A Dauntless Journey

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2012-02-23T17:23:00.000-06:00

Last week's winner is posted to the right.

I apologize, but due to job changes, being swamped and not knowing which day it even is, I do not have time to set-up FAF this week. Please accept my apologies.! I will give you a couple of pics, since you took the time and stopped by, for your viewing enjoyment. I hope to be back on track by next week!

Take care everyone!

Finding More Balance

2012-02-18T08:49:00.000-06:00

The first post in the series was titled Finding Our Balance. In that post we took a look at how a power exchange relationship can affect your outlook and your overall view of life. That having this type relationship in your life can help keep you balanced, centered, and an overall happier person in general. The comments received seemed to back up this position, as they were all positive and exhibited how TTWD has had a positive affect on people's lives.

To those that aren't too familiar with this lifestyle, it may seem that this would lead me, or anyone else for that matter, to say that everyone needs a D/s relationship because it makes you more balanced. My answer...Not even close! For some, this just isn't for them. It doesn't fit or meet their needs. They could care less or think this is wrong, and that is their right to believe and feel that way. This post is for those that are in the lifestyle, learning it, teetering on the fence, or those still trying to find themselves.

After reading the comments of the last post, one theme stood out to me to be at the forefront of the whole dynamic for everyone that commented...Acceptance! there is a very common theme about being involved in this and finally feeling accepted and able to completely be yourself. The word "liberating" was even mentioned a few times. It has been discovered by people that there is nothing wrong with you. It is alright to want the things you do, and even more so that those things can be expected of you. It can be very relaxing and freeing to find that you can embrace all that you are and need to be, and without the worry of what is thought of you or that you are doing something that is looked down upon.

This leads me to my next question. Is it really TTWD that enables us to feel balanced and centered, or is it the acceptance by our partner of who we are and all we want and need? Does this lifestyle bring about calm and stability within our lives, or is it finding a partner that embraces this side of us and what we feel we really need as a part of our lives? I personally think it is both. I think we all want and need this lifestyle or we wouldn't be here. It is a part of us and who we need to be. Yet, the connection you have with your partner, and their acceptance of who you are and what you need, or even their expectation of who they want you to be, can be very liberating. You no longer have to hide this side of yourself and deny your needs and desires. Having a partner that needs this as well can open up a whole new side of you, once you finally feel free to let go and be who you naturally are.

What do you think?

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2012-02-17T09:41:00.000-06:00

Welcome to this week's edition of FAF. I hope you have all had a great week! I mentioned last week that Blossom had submitted a picture for FAF, and guess what? Her submission is the picture that won, and is posted to the right. Apparently you all think she has good taste.

On a side note, many of you spoke up last week requesting another installment of men's posteriors. Your request has not gone unheard, and I am working on that for you ladies. Geesh...to be submissive you ladies sure are bossy! LOL!

This week's pictures include one that was submitted by Sky. A big thanks to her for sending in some pictures for consideration. As always, feel free to submit your pictures if you think they are worthy and would like to have them posted during one of the weekly editions of FAF.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Finding Our Balance

2012-02-15T15:20:00.002-06:00

There are some terms that float around this lifestyle that seem to be at the core of the benefits of this thing we do. The terms I am referring to are being "balanced" and "centered". I have read others and had conversations over the years where people felt out of sorts and out of place until they found their Dominant or submissive side. But once they did, they seemed to have found their calling. They found what they had always been missing.

Having found it and having it a part of their lives seems to have helped them stay more balanced and centered as a whole, and in every aspect of their life. It cuts to the core of their being and is a foundation for them to plant their feet upon. A good analogy would be that they have always had shallow roots in the ground. They never felt securely anchored. But now...now it's like miracle grow was put on them, and their roots have grown deeper, thereby making them much more secure and stable, and they have been able to blossom like never before.

Here is an excerpt from the writing of an anonymous submissive, and I think it states my point very well.

I am oddly amazed at how much I can miss You. My interactions with You make me feel balanced and centered and keep me feeling much more like the person that I feel like I am. I look back at how I was feeling before thanksgiving and You have made such an enormous difference. Even bad days are more tolerable. I’m not as frazzled. I can focus better. I feel so much more in control of my life.

And just like that, I have this overwhelming need for You, to feel You near me, to have You handle me. I am totally flattered that You enjoy the thought of me being closer to You. I know that we should not derive our own self worth from what other people think of us but I feel so much better about me since You have been here.

The chaos has not gotten any better but it is so calming to think about submitting and serving You. Thinking about submitting to You seems to quiet me, quiet all the external noise, quiet all the thinking about what DESPERATELY needs to be done. And for someone who has always had all this external noise in their brain, that’s a pretty cool phenomena.

This type of feeling seems to be a staple in this lifestyle for those that find their way to this. Sometimes we need reminded as to just how great this is for us. After a point, it becomes normal and we can begin to take it for granted. We can't really appreciate it unless we look at what it would be like without it as part of our lives.

I'm curious as to how all of you, my readers and followers, feel about this. How has this lifestyle affected your life? Has it made you more balanced and centered? Has it helped you be a better person because you have been able to be yourself and not have to hide who you are any longer? Does it bring a sense of calm to you and enable to you to be more grounded? Please share your thoughts and feelings on this and how it has affected you, positively or negatively.

DV

Happy Valentine's Day!

2012-02-14T09:28:00.000-06:00

Here's to wishing everyone a Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you all have a great day, and try not to eat all the chocolate candy you receive in one sitting. You'll regret it later, even though it may seem like a great idea now. LOL!

Since this is the home of "Fantastic Ass Friday", what better way to celebrate this day than with a heart shaped Valentine salute to a nice posterior picture. Have a great day everyone!

Friday Humor

2012-02-10T12:45:00.000-06:00

I came across this picture and couldn't help but share it with you all. Many of you, like myself, have young or small children. We have seen way too many cartoons, and without even looking can probably recite every line of the ones that have been watched over and over. One of those for me is...Dora The Explorer. I wish I had a back-pack that contained anything and everything I might ever need, like Dora does. LOL!

For those of you that can relate, I hope you enjoy this! I got a good laugh out of it! It just goes to show...even at a very young age, a man has to have his priorities! Hmmm...or, I guess this could go back to my last post on "suffering" by making her wait, and teaching her a lesson in patience. :)

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2012-02-10T08:53:00.000-06:00

I hope you all have had a great week. Thanks to every one that voted this week. We had a good turn-out, and one picture seemed to capture your attention more than the rest. The winner from last week is on your right.

This week's pictures contain a couple of follower/viewer submissions. One is by an Anon, and the other by the wonderful Blossom. Thanks to you both for your picture submissions. Any of you can feel free to email me pictures you think may be FAF worthy, to be used in future installments of FAF.

Have a great weekend everyone, and I hope you enjoy this week's Fantastic Ass Pictures.

Suffering For Greater Good

2012-02-06T09:50:00.001-06:00

The definition of suffering is... an experience of unpleasantness and aversion associated with harm or threat of harm in an individual, and may be qualified either physically or mentally. Suffering can be seen in many ways as pain. In TTWD, there is a lot of what we do that revolves around pain and suffering. This can be anywhere from very mild to very severe, depending on the type and way it is inflicted. It can be anything from orgasm withdrawal and mind games, to spanking, caning, flogging, and whatever else that may fall into the realm of physically inflicted pain.

Discerning Dom wrote a post recently where he looked at whether all Dominants are Sadists. A sadist being someone who derives pleasure from the infliction of pain. Conversely, a masochist is someone who derives pleasure from receiving pain. I don't by any means think that all Doms are sadists, and don't believe that all subs are masochists. Yet, I do think that some sort of suffering is inherent in any and all D/s or power exchange relationships.

Due to the nature of these type relationships, I think that suffering on some level is crucial to the relationship. It tests the resolve and commitment of the relationship. It can test a submissives desire and need to submit to her Dominant. It can test her willingness to submit to her Doms desires and wishes. From the Dominant side, it can test his willingness to push his submissive further. It can test his desire to show his strength, power and control.

Does this mean that either person is either a sadist or a masochist? No, not at all. Neither of them my receive direct pleasure from whatever activity is instituted. Yet, they may both receive pleasure from the outcome of what the activity accomplished. There may be quite a bit of pleasure, for one or both, by seeing the results of what they have done together. As a Dominant, I may not get pleasure from making or seeing my submissive suffer, but I will get pleasure from know she laid herself out there for me, and suffered for me, to become a better person for it. It can bring the two of you closer and strengthen the bond the two of you have. The suffering, however mild or severe, can lead to a greater good.

I think that suffering for the greater good can be a wonderful thing. A person can learn and grow from positive reinforcement and behavior, but can also learn from negative behavior, suffering, and pain. The key is knowing what type of suffering to inflict, doing it with a specific purpose, and doing it with love and intention, as well as a goal. For me personally, I don't get pleasure from inflicting pain and suffering just for the sake of doing it. There needs to be a purpose and a goal behind it. I don't want to make and see her suffer for no reason. I want to see the growth and benefits that come from having inflicted whatever I have done.

I will leave you with this quote that I think describes very well exactly what I am trying to say...that there is a goal behind the infliction of the chosen suffering, and that hopefully it leads to the betterment of you both and to a greater good.

Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape. --Charles Dickens

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2012-02-03T08:08:00.000-06:00

Thanks to everyone that participated and voted last week. We had a great turn out on FAF, as well as for the tie breaker. It was a tough race for the winner, but one picture did finally prevail. It is posted to the right. I do enjoy having a very close vote and making it difficult for you all to choose. One picture running away with it is no fun.

It's Super Bowl Weekend around here. Personally, I'm looking forward to it. And, I enjoy the commercials as much or more than the game. I hope you all have a great weekend!

FAF Weekly Winner Tie Breaker

2012-02-01T07:52:00.000-06:00

Thanks to everyone that voted for FAF this week. We had more votes than usual, and that is...well, fantastic. Three of the pictures tied for the most number of votes. We will have a tie breaker vote beginning today and ending Thursday evening. If it is still a tie at that point then I guess DV himself will have to declare the winner by picking his favorite.

Thanks and please vote only once for your favorite.

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2012-01-27T08:32:00.000-06:00

Welcome to Fantastic Ass Friday. After weeks worth of FAF Playoffs, we are now ready to resume our regularly scheduled program. I know you are all tired of seeing and voting on the same pictures from the playoffs, so this week will have some fresh asses for your enjoyment and voting pleasure.

A special thanks to Southern Sir for submitting one of the pictures being used used in this week's FAF. You may all feel free to submit pictures to me by email if you come across a nice picture you think would be good for FAF.

I hope you have all had a good week, and have a great weekend ahead of you.

2011 FAF Championship Winner

2012-01-26T09:08:00.000-06:00

Thanks to all of you who participated in the 2011 FAF playoffs. I appreciate your involvement immensely. I enjoy being able to bring you Fantastic Asses each week and finding out what it is that you like the most about the pictures. Below is the overall winner for 2011. I have also included the overall winner for 2010. These are the two pictures that you the viewers voted on as your favorites the past two years. Thank you all very much for your continued support of FAF. I look forward to another year of being able to bring to you wonderful ass pictures to vote on each week.

2011 Fan Voted Most Fantastic Ass

2010 Fan Voted Most Fantastic Ass

Have A Little Faith...

2012-01-25T13:21:00.000-06:00

Many times we all tend to over-think a situation. Or we take something said too literally. Or we take some action based on our own view without having the full story, and that view may not be anything like the reality of the situation. Whatever the case may be, it is only human nature to do this. It can be very difficult to look at something without our own personal biases and views.

Typically when you over-think and obsess about something, it never leads to a positive outcome. Over-thinking brings out anything and everything negative. When this happens you begin to believe all the negative aspects of the situation and things can quickly spiral out of control. You jump to conclusions and take action based on the negative perspective, and many times these actions lead down a path that is very hard to be undone. Taking actions that are totally off base can make it very hard to stop, put it in reverse, and get back to where you started. You can get so far to one side of the equation that you can't even see the other side any longer.

Sometimes you have to realize you are over-thinking and obsessing and take a step back. You have to try to take the emotion out of the situation, the best you can anyway, look at it with an open mind and be as logical as possible. Trust me when I say that I know this is easier said than done. It can be nearly impossible to take the emotion and your true feelings out of consideration in order to get a more clear picture. Yet, many times things are completely outside of your control and nothing you do will have a positive influence.

The most difficult thing to do many times is...nothing. But doing nothing can be the best course of action. The best action could be in-action. Sometimes you just have to believe that things will work out the way they are supposed to be. That anything you do or any action you take could make things worse. Sometimes you just have to take a step back....breathe....and have a little faith. The answer and outcome may not always be what you want or had hoped, but it will be the outcome that is meant to be. You have to believe that there is a master plan leading you down this road to where you are supposed to be, as difficult as that may be.

Friday Humor

2012-01-20T13:50:00.000-06:00

Ok...I'm and American, but this is funny as can be! You'll see what I mean when you read it. Sometimes all the might in the world isn't going to win you a battle! LOL!

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF) 2011 Championship

2012-01-20T07:51:00.000-06:00

We have finally reached the end of the playoffs for 2011. You and your votes have decided the overall favorite ass for the second half of 2011. I want to thank all of you that have participated in the voting. This week you will have only two asses to choose from... the winner from the mid-year playoffs, and the winner from the end-of-year playoffs. This will determine the overall fan voted favorite ass of 2011.

Good luck to your favorite, and thanks for all your votes and continuing to participate in Fantastic Ass Friday!

Mid-Year Winner

End-Of-Year Winner

Looking Back With No Regrets

2012-01-16T08:06:00.000-06:00

Because of some recent conversations, I have done some reflecting. I have at times sat down and taken a good hard look at my life and where it is. I have looked at the road I have chosen and whether I have made the right decisions. The answer is sometimes yes and sometimes no, but hindsight is always 20/20.

