tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852181366292579823.post1836771106480913993..comments2023-10-01T07:24:57.004-05:00Comments on A Dauntless Journey: Seeking Advice From You...All My Dear FollowersDauntlessVitalityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10351897046636302746noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852181366292579823.post-59752261744205269012011-07-16T09:08:38.953-05:002011-07-16T09:08:38.953-05:00Thanks to all of you for your suggestions and advi...Thanks to all of you for your suggestions and advice. I saw and loved myself as a complete person before this relationship and I know that if as SBF said I give myself time to grieve I will once again be a complete person, love "me", connect with myself, and regain my confidence. <br />As Dannah Bridger pointed out "trust a Dom because he is a good MAN, not because he is a good Dom." I found quite far into my relationship with the man in my recently ended relationship that he was lacking in integrity and values that appeared to be there in the beginning but later disappeared. By then, I realized the man needed to go, but I had become so intwined in the relationship dynamics of dominance and submission between us. It is the loss of that "need", that relationship dynamic that I have not adequately grieved. I seem to be fixated on the loss of the dynamic. And I believe that is in part because I just revealed myself as a Submissive last year after feeling it and needing it and knowing it is who I am at my core for all my adult life. So, I am a newbie to the D/s world. I have a lot to work through and still learn and even then will always find something new to learn around each corner as DV always tells us in his blog. <br />Some people take longer to grieve than others and I think I am a slow griever. It takes me longer to move through the stages of grief in all areas of my life. I know that to be true of me. Everyone moves, learns, grows, and progresses through life at a different pace. <br /><br />I know that my upcoming birthday rather dampened my grieving process of my relationship ending in May. Sort of a realization that "well here we are, a year older, let's take stock of my life." Unfortunately, I have been in a grieving process over my ended relationship and focused on what was not in my life. Had I been in a happy and contented time in my life likely my focus would have been on how good things are in my life. Thank you all for your comments. I will utilize them. And, Southern Sir thanks for the happy birthday wish!<br /> <br />BeckyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852181366292579823.post-61201160638640153652011-07-16T06:33:41.774-05:002011-07-16T06:33:41.774-05:00Thanks for the comments. I think you all made som...Thanks for the comments. I think you all made some very good points. I'm sure Becky will be reading and taking note of your thoughts.<br /><br />DVDauntlessVitalityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10351897046636302746noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852181366292579823.post-44189279717496705192011-07-15T17:14:59.370-05:002011-07-15T17:14:59.370-05:00Becky,
I understand exactly how you feel, having ...Becky,<br /><br />I understand exactly how you feel, having been in a simular situation. My mistake was not taking a period to grieve, instead I jumped right back in and floundered around. Finally this month I am giving myself a break but after that I will be back searching for that one. I do agree with Jen you need to connect with yourself so that you get your self confidence back. <br /><br />I also would encourage you to put yourself back out there. Go on CM or other dating sites and post a profile. If you don't want to get serious then take a lover, someone who will give you that feeling you crave. <br /><br />The other way to go is only look for what you want and don't settle. This way will take longer but well worth the search (as my friend histoy will tell you).<br /><br />This is just my 2 cents as I am out there just like you looking for that one. But I know that if you don't put yourself out there and take a chance you will never move away from the past. <br /><br />Good luck with your search :)<br /><br />SBFAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852181366292579823.post-84631044060100523432011-07-15T17:04:50.088-05:002011-07-15T17:04:50.088-05:00I agree with jen, do you have any hobbies becky? G...I agree with jen, do you have any hobbies becky? Get out and explore your hobbies, while I'm sure that TTWB is part of your passion, find a hobby that you've thought about getting involved with and explore it you may end up finding a whole new side to yourself.<br />If possible take a trip, do something you may not have normally done. The hardest part is taking that first step.<br /><br />And a happy belated birthday to you.Southern Sirhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13268083884878125977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852181366292579823.post-67818400649526696102011-07-15T17:02:11.275-05:002011-07-15T17:02:11.275-05:00DV, Sir...I could write a book on this. But I will...DV, Sir...I could write a book on this. But I will try to condense. <br /><br />First of all, I have to point to one statement Becky made which bothers me: <br /><br />"we measure our lives and the importance of others around us based on who we love and who loves us totally and without reproach."<br /><br />This is backwards thinking. Wild, crazed stalkers can "love" us. Toxic people can "love" us. Our sense of worth must come from within ourselves. We feel love only when we see ourselves as worth it. (I speak from experience on this) <br /><br />Before she looks for another D/s relationship, I would suggest a few things: <br /><br />1. As Jen said...Becky should romance and learn to love herself. Wholly. As a complete person. The advice I was given was "what a beautiful gift you will then have to give a Dominant". That was great advice. <br /><br />2. D/s is not a relationship, it grows out of a relationship of two well-suited people. Put the foundations in place first. Trust a Dom because he's a good MAN, not because he's a good Dom. The first shows his integrity and values, the second, a behavior pattern. <br /><br />3. Start a blog, Becky. Come out of the lurker status and write. Let the community support you (this blogging community was such a huge blessing to me in my time of loneliness and still is!) Writing also helps you find patterns of thought and behavior. It helps you focus on goals and you also get to meet more people. Perhaps some close by you in RL? Use the resources at your disposal--friends. We want to help if you'll let us. <br /><br />Above all, love yourself. Stay busy. Work toward something important to your general life (hobby? employment? events? vacation?) Don't over think this time of waiting. Live it and enjoy it. <br /><br />Big hugs!!! <br /><br />PS--read some of the archived posts of some of these bloggers. Very good advice in there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5852181366292579823.post-69336509929614850192011-07-15T16:23:59.156-05:002011-07-15T16:23:59.156-05:00I think, above all, Miss Becky needs to find herse...I think, above all, Miss Becky needs to find herself. :) And it's actually really easy! (okay, not REALLY easy, but is not wandering-through-the-desert-crying-out-in-agony hard).<br />Take yourself out on a date or two. <br />WHAT?! <br />Yeah. :) A movie, or dinner by yourself. You'll be amazed at that'll do for your spirit and your confidence. The deeper you are connected to YOURSELF, the more happy you'll ultimately be.<br />Now...as to submitting. I won't submit to someone I'm not invoved with, and its cool! I end up doing a lot of inward reflections, and (believe it or not) exploring my OTHER sexual sides :) Didn't realize I had switch tendencies until lately, but HEY! WOW! :)<br />So, if I were you, Miss Becky, use this time to learn EVERY SINGLE INTERNAL INCH of you :) <br />You'll be pleasantly surprised with what you'll find :)Jenhttp://sheisthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com