Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

It's that time of the week again!  The one where, for most of us anyway, the work week is about over and...yes you get to see some wonderful asses and even get the opportunity to vote on your favorite.  Last week's winner is posted to the right.


I hope you all enjoy these week's choice.  Have a great weekend and Take care!

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Formspring Question

"Hi I know I am submissive but I am ashamed of it! I try to act dominant because I don't want to be seen as a doormat by other people but another part of me *likes* caring and serving and well, doing submissive things. How am I meant to reconcile the two?"

Thanks for the question.  I think this is something that many submissives struggle with.  First of all I will say that in no way is TTWD meant to make you feel like or be treated like a doormat.  A lot of what you see and read about, or pictures you view, on the internet make this lifestyle come across that way.  Yet, the reality is that is only a very small portion  of the big picture and all that a relationship like this entails. 

It can be hard to reconcile with yourself all that you feel is expected of you...from a mother, to career woman, to keeping up and house, to being sexual and intimate with your partner, and so on.  I think the expectations that society puts on woman can be difficult.  From how a woman feels she is supposed to act and present herself, to being strong, assertive, and able to care for herself.  What you have to make yourself understand is that there is nothing wrong with what you want and need.  Everyone is different and needs different things. 

It's ok to need to submit.  It's ok to need to be cared for and protected by your man.  It's ok to have the need to serve him and give yourself to him completely.  As long as it makes you happy, and you get all you need from it, then that's what matters.  It doesn't matter what anyone else does or says.  It is your choice.  It's when you fully get that and feel it deep within your soul, and accept it as ok for you, even though it may not be for everyone...that ii when you will find happiness and peace.  As some captions on D/s pics I have seen have stated (I'll paraphrase)...it is by being bound and completely belonging to and being owned by him, that she she feels most free.

There is no need to be or feel ashamed of your desires.  You are feeling this way based on what you perceive is expected from you.  You have to be able to look beyond that for what is best for you as the individual you are.  I'm not saying this is easy.  Especially when you have spent your whole life believing or being taught to be a certain way.  Just know that is it ok to want, need, and feel the desires you have.  You and only you know what is best for you and what you need.  Don't let outside influences and the views of others deter you from being happy and who you truly are. 

I wrote a post back in April of 2010 about this very situation you have inquired about.  Here is that post:  Broken?  I think not!

DV

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Thanks to all that voted and participated n the Mid-Year FAF Playoffs.  The over winner is posted to the right.

This week we will resume our regularly scheduled programming.  A brand new set of pics for you to vote on, which are all...well, quite nice.

I hope you all have a great weekend!  Take care!

DV

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Perfection

You are always on my mind, in my heart, and a part of my very soul.

 
Never forget and never doubt that. 

I am who I am because of you.

I am able to fully be myself because of you.

Because you accept it...nurture it..and need it from me.

In turn, I need you and all that you are as well. 

Separately we are each a half.

Together we mesh cohesively as a whole.

We feed off the energy that radiates from each of us.
 

Together we can go much further than we ever could on our own.

My Dominance and your submission go hand in hand.

We compliment each other to the fullest.

We are...perfection!

~DV~

Seeking Advice From You...All My Dear Followers

I recently received a email form a follower.  Actually more of a lurker, but that's beside the point.  Anyway...she is going through a very tough time in her life and with her submission.  Well, it's more of her lack of being able to submit due to not being in a relationship at the moment.  She asked for my help, and honestly didn't think I could do this alone. 

So, DV is here asking for help from you, my readers and followers.  I would love your comments and advice for this nice lady.  I know a lot of you have been through, or are going through, a similar situation.  Any advice and/or support you could give her, to let her know she is not alone, would be great.  I asked for and got permission to post parts of her email.  It has been altered a bit for security reasons and she will remain anonymous.  Oh, let's give her a name to make it easier.  How about...Becky!  Becky's email is as follows:

I read your post on laughter today.  You made some good points of keeping laughter in your life no matter what the situation.  Laughter has been sorely missing from my life lately, but it is coming back slowly.  Right now I am very isolated in my life and haven't found a way to change that.  No, I am not wallowing in self pity about the circumstances of my life or my ended relationship.  In fact, I have dealt better in this relationship ending than the ending of past ones.  I feel like I need to harden myself and shut off my emotions so I can get back to where I was this time last summer when I did not feel the "need" for a relationship.  I was happy alone then.  Yes, I had unfinished business from past relationships that I needed to resolve within myself and I did resolve them, and a lot of my ability to do that came from the help you gave me and the insight you had last year into how much I needed to let go of all I still carried with me and the huge walls around me.  I say this with confidence, that those past relationships are set to rest.  But, hardening myself and shutting off emotions is not the right way to become happy even though alone. 