I have talked about music being an important part of many peoples lives. We all have songs that have a special meaning to us. It really doesn't matter what the intent of the song is, we all have the ability to take lyrics and make them fit us, or interpret them our own way. That is the beauty of music and song. A song that has been with me a lot lately is "September" by Daughtry. This song has been out for a while, but I was enjoying and listening to it for about a year before it ever hit the airwaves.

To me, this song is about loving the moment. It's enjoying where you are and not wanting it to end. Yet, you know deep down that things are gong to change at some point. You don't know when or how, but they will change. This is destiny and fate. You never know who in your life might be a part of that change and who will not. No matter what you will always have the memories of the good times. You will always have memories of those that touched your life. And if you are like me, you have no regrets for the way you have lived your life.

You may have been hurt or hurt other people. You may have had heartache and joy, but when all is said and done..."reflecting now on how things could have been, it was worth it in the end". The risk was worth it to reap the potential rewards. I was listening to Dave Ramsey on the radio the other day and he said something that really stuck with me. This may not be an exact quote but... "The pain of having never tried is far worse than the pain of having tried and failed." I love this! You can never reap the rewards if you don't even try. Being afraid to try and wondering how it would be is no way to live. I would much rather say I tried and failed, then didn't try at all, because the rewards are worth the effort if you do happen to succeed.

Here is the video and song I mentioned - "September" by Daughtry.

Formspring - A Slave Question

2012-01-14T12:05:00.000-06:00

Should a Dom in a Master/slave relationship be able to bring other women into the relationship just because he is Master?

First let me say that I think this is outside of my realm. I am not, nor have I ever been, involved in a Master/slave relationship. There is much more control and oversight in this type relationship. I don't want that. It's not for me or who I am. So, I can't speak from experience on this, but I will give my thoughts. I also thought this would be a good chance for other to give their thoughts and opinions in the comments.

I want to take a minute to make a few distinctions. To me, the wording in this question is all over the map. For me personally, I look at each name as a different characteristic, name being Dominant or Master, while many people tend to use these interchangeably. To me, Dominant and submissive go together, while Master and slave go together, hence the abbreviations we see all the time, D/s and M/s. Although, in the community, someone looked at as very experienced and knowledgeable, can be referred to as a Master. I know it's confusing.

In the context of this question, I think it's more important to look at the difference between a submissive and a slave. A submissive is someone who submits to a Dominant and needs to be lead and guided. She likes having someone control her to a degree. She gives of herself for his pleasure and direction, and defers most control to him. Yet, this may not be completely and fully, and she still has rights, and can say no at any time. She can have limits and it is expected for those limits to be obliged. A slave, on the other hand, has consensually given up all of her rights. She is owned by her Master, has no right to refuse or say no, and is at his total mercy. This is a choice she has chosen, and a right she has given her Master...to own her without question. Period! She has no limits and accepts that she could be subjected to anything of her Master's choosing.

Now let's go back to me saying I will give my view and opinion on this topic. To me, every aspect of the relationship is negotiated. If I want to introduce a new aspect to our relationship, it is discussed, or at least has been at some point previously. If I now my submissive does not want it and will fight me on it, then I will not bring it in just because I want to do so. To me that is wrong and in violation of the trust she has for me. That is how I view and go about situations such as this.

In theory, based on having total control, a Master does not have to ask his slave. He can do as he chooses, whether this is some new kind of activity or bringing someone else into the relationship. As a slave, she has given up her right to disagree with this. It is his choice and his choice alone. There is no arguing about it...his way is the only way...in theory. I think that prior to any M/s relationship, or any type power exchange relationship, how things are handled and what is expected of each should be worked out in the beginning. DO NOT become a slave before understanding fully what you are getting yourself into. All of these understandings should be laid out before moving forward.

I'm sure my readers and followers will be happy to chime in with their thoughts. Two that come to mind, that I hope will give their two cents worth on this, are Mouse and Omega. They are the two that come to mind that could really answer this question. I for one, look forward to seeing what others think about this topic.

DV

FAF Playoffs - Finals

2012-01-13T08:04:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the finals of FAF, for the second half of 2011. We have had some good votes thus far in the first two rounds of the playoffs. This week, in the finals, your will be choosing from the six finalists, as voted by you the viewers. This will determine the winner of the second half of 2011. The winner of this week will then go up against the winner for the first half of 2011, to decide the overall favorite Fantastic Ass of 2011.

A special thanks to all of you that vote and stop by every week for FAF. I appreciate your continued support. Without further ado...I present the six finalists. Good luck to your favorite!

Needles and Piercings

2012-01-09T09:52:00.000-06:00

I consider myself a open minded person. I tend to be able to look at a lot of things others find offensive, and maintain an objective view. I try to comprehend situations that I don't have a clear understanding about. Yet, as a Dominant, there are certain things I just don't get. There are certain things that do not interest me and I don't want to participate in. I guess in TTWD, these things would be called limits, and for me they would be hard limits.

More specifically, this post is about needle play and piercings. At least I guess that is what you would call it. I'm not talking about piercings of ears, nipples or genitals. I'm talking about piercings up and down your whole body. In needle play, this would be needles up and down a big portion of your body. Let me say that I do see an artistic side to some of this...multiple piercings, with ribbon run through them, to look like a corset...needles all along the side of a woman's body. It can have an interesting look to it.

Don't know what I'm talking about? Well, you know I'm going to attach pictures for you. In these pictures, I can see a certain artistic flair. And maybe it's not much different than some people getting tattoos, or more standard piercings. I'll just say that as much as I may see the artistry in this, it's not something which I would ever want to participate. I would never ask or require a woman to mark and pierce her body in such a way that would leave permanent marks such as this.

So, what are your thoughts on this? Tell me your opinions and point of view. I'm curious how others may see this.

FAF Year End Playoffs Round 2

2012-01-06T07:42:00.000-06:00

Thanks to every one that voted last week. One of the pictures ran away with the vote and the rest were all very close. Rather than post the three pictures that are advancing to the finals, you can look back for reference if you need to do so. Those advancing from Round 1 are numbers 1, 2, and 9. Here is a recap of the rules for those that missed it:

- There are nineteen (19) weekly winners since the mid-year playoffs.
- There will be ten (10) to vote on in Round 1, and nine (9) to vote on in Round 2.
- The top three (3) from each week will advance to go against each other in the finals to determine the winner.
- In the preliminary rounds, you are welcome to vote up to three times, for three different pictures. It will only let you cast one vote at a time, so you will have to reload your page to vote again.
- In the case of a tie, I will choose my favorite, between the ones tied, to advance to the next round.
- The winner of the year end playoffs will go up against the winner of the mid-year playoffs to determine the overall Fantastic Ass of the Year 2011.

Have a great weekend everyone and may your favorite ass get a lot of votes and move on to the finals.

Wednesday Humor

2012-01-04T13:40:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I've done one of my humor posts, and it's about time it's brought back into the picture. I've been reading a lot of posts lately where so many people seem to be struggling...in their relationships, in life, or whatever the case may be. So, I hope I can bring a little smile and laughter to your day and give you a break from all the stress of life.

And last but not least...

Men will look at this picture and see colored ammunition.

Women will look at this picture and see shades of lipstick.

A Kinkster will look at this picture and see...

An assortment of pocket-sized vibrators disguised as cosmetics. :)

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T06:24:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year to everyone!

I wish you all the best in 2012.

If this past year was good to you...may it continue.

If not, then may this next year turn the corner

and be everything you hope it will be.

FAF Year End Playoffs - Round 1

2011-12-30T08:06:00.001-06:00

Welcome to the FAF playoffs! Earlier this year I did the mid-year playoffs. Now it is time for the year end playoffs. All of the past winners will be put against each other to determine your overall favorite. Here is how this will work:

- There are nineteen (19) winners since the mid-year playoffs.
- There will be ten (10) to vote on this week, and nine (9) to vote on next week.
- The top three (3) from each week will advance to go against each other in the finals to determine the winner.
- In the preliminary rounds, you are welcome to vote up to three times, for three different pictures. It will only let you cast one vote at a time, so you will have to reload your page to vote again.
- In the case of a tie, I will choose my favorite, between the ones tied, to advance to the next round.
- The winner of the year end playoffs will go up against the winner of the mid-year playoffs to determine the overall Fantastic Ass of the Year 2011.

Without further ado...let's get on with the voting. Good luck to your favorite and may the best ass win!

#10

Tis The Season To...Receive?

2011-12-29T10:11:00.000-06:00

There are many women in this world who are in positions of authority. They may hold a position within a business that puts them in charge. Maybe they run their own business. Maybe they are a Doctor or Lawyer. Whatever the position and career, a woman can be in a position where she has to make decisions, direct other people, give orders, make choices that directly affect the outcome of a situation and greatly affects those around her. She is constantly giving her thoughts, mind, intellect, and experience to others.

A recent conversation revealed something to me. Let me explain. There are women in positions of power outside the home, as mentioned before, who are very successful in their careers. They make a great living for their family and provide very well. Their career has blossomed, and they have made great strides in becoming more and better within their chosen field. Yet, they still are not happy. There is still something missing. They feel like they aren't enough. Even at home they have people who rely on them to see to the household, and to their needs. So, not only do they give all they can at work, but also have to give even more of themselves at home. Always feeling like they aren't enough, they keep trying to give more, which continues to make them unhappy. It's a constant cycle of spiraling downward. Happiness in your professional life doesn't usually translate to overall happiness. there has to be a balance between the professional and the personal side.

Some of these women I speak of, at least for the point of this post, also happen to be submissive. When many of us think of a submissive, we think about her giving. We think about her giving herself, pleasing her partner, doing as he desires and requests, etc... It is all about her giving, and finding pleasure in that. That is true...to a degree. But, when she gives at work and gives at home, and doesn't receive anything tangible in return, that is where the unhappiness sets in.

This very well may not just apply to a submissive woman, but women in general. They can only give so much without receiving in return. They need to feel the strength of their partner. They need to feel wanted and needed. They need to feel appreciated and valued. They need the structure and discipline that they receive from their partner. When at home, they need to be able to follow and be guided. In some cases they need to be held accountable and held to strict obedience. They need to feel all of these things from their partner/Master/Dom. This is what keeps them balanced and centered. This is what makes them feel normal and like themselves. Without it they can feel lost and not knowing how to steer the ship straight.

It all begins at home. It all is based within your personal relationship with your partner. If you are unhappy with this aspect of your life, then it will carry over to your professional life. If you are happy and content in your personal life, then your professional life tends to look that much brighter. Submission by a woman isn't all about giving...it is also about receiving. A woman has to feel that she is receiving what she needs, or she will not be able to give the way she may like, or her partner may expect.

To all you men, Dominants, and Masters, I leave you with this little reminder...it's not all about what she gives you. It's not all about what you can take from her. What she receives from you is a big part of the equation. If she doesn't receive what she needs, then she can never be what you need her to be. She will never be happy, and then...well...what's the point. After all, this is about fulfilling the mutual needs of each other.

To all the women, submissives, and slaves I say this...it's ok to need. It's ok to expect your partner to give you what you need in your relationship, just as you give and offer to him what he needs. It's ok to look at your relationship and understand that you do need to have your needs met. It's ok to not just give, but to receive. Tis the season for not only giving, but...for receiving!

Sometimes...

2011-12-27T13:30:00.000-06:00

Sometimes...a picture really does speak louder than words.

Sometimes...a picture can say things you could never fully express in words. Things that you need to either be able to administer or put yourself in the position to be administered to.

Sometimes...we just have basic carnal needs that we need to act out. To be able to let loose with what we feel inside.

Sometimes...we need to show our authority, or be reminded of our place within the relationship.

Sometimes...we need to show our devotion...our commitment...our gratitude for all we have.

And sometimes...at the end of the day we need to know we are needed, wanted, appreciated, valued, and mean the world to someone else.

Sometimes...you can say so much more with a picture. You can express moods...set locations and scenes...show a dynamic...you can sometimes use one picture to get across what one thousand words might not begin to say.

Sometimes...

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-12-23T14:45:00.000-06:00

Welcome to a holiday edition of FAF. There will be no voting this week. The pictures are strictly for your viewing pleasure. Next week we will begin the first round of the FAF Year End Playoffs, pitting all the weekly winners against each other. Last week's winner is posted to the right, and I must say I was surprised at how much of a blow-out it was. The winner ran away with almost all your votes.

I hope you all have a great weekend and a Very Merry Christmas!

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-12-16T07:52:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the last official FAF of 2011. Yep, you heard right...this is it for the year. Ok, well not completely for the year. This is the last week of voting on FAF for the year. Next week I will be doing a special Christmas Edition FAF just for your viewing pleasure. After that, we will begin the FAF Playoffs for the second half of 2011. We have had some great weekly winners, so the playoffs should be very interesting. The winner of that will be put up against the winner of the first half of 2011 to find an overall winner.

As always, last week's winner is posted to the right. I hope you all enjoyed the males I threw at you last week. I think I have some great choices for you this week that will make choosing your favorite very difficult. That is always my goal anyway.

Have a great weekend! everyone!

Who Knew It Had A Name...

2011-12-14T13:26:00.000-06:00

In almost every dynamic that involves D/s, M/s, BDSM, TTWD, or whatever you want to call it, there seems to be some control concept that involves some level of pain. Most of us, but not all, seem to use pain in one form or another to derive pleasure and/or instill submission.

What I didn't know is that there is an actual name for enjoying pain. It's called Algolagnia. The definition of this is deriving sexual pleasure and stimulation from physical pain, often involving an erogenous zone. This applies to both sides of the equation as well...those that receive the pain and those that deliver the pain. Who knew we are all really Algolagniacs?!?!

