Striving For More

This picture...this picture...I absolutely love it!  I have stared at it off and on all morning trying to put into words what I see and feel.  I have had trouble finding those words.  Why?  Because it says so much to me.  This picture speaks to me...it speaks to my heart and soul.  It rouses feelings that are hard for me to describe.  A million things go through my head, but getting those thoughts organized to be able to put them down into legible articulation, well that's a different story.

To me this exudes strength.  It speaks of love.  It speaks of care.  It's having someone under your care and showing the gentle strength to lead and guide her the way she needs and deserves.  From her side, it shows her strength to be his.  It shows her willingness to stand by his side.  Her desire to be his.  It represents her need to be his, and be there for him.  I see his desire to bare himself to her, and her baring her all for him as well.  It is mutual adoration.  

Even though he towers above her, he shows a gentleness in wrapping his arm around her.  Pulling her in close to show his love and care for her.  Letting her know he will protect and defend her with all he has, in return for her devotion.  Even though he towers above her, she is calm and at peace.  This is where she needs to be.  This is where she feels safe...by his side, under his protection, knowing he would do anything for her.  Just as she gives herself to him completely and relies upon him, she does so with full trust that he will do the same for her.  

This reminded me of a post written by thesubmissivebf a few days ago.  (the post can be found here)  The words in the post ring so true to me, and how I see a D/s relationship between two people.  This is how I think a relationship like this should be. 

"When a woman submits its because she has found the strength to do so. The belief in herself to take on such a role she can only do so when she feels unconditional love and soul guiding trust. She has to understand her purpose and how important she is to Him and how important she is to herself."

A woman can only assume this role when she believes in herself...when she understands who she is, is happy with that role, and understands it.  She also has to believe in him, and his ability to guide and lead in a way that is beneficial for the growth of her as a person.  It's through love and trust that she believes in him and all he can be for her.  She has to feel it within her soul to be able to let go and be his unconditionally.  It has nothing to do with her letting go and losing who she is in being his.  It is about finding herself deep within, and being all that she can be.  It is about realizing that she is of utmost importance to him, just as he is to her.  They feed off the needs of each other, relying on each other to be all they can be for themselves and their partner.  

This is what I strive to be.  This is what I have in my sights to become.  I don't feel I can ever be enough.  I always want to be more...learn more...grow into more of the man and Dominant I desire to be.  I can have all the desire in the world, but without that special partner by my side, then the desire remains only a desire.  Having her there, that enables the desire to be put into action.  To learn from her how to be better and be more of who I am and who she needs me to be...who I need to be for myself.  That is a partnership I love being a part of...one I need in my life.  In leading and guiding, I am also pushed.  Pushed to become better. That is something we should all strive to achieve. 

"When You Love A Woman"

I have recently tried something new.  It's not the best, but not too bad for my first attempt, I suppose.  What has DV done?  I have created my own video.  I have never even attempted anything like this before, and had no clue what I was doing.  For that matter, now that I'm done, I still have no clue what I'm doing, or how I got a finished product.  LOL! 

The video is a collage of D/s related pics, put to the music of one of my favorite bands...Journey.  The song I chose is one of my favorites from the "Trial By Fire" album, which was putout in 1996.  And yes, growing up, Journey was one of my favorite bands.  The lyrics and video are below.  I hope you enjoy it.

 Journey - When You Love A Woman

In my life I see where I've been
I said that I'd never fall again
Within myself I was wrong
My searchin' ain't over...over
I know that

[Chorus:]
When you love a woman
You see your world inside her eyes
When you love a woman
You know she's standin' by your side
A joy that lasts forever
There's a band of gold that shines waiting somewhere...oh yeah

If I can't believe that someone is true
To fall in love is so hard to do
I hope and pray tonight
Somewhere you're thinkin' of me girl
Yes I know...I know that

[Chorus]

It's enough to make you cry
When you see her walkin' by
And you look into her eyes

[Chorus]

When you love a woman...
When you love, love, love, love
When you love a woman
You see your world inside her eyes 

Think Twice Before You Assume

I have something to say because this really gets under my skin.  This has absolutely nothing to do with my normal writings or D/s.  It is waaaayyy off topic.  But I'm tired of hearing about it and all the bad publicity that is thrown in the direction of the fine Police Officers that face this.  I'm talking about all the protesting going on in the U.S. right now, mainly centered around OccupyWallStreet...or any street for that matter.   For the record before I start, I have no feelings one way or the other against or for this movement.  This is not about being for or against it. 

