to actively Dominate and the the submissive should just submit, obey and serve in belonging to him. To a degree, this can be acceptable. He has earned his place as her Dominant and she should submit because of that. She should submit because he is the Dominant and in charge. She should submit and serve because she needs to do that for him. Yet, being constantly passive and just expecting submission without putting forth effort will lead down a path of destruction in the relationship.
The active Domination is what gained her submission in the first place. It is what earned her trust and respect in how you Dominate and show yourself as a leader. It is what fills her needs as a submissive by having you be that Dominant she desires. Throughout the relationship you must continue to actively be Dominant with her. This is what she needs to feel from and with you. This is where she really feels her submission, which is what she needs. She needs to see and be reminded that you are that person she fell for, cares for, and the one she gave her submission.
Domination and this lifestyle is not about doing all the work on the front end so you can sit back and coast later. It's not about just being able to always sit back and have someone serve you. If a Dominant doesn't continue to fuel the submissive fire within his submissive, then that fire will begin to fade. Problems will arise if she doesn't continue to have more fuel put on the fire, as the old fuel burns away. It is a constant effort to maintain any relationship, and one that has the aspects of Domination is no different just because there is some power exchange involved. Her submission is never to be taken for granted, and you must continue to earn it to keep it.
In an established relationship, there does not have to be a constant level of active overt Domination. Her submission has been earned, and that comes with a certain level of being able to Dominate just because of your role, or passively Dominating. Yet, there is a balance that must be maintained and kept to keep the relationship in order and on track. A balance between being able to use your Dominance based on what you already earned versus what you have to continue to earn. A Dominant, although maybe not as much as early on, has to keep actively Dominating his submissive to enable her to feel what she needs from you and keep that fire burning.
Don't just sit back and expect your submissive to be at your beck and call with no effort on your part. Continue to physically Dominate her through the relationship. Continue to push and test her submission. Continue to show her where her place is with you. Continue to use and enjoy her. Continue to make her submit to you and give her no other option. Or at least do this enough to maintain the balance of the relationship. After all, it's who you both are and what you both need from each other. Any relationship takes work, and this is no exception. Yet the rewards an be great and help you keep a strong, lasting, and close relationship that fulfills the needs of you both.
~DV~
15 comments:
I love this post. Well said.
It was nice to see your blog pop up this morning. It's been a while!
Good to see you again! I like this. I think all relationships require work, the closer and more intimate, the more work i think they require, on both sides. On the other hand, the common wisdom is that a person shouldn't test their partner, but, like you say, i do need him to test me and push me. I just do. I got very off when he stops or backs off. Oddly - he does not like to be tested - go figure??
Right on the mark. :)
Thanks about the post and seeing my blog. Maybe I'll hang around a while. :)
Thanks GG. I think you are correct and in D/s the Dom has to push and test. That's how we grow and progress further. Otherwise we are staying static and that's not a good place to be stuck.
Thanks Anon!
No apologies necessary! Doesn't bother me one bit. In fact, it shows me just how passionate you are with your comment! So, thanks for that!
So nice to see a post from you!
One side of me says, I want to be what he wants without all the work, I don't want to be work. The other side says, I don't ever want him to stop or slow down, 'cause I might lose myself.
But this is still new to us so...
Great to see you back here. As usual, a truly inspiring and educational post. Thank you. Welcome back, you've been sorely missed!
- Buggy Bee
what a lovely piece. thank you for writing and sharing :)
Preach it!
Wonderful post DV and so true as a submissive I do still need that push, care, attention of his Dominance even though we've been at this a rather long time.
Misty, I think it's natural to want to be what he needs and expects. But that doesn't mean he should stop being the Dom just because you do. There is a balance between the two that you both need.
Thanks ladies! Glad you enjoyed it and can understand.
Love! Love! Love!
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