A spanking or flogging for many may be what they enjoy. This is the type pain they have come to love, and find themselves getting sexual aroused from that. Maybe it's rough sex that you enjoy and the potential pain mixed with pleasure that really gets you going. Conversely, a Dominant can get sexually excited from giving a spanking or flogging. Being able to exert his power and Dominance can be very sexually arousing. From some of my research, I also found that pain, and we will use that term loosely, doesn't have to be physical in nature. It can be mental as well. A couple of examples of this would be forms of humiliation and exhibitionism. More commonly it would be referred to as a mindfuck.

There are some in the medical community, psychologists and psychiatrists, that have tried to determine the causes and reasons behind the pleasure.pain connection. Really though, there have not been many thorough studies to understand this. Although, many see it as some type of psychosis. Some say it's beahavioral, some say it is psychologically related, some say brain abnormalities, and some say it's genetic. The real answer is that no one knows for sure. There is a definite correlation, though, in that it is always related to sexual sadism and/or sexual masochism.

And here I thought we were all just a bit kinky. Turns out there is an actual term for our dark desires. I'm not saying that any of us are sick, demented, or off our rocker. We all enjoy what we do and need it as part of our lives. And by all means, this part of us is done with a partner that is fully consensual to the acts being performed. I'm sure there is a point where it may cross over into total psychosis, but that is on a completely different level than what I am discussing here. I just thought it would be fun to show and explain that there is a name for the enjoyment of pain that is found to be sexually arousing. Especially since this is what so many of us use in our play time.

So keep marching on my fellow Algolagniacs!

Be Who You Are

2011-12-11T08:05:00.000-06:00

There is a recurring theme I see in emails I receive from women. It has to do with being able to accept their submissive nature...or rather having trouble accepting it. For so many women, accepting and being happy with their submissive nature goes against what is viewed as the norms of acceptable and expected behavior for women. Because of this, many people find it hard to be happy with themselves...they don't feel free to be who they truly are inside.

I have written about this in the past, and don't intend to re-hash it today. But...I did come across a couple of quotes that I wanted to share. The quotes weren't intended specifically for TTWD, but I think you can take them and apply them to this situation. Feel free to comment with your thoughts and opinions about this subject and/or the quotes.

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-12-09T13:15:00.000-06:00

I wanted to take this time to answer a formspring question, of sorts, that I received. I received this: "This is a difficult vote. All female asses look good, don't you think?" You are preaching to the choir, my friend. Obviously, since I post pictures every week, I have an affinity for a woman's ass. The curves, the shapes...I love them all. I guess deep down that's may be why I started FAF. I love the form that is the female ass, and so I began sharing my love of it with the rest of you. Thanks for the question!

Last week we had a very close vote between two of the pictures. Thanks to all that voted. The winner is posted to the right. If your favorite didn't win, not to fear. You can try again this week. I going to give all the ladies an early Christmas present this week. Yep...a gaggle of male asses for your viewing pleasure. You can't say DV doesn't tend to the desires of his ladies. :)

I hope everyone is having a fantastic holiday season, is staying warm, and staying safe. Have a great weekend everybody!

Cookie Baking For Dummies (For The Guys)

2011-12-07T11:26:00.003-06:00

Welcome to DV's "Cookie Baking For Dummies"! A step-by-step guide to making cookies that are tasty and easy to make. I thought I would try to help all the guys as part of the Cookie Recipe Extravaganza.

Let's make one thing clear...DV LOVES cookies. I'm a big fan of cookies and like to eat and try the great creations of others. But let's face it...for a majority of guys, actually making cookies is not on the top of our list. That probably goes, at least for me it does, for any baking. As much as I enjoy eating, it's the consumption I enjoy, not the manufacturing. Isn't that why I have a wonderful female partner? So she can bake me cookies? ;)

So for all you guys out there that aren't that good at baking or cooking, this is the post for you. I'm going to make this real easy for you. If I can do it, any of you can do it. And I can promise you that your kids love when Dad does this...especially when they know you can't cook. It holds quite the entertainment value. LOL!

All you need is an oven, a cookie sheet, and a flat spatula (spatula not absolutely necessary). If you have a apron handy, put it on..it will make you look cool and like you know what you're doing. Now...go to the store and buy this:

The dough is completely ready to be baked and even comes in perforated squares. See...easy! Almost idiot proof! (As a side not, the dough is pretty good right out of the package, so eat one or two if you like.) For those that aren't familiar with your oven, find the temperature pre-heat button, and pre-heat the oven to the temp stated on the package. The location and method for pre-heating varies by oven model, so you're on your own with this. When pre-heated and ready, open your cookie package, break apart the little pre-formed squares, set them on the cookie sheet as directed, and put them in the oven. It's that simple. All of the dough will not fit on one cookie sheet. So, you will have to do this more than once. The oven will be very hot so be careful not to burn yourself. Trust me...that really hurts!

This next part is important, so pay attention. The package says how long to leave the cookies in the oven. So, use your swiss army watch and keep track of how long they are in the oven. This is typically around 10 minutes. Once your time is up, use a hot-pad or oven mitt and remove the cookie sheet from the oven. Do not...I repeat...DO NOT try to remove the sheet using your bare hand. I don't care how big and bad you think you are, this is a REALLY BAD idea. Use your spatula and remove the cookies from the cookie sheet and place on a plate of your choice. Once cookies are removed from sheet, put the remaining dough on the cookie sheet, place in oven, and repeat the timing process.

The cookies are ready to eat as soon as they come out of the oven. But BEWARE...they will be very hot, and the gooey chocolate chips will scald your mouth, so you have been warned. Within a matter of minutes, though, they are still warm but safe to eat. As a safety issue, once all cookies are made, remember to turn the oven off. Not only will not doing so waste energy, but leaving it on greatly increases the risk of burning down your house.

So guys, you know have the knowledge to go out into the world and make your own cookies, or make them for the ones you love. Whatever you do, don't tell the women how easy this is. Let them think you slaved over them and put hours of effort into making cookies just for them. They will be very impressed and so appreciative of your efforts.

Good luck, and may the "Cookie Gods" be by your side as you make those little patties of dough and chocolate goodness. :)

When Communication Goes Wrong

2011-12-06T10:24:00.000-06:00

Any of you who have read much of what I have written, or have read many blogs on the subject of D/s, know how important I think it is to communicate. Being able to talk openly with your partner, tell them what you are feeling, express what is on your mind, good or bad, is vital to any relationship, but especially in TTWD. I don't care what dynamic you have with your partner, from vanilla to the most extreme BDSM, you have to be able to talk openly about anything and everything. That is the key to the door that unlocks the entire relationship.

But what happens when that goes wrong? What happens when there is miscommunication? That can be a problem...even as much of a problem as a lack of communication itself. This is where the art of communication comes into play. Sometimes it isn't enough just to talk and express. There are times when how what you say what's on your mind and how it is perceived by your partner that can make the difference between understanding and being offended.

Personally, I demand open communication. I don't want my partner holding their thoughts, feelings, and issues inside and letting them fester into something bad. This has a potential down side of which you need to be aware. With some people, maybe they haven't fully processed what they are thinking or feeling. Yet, because I have asked for her openness, she lets it flow off the cuff...just letting what is on her mind spill out. It is something she need to share and discuss. The problem arises when it just comes flowing out and how it is presented isn't taken into account. To a Dominant, it has the possibility of coming across as demanding or controlling. It can hit him the wrong way, thereby putting him on the the defensive. The dilemma is that, for me, I have asked her to be open and share, but now I am berating her for doing so and for what she is saying.

So...what's a man to do?!?! I guess I could spank her until it makes me feel better. (joke) But that really isn't going to solve the issue. I don't need to confuse her and make her think that being open with me was a bad thing to do. Communication is a two-way street, so if you reach this point you need to take a step back. Look at the situation and see why you are even talking about this. I need to notice what is happening and dig deeper. I need to be able to find out and understand where she is coming from with this...what is behind it and what is driving it. She needs to be willing to look deeper and see what has caused her to feel the way she is feeling and be willing to express that.

I know some of the Dominants and Masters might look at this and say that there is no room for disrespect, or coming across as demanding or controlling. I agree to a point, but that is not the point of my post (that is an entire different post in itself). I think the most important thing, though, is to find out why you are having the discussion in the first place, why it is an issue for her, and what is causing this issue. It's possible she didn't mean any disrespect, and she just used a poor choice of words in expressing herself. If this is not the case, then feel free to punish her as you will. But for me...I am more concerned with the bigger picture of why this is an issue in the first place, and reaching a resolution. And for the record, this isn't easy. I will be the first to tell you that I can take something the wrong way and fly off the handle about it. Or let me re-phrase...I can take something at face value as it was presented, but that may not be the intention behind what was said. As I learn to take my own advice, it's better to slow down and find out what is behind the spoken words, than to just assume you understand how they were presented.

Communication can be a double edged sword at times. We all want open communication and to be able to share what is on our mind. Yet, you don't want to feel like you are in a lose/lose situation for doing so. When communication goes awry, try to look at the subject and intention behind it. Sometimes things may not be all they appear on the surface. It is worth the effort to figure out what is happening behind the words. That potentially can make all the difference in the world.

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-12-02T08:28:00.000-06:00

Welcome to December everyone! I hope you all had a good November, and that it ended with a great Thanksgiving. It's the time of year when the temperatures begin to drop, tempers start to flare, and every crazy shopper that exists all seem to be at the one store I decide to visit. LOL! Not to mention, you end up wasting way too much of your time trying to think of gifts for people when you have absolutely no clue what to get.

Not to fear, I have a little reprieve for you from the madness. I will provide a few minutes of rest and relaxation as you sit in front of your computer screen staring at some fine asses and thinking of all the things you would like to do to them. The winner from the last FAF, two weeks ago, is posted to the right.

I hope you all have a great weekend! Try not to get too stressed about the holidays. Take time to catch your breath, spank your loved one, and have a nice cool beverage of your choice...preferably of the alcohol laden variety if you are me. :)

Striving For More

2011-11-26T08:34:00.000-06:00

This picture...this picture...I absolutely love it! I have stared at it off and on all morning trying to put into words what I see and feel. I have had trouble finding those words. Why? Because it says so much to me. This picture speaks to me...it speaks to my heart and soul. It rouses feelings that are hard for me to describe. A million things go through my head, but getting those thoughts organized to be able to put them down into legible articulation, well that's a different story.

To me this exudes strength. It speaks of love. It speaks of care. It's having someone under your care and showing the gentle strength to lead and guide her the way she needs and deserves. From her side, it shows her strength to be his. It shows her willingness to stand by his side. Her desire to be his. It represents her need to be his, and be there for him. I see his desire to bare himself to her, and her baring her all for him as well. It is mutual adoration.

Even though he towers above her, he shows a gentleness in wrapping his arm around her. Pulling her in close to show his love and care for her. Letting her know he will protect and defend her with all he has, in return for her devotion. Even though he towers above her, she is calm and at peace. This is where she needs to be. This is where she feels safe...by his side, under his protection, knowing he would do anything for her. Just as she gives herself to him completely and relies upon him, she does so with full trust that he will do the same for her.

This reminded me of a post written by thesubmissivebf a few days ago. (the post can be found here) The words in the post ring so true to me, and how I see a D/s relationship between two people. This is how I think a relationship like this should be.

"When a woman submits its because she has found the strength to do so. The belief in herself to take on such a role she can only do so when she feels unconditional love and soul guiding trust. She has to understand her purpose and how important she is to Him and how important she is to herself."

A woman can only assume this role when she believes in herself...when she understands who she is, is happy with that role, and understands it. She also has to believe in him, and his ability to guide and lead in a way that is beneficial for the growth of her as a person. It's through love and trust that she believes in him and all he can be for her. She has to feel it within her soul to be able to let go and be his unconditionally. It has nothing to do with her letting go and losing who she is in being his. It is about finding herself deep within, and being all that she can be. It is about realizing that she is of utmost importance to him, just as he is to her. They feed off the needs of each other, relying on each other to be all they can be for themselves and their partner.

This is what I strive to be. This is what I have in my sights to become. I don't feel I can ever be enough. I always want to be more...learn more...grow into more of the man and Dominant I desire to be. I can have all the desire in the world, but without that special partner by my side, then the desire remains only a desire. Having her there, that enables the desire to be put into action. To learn from her how to be better and be more of who I am and who she needs me to be...who I need to be for myself. That is a partnership I love being a part of...one I need in my life. In leading and guiding, I am also pushed. Pushed to become better. That is something we should all strive to achieve.

"When You Love A Woman"

2011-11-21T07:17:00.001-06:00

I have recently tried something new. It's not the best, but not too bad for my first attempt, I suppose. What has DV done? I have created my own video. I have never even attempted anything like this before, and had no clue what I was doing. For that matter, now that I'm done, I still have no clue what I'm doing, or how I got a finished product. LOL!

The video is a collage of D/s related pics, put to the music of one of my favorite bands...Journey. The song I chose is one of my favorites from the "Trial By Fire" album, which was putout in 1996. And yes, growing up, Journey was one of my favorite bands. The lyrics and video are below. I hope you enjoy it.