 

However, when I read your "Laughter" post.  I realized, that I, like you said of yourself, have always been a person who liked to pick on people, joke around with them, be sarcastic, and tease them unmercifully at times.  In fact, I always said and still do that teasing is one of the ways I show affection to others.  May sound strange to some.  I like to kid around and be sarcastic, but sarcastic with a smile on my face.  But, in reading your post, I realized I have stopped doing all that now for a while.  I know that the man from my recent relationship was drawn to me by my joking, teasing, etc.  Just as with sex, crying, spanking, laughter is a good tension reliever.  I need to get my laughter, joking around, teasing self back.  So, feel free to pick on me to get me back into the groove.

 

You know, I have always been into spanking, but it was not a part of my recently ended relationship.  I am beginning to think that I may go through my entire life and never experience that even once during sex or for acting out.  Of course, there are other things I would like to experience in a D/s relationship, too.  Earlier, I mentioned that I needed to harden myself and shut off my emotions and get back to where I was last summer in being "ok" alone.  But, I feel very lost and disconnected without a relationship in my life now.  I went many years without it, locked that desire away, and then since this last man, I can't let go of the desire for D/s as a part of my life.  I know you can't let yourself fall into feeling lonely and sad, but rather keep a positive outlook, and open heart, and a smile on your face, and laughter as a tool and release.  I do that most days.  But, this morning I was thinking about tomorrow being my birthday.  Then I thought of what my life was comprised of the day before I turn another year older, as we all do, and realized there is no one person in this world to whom I am considered to be the most important person in their life.  The one person they live, breathe, learn from, grow for, and look forward to seeing every day.  It made me think that this fact is kind of a two-edge sword because even though I know each person, including me, is special and just as important to the world by themselves, alone; no less important because they are not connected to another person in a special relationship, we measure our lives and the importance of others around us based on who we love and who loves us totally and without reproach.  I have found that the loss of my recent relationship this past May to be particularly painful due to the intense connection, the dynamics of the relationship, the intertwine of submission and dominance, the extent of honesty, respect, and trust built up, the revelation of who we are at our core in order to realize the benefits of TTWD.  I have felt loss and heart sickness, and pain from the loss of past relationships (vanilla ones), but nothing like the "ripping and tearing" all the way down to my inner core from a D/s relationship loss.  You have to let all of "you" and who "you are" out and lay it before your partner in order to realize TTWD.  All of which makes the fall from the loss of a D/s relationship all the harder.  It is so much more hard coming out of a D/s relationship and finding a place within you where you can be at peace with your D/s desires yet not able to have someone in your life and a relationship with someone. 

I know that when D/s relationships end both the Dom and the sub are "cut to the bone" due to the intensity of their connection to each other.  The sub who has given to her Dom her complete trust in that he will be there to keep her safe and protected and her world even and balanced, looking only to him to lead and guide her, to bring her happiness in that he desires and values her submitting to him as much as she desires and values being able to submit to him, only him.  All of that is a "life line" connecting the sub to her dom.  She learns to depend on that "life line" and when it is suddenly yanked away, she is lost and left floundering.  Her "safeness and balance" is gone.  Yes, you miss the love, kisses, good times together, places you went that were special and all the other things that make up a couple's life together.  But, it is the loss of the "life line" between you and your Dom and the missing "safeness and balancing of your core being" that keeps you awake at night. 

 I know there are some of you out there that can relate to Becky's situation and feelings.  Anything you can say to help her cope and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel would be greatly appreciated.  Being the lurker she is, Becky will be reading your comments and may even chime in herself, if she so desires.  So, feel free to ask questions as well, because she can always respond as anonymous and signed Becky.  Thanks in advance to all of you for your comments and support.

