This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you...

As mentioned in the last post by Hds, I am struggling physically.  I have a herniated disc in my neck and surgery is looming not far away.  If you have never had this issue Then I hope you don't ever have to go through it.  The neck pain and soreness itself is not that bad.  The radiating nerve pain in my shoulder and down the arm is the main issue.  Along with numbness in a couple of my fingers, or if I move the right way my entire hand starts tingling and going numb.  This has slowly been getting worse and no other attempts to resolve it have helped, hence the need for surgery.  It wasn't too noticeable at first, but now the weakness and lack or coordination in my hand and arm are becoming more apparent. 

One of the rules I have with Hds is she is to text me when she gets to work in the morning so I know she made it safely.  She is also to text me when heading home in the evenings so I know she is on the road and on her way.  She has a bit of a drive and a fair amount of traffic to deal with, so it is somewhat a safety thing as well as my own peace of mind.  Least to say she tends to forget at times.  I have to ask if she made it to work. Or, she just comes walking in at home, which leads me to ask why she is home because I didn't even know she was on the road.  She has even tried to be sneaky