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but everything else that happens surrounding that picture can be worth a million.  This picture is floating around tumblr with lots of bad comments against the police for using pepper spray against seemingly peaceful protestors.  So many people are commenting in support of the protestors, so I feel the need to make a comment, because it’s always about the poor protestors…and that is wrong.

If the Police are there, they have a legal right and obligation to be there and take action.  Typically it’s because the protestors are trespassing or causing some type of disturbance.  The Police never act in these situations without first requesting that the protestors remove themselves from the situation peacefully.  It’s their refusal to obey legal authority that leaves no choice but to take things to the next level.  Using pepper spray is the best way to try to disperse the group without having to use force and a hands on approach, which can lead to someone getting injured, protestors and/or police officers.  When protestors continue to disobey legal commands to disperse, that’s when hands on and arrests begin taking place.  The protestors fight and resist, and things escalate.

So…who’s fault is it that we see scenes in pics and on tv that look bad?  Usually it’s the lack of cooperation from the protestors that have led to what we see.  It’s NOT the police.  They don’t want to be there doing that any more than the protestors want them there.  The police officers would rather be doing other things, I can assure you.  Yet, it’s their obligation and sworn duty to be there and uphold the law.  The protestors know when they start how this will go.  They know they are breaking the law and yet they choose to do so willingly, even knowing the consequences.  The police are following protocol and procedures in dealing with people and situations.   They are doing exactly as they are trained, to protect themselves and the public at large.

This isn’t about the protestors, and that they are being picked on.  It isn’t about what they are protesting and what they are fighting for.  The cause can be anything...PETA, Occupy, Redwood Trees, abortion, anything.  It’s about their blatant disregard for authority and the law, and purposeful breaking of the law.  It’s their own actions that have taken this from a legal and peaceful protest, to being treated the way the media loves to exaggerate and show as one sided.  The police will do everything possible to end this as peacefully and with as little force as possible.  But when left no other choice by the protestors, they must step up their actions to affect the necessary results.

I saw a picture the other day of a protestor on the ground, handcuffed, and bleeding.  All the comments were in regards to how unnecessary that is.  Really?  He probably was protesting and then legally asked to leave.  He refused.  He was encouraged to leave more, and he refused.   The police began using their hands to remove him, and he not only refused but resisted and fought.  What choice is left.  At this point he is breaking the law, resisting and fighting with the police.  Do you really think the police are going to say "ok, well since you are resisting you can stay"?  No!  They are going to affect the arrest of this person, to protect themselves, to protect the protestor, and to keep him from antagonizing the protestor crowd into a frenzied mob. 

Feel free to disagree with me if you like.  Remember though, there are two sides to everything.  People don't get singled out and picked on just because they protest a cause.  It's usually because they leave the police no other choice by their own actions.  Just think twice before you automatically assume, by a single picture or video, that you know all the circumstances that led to what you are seeing.  There are almost always situations that preceded what is seen that have led to the actions.

VBA Nominations

I got an email the other night letting me know I was being nominated for a VBA.  If you are like me and didn't have a clue what this was, it's the Versatile Blogger Awards.or so I'm told.  LOL!  Since then, I have received several more emails, and noticed on a few more blogs, that I have received further nominations. 

I can't thank you all enough for your consideration in nominating me.  I feel very special to have been nominated by many of you.  It's fabulous to know that I touch many of you in such a way that I would be considered one of your favorite blogs.  I know...I know...it's just the asses.  LOL!  Seriously though, thank all of you that have nominated me.  That means so much to me!