DV

Fantastic Ass Friday - Mid-Year Playoff Finals

We have reached the finals of the mid-year playoffs for FAF.  We have had some good votes so far.  Thanks to all that have participated. 

We had a tie for second place again last week.  So...three pics are moving on from last week, three from the week before, and the two that I gave an automatic bid into the finals.  Yep...that's right...there are eight total pics in the finals.  I know it's a lot to choose from.  Since there are so many, I will allow you to vote for two pictures.  Now, I realize you can't vote for two at once, as has been pointed out to me.  You will just have to come back a second time to place your second vote. 

Enough with my delaying the inevitable!  Let's get on with the pictures, and I look forward to seeing who you all vote as your Most Fantastic Ass for the first half of 2011!

FAF Playoffs - Finals

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Thursday Humor

After my post yesterday, Laughter Is Good For The Soul, I find it my duty to...well, make you laugh.  Okay, maybe at least smile just a little bit.  All the comments seem to agree that we need to laugh and enjoy ourselves.  So today we will! 

I have noticed lately that there seems to be a new promotion going on at McDonald's.  I have yet to see a commercial on television for it, but it is being promoted on the marquees at the stores.  In case you haven't seen any advertisements yourself, here are a few examples. Hmmmm...makes me wonder if maybe the toy inside the Happy Meal is a beginners butt plug?!?!  LOL! 

Smile and laugh people...it's good for your soul!  :)

Laughter Is Good For The Soul

What's the saying...ummm...laughter is the best medicine.  Another saying...laughter is contagious.  I will say that if you are going to catch something from somebody...laughter is a good thing to catch.  But now I'm confused.  Is laughter a disease you catch, or is it the medicine that cures the disease?!?!  The answer is probably yes to both. Let's take a humorous journey together through the fun moments and laughter that is to be had in TTWD. 

Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm an easy going kind of person that is always cutting up and making jokes.  I'm sarcastic and a smartass.  I like to pick on people in a fun way.  In fact, I usually say that if I'm not picking on you and making jokes, then that is when you need to worry.  And yes, I can laugh and make fun of myself as well.  As much as I dish it out, I can also take it.  If you can't take a joke, and fire something back at me, then in the long run we aren't going to get along.  Even in bad situations and not so happy moments, I tend to use humor as a way to lighten the mood.  I am and want to be happy and having a good time.  That's just the way I am.  That is where I am comfortable and find my equilibrium.

Typically when we talk about TTWD it involves being focused on the dynamic and the moment.  Whether it is serious emotions, spanking, some type of scene, or whatever.  Even in most of the pictures you see that contain a D/s theme, the mood comes across as serious.  Rarely do you see a picture that seems light-hearted.  But lets' face it...in the real world there are always moments of levity that make us laugh.  Even when we are deeply involved and nothing funny seems to be on the horizon, something will happen.  It never fails.  Call it Murphy's Law if you want, but something is going to happen that cuts the tension.

When this happens, don't let it ruin what you are involved in or have going.  Embrace it and enjoy it.  After all, that is why we do what we do...for the enjoyment of it.  There is no rule that says you have to be serious constantly.  Make things light and have a good time.  And, when that awkward moment strikes, enjoy laughing about it together.  So what can happen you ask?  Any number of things: 

- You can bump heads at a very inopportune time.  That always feels good.  LOL!
- Your toys may fail to work, or work properly.  Ever been in the middle of using a toy and the batteries go dead at just the wrong time?  ARGH!!!  Rule 17 of the "Sex Toys For Dummies" handbook sates that you should always have extra batteries.  ALWAYS!  LOL!
- You can have problems tying knots in your rope (or restraint of choice) and making it work the way you intended.  Nothing like a ho-hum moment for her as she just lays there, while he is trying to figure out what he is doing, while thinking back to his days of being a Boy Scout.  (Meanwhile he is thinking to himself..."over, under, around, back through...CRAP!  Ok...the rabbit goes around the tree and then into the hole...CRAP")  LMAO!
- Ever been in the middle of a heated session of intercourse and he makes a stroke that is a bit too big?  You know the one.  He is throwing it to her hard and heavy and decides he needs just a little more oomph behind it.  So he rears back...pulling back a little farther than he should, so he can drive into her hard, and...WHOOPS...that thing comes flying out and waving around all over the place like a flag pole in the middle of a hurricane.  Oh yeah...you know what I'm talking about.  LOL!
- Or maybe he is in the middle of a serious talk and telling you all sorts of dirty things.  Then he gets tongue tied and can't quite spit out what it is he is trying to say.  Or perhaps it even comes out of his mouth totally wrong.  The harder he tries, the worse it gets, until it reaches a place of being pointless.  Nothing he says anymore can not be funny.  Dammit I hate that!  LOL!
- God forbid you are in the middle of a serious session when a cramp decides to attack you.  Enough said!  LOL!  