Journey - When You Love A Woman

In my life I see where I've been
I said that I'd never fall again
Within myself I was wrong
My searchin' ain't over...over
I know that

[Chorus:]
When you love a woman
You see your world inside her eyes
When you love a woman
You know she's standin' by your side
A joy that lasts forever
There's a band of gold that shines waiting somewhere...oh yeah

If I can't believe that someone is true
To fall in love is so hard to do
I hope and pray tonight
Somewhere you're thinkin' of me girl
Yes I know...I know that

[Chorus]

It's enough to make you cry
When you see her walkin' by
And you look into her eyes

[Chorus]

When you love a woman...
When you love, love, love, love
When you love a woman
You see your world inside her eyes

Think Twice Before You Assume

2011-11-19T08:36:00.000-06:00

I have something to say because this really gets under my skin. This has absolutely nothing to do with my normal writings or D/s. It is waaaayyy off topic. But I'm tired of hearing about it and all the bad publicity that is thrown in the direction of the fine Police Officers that face this. I'm talking about all the protesting going on in the U.S. right now, mainly centered around OccupyWallStreet...or any street for that matter. For the record before I start, I have no feelings one way or the other against or for this movement. This is not about being for or against it.

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but everything else that happens surrounding that picture can be worth a million. This picture is floating around tumblr with lots of bad comments against the police for using pepper spray against seemingly peaceful protestors. So many people are commenting in support of the protestors, so I feel the need to make a comment, because it’s always about the poor protestors…and that is wrong.

If the Police are there, they have a legal right and obligation to be there and take action. Typically it’s because the protestors are trespassing or causing some type of disturbance. The Police never act in these situations without first requesting that the protestors remove themselves from the situation peacefully. It’s their refusal to obey legal authority that leaves no choice but to take things to the next level. Using pepper spray is the best way to try to disperse the group without having to use force and a hands on approach, which can lead to someone getting injured, protestors and/or police officers. When protestors continue to disobey legal commands to disperse, that’s when hands on and arrests begin taking place. The protestors fight and resist, and things escalate.

So…who’s fault is it that we see scenes in pics and on tv that look bad? Usually it’s the lack of cooperation from the protestors that have led to what we see. It’s NOT the police. They don’t want to be there doing that any more than the protestors want them there. The police officers would rather be doing other things, I can assure you. Yet, it’s their obligation and sworn duty to be there and uphold the law. The protestors know when they start how this will go. They know they are breaking the law and yet they choose to do so willingly, even knowing the consequences. The police are following protocol and procedures in dealing with people and situations. They are doing exactly as they are trained, to protect themselves and the public at large.

This isn’t about the protestors, and that they are being picked on. It isn’t about what they are protesting and what they are fighting for. The cause can be anything...PETA, Occupy, Redwood Trees, abortion, anything. It’s about their blatant disregard for authority and the law, and purposeful breaking of the law. It’s their own actions that have taken this from a legal and peaceful protest, to being treated the way the media loves to exaggerate and show as one sided. The police will do everything possible to end this as peacefully and with as little force as possible. But when left no other choice by the protestors, they must step up their actions to affect the necessary results.

I saw a picture the other day of a protestor on the ground, handcuffed, and bleeding. All the comments were in regards to how unnecessary that is. Really? He probably was protesting and then legally asked to leave. He refused. He was encouraged to leave more, and he refused. The police began using their hands to remove him, and he not only refused but resisted and fought. What choice is left. At this point he is breaking the law, resisting and fighting with the police. Do you really think the police are going to say "ok, well since you are resisting you can stay"? No! They are going to affect the arrest of this person, to protect themselves, to protect the protestor, and to keep him from antagonizing the protestor crowd into a frenzied mob.

Feel free to disagree with me if you like. Remember though, there are two sides to everything. People don't get singled out and picked on just because they protest a cause. It's usually because they leave the police no other choice by their own actions. Just think twice before you automatically assume, by a single picture or video, that you know all the circumstances that led to what you are seeing. There are almost always situations that preceded what is seen that have led to the actions.

VBA Nominations

2011-11-18T13:45:00.000-06:00

I got an email the other night letting me know I was being nominated for a VBA. If you are like me and didn't have a clue what this was, it's the Versatile Blogger Awards.or so I'm told. LOL! Since then, I have received several more emails, and noticed on a few more blogs, that I have received further nominations.

I can't thank you all enough for your consideration in nominating me. I feel very special to have been nominated by many of you. It's fabulous to know that I touch many of you in such a way that I would be considered one of your favorite blogs. I know...I know...it's just the asses. LOL! Seriously though, thank all of you that have nominated me. That means so much to me!

I guess I'm supposed to pass the nominations along by following the rules and making my own nominations. I find that very difficult. I follow so many blogs, and they cover a wide assortment of dynamics and topics. I can't choose and narrow it down to just fifteen. I know that sounds like a cop out, but it's really the truth. There is a reason for every blog I follow and read, so to me they are all special in their own way. I couldn't bear to think of leaving off anyone because I ran out of nominations.

So...I hereby nominate everyone I follow and read, as you are all special and deserve a VBA!

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-11-18T08:02:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the last installment of FAF for November. We are quickly approaching Thanksgiving, and I will not be able to post next Friday, due to the holidays. Tis the season to be thankful, and I am thankful for all of you that enjoy and continue to support me, my blog, and FAF. It is because of the support I have received from you all that have kept this blog, and especially FAF, going strong.

Last week's winner is posted to the right. We have a very even and tough vote last week. Thanks to everyone who participated. I hope you enjoy this week's selections.

I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!

Jumble Fun

2011-11-16T05:09:00.001-06:00

This is outside of my normal posts, but I thought we might have a little fun. Follow the directions and leave a comment with your three words.

My first three words are: Lovely, funny, whore.
Hmmm...wonder what that means?!?! LOL!

Not Me...No Sir...No thanks!

2011-11-12T06:23:00.001-06:00

I read a post by Neo Dom Tom titled Submissives versus Submission. In his post he discusses the difference between a person who is actually submissive in their relationship, and in contrast someone that only submits. He wrote one particular paragraph that really jumped out at me.

"There is a huge difference between pleasing your spouse because you think it will make the marriage better and that's an important goal in your life, and craving submission and domination, craving the feeling of having someone master you, needing it so badly that you feel like you'll fall apart without it."

Tom is right on the money with this statement, and couldn't have said it better. There is a huge difference. He is relating this to his desire for his wife to be his submissive, when the reality is that she is cannot be that for him. It's just not in her and part of who she is. After a long time of trying, he has come to this realization and knows that she will submit because it pleases him, but will never be a submissive, per se. For me personally, I need the someone who submits and is submissive. Someone who craves that role and needs to be that for me, and also knows that she will get all she needs from me as well.

This reminded me of something I used to say about sex in general in my vanilla marriage, which really is a whole other blog. LOL! But really I am serious when I say it, and have always said I want this to apply to any relationship which I am involved. I DO NOT want sex from my partner because they feel obligated. I don't want pity sex. I absolutely despise that with everything I have in me. For a lot of guys, it's about having sex. Period. About being able to dip their stick and get off on someone elses body as opposed to their own hand. It doesn't matter the circumstances, as long as they get some and get off.

Not me...No Sir...No thanks! I would rather do without than to be with someone who has no desire to be with me. And there is nothing worse than the huff and puff and comments of when are you going to be done. That makes me want to knock the hell out of someone. That makes intimacy and sex nothing more than a waste of time and energy. I need someone to be with me because they need to be with me as much as I do them. Not because they feel obligated by marriage or the relationship to be intimate. If that's the case you can keep your stuff to yourself, because I don't need it. I am a very sexual person and need a partner that is as well. I need someone that wants and needs close sexual intimacy as much as I do.

This tangent is about me and not Tom, so please don't think I'm saying anything negative at all about him. I have a lot of respect for Tom, and consider him one of my blogland friends. He seems to have a great marriage, and a very sexually active one that pleases them both. So many people would be overjoyed to have the relationship he has with his wife. This topic just got me to thinking about this situation and how it applies to me. So many people seem to be stuck in relationships that just don't work. The needs of each aren't being met, and probably never will be. If the two of you aren't on the same page, there will be a lot of difficulties. Trust me...I know.

Luckily, I have someone that fits in right where I need her to fit. We are on the same page on almost everything. Our needs, sexually and otherwise, ways of thinking, likes and dislikes, etc... are right in line with each other. For years I tried to find my perfect match. This is hard under good circumstances. Throw the need for D/s or BDSM in the mix and it gets even harder. I always said I would be picky and I would never settle for any less than what I wanted and deserved in a partner.

I have found that. It's better than I ever hoped it could be, and is getting better all the time. We are both growing and progressing in our relationship with each other personally, as well as with the dynamic that is a part of what we have. I couldn't ask for anything more. It has been worth every second of the wait to find her. So see...it can happen. You can find that one special person that is perfect for you. Don't give up hope, and for God's sake...don't settle for less than what you need and deserve. Once you find it, you will know without a doubt that it was worth all you have been through to get to that point and time in your life, and to be able to be with that special person.

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-11-11T07:44:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone has had a great week. We had a nice vote last week, and I appreciate all of you that participated in the voting. I would always love to have more votes, so send all your friends by as well.

Last week's winner is posted to the right. It was a tough decision for many of you, but this one eeked out the win by a single vote. I hope to make every week a tough choice for you. Or at least that's my goal.

I hope you all have a great weekend, and may it involve some Fantastic Asses.

Thanks Lurkers!

2011-11-10T09:09:00.000-06:00

Once again it is that time of year...Love Our Lurkers Day. I would like to thank all of you, known followers and those of you hiding in the shadows. I know there are a lot of you that stop by my blog and keep up with what I am posting. I appreciate your doing so, and that you enjoy what I write and post...even if it is just for the Friday asses. LOL!

It is because of the continued support and interest that I am here. It warms my heart to know I can write my views, thoughts and experiences, and have an affect on someone. I receive a fair amount of emails in regards to my posts, even if that person doesn't leave a comment. I appreciate your taking the time to contact me, and let me know how I have touched on a subject that means something to you.

Just because you are a lurker doesn't mean you have to stay hidden. You are all always welcome to leave a comment on my posts, even as anonymous. You can also make your way over to my tumblr page and contact me anonymously through there. If you aren't as worried about staying in the shadows, then feel free to directly email me as well. The point it, I do love hearing from you all about what I write and post. I'm also happy to offer my thoughts and opinions privately by email and such, if you don't want it on my blog. So don't remain silent if you have something to say. Feel free to speak. I won't bite...I promise. I save that for special occasions. :)

Thanks again to everyone...lurkers and followers alike. It's your support of me and my blog that fuel my desire to keep posting. Have a great Lurker Appreciation day everyone.

DV

What Should I do? (Formspring)

2011-11-08T07:49:00.001-06:00

I recently received this question on Formspring:

"I have suggested to my husband over the years that he be more Dominant with me. I finally got him to take more control, but I don't feel it...I don't believe it. He refuses to spank or punish me...what should I do?"

Typically when I read something like this my first answer and response has to do with communication. You have to be willing to sit down with your husband, open up, be vulnerable, and tell him exactly what you want. Be forward, blunt and to the point. no reason to beat around the bush. He can't give you what you are expecting if he doesn't know what that is and/or understand it. Not only do you need to tell him what you want and need, but tell him why. Let him inside your head and psyche to see why you feel you need and want his Dominance.

In contrast, you need to be able to understand him as well. Find out if he has an issue with being Dominant, and what that issue may be. You need to know what it is that keeps him from being what you are asking him to be. It could be any number of reasons...social stigma, religion, personal beliefs, his past. You need to be able to understand him to be submissive for him, just as he needs to understand you.

I said my first answer usually has to do with communication. In this case, my first gut feeling, and the one that still sticks with me, is that he isn't Dominant. Being Dominant isn't natural for him. He feels out of place in doing what you are asking of him. He is doing it because you ask, but that is about as deep as it goes for him. You could be asking him to step completely outside of his comfort zone and be someone he is not. This could very well be the reason you don't feel or believe his Dominance. He has to feel and believe it within himself first. Until this happens, and it very well may never happen, you will never feel it yourself. It's kind of like asking him to flap his arms and fly...it's just not going to happen.

This made me think of a post Greengirl wrote last week, which can be found here. She was conversing with a friend about her submission and what she was expecting from her Dom. I will paraphrase, but the main point was that it is selfish to hold onto expectations of what you expect from your Dom, and get upset when those expectations are not met. Instead, serve and submit because you find joy in doing so, and you accept your Dom for who he is, just as he does you. This may not totally apply in reference to this question and situation, but it does have some relevance.

I hope this answered your question and helped you at least a bit, Mrs. Anon. If I am way off base or missing something, feel free to correct me in the comments, or contact me again to clarify. Thanks so much for your question.

DV

An Expanding Dynamic (Spanking)

2011-11-05T06:37:00.000-05:00

There is an activity we all hear a lot about in this lifestyle. Some people use it as punishment. Some people use it as maintenance. Some people participate in it every so often, while others participate in it regularly. The activity I'm speaking of is...spanking.

I am going to speak about this topic from my side and experience. I don't really know how to classify how we use it personally, but for me it really needs no label. It doesn't matter to me what it is called, if anything. For those of you that need a label attached to it, some sort of maintenance would probably be closest. Whatever the name or label, not everyone likes, wants, or needs to incorporate spanking into their relationship. For some it works and fits well, and for others they want no part of it. There is nothing wrong with either way. It's a matter of personal choice.

I have used spanking in the past, but typically I don't push it on someone, especially in the beginning. I think it is something that grows on you, and evolves within your relationship, at least to some degree. The relationship I will speak about was this way. Some sort of spanking slowly evolved through the evolution of our dynamic. Spanking had been done lightly, but nothing serious or as a primary activity. Then there was that day...that one special day. After some intimate time together, she laid across my lap and asked to be spanked. This was a HUGE step for her. A huge step for our dynamic and relationship. Starting slow using a bare hand, and working up to harder contact. Rubbing the point of contact in-between each stroke. Seeing the redness. Feeling her move underneath me. Hearing the sounds and whimpers that uttered from within her. It was enough to get any Dominant excited.