I guess I'm supposed to pass the nominations along by following the rules and making my own nominations.  I find that very difficult.  I follow so many blogs, and they cover a wide assortment of dynamics and topics.  I can't choose and narrow it down to just fifteen.  I know that sounds like a cop out, but it's really the truth.  There is a reason for every blog I follow and read, so to me they are all special in their own way.  I couldn't bear to think of leaving off anyone because I ran out of nominations.

So...I hereby nominate everyone I follow and read, as you are all special and deserve a VBA!

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Welcome to the last installment of FAF for November.  We are quickly approaching Thanksgiving, and I will not be able to post next Friday, due to the holidays.  Tis the season to be thankful, and I am thankful for all of you that enjoy and continue to support me, my blog, and FAF.  It is because of the support I have received from you all that have kept this blog, and especially FAF, going strong.

Last week's winner is posted to the right.  We have a very even and tough vote last week.  Thanks to everyone who participated.  I hope you enjoy this week's selections.

I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!

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Jumble Fun

This is outside of my normal posts, but I thought we might have a little fun.  Follow the directions and leave a comment with your three words.

My first three words are:  Lovely, funny, whore.
Hmmm...wonder what that means?!?!  LOL!

Not Me...No Sir...No thanks!

I read a post by Neo Dom Tom titled Submissives versus Submission.  In his post he discusses the difference between a person who is actually submissive in their relationship, and in contrast someone that only submits.  He wrote one particular paragraph that really jumped out at me. 

"There is a huge difference between pleasing your spouse because you think it will make the marriage better and that's an important goal in your life, and craving submission and domination, craving the feeling of having someone master you, needing it so badly that you feel like you'll fall apart without it."

Tom is right on the money with this statement, and couldn't have said it better.  There is a huge difference.  He is relating this to his desire for his wife to be his submissive, when the reality is that she is cannot be that for him.  It's just not in her and part of who she is.  After a long time of trying, he has come to this realization and knows that she will submit because it pleases him, but will never be a submissive, per se. For me personally, I need the someone who submits and is submissive.  Someone who craves that role and needs to be that for me, and also knows that she will get all she needs from me as well. 

This reminded me of something I used to say about sex in general in my vanilla marriage, which really is a whole other blog.  LOL!  But really I am serious when I say it, and have always said I want this to apply to any relationship which I am involved.  I DO NOT want sex from my partner because they feel obligated.  I don't want pity sex.  I absolutely despise that with everything I have in me.  For a lot of guys, it's about having sex.  Period.  About being able to dip their stick and get off on someone elses body as opposed to their own hand.  It doesn't matter the circumstances, as long as they get some and get off.

Not me...No Sir...No thanks!  I would rather do without than to be with someone who has no desire to be with me.  And there is nothing worse than the huff and puff and comments of when are you going to be done.  That makes me want to knock the hell out of someone.  That makes intimacy and sex nothing more than a waste of time and energy.  I need someone to be with me because they need to be with me as much as I do them.  Not because they feel obligated by marriage or the relationship to be intimate.  If that's the case you can keep your stuff to yourself, because I don't need it.  I am a very sexual person and need a partner that is as well.  I need someone that wants and needs close sexual intimacy as much as I do.

This tangent is about me and not Tom, so please don't think I'm saying anything negative at all about him.  I have a lot of respect for Tom, and consider him one of my blogland friends.  He seems to have a great marriage, and a very sexually active one that pleases them both.  So many people would be overjoyed to have the relationship he has with his wife.  This topic just got me to thinking about this situation and how it applies to me.  So many people seem to be stuck in relationships that just don't work.  The needs of each aren't being met, and probably never will be.  If the two of you aren't on the same page, there will be a lot of difficulties.  Trust me...I know.

Luckily, I have someone that fits in right where I need her to fit.  We are on the same page on almost everything.  Our needs, sexually and otherwise, ways of thinking, likes and dislikes, etc... are right in line with each other.  For years I tried to find my perfect match.  This is hard under good circumstances.  Throw the need for D/s or BDSM in the mix and it gets even harder.  I always said I would be picky and I would never settle for any less than what I wanted and deserved in a partner.