When these moments of awkwardness strike, just go with the flow.  Laugh at the situation.  Have a good time with it.  There is no point in getting upset or letting it ruin the situation.  You are there to enjoy yourself and have a good time.  There's another saying...a couple that laughs together, stays together.  So, laugh and have a good time.  It doesn't always have to be serious.  Laughing with each other during sex can be fun.  Notice I said "With" each other...not "At" each other.  Sure there are times you need to be serious.  But when you can...laugh and have a great time in each others company.  Laughter is good for the soul!


(For the record...any and all of the previously mentioned activities may or may not have actually happened to DV personally.  LOL!  Feel free to share your own funny moments for all of us to read and laugh about..."with" you.)

Monday Humor

I came across this picture and about fell out of my chair laughing at it.  It's not as much the picture as it is the conversation.  I can envision this actual conversation from when I was in college, involving some of the people I knew and hung out with back then.  Those were the days!  (and no...DV was and is not a druggie or a pothead lol) 

Just a little something to make you laugh and smile on a Monday!  :)

Quote Of The Day - July 9, 2011

“The difference between a truly dominant man 

and a controlling one is that 

the dominant man needs and wants consent, 

whereas the controlling man 

doesn’t even understand what this word means.”

~Author Sir J~
From the post - The difference between dominant and controlling

(Just a little something to think about - DV)

Fantastic Ass Friday - Mid-Year Playoffs

Thanks to all that participated in the first round of the mid-year playoffs.  I appreciate you all stopping by and placing your votes.  Remember...you can vote twice again this week.  Once each for two separate pictures.

I said last week that the top two would move on to the finals.  We had a tie for second place.  Rather than have a two day runoff for that position, I will move all three pics into the finals.  Again this week, the top two pics will move on.  They will meet next week against the three from last week, and the two pics that I
chose to move directly to the finals.

The three pics moving on from last week are posted to the right. 
Please encourage those you know to stop by and vote.  The more the merrier.  We had a good number of votes last week.  I would like to see twice that many this week.  Please vote for your two choices and voice your opinion.  If you don't vote...then you can't complain about who wins.

On to this week's pictures from the previous winners.  Enjoy!

FAF Playoffs - Round 2

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Differences In Approach

The last and most recent post I wrote is called "Giving".  I suppose it is more based on prose than anything else.  Nonetheless, it contains some of how I see D/s and these types of relationships.  I got a comment from K at Her Spirit His that brought up some questions.  I thought my response to her comments were important.  They didn't need to be buried within the comments of that post.  I also didn't want to get too lengthy in the comments section, so I am responding with this post.  Her comments are as follows:

"Beautiful...could it be that some Doms are simply more sadist and thus not able to be exactly this way? Or is it necessary ...I have often wondered...I guess like most things, it depends."

Not all Masters/Dominants are the same.  We all have our own views and opinions and our own individual personalities.  This is the same for a submissive.  Everyone, no matter what title or designation you have or don't have, is their own individual person.  That's what makes the world go around.  The views and thoughts expressed within my blog and posts are...well, they are my views, thoughts and opinions.  Many of you may like and agree with what I write.  Some others may not.  All that I write is based on my approach to TTWD, and what works for me.  I certainly will never say that what I do and think is the ONLY way.  It is just my way.  It's what works for me and the Dominant that I am.  DV the Dom!