The excitement came not only in the form of what I described above, or from her reaction to the spanking. The real excitement came with the words she spoke afterwards. Her description of how it made her feel is what solidified the entire experience. She spoke of how she felt comfortable in that position across my lap. From that act of being spanked, she felt a peace...a comfort. She felt calm and at ease. For her, it was about being in that position. Giving me that control. Giving me her submission. Feeling the strength I had over her. Feeling my Dominance resonate through her body, by being in that position and giving herself to me in such a way.

It wasn't pain. It wasn't discomfort. It was pleasure. Maybe some pleasure in a physical sense. Yet, even more so it was pleasure in a mental and emotional sense. It was what she needed to feel. It made her feel happy and content...balanced and centered...like she was where she needed to be and that place is "Home". To me this was a giant step for us and our relationship, and it was for her as well. From her previous thoughts and mindset, this is something she never imagined she would enjoy, no less feel so at peace in being spanked. She looked inside, opened up, let go, and found a place to be happy like she never knew existed before...and in a way she never thought she would even try.

To this day, she still will ask for a spanking. She continues to need to feel what she gets from this. She needs to feel the power and control. She needs to be able to offer herself in this way. She needs to be able to let go and submit. But, it's not just about submitting. It's about submitting to me. What Dominant wouldn't be happy with this? What Dom wouldn't be proud of how far she has come? What Dom wouldn't respect her strength to grow and seek what she needs most from him? I know I am with everything I have.

It's this growth, change, and evolution that makes this journey with her so enjoyable. It is situations such as this that make me proud and happy to be the Dominant I am. It is times like this that make me proud to be able to guide and lead in the best way I know how. It is seeing changes such as this, and enjoying it with her, that make me proud to be able to call her mine...and proud to also be hers.

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-11-04T07:01:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the first weekend in November. I hope it has been a good week for you all so far. If you are like me, you are about sick of all the Halloween candy, and your dentist is going to be very disappointed. LOL!

I hope you all have a great weekend. Enjoy the changing leaves, cooler weather (snowstorms for some of you already), and some great football. Last week's winner is posted to the right. I've picked what I think are some great pictures this week. I hope you have a real hard time choosing your favorite. :) I also threw in another bonus picture for you this week. (Not to be voted on)

Bonus

Happy Spook Day!

2011-10-31T13:40:00.001-05:00

Thanks to everyone who keeps up with my little piece of the blogosphere. I hope you all have a great day of ghosts, ghouls, and goblins.

The Push-Pull Paradox

2011-10-30T08:57:00.000-05:00

Many times people say things they think they mean. They think they know what they are saying, and the result they want from what they have said. This isn't always the case. Sometimes our subconscious has other ideas. Sometimes, deep down our psyche needs something different than what we really think it needs.

We are all familiar, when it comes to BDSM and/or D/s, that there is the type person known as a brat. This person purposely pushes and acts out with the intention of needing correction. Correction is what they are seeking and hoping to get. Being a brat is their way of getting the control and attention they need. The brat wish push for the sake of pushing, just so they can feel the other person push back even harder. In this dynamic, it is fairly clear what is happening and why. It is not at all hidden, and is typically outwardly obvious.

But what about when the person isn't a brat? What about when the pushing isn't as obvious? What about the times that what a person (in this case a submissive) needs is contrary to what they are saying? That can be much more difficult to see, and can take a trained eye to notice. Or more appropriately, it takes really knowing and understanding your partner.

In my brat scenario, the brat is purposely pushing to feel the push back at them. In many other cases, and I think this happens much more often in every type of relationship, there is almost a contradiction. The push may come in the form of a withdrawal. The submissive can pull back, or even seemingly disguise her withdrawal as giving what she sees as needed space for her Dominant. She may not even realize herself that she is withdrawing and pulling back. That is...until she does it and realizes that this move made things worse. In essence what she is doing, in contrast to the brat pushing to be pushed, is pulling away in order to be pulled back. Depending on all the circumstances at the time, if the Dominant is not paying attention and reading between the lines, he may very well miss all the indications of what is happening.

There is some irony to this whole situation...or a paradox. The sub is pulling back, when in reality she needs to be pulled closer. She may need more attention, but is hiding it by indicating she needs less. This can cause some real tension and issues, if you aren't aware of what is going on. She says she needs or is giving her Dominant space, but the reality is that she needs comfort, at least some slight control, some definition to their dynamic, some attention, support, love and reassurance. She needs to know you are the strong man you have said you are. She needs to know that you really are the Dominant she has come to accept, and that you will stand up and be that person when she needs it most. It doesn't really even matter the type relationship. She just needs you to recognize her needs, even when she doesn't, and be there standing ready to give that to her.

The push-pull paradox...it is something we all deal with and face at some point. The key is to understand the possibility of it, and then be able to recognize it when it may be occurring. And yes, I of all people know this is easier said than done. Especially when it can be hidden and disguised under other behavior. I am guilty of missing it myself. It isn't always blatant and obvious. The key is to know your partner as well as you can, and pay attention to their emotional needs. When they are reaching out, be there to grab them and hold them tight. It isn't easy. It's never easy. But in the end, when you are there for them and recognize their needs...that is when it is worth all the effort you have put into the relationship.

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-10-28T11:09:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the last weekend in October. Halloween is almost upon us. I for one have been dealing with Ghouls and Goblins all month it seems. I'm ready to get this month behind me, and see what next month brings.

We had a good turnout on the voting last week. Thanks to everyone that participated. Last week's winner is posted to the right.

I hope you all have a great Halloween weekend. I have put a bonus picture at the bottom for Halloween, just for all of you. (bonus pic is not to be voted on)

Bonus

An Open Letter Of Apology

2011-10-24T13:29:00.000-05:00

To My Loved Ones:

Least to say, the past week or two have been killing me. There has been so much going on, and it has me overly stressed. I typically handle stress well, but this go around...not so much.

There was the the whole computer crash, which has been a nightmare. I've built my own computers before, and this time is no exception. Only this time, getting things running has put me over the edge. Any of you who have ever worked and worked on your computer for hours on end, putting on programs and transferring files, to only have it crash again a few hours later...well, you know how frustrating that can be. Been dealing with that for two weeks. Finally figured out the new hard drive I got was bad. At least now I have an answer to all my misery. New drive to arrive tomorrow. Fingers crossed on installing smoothly.

Then there is work. OH GOD...work! So much going on, which I can't get into here, but it has put me in overload. Unfortunately, this stress won't be going away any time soon. I'm learning to deal with it though, and finding a more sunny outlook on things. Throw in some of the travel I've had to do, and being overly tired (my own fault on the tired part), and that hasn't helped the stress any.

So...how does all this manifest itself? DV can be a real ass! Invariably you seem to take it out on those you care for the most. Probably because the are nearby, and are the only ones you can take it out on. Not to mention, if they don't fully understand what all you are dealing with and going through, then those that mean the most to you can actually add to the mayhem. It's not their fault for all you are having to deal with, but they are the ones that receive the brunt of the frustration when it comes pouring out. And this, by the way, certainly isn't fair to them.

With all this...I apologize for my recent behavior. I have not been the kind of man I need to be. I have not acted in a way that is strengthening of my relationships. Farthest from my mind and ability is my being the Dom that I want and need to be. There are times we all deal with stress and problems in our lives. It's how we handle these times that define us. You must be aware of yourself, your attitude, and the affect it has on others, during these times. If you don't, you can create even more problems and stress that you already had, and that does no one any good.

I am fully aware of my misgivings and the way I have handled things lately. My deepest apologies to those I have hurt or caused grief. It was not my intention in any way, and I should have conducted myself in a more favorable manner. Those I love mean the world to me. To know they have been hurt (emotionally, not physically) by my actions bothers me to my core. Please accept my apologies and know that I still love you with all I have. I would never intentionally hurt those I love and care for. Cyber flowers are the best I can do right now (for reasons those concerned will understand, as real ones can't be sent)...please accept them as a sign of my regret and remorse.

With Love and Sincerity,

DV

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-10-21T07:21:00.000-05:00

Thanks again to all of you that sent emails and asked where I have bee, or if I am ok. I do appreciate you checking in on me. I'm sure you are like me, and are having FAF withdrawals, so I couldn't miss two weeks in a row. That would be absolutely horrible. I mean...who cares if I write anything, but for goodness sake be sure and post the weekly asses. LOL!

The winner from the last FAF is posted to the right. I hope you all enjoy this week's choices. Have a great weekend everyone...and may your most favorite of asses win the vote!

An Open Letter Of Rambling

2011-10-20T20:08:00.000-05:00

Dear Someone,

Sometimes you just want to run away.
What are you running from?
Stress? Family? Work?
Does running make you feel better?
Does it make the problems go away?
Doesn't it just create a whole new set of problems to go with the ones you already had?

We all have bad days to go with the good ones. We all have bad situations that arise to go with the good situations. We all have periods of time in our lives we would prefer to not have to deal with, and that go along with the periods of time we wish would never end. This is life. This is how it is. Good or bad, it is just how things happen and go sometimes. But you know what? This too will pass. Things will work out.

Sometimes you have to stop, step back, and look at the big picture. Are things really that bad? I can can promise you they can always be worse. You just have to find your own way to deal with the problems, get them behind you, and get on with the important and enjoyable parts of life. In the process, don't ever forget what is most important to you. Don't ever forget those people that are most important to you. Don't ever beat down those around you just because they happen to be close by. Don't ever take your frustrations out on those you love, just because you can. That never settles or fixes anything.

When it comes to relationships and TTWD, there are always obstacles. There is always "life" getting in the way. You may not feel Domly. You may not feel submissive. You may hate how you can't see that person that is most important to you. There may be too much distance. Schedules may make life hectic. But no matter what, don't forget what got you here. Don't forget what there is between you and the one you love the most. Don't forget the feelings and emotions that have brought you this far. Just because things aren't "perfect" right now, doesn't mean it's an omen for everything to come.

You must have faith. You must be strong. You must not lose hope. You must keep your eye on the future and the possibilities. Without that there is nothing. Without hope, and dreams, and a goal, there is no point. Without that special relationship, we wander alone and aimlessly. Don't let the bad times sour everything that is good. The good far outweighs the bad...it just doesn't seem like it sometimes. Don't lose sight of what you know you want and need. All the good is worth whatever bad must be faced. If it's not, then you are better off cutting your losses now, and moving on to where the good is worth all the extra effort.

With Love,

DV

(Sorry to ramble and be so cryptic. I just needed to vent, get some things out, and get them off my chest. I know you all are thinking DV has totally lost it and gone off the deep end. I promise you I'm as sane as ever. You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.)

DV Update

2011-10-16T07:35:00.000-05:00

For those that have asked about me, thank you for checking in. I am alive and well. Things at work have been extremely hectic the past few weeks and show no signs of letting up. So, not much online time at work. (ARGH!)

At home, my computer decide it didn't want to work anymore. (Damn motherboard) It is a system I built myself a few years ago. I've spent the last week getting in new parts to build another one. You might as well upgrade while you're at it, right?!?! The new system is together, and after a lot of issues with bad drivers and Windows 7 installations, I finally have it back up and running, and all my files transferred. Woohoo! Now the only question is will it stay running. LOL! Time will tell, I suppose.

I have a week of travel coming up for work. Hopefully after that I can try to get back in the swing of things. Thanks again to those that checked in on me. Take care everyone!

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-10-07T07:49:00.000-05:00

Last' week's choices created a very close vote. Thanks to all that participated. the couples theme seemed to go over well with you all. The winner is posted to the right.

This week I am going with horizontal asses. You know...the kind that are laying down. I think there will be some tough decisions to make on your vote this week.

I hope you all have a great weekend! Take care and enjoy the fall weather and football!

It's Short For... (Definitions, Abbreviations and Acronyms)

2011-09-30T14:37:00.000-05:00

I received a Formspring question asking me about a specific acronym used within TTWD (that is the acronym). I tend to use this is my writing, and well...I shouldn't assume that everyone who reads my blog knows what some or all of the acronyms and/or abbreviations represent. (BAD DV!!!) So, I thought I would make a post with some of the more common acronyms and abbreviations related to this lifestyle. By no means will I know or be able to remember all of them. I hope all my readers and followers will join in and comment with some I have left out.

Here we go:

BDSM - This one you can break down into three separate abbreviations: BD - DS - SM. they stand for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism.

D/s - Dominance/submission or Dominant/Submissive

M/s - Master/slave

TTWD - This Thing We Do - Just a way to refer to the lifestyle.

DD - Domestic Discipline

TPE - Total Power Exchange

24/7 - A relationship in with the involved dynamic is in place continuously, or...24/7.

Top - typically the one "doing"

Bottom - typically the one "receiving".

CBT - Cock and Ball Torture

Edgeplay - scene activities in which almost always involves a chance of bodily or emotional harm...pushing things to the edge. Examples are fire play, gun play, knife play, breath play, and blood play.

Hard Limit - Something a person absolutely will not do.

Soft Limit - A limit someone has but may be willing to look into it and/or try it. Something that makes someone very nervous or hesitant.

Sadist - Smeone who enjoy and/or becomes aroused from inflicting pain.

Masochist - Some who enjoys and /or becomes aroused from receiving pain.

Munch - a group of people from the lifestyle meeting in a vanilla place and atmosphere and wearing typically normal clothing. A casual meet and greet, so to speak.

OTK - Over The Knee (in reference to spanking)

Safeword - a codeword used by a bottom to indicate a need to immediate cease whatever activity is currently happening.

Vanilla - Someone or something that is not a pert of or involved in BDSM.

These are some of the most common abbreviations, definition, and acronyms. I will add more as I think of them. Any of you can feel free to add more in the comments section, as I'm sure there are probably some important ones I have left off.