I have found that.  It's better than I ever hoped it could be, and is getting better all the time.  We are both growing and progressing in our relationship with each other personally, as well as with the dynamic that is a part of what we have.  I couldn't ask for anything more.  It has been worth every second of the wait to find her.  So see...it can happen.  You can find that one special person that is perfect for you.  Don't give up hope, and for God's sake...don't settle for less than what you need and deserve.  Once you find it, you will know without a doubt that it was worth all you have been through to get to that point and time in your life, and to be able to be with that special person. 

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

I hope everyone has had a great week.  We had a nice vote last week, and I appreciate all of you that participated in the voting.  I would always love to have more votes, so send all your friends by as well. 

Last week's winner is posted to the right.  It was a tough decision for many of you, but this one eeked out the win by a single vote.  I hope to make every week a tough choice for you.  Or at least that's my goal.

I hope you all have a great weekend, and may it involve some Fantastic Asses.

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Thanks Lurkers!

Once again it is that time of year...Love Our Lurkers Day.  I would like to thank all of you, known followers and those of you hiding in the shadows.  I know there are a lot of you that stop by my blog and keep up with what I am posting.  I appreciate your doing so, and that you enjoy what I write and post...even if it is just for the Friday asses.  LOL! 

It is because of the continued support and interest that I am here.  It warms my heart to know I can write my views, thoughts and experiences, and have an affect on someone.  I receive a fair amount of emails in regards to my posts, even if that person doesn't leave a comment.  I appreciate your taking the time to contact me, and let me know how I have touched on a subject that means something to you. 

Just because you are a lurker doesn't mean you have to stay hidden.  You are all always welcome to leave a comment on my posts, even as anonymous.  You can also make your way over to my tumblr page and contact me anonymously through there.  If you aren't as worried about staying in the shadows, then feel free to directly email me as well.  The point it, I do love hearing from you all about what I write and post.  I'm also happy to offer my thoughts and opinions privately by email and such, if you don't want it on my blog.  So don't remain silent if you have something to say.  Feel free to speak.  I won't bite...I promise.  I save that for special occasions.  :)

Thanks again to everyone...lurkers and followers alike.  It's your support of me and my blog that fuel my desire to keep posting.  Have a great Lurker Appreciation day everyone.

DV

What Should I do? (Formspring)

I recently received this question on Formspring:

"I have suggested to my husband over the years that he be more Dominant with me.  I finally got him to take more control, but I don't feel it...I don't believe it.  He refuses to spank or punish me...what should I do?"

Typically when I read something like this my first answer and response has to do with communication.  You have to be willing to sit down with your husband, open up, be vulnerable, and tell him exactly what you want.  Be forward, blunt and to the point.  no reason to beat around the bush.  He can't give you what you are expecting if he doesn't know what that is and/or understand it.  Not only do you need to tell him what you want and need, but tell him why.  Let him inside your head and psyche to see why you feel you need and want his Dominance.

In contrast, you need to be able to understand him as well.  Find out if he has an issue with being Dominant, and what that issue may be.  You need to know what it is that keeps him from being what you are asking him to be.  It could be any number of reasons...social stigma, religion, personal beliefs, his past.  You need to be able to understand him to be submissive for him, just as he needs to understand you.

I said my first answer usually has to do with communication.  In this case, my first gut feeling, and the one that still sticks with me, is that he isn't Dominant.  Being Dominant isn't natural for him.  He feels out of place in doing what you are asking of him.  He is doing it because you ask, but that is about as deep as it goes for him.  You could be asking him to step completely outside of his comfort zone and be someone he is not.  This could very well be the reason you don't feel or believe his Dominance.  He has to feel and believe it within himself first.  Until this happens, and it very well may never happen, you will never feel it yourself.  It's kind of like asking him to flap his arms and fly...it's just not going to happen.

This made me think of a post Greengirl wrote last week, which can be found here.  She was conversing with a friend about her submission and what she was expecting from her Dom.  I will paraphrase, but the main point was that it is selfish to hold onto expectations of what you expect from your Dom, and get upset when those expectations are not met.  Instead, serve and submit because you find joy in doing so, and you accept your Dom for who he is, just as he does you.  This may not totally apply in reference to this question and situation, but it does have some relevance.