I am a self-described sensual, passionate and loving Dominant.  I'm not very sadistic, although I do love some pain implementation.  I'm not overbearing and don't tend to hover over my submissive.  I don't micromanage her actions, and tend to let things flow.  I will guide and direct her as needed, and lead her down the path we both need.  I tend to let my actions lead her into further submission.  I want and need her to want and need to submit.  Not because I demand it of her.  I do give a lot of myself to my submissive.  Sometimes almost in a way that may appear to an outsider that I'm being submissive to her and her needs.  Yet, I maintain control.  I will push and maintain my position.  I will continue to lead, even when giving her all she wants and needs.

There are Dominants out there that are much more sadistic than I am.  There are Doms that want and need much more oversight than I do.  There are submissives that have masochistic tendencies and need a more sadistic Dom.  There are subs that need more oversight and like having a Dom that has his finger on everything they do.  We all have differing needs and desires.  This is why it is so important that you find a partner that matches your needs.  Just because someone is Dominant doesn't mean they are right for a particular sub.  Conversely, just because someone is submissive doesn't make them the right for a particular Dom.  Your needs and desires need to match well, and there needs to be that special chemistry between you.  I have been with subs that didn't match well with me.  To me it's not about being with a submissive...it's about being with the right and perfect submissive and person for me. 

So K, to ultimately answer your question...yes there are probably a lot of Doms that aren't exactly the way I describe in my posts.  This is just how I believe and what works for me in being a Dominant.  No one way is right or wrong.  It revolves around each individual persons needs and personality.  If you agree with my approach, then you need to find a Dom that does as well.  If you need more than what I describe, then you need to find a Dom that needs more as well.  It all boils down to being on the same page with your partner, and being able to understand each others position, needs and desires within the relationship.

Thanks so much for your comments and questions!

Giving...

 

Being Dominant is not about taking…

It is about giving…

Giving her the control and direction she needs…

Executing power over her in a precise and careful manner...

Giving her guidance…

Leading her the way she deserves…

To show her who she can be...

Her inner strength...

The true woman within...

It is not about taking…

It is not about demanding…

A Dominant must be willing to give...

Just as a submissive gives of herself…

Give all of Himself to her, as she does to Him…

The more He gives, the more He will get…

All His energy and focus is for her…

For her benefit…

For their benefit...

The more she receives from Him, the more she will 
feel the need to give back…

The benefits are mutual…

They are boundless…

The result is virtuous and exquisite…

Teach her to be the best she can be…

And in return…

You will learn more yourself than you ever imagined.


~DV~

Happy 4th of July

Wishing everyone in the good ole USA a great 4th of July!

I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday!

Quote Of The Day

Submission can actually engender power: realizing that you have something to give, and that you are capable of mastering your own will to give it up the way your top wants it instead of the way you think S/He should want it, can inspire pride: not the false pride of an inflated ego, but the true pride that, like humility, comes from knowing the depths of your self. — William Henkin

Fantastic Ass Friday - Mid-Year Playoffs

Welcome everyone!  It's a holiday weekend here in the US.  I know I for one will be busy and I'm sure many of you will be as well.  It's time for the mid-year FAF playoffs.  For those of you new to this, we will take weekly winners from the past and pit them against each other to find your overall winner for the first half of 2011.  Here is how we will do it:

- There are 16 previous winners this year.
- You will get to vote on seven this week, and seven next week.
- The top two vote getting photos from each week will move into the finals.
- I will pick two of my favorites that will automatically jump to the finals.
- During the first two rounds, since two photos each round are advancing, you can vote twice instead of the normal once...that's once each for two separate photos.
- During the finals, you may only vote for one photo as usual.  
- The photo with the most votes in the finals wins.

As a side note for those that have mentioned it to me, I am aware that you can't see the numbers next to the voting.  It's been that way ever since I changed my blog.  The numbers are there, but very very dark.  I have tried everything I know to fix it. I'm still working on a solution for this.  In the mean time, you'll just have to count them...#1 is at the top and #7 at the bottom. 

We have had some great, well Fantastic, previous weekly winners this year.  I look forward to seeing how you vote and who the winner will be.  May your favorite photo/ass advance and win.

FAF Playoffs - Round 1

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