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-09-30T07:08:00.000-05:00

Last weeks winner is posted to the right. A big thank you to all that have voted. I appreciate you all stopping by each week to pick your favorite picture/ass and casting your vote. I also hope you all are enjoying the themes that I have been choosing each week.

I have another theme for you this week. This week I have couples for you, with an emphasis on the female ass, and mixed with some hints of Dominance and control. I hope you enjoy the choices.

Have a great weekend everyone!

The Geek Within - Social Science (Part 3)

2011-09-29T06:45:00.000-05:00

By now I think it has been established that many of us (me and those that follow me) are geeks. Stand up, hold your head high, adjust your horned rim glasses, and salute your pocket protector with all your might. LOL!

I have taken you down the road and pointed out some important parts of TTWD. Or maybe I have pointed out some potential obstacles within TTWD. I have taken a look at psychology and sociology, and how they can play a role in this lifestyle. There are the feelings, emotions and mindsets of those in this lifestyle, which may be similar or may be very different than those in the vanilla world. I have also taken a look at some of the outside influences and societal factors that can shape the thinking process of a person. These influences from society are a huge factor in how a person sees and participates in a power exchange relationship.

Now it is time to try to bring everything together. I realize I am simplifying all of this and it is much more complex than I may be able to explain, but I'll do my best. Why do we need to be concerned with psychology? Why do we need to be concerned with sociology? If you are strictly a researcher, then maybe you don't need to concern yourself with the whys. Yet, most of us are more than just a geeky researcher. We are also practitioners. In some form or fashion we actively participate in D/s, or some type of power exchange relationship...whether it be the newly found desire, a part-time relationship, a long distance relationship, or one that is constant and 24/7. It is within these relationships that you need to be able to understand, at least on some basic level, these aforementioned social sciences.

As a Dominant, I feel it is my duty to not only be able to participate in physical activities with Sunshine, but to also understand what else is on her mind. I can do an endless number of things to her physically. In doing so, I better know how she will react to what I do to her. I better know what she can tolerate and what she can't. I better know when I'm pushing too far and when I'm not pushing enough. I need to be able to have a grasp on her emotions and feelings...both about our current activities as well as her submission in general. In other words, I need to have a grasp of her psychologically, and know how to handle what may arise.

As a Dominant, I also need to know about the social background of Sunshine. As we move forward and progress in our relationship, I need to know what obstacles there may be. It may involve religion, upbringing, family views, etc... Any or all of these may have an influence or impact on her and how it affects our D/s dynamic. I need to know where her views are based. I need to know what factors may influence and affect her, and what may not. I need to be prepared to deal with these things in a supportive and understanding manner. This knowledge about her is not to use against her in any way. It is to have a better understanding myself of what her mindset may be, and how to work with that to enable her to be all she desires to be.

As you can see, there is a psychological mindset that can involve the relationship and dynamic itself. Then there is a mindset that can be influenced by outside factors. There is the potential stress of specific activities you may engage in, and there is also the potential stress from the outside. All of these factors need to have attention paid to them. They can all have a profound affect on your relationship. As long as you are aware of the influences and mindsets, then they can be handled.

As a Dominant, I feel it is your duty to be aware of these and to research and learn your partner as much as you research specific activities. Learn how to help each other through stress and difficult times. Know what to look for and what may be a cause for certain concerns by your partner. The more you know each other and are able to help each other, the better and stronger your relationship will be. Being willing to put forth the effort to learn and understand your partner will also build trust and respect. And what geek doesn't want trust and respect?!?!

The Geek Within - Social Science (Part2)

2011-09-28T07:42:00.000-05:00

In my last post I broke the news that I am a geek. Well...so to speak anyway. By the comments received, there are a lot of geeks out there. It's my love of learning and diving deep into a subject of interest that is why I came to carry this tag. And yes, it was attached to me in love and fun. Although, there is some truth to it...that I cannot deny. Anyway...in my last post I talked a bit about psychology. I expressed my desire to learn about the inner workings of the brain and how it relates to the D/s lifestyle.

In this post I want to take a look at sociology. Wikipedia defines sociology as:

"Sociology is the study of society and human social activity. Its traditional focuses have included social stratification, social class, social mobility, religion, secularisation, law, deviance."

We as humans are very social creatures. We seek interaction with others, belong to groups of similar interests, and see social class (wealth) as a way to divide and categorize people. We seek to be accepted and to fit into the world in which we live. Larger groups of like minded people within our society tend to make unwritten rules as to how they believe a person should behave and conduct themselves. In the wikipedia definition, this would primarily be religion and law. There are standards of behavior within our society that are taught and passed down through generations. these standards are seen as the norm and are what is generally accepted and expected of a person from their behavior. These behavior expectations are called mores (pronounced morays...like the eel). Mores are the norms or values of a particular society.

I think some of you can see where I am going with this. When it comes to TTWD, many people see this as a deviant act, or as behavior that falls outside the typical values of how a relationship should be conducted. It goes against how men and women are brought up and raised to act and treat others...especially those of the opposite sex. It goes against all that has been fought for on behalf of women over the years. (Women's Lib) In some senses and and in some relationships, it even goes against the abolishing of slavery and all that entire race of people have fought against. The main difference here is the willingness to be a part of it, since the slavery is a choice and is not forced.

This can be especially tough for a submissive woman to justify in her head. She has been taught to behave and act in a certain way her whole life. She has been taught to stand up0, be strong, and not have to rely on anyone else. Yet for some women, being submissive is who they are. It is a need for them. It is natural to them and a place where they feel most like themselves and most normal. This can create an inner battle within her mind between how she feels she is expected to behave, and what she feels she truly wants and needs. This can make her feel bad about herself and as though something is wrong with her. A great amount of grief can arise from the turmoil all of this creates.

Let's bring some of this together. The turmoil in her head, and feelings of being wrong, takes us back to psychology. It has to do with the mindset about being submissive. The cause of the mindset and turmoil is the sociological influences impressed upon her by the society in which she lives and has been raised. Both psychology and sociology play a big role in how a person views TTWD. First can a person deal with going against society's norm, and then can the person deal with that within their own head and come to terms with it? This is an age old situational tug-of-war when it comes to this lifestyle. One side pulling you towards what is considered acceptable behavior, and the other side pulling you towards what you truly need as an individual.

I have said before, and I will say it again...one of the biggest steps a person can take in D/s, and a huge hurdle for so many, is acceptance. Accepting who you are, what you want and need, and accepting and realizing that it is alright to want and need these things. You have to realize that is isn't wrong just because you want something that society says you shouldn't. At times, you have to quit worrying about what everyone else thinks and do what is best for you individually. Or to put it bluntly...fuck what other people think. For many people, it is far better psychologically to accept it and be able to be who you truly are, than to deny what you need mentally and emotionally for the sake of what others expect of you. Those of us in the lifestyle that talk about being free in being owned or collared, this is what is meant by that, at least some of the time. It can be psychological freedom to accept who you are. It's as though the weight has been removed and you are no longer held down by the chains of societal correctness. Hence, there is a freedom in letting go, being able to give yourself to another person, and being bound to them by commitment and love.

I have now showed you some aspects of psychology and sociology within TTWD. In the next and final post of this series, I will show you I'm not just a geeky research scientist. I am also a practitioner within the lifestyle.

The Geek Within - Social Science

2011-09-27T10:29:00.000-05:00

Back when I was younger, this might have upset me. It might have rubbed me the wrong way. I would have fought and denied the very thought of it. These days...not so much. In fact, I take it as a compliment...an honor..as something to be a bit proud of about myself. What is it you ask? My Sunshine likes to refer to me as a "geek" or a "nerd". She does it very lovingly though. And mostly it is in reference to this lifestyle and TTWD. I am her "sexual geek". Although, the more I look at it, the more it pretty much covers the way I am overall.

So what makes me a geek? It's the way I write. It's the way I study and research. Not just about this lifestyle or sex, but anything I don't know about or find interesting. Google is one of my best friends. LOL! It has an answer for everything, or can at least get you started in the right direction. I do love to discover and learn, in depth, about things I find of interest. Obviously, D/s is one of those things. And for me (and any of you that have followed me for a while know this), it's not just D/s...it's the inner workings, feelings, and mindsets associated with this lifestyle. I would venture to say I'm a social science geek, and how it relates to and involves a D/s dynamic and relationship. I find the mental and emotional aspects of this fascinating.

For me (and for the purposes of this series of posts), there are two areas of social science I want to look at with all of you. They are psychology and sociology. Then we will also take a look at actual hands-on field practice.

According to Wikipedia:

"Psychology is the science of behavior and mental processes. Its immediate goal is to understand individuals and groups by both establishing general principles and researching specific cases. For many, the ultimate goal of psychology is to benefit society."

The geek within me is intrigued about the psychology of D/s. I have written many times about feelings and emotions involved in this. I am indeed very interested and enjoy understanding the mindset of both a Dominant and a submissive. I am also interested in how this mindset changes and evolves over time. Everyone involved in TTWD is different and has differing feelings and emotions about it. Yet, we are all surrounded by some commonalities. This will almost always be based upon some sort of power exchange between the two people involved.

The mind is an organ that scientists have been trying to understand for as long as humans have been alive. It is a very deep and complex network. Can one truly understand it? Probably not. Everyone is different, has their own personality, has varying likes and dislikes, etc... Even though every single person is made up the same anatomically, it is within the brain that we all differ, are unique, and are individuals. It is amazing how some people need and crave D/s, while others are appalled by the thought of it. Some people have a need and desire to be spanked, while others can't even begin to fathom that desire. Even within this lifestyle, a person can start out not wanting and being against a certain activity (let's say spanking), but then over time they change and grow to maybe not only like it, but need it as part of their relationship.

I am a geek for liking and being interested in the psychology of TTWD? I guess so! I want to understand it more. I want to learn and keep growing and progressing with my own knowledge of it. I want to be able to understand Sunshine's mindset, feelings and emotions better. I believe that in doing so I will be a better person and Dominant for her and us. Google will continue to be my friend. I will continue to read and follow blogs related to TTWD. I will continue to source and browse pictures that involve and illustrate this. It is through all of these avenues that I learn more and more each day.

I will learn more about submissives, as well as Dominants. I will learn more about myself. For me it is one of those scenarios where the more I learn and the more answers I find, the more questions I have...the more I find I didn't know, and I can feel and see things I hadn't before. It is as much about discovery of myself as it is about Sunshine and TTWD. So call me a geek or a nerd...I don't mind at all. I'm proud of the fact that I like to learn and discover. Especially when it has direct benefits for me and my relationship.

In the next post I will delve into sociology and how some of it relates to D/s and TTWD.

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-09-23T07:57:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the last day of summer and the first day of fall. I hope you all had a good summer and it continues through the rest of the year. FAF has been good this year and I thank you all for your continued support and participation. Last week's winner is posted to the right.

I will continued with the themed pictures this week. I'm going to post on something that is a bit more near and dear to your hearts...spanking/flogging/whipping. I hope you enjoy them.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Quotes To Make You Think

2011-09-22T10:26:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling a bit philosophical today. So, here are some quotes I found on various subjects. Just a few things to make you stop and think. Maybe...just maybe...they will enable you to see life from a different perspective.

Do not go where the path may lead instead go where there is no path and leave a trail. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

Never let your sense of morals keep you from doing what is right. ~Isaac Asimov~

We must be the change we wish to see. ~Gandhi~

Only those who risk going too far can find out how far one can go. ~T.S. Eliot~

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt~

This I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual. ~John Steinbeck~

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~Anais Nin~

The best and most beautiful thing in life cannot be seen, not touched, but are felt in the heart. ~Hellen Keller~

Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile...initially scared me to death. ~Betty Bender~

To be nobody but yourself, in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~E.E. Cummings~

Be not what is expected, but who you are...who you are meant to be. Expectations carry the weight of a thousand mountains from which you can not be freed. Individuality is the freedom from the expectations, and carry the weight of a feather, allowing you to see and experience the world. ~DauntlessVitality~

Aftercare (Blog Takeover)

2011-09-20T09:27:00.001-05:00

As part of my blog takeover by all of you...my readers and followers...I received this question last night.

"I have a friend who is exploring his Dominate side. We were discussing aftercare. He stated he wasn't good with aftercare because he lacked empathy. Could you write about Aftercare? The importance. The need. The affect."

This is a good question. Aftercare is something that we all hear and talk about in this lifestyle. I think aftercare is just as important as pre-care and during-care. Ok...I made those two terms up, but I think you get the point. LOL! I think we can look at this with the illustration of a "bell curve", as seen to the right.

In general, as I noted, there can be three basic stages to play. There is the warm-up session, also known as foreplay. It's in this stage that you begin taunting and teasing and getting each other wound up, aroused, and excited. This is the beginning and up-curve on the illustration. The second stage is actual play...the meat of your time together. This is where most of the actual sex and harder play is involved. This is where the intensity peaks and all the physical sensations and emotions climax. The third stage is aftercare, or the down side of the illustration. This is where you slowly come back down from the high you are on, and settle back into normalcy. Your body relaxes, the sensations subside, the endorphins begin to subside, and you slowly come back from euphoria.

Let me make this part very clear! Notice on the bell curve how it slowly comes back down from the peak. There is a ramp up in the beginning, reaching the peak, and then a ramp down period, until you reach the end. IT DOES NOT ramp up and then just stop at the peak. In this lifestyle, the ramp down period is just as important as the ramp up and the peak of play. A sub needs this down time after play to feel her Dom's sensitive side. She needs to be held. She needs to be cuddled. She needs to know and feel she has the appreciation and love she deserves for what she has given to him...her body, mind, and soul. It is this close time together, after play, that it all comes together. She is reassured by him of his pleasure with her, and can feel the appreciation he has for what he was able to take from her. Without the aftercare, she can feel alone and isolated. She can feel used and unappreciated, and not used in a good way. Aftercare is just as important as the rest of the scene.