I hope this answered your question and helped you at least a bit, Mrs. Anon.  If I am way off base or missing something, feel free to correct me in the comments, or contact me again to clarify.  Thanks so much for your question.

DV

An Expanding Dynamic (Spanking)

There is an activity we all hear a lot about in this lifestyle.  Some people use it as punishment.  Some people use it as maintenance.  Some people participate in it every so often, while others participate in it regularly.  The activity I'm speaking of is...spanking.

I am going to speak about this topic from my side and experience.  I don't really know how to classify how we use it personally, but for me it really needs no label.  It doesn't matter to me what it is called, if anything.  For those of you that need a label attached to it, some sort of maintenance would probably be closest. Whatever the name or label, not everyone likes, wants, or needs to incorporate spanking into their relationship.  For some it works and fits well, and for others they want no part of it.  There is nothing wrong with either way. It's a matter of personal choice. 

I have used spanking in the past, but typically I don't push it on someone, especially in the beginning.  I think it is something that grows on you, and evolves within your relationship, at least to some degree.  The relationship I will speak about was this way.  Some sort of spanking slowly evolved through the evolution of our dynamic. Spanking had been done lightly, but nothing serious or as a primary activity.  Then there was that day...that one special day.  After some intimate time together, she laid across my lap and asked to be spanked.  This was a HUGE step for her.  A huge step for our dynamic and relationship.  Starting slow using a bare hand, and working up to harder contact.  Rubbing the point of contact in-between each stroke.  Seeing the redness.  Feeling her move underneath me.  Hearing the sounds and whimpers that uttered from within her.  It was enough to get any Dominant excited. 

The excitement came not only in the form of what I described above, or from her reaction to the spanking.  The real excitement came with the words she spoke afterwards.  Her description of how it made her feel is what solidified the entire experience.  She spoke of how she felt comfortable in that position across my lap.  From that act of being spanked, she felt a peace...a comfort.  She felt calm and at ease.  For her, it was about being in that position.  Giving me that control.  Giving me her submission.  Feeling the strength I had over her.  Feeling my Dominance resonate through her body, by being in that position and giving herself to me in such a way.

It wasn't pain.  It wasn't discomfort.  It was pleasure.  Maybe some pleasure in a physical sense.  Yet, even more so it was pleasure in a mental and emotional sense.  It was what she needed to feel.  It made her feel happy and content...balanced and centered...like she was where she needed to be and that place is "Home".  To me this was a giant step for us and our relationship, and it was for her as well.  From her previous thoughts and mindset, this is something she never imagined she would enjoy, no less feel so at peace in being spanked.  She looked inside, opened up, let go, and found a place to be happy like she never knew existed before...and in a way she never thought she would even try.

To this day, she still will ask for a spanking.  She continues to need to feel what she gets from this.  She needs to feel the power and control.  She needs to be able to offer herself in this way.  She needs to be able to let go and submit.  But, it's not just about submitting.  It's about submitting to me.  What Dominant wouldn't be happy with this?  What Dom wouldn't be proud of how far she has come?  What Dom wouldn't respect her strength to grow and seek what she needs most from him?  I know I am with everything I have.

It's this growth, change, and evolution that makes this journey with her so enjoyable.  It is situations such as this that make me proud and happy to be the Dominant I am.  It is times like this that make me proud to be able to guide and lead in the best way I know how.  It is seeing changes such as this, and enjoying it with her, that make me proud to be able to call her mine...and proud to also be hers.

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Welcome to the first weekend in November.  I hope it has been a good week for you all so far.  If you are like me, you are about sick of all the Halloween candy, and your dentist is going to be very disappointed.  LOL! 

I hope you all have a great weekend.  Enjoy the changing leaves, cooler weather (snowstorms for some of you already), and some great football.  Last week's winner is posted to the right.  I've picked what I think are some great pictures this week.  I hope you have a real hard time choosing your favorite.  :)  I also threw in another bonus picture for you this week.  (Not to be voted on)

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Bonus