If you are like me, you need scenarios you can understand, so let me use this analogy...making dinner. You spend time getting everything together for dinner. You prepare and cook your dinner (ramp up). Once all has been done and it is ready you reach the peak which is getting to eat and enjoy what you have prepared. This is the climax and enjoyment of your efforts...a great meal. Yet, at this point you aren't done. The kitchen is a mess and there are dirty dishes to deal with and clean. This is your ramp down period...cleanup. You can't go to all the effort, enjoy your meal, and then just leave everything laying out and dirty. You have enjoyed the fruits of your labor, but you also have to get everything back in order to the state is was before you started. For a sub, it is this time of getting back in order that can be the most important. It solidifies what you have done as a couple. It can bring the two of you closer.

I know some Dominants see aftercare as something where they get no benefit. To them, the control and Dominance is what they need. I say that it is the aftercare for a sub that will enable a Dominant to get much more of what he needs. When a sub gets this care, it will make her much more likely to want and need to give even more of herself. If she feels neglected in a part of her needs, then this will cause problems and drive a wedge between the two of you. She needs to feel cared for, appreciated and loved. So, even though some may see aftercare as not important, I think it is more beneficial than you may realize. This is a two way street...she is giving herself to you for all you need, so give her all she needs as well. It is well worth the time and energy you put into it. It will bring all the emotions together and bring the two of you closer. Don't just use her and leave her to fend for herself.

Use the gift she has given you, but then help her settle back down afterwards, and care for her. This is part of her needs. If her needs aren't being met, then she won't be around forever. To me it sounds pointless to stay somewhere and be with someone that isn't giving you what you need from your time together and in your relationship. How beneficial is it to you, as a Dom, to not meet her needs? To not help her become more for you? To not enable her to become more for you? Being selfish and only seeing to your own needs will only lead you to being alone in the long run. So, how important is aftercare? I guess that depends on if you like having a partner and submissive, or if you prefer to spend your time alone wishing you had one.

Blog Takeover!

2011-09-19T15:50:00.000-05:00

I'm going to try something a bit new. I'm going to let you all take over my blog. Ok...not totally. Did you really think I would give up control?!?! Even of my blog?!?! NO WAY!!! However, I am looking for your input. Yes, from all of you out there that follow, read, lurk, and hide in the shadows. This is a chance for anyone and everyone to join in, and still hide in the shadows if you prefer.

I am going to accept questions to answer. I'm going to take suggestions. I'm going to accept topics and subjects on which to write. All suggested by you. So if it is on your mind, in your thoughts, something you have wondered about, etc... then send it on in. Whatever the subject or topic, feel free to let me know. I can't promise I will answer or write on everything that may be submitted, but I will do what I can.

There are several ways you can submit something to me:

1) Leave it in the comments section of this post.
2) Email it to me directly. (dauntlessvitality@yahoo.com)
3) Use my Formspring box in the right sidebar of my blog. Just remember you are limited to 250 characters that you can write in Formspring.
4) You can use the ASK Box on my Tumblr page. (http://dvsarousal.tumblr.com/ask)

When submitting, please make sure I know your submission is part of this request. Feel free to submit as Anonymous if you like. I won't publish any identities if you request I keep them to myself. If you don't indicate for me to do so, then I am likely to post who sent me the question or suggestion.

So bring it on! Put them on me! Let me hear what you have to say or want to know. I'm hoping this will be a good way for us all to be open and communicate, both with what I say in response and with the follow-up comments from my readers. I do love an open exchange from everyone. No question is dumb or stupid...if you don't know but want to, all you have to do is ask. We are all here to learn. Seasoned veteran in the lifestyle, or new to the scene...it doesn't matter.

I look forward to hearing from you all, and seeing what is on your mind and what you would like to know.

DV

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-09-16T11:43:00.001-05:00

Here we are..ending the week with another highly anticipated edition of FAF. Thanks to all that have continued to stop by and vote. I really do appreciate your participation, and there would be no reason to keep doing this without all of you. So...thanks!

Last week's winner is posted to the right. We had an ethnic theme last week. This wee we are going to have a theme of multiple asses per picture. I hope you enjoy the ones I have chosen for you.

Have a great weekend everyone!

The Strength Within

2011-09-12T13:49:00.000-05:00

In my previous post I spoke about how those outside of TTWD seem to view this lifestyle. Appearances aren't always as they appear. Those of us involved in this lifestyle know there is much more to it than what someone may see at a glance. This goes much deeper than the mere physical appearances of the activities we choose to bring into our relationships...much deeper. There is a warning label on the passenger side mirror of most cars..."Objects in mirror are closer than they appear". For all of us, maybe it should read..."Relationships are much deeper and more involved than they appear".

I had a conversation with Sunshine this weekend that reminded me of just how deep and involved our relationships can be. I also read some comments on a post this morning at The Empty Collar. The topic that coincided with the conversation and the post is the strength of a submissive woman. That is not to say in any form or fashion that any woman isn't and can't be strong. But alas, here in my world I speak of the D/s lifestyle, so that is the platform from which I stand and speak.

I think those people that peek in from the outside see a submissive as being weak. They see a woman being owned and controlled by a man (reverse the gender roles if you like), and view this as a weakness. Many people don't think a woman should bow and cede herself to a man...or to anyone for that matter. They think she should stand on her own two feet and be able to take care of herself. She should be assertive and able to take charge of any situation. I say this is a bunch of bologna.

I say that it takes a very strong woman to be willing and able to submit. It doesn't matter whether she is currently involved with a Dominant or on her own. The core person is still there and strong. She has to be strong to be able to not only comprehend her need for submission, but then be able to act upon that need. A woman must be strong mentally and emotionally to be able to give herself to someone the way a submissive woman does. There is no weakness in needing to give yourself to a Dominant. It is that deep inner strength that makes her a good submissive. Someone without that strength will have a very hard time opening up and baring herself completely. Not to mention, this strength is combined with raw determination to be able to stay the course and follow through with what she desires the most. We all know...it isn't always easy.

Back to my conversation with Sunshine...I didn't talk to her about strength as my submissive. I spoke to her about the strength she has within her as a person. Granted the two may go hand in hand, but that wasn't the point. The point for her, which can also apply to Histoy, is this... Always stand strong, be proud of who you are, and don't let anyone make you think less of yourself. Anyone that tries to bring you down is only afraid and insecure about themselves. They will belittle you and try to make you feel smaller about yourself in order to feel better about themselves. So, stand tall, smile, and be happy with nothing less than the person you are at your best. This will enable you to become even stronger, more self-aware, and more secure with yourself. Being able to look inside and being happy with what you see is what matters most of all.

"You are stronger than you think, and I have shown you just how strong and important, and appreciated you are. Let your inner strength flow and don't allow what anyone else says or does make you think any less of yourself. Let them look like a fool on their own with the less than desirable behavior they may exhibit. In the end, it will be they that will be seen as a lesser and weaker person. I am proud of you as a person...all that you are and can be. I am proud and honored to be able to call you mine."

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-09-09T08:01:00.000-05:00

Thanks to everyone that came by and voted last week. There was a good turn out and number of votes, making it interesting. I like a lot of votes and it being a close race. The winner from last week is posted to the right.

I'm going to try to have a special theme each week for the next few weeks. I haven't done this in a while, so I thought we would shake things up a bit. This week I'm going to do something that was requested once before. I haven't done it in a while, so it is overdue to get back on FAF. I hope you all enjoy it.

This week's theme is...Ethnic. Have a great weekend everyone!

The View From The Outside

2011-09-06T09:55:00.000-05:00

How are we perceived? How do others see us? How do others view this lifestyle? These are questions we all face and think about at one time or another. Those of us in this lifestyle know what it is all about, or are at least learning. We see things that we know we need from it. Those needs may vary, and the dynamic you need may be different from the next person, but we all fall under the umbrella in some form or fashion of some type of power exchange relationship.

I have had some conversations with my Sunshine about this very thing...how this lifestyle is perceived by those outside of it. The view from the outside is much different than the view on the inside. We did not meet under the assumption of a D/s relationship, but I did make it clear very early on that this was a big part of who I am. She had her own views of what all it entailed, which is like so many people not involved or having experience in TTWD. Yet, her views and perception of this has changed dramatically. She has found a side of herself that was hidden...and maybe she didn't even know existed. She knows it now, and is embracing every ounce of it she can, and I couldn't be happier about that.

I was reminded of the perception of others when I read a post of another blogger this morning. The post was written by ALuv at Sincerely Yours... , and the post was titled In Search Of. It made me think of the saying...don't judge a book by it's cover. First appearances may make you think or believe a certain way, but if you take the time to look inside and delve a little deeper, you may see much more than you initially thought was there. You may be missing a lot if you take something at mere face value and look only at what is seen on the surface. Underneath it all there is much more than may meet the eye. ALuv points this out and says it very well.

"If someone would have said to me 4 years ago that D/s relationship is something I was going to be longing for I probably would have said "you are nuts!" and one of the reason was because I really didn't know what it was about, what it meant, how the dynamics of the relationship works.
I honestly thought it was only about leather, whips and chains, inflicting pain in others and getting a kick while doing so, so yeah, I sorta knew the basics *giggles*. I heard and seen the collars, the toys and just about a great deal of the kinks but I was unaware of the most important part of such relationships; trust, respect, communication, and obedience. The closeness between two people without inhibitions, absolutely no fear to say how one is feeling, please and be pleased, be heard and understood, understand and not judge, be so open that even when dressed in their presence they can see you completely naked. So wonderful *shivers"

I think people on the outside see and believe exactly as ALuv pointed out. This is strictly about leather, whips, and chains, making demands and inflicting pain. What is seen on television and on the internet does nothing to dispel this myth. Yet, when you look beyond the surface, there is a whole other world of feelings, emotions, needs, and desires. It is about the closeness, the respect, the trust, the love and care, the connection between two people. It can be a relationship that is stronger and more open than any traditional relationship.

So many people are afraid of the unknown. They will look down upon something based upon how they perceive it...even when they really know nothing about it. We all have our opinions. I prefer to have an educated opinion, rather than making judgements on things I know nothing about. There are many aspects of play in this lifestyle that aren't for me. Does that mean I will talk bad about them? Not at all! Everyone has what works and doesn't work for them and there respective personalities and situations. It's too bad so many people see TTWD as being out on the fringes, kinky, and as an alternate lifestyle. To me it is a normal lifestyle. I know this isn't for everyone, but it is for me...and obviously a lot of you as well.

Don't be deterred by those that are ignorant to what we do. There will always be people who don't understand. Just as there will always be people who understand wholeheartedly. Allow yourself the freedom to be who you are and to seek out what you need. When dealing with those that aren't in the know...just smile, feel good about yourself, and know you are feeling and experiencing things that they will never even come close to knowing personally. Maybe someday they will open their eyes enough to know what you know and be able to find a little piece of heaven for themselves.

We Are Parts Of A Whole

2011-09-02T10:43:00.001-05:00

This was taken from a post on a Tumblr Blog I follow...Desire's Journey. She posts some great things so you ought to check out her Tumblr Blog. Anyway, I thought this was fantastic. When I read it, I felt as though I could have written this myself. This encompasses my views and approach to TTWD so well.

----------------------------------------------

What Is A Master?

I am a dominant man. I am just that.
I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part.
Not because I feel I am more intelligent, or wiser.
I am not dominant because of the strength or mass of my body.
I am not, nor would I want to be dominant with all women.

Yet to you, I am Master.

I am your Master only after earning your trust and I embrace your submissiveness.
I have looked into your heart and mind and clearly see your desires and passions.

You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions.
You tell me of the needs of your heart and body.
You have given me total access to your soul, and I accept the responsibility and honor.
You are a woman.
You are not weak or inferior because of it.
You are a treasure to be cherished.

We are not equal.

I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend and provide for you.
You are a woman and instinctively stronger of will and heart.
Your belief in me gives me courage and direction.
Your strength disperses my doubt.
Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts.

We are not equal. We are parts of a whole.
We complement each other and make each other complete.
My desire to dominate you is instinctive.

It is not to degrade you nor is it degrading to you because you are secure in being totally feminine.
We each recognize and accept our worth, and our need for someone to trust and fulfill our needs.

You are sure, strong and proud in your womanhood.
You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion.
You expect a man to stand strong and be a man.
You desire and flourish in the strength and control of a man.
In return you present control of your body, unqualified trust and honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart.
You submit because I have earned your trust.

Because I have opened my heart and soul to you.
Because I have listened to your words with my ears and heart and have learned to anticipate your needs and emotions. And because I have proven worthy in your eyes, you have given me the only true treasure of life;

You have given me dominance over you.
What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural and the rarest gift a woman
could give a man.
You have given me complete and unshakable assurance of your commitment to me.
Your submissiveness is a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility.

I accept this from you with humility and joy.
I understand the rarity and purity of this gift.
I recognize it is your body and soul,
your heart and mind.
I dominate you only because you have allowed it.
I dominate only because you have allowed me to and when I see your body kneel before me, in my mind and heart you are raised above all other women and all the treasures of the earth.

What you give freely cannot in reality be bought and if it could, it would never mean the same..

(Michael P. - Feb, 1994 - Compuserve)

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-09-02T07:40:00.000-05:00

Thank God it's Friday! For those of us in The U.S it is a Holiday weekend. That means an extra day off for most of us on Monday. Woohoo! What's not to like about a long weekend. And since the Holiday is Labor Day, that sort of marks the end of the summer. Cooler weather will be moving in soon, and pushing out the repressive heat we have had in the south.

Thanks for all that voted the last two weeks. We had a great turnout, and it was a very tough and close vote to get the eventual winner. The one that came out on top is posted to the right. I hope we have just as good of a vote this week. I think I have chosen some nice pictures for you this week.

I hope you all have a great weekend, and a great Holiday for those of you in the States. Stay safe, take care, and may the best ass win.

An Evolving Mindset (Part 2)

2011-08-31T07:52:00.000-05:00

In my last post I talked about how we change over time. How our wants and needs change. How we evolve in what we like and feel we have to have to be happy and satisfied. How settling for anything less than that will never be enough. This is apparent within me as much as anyone. Several years ago, before I discovered the Dominant side of myself and let it blossom, I would have been content with a traditional sex life. A sex life that the mainstream population would consider normal. These days...normal has a whole new meaning. It has taken on an entirely different perspective.

This lifestyle, D/s, is a natural part of who I am and how I view things these days. It is "normal" for me. I no longer consider myself new to TTWD. Although, I'll be the first to tell you that there is so much more out there to be learned and discovered. I mentioned in my last post how I think it is beautiful to see the changes evolve within someone in this lifestyle. That is one reason I like to write and post on here. I like to be able to share my thoughts and experiences with others. I love to receive comments and emails from readers saying how they had that light bulb moment when reading my post. Or, that they felt I was inside their head seeing everything they think and feel. That is a great feeling. I have been there myself, and am glad I can share and help others see these things as well. Anyway...I digress.

I was having a conversation the other day with my wife. As many of you may know, she is in no way a part of this lifestyle, nor will she ever be. It isn't a part of who she is. She is fully aware of who I am at this point, what I like and need, what I do, and who I do it with. She does her own thing as well, which I am fully aware of. This is an agreement we came to a while back. Anyway...the conversation made me think about how much I have evolved and changed. During the conversation, a question was brought up..."could we ever get back to being the couple we once were and be sexual again (which we haven't been in years)?" We both agreed that it couldn't and wouldn't ever happen. We are too different in what we want and need in that arena.

This begs the natural question...So what do I want? A few years ago I would have said sex. LOL! The answer to this today is much different than it would have been a few years ago. Spankings? Check! Control? Check! Hair pulling? Check! To have my cock worshiped? Check! To control orgasms? Check! To fuck how I want and when I want? Check! To have my cum worn with pride? Check! To use restraints? Check! Anal sex? Check! To feel my Sunshine totally and completely belongs to me, and does so gladly and willingly? Check! This is just to name a few, but is far different than...well, sex. Yes, many of these things are sex related, but so much of it has to do with the mental and emotional aspect of the act and relationship, and from where the intention of the act derives.

The best part of it all is being with someone you know wants and needs all of this from you....and maybe even much more. It's great to not only be able to push Sunshine to new territory, but to have her push me as well. I don't mean that I am being pushed by her in a bad or disrespectful way. I mean that she can push me to do more, become better, and find more of myself for her. Ask me a couple of years from now and I will probably be able to say I have changed much more since I wrote this. That is my goal and what I hope for anyway. I don't want to stay stagnant. I want to keeping evolving, be more than I am now, and be a better man for having changed. Lucky for me I have a little Sunshine to light the way.

An Evolving Mindset (Part 1)

2011-08-30T08:55:00.000-05:00

It always amazes me! People change and and situations change. Mindsets change. Mmmmm...yes, mindsets change. It's amazing how mindsets change in TTWD. It's amazing how our perception can change. It's amazing how what once seemed kinky, now seems normal. What once seemed to be an activity that was way out in left field is now the sandbox you constantly play in. It amazes me how that happens. But...it does and I like it. No...I love it!

I never get tired of seeing the change. For me, it is easy to see it in other people. Whether that happens to be my Sunshine, or someone else I have talked to or dealt with in the past. It is a beautiful thing to be able to see and be a part of the change and progression of another person within this lifestyle. Within myself it can be a little more difficult to see. Yet, when I stop and look back to where I once was compared to where I am now, I can definitely see how my actions, needs, and mindset have all evolved.

I look back upon my sex life and see the vanilla activities that used to be a part of it. It contained your normal run of the mill sex and intimacy. Nothing at all outside of the box or outside of the norm. Being adventurous may have been sex in the shower or early in the morning...that was it. Could I ever go back to that? Could I ever be happy in a relationship like that? I can answer these questions with one resounding word...NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It would never satisfy me and I would always be wanting and needing more.

I have said before, and even written a post about it...once you get into this lifestyle you can never go back. Or at least not completely. This doesn't just apply to a submissive. It applies to Dominants as well...this Dom included. Once you realize this is part of who you are and something you need to be a part of your life, it is very difficult to settle for anything less. Anything less just isn't enough. Without it you will always be yearning for more. You will be missing an important part of what you need. Of course, your partner makes all the difference in the world, but if the two of you aren't on the same page sexually then you are heading down a bumpy road.

Life is too short to settle for less than what you want, need, and deserve. Yet, you can't just sit around hoping things will change, or waiting for what you want to come to you. You have to be proactive. You have to be willing to go after what you need. If you sit around waiting, you may be waiting your whole life...and you have no one to blame but yourself for settling for less.

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-08-26T07:09:00.000-05:00

This week I'm sorry to inform you that we will be having a slight interruption in the regularly scheduled FAF. I have been on vacation all week (still am for that matter), and haven't had time to get FAF together for this week. We also had a tie between two pictures last week that I didn't have time to sort out. So...this week we will have voting between the two pictures that tied for the most votes last week.

I hope you all have had a good week and have a great weekend!

The Art Of Us

2011-08-20T07:22:00.002-05:00

She laid before him...bearing her entire self...leaving nothing unexposed. She said:

"You are the artist and I am your canvas...make me your Masterpiece. Create me. Mold me. Shape me from your own hands. Make me into your own vision."

He studied her and then replied:

"If I am the artist, and you are the canvas, then you are a canvas that already has an invisible portrait on it. I just happen to be the one that can bring out and add color to what is already there. Enabling you to see what kind of portrait you already are. To see what you already have within you, but needs the right attention to bring it out and let it shine.

So create? Mold? I am just the guide and enabler. You are already created and molded. You just haven't seen it yet or been able to totally find it within yourself. I am here to show you the priceless artistry you truly are and can be. You have offered me the canvas that is you...I will bring to the forefront what the canvas holds within."

Happiness and joy swept across her face. As tears of emotional bliss ran down her cheek, she said:

"I am your canvas. I am yours. Show me who I am. Let me see who I can be. Let me be more than I have ever been. Show me how to be more than I ever knew I was capable of being. Most importantly...show me how to be all this for you. I need to be this for you. My canvas has waited for the one artist that knows how to bring forth all I hold inside. You are that artist, and I give the canvas that I am to you as yours...completely."

He knew all of this already. He had been taking her further and deeper. The further they went, the more he broke through. Yet, this was a great milestone. Even though she knew it in her heart as well, now the words had been uttered from behind her lips. She had openly admitted what she is to him...what she gives to him...what she needs to be. His completely!

"You are mine. I know it and you know it. Neither of us can be who we are without the other. An artist is nothing without his canvas. A canvas can never carry the portrait without the artist. Apart we are mere objects. Together we are a living, growing, evolving work of art. Never hold back. Never retreat into your blank canvas. Allow yourself to shine bright as I bring out the work of art that is you. Never be afraid. I am here to hold and support you. I am here to love and nurture you. I am here to push you past what you see, so that you can be what lies beneath...still yet to be discovered. Together...we will become a Masterpiece."

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-08-19T08:08:00.000-05:00

Welcome to another hot August day, and another edition of Fantastic Ass Friday. We had a great turn out on the vote last week. Much to my surprise, it was pretty much a runaway with the votes. One picture apparently stood out as the favorite for almost everyone. You all never cease to amaze me. But then again...what should I expect but amazement when it come to all you fine followers. Last week's winner is to the right.

I will do my best to make this week a more even contest. Also this week, there are a couple of the pictures that were submitted by followers. So yes...you the viewers do have input in FAF. Feel free to submit a picture to me if you find one you like and feel it is worthy of FAF. I will be more than happy to use it. You may submit pictures directly yo my email, or use my tumblr blog, which accepts submissions.

I hope you all have a great weekend!

Something So Special

2011-08-16T11:03:00.000-05:00

There is something so special about trusting another person with all that you are. There is something so special in giving yourself to someone so completely that you trust them to care for you, love you, guide you, and provide for all your needs...mentally, emotionally, and physically. There is something so special about being able to feel like a priceless treasure to someone, by giving all you are and have to that person.

There is something so special about being trusted by another person with all that they are. There is something so special about a person giving themself to you completely to love them, care for them, guide them, and provide for all their needs...mind, body, and soul. There is something so special about making someone feel like a priceless treasure, by them being willing to give you all that they are and have.

There is something so special about the give and take of a D/s relationship. The outward appearance is that of one giving and the other taking. The reality is that each person is giving the other what they need. The reality is that each is taking what they need from the other. The give and take ebbs and flows in perfect harmony based upon the needs and desires of each person within the couple.

The entirety of a D/s relationship, and what it gives to each person involved, is something so special.

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-08-12T08:04:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone has had a great week! I know you are all ready for the weekend...I sure am.

Last week's winner is posted to the right. Thanks to all that voted. I appreciate your continued support for FAF. A special thanks to those that have sent pics and made submissions to be used in future FAF votes. For the rest of you...if you come across and picture and think it would be a good choice to be included in FAF, then feel free to email it to me. I'm always happy to get submissions and post the pictures you like and submit.

Thanks again for all the support and for coming by my blog to see what is being posted next. I appreciate you all...followers, lurkers, and visitors alike. Have a great weekend!

This week's pictures:

Comfort And Stability Versus Change

2011-08-09T09:36:00.000-05:00

I received this picture this morning from my Sunshine. Part of it really made her think about things going on in her life. It really made me think too, as it holds true for things happening in my life as well. I think we can all relate to this in one way or another. We all have regrets about situations where we didn't take a chance, didn't make a decision, or waited too long to make a decision.

Why is it that we as people tend to delay decisions? Why do we put off making decisions we know we need to make, and will ultimately make life better for us? The answer is...comfort and change...or the fear of change. We get comfortable in our situations. We need stability. We don't like change. Even when we find ourselves in situations that aren't the best or aren't ideal, we will stay in those situations because they feel normal and comfortable. There is some stability and knowing what to expect in those situations. We would rather stay in a non-ideal situation than have to deal with change and turn our stability upside down.

I continue to use "we" as I describe this because I feel overall that people in general are this way, and I am as well. I like stability and knowing what to expect. There are changes coming up for me that will be life altering in a huge way. The changes may be sooner or may be later, but they are coming one way or another. I know in the end that these changes will be the best for all involved. I know that ultimately these changes will make me happier and enable me to be more of who I want and need to be as a person. They will give me a chance to get what I need as a person that I can never get otherwise.

So why don't I just go ahead and move forward? Why don't I make these changes now? The simple answer is comfort and stability in where I am. I don't have to make these changes now. If forced or pushed, I could move forward with the changes now. I have no problem in doing so, but for now I don't have to do anything. Will I regret not going ahead and making the changes that are coming? Will I wish I hadn't delayed and had gone ahead and gotten things moving forward? Possibly! But, there are a lot of other factors in play, so for now...stability is good. Yet, I will say this...I am slowly moving forward. The changes are because of me and my own initiation. They will happen because of me. They will happen because I know what I want and need to make me a happier person. Because I refuse to settle long term for anything less. These decisions can be heartbreaking and gut-wrenching, but will also be the best for all involved long term....or at least so I believe.

At one time or another we all have to make life altering decisions. It could be about your relationship, your marriage, or even whether or not to take the steps to finding who you truly are as a Dominant or submissive. Sometimes it involves letting go of the past to be able to have a brighter future. We all have to face changes at some point or another. We all have to step out of our comfort zone, let go of the stability, and try to better ourselves. Are you willing to make the necessary changes to be able to be happier and find who you truly are? Are you already doing that? Can you make those tough decisions? It's never an easy thing to do. Yet, sometimes we have to be willing to let go to move forward. Don't settle for less than you need and deserve. If you settle, even though you aren't happy, because you are comfortable and stable, then I can promise you one thing for certain...In The End, as you look back, you will regret not standing up for yourself and making the changes needed to be happy and the person you really are inside.

Friday Humor

2011-08-05T14:04:00.001-05:00

Ok! I think we could all use a little humor. I know I could and this made me laugh A LOT!!! Maybe it's just my sick sense of humor. Anyway...many of you are probably familiar with the E-Trade baby and the related tv commercials. Here is a video of the baby when things go bad. Enjoy!

***It seems as though this video has since been removed from youtube. Something about copyrights and all that legal crap. Oh we...it was funny for those of you that got to see it before it was taken down.***

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-08-05T08:11:00.000-05:00

Welcome to another week of FAF. First of all let me address a question. For those that have inquired, I have been extremely busy with family and work. Therefore, I haven't had much time or inspiration to write or post. I hope to change this very soon, so please bear with me.

As for FAF, last week's winner is to the right. Thanks to all that voted. I hope to make it difficult for you again this week. Giving you tough choices is what makes this work. We don't want a runaway on your favorite. We want a close vote with lots of votes submitted. Enough with my rambling. On with the pictures.

I hope you all have a great weekend, and may the best ass receive your vote!

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

2011-07-29T08:27:00.000-05:00

It's that time of the week again! The one where, for most of us anyway, the work week is about over and...yes you get to see some wonderful asses and even get the opportunity to vote on your favorite. Last week's winner is posted to the right.

I hope you all enjoy these week's choice. Have a great weekend and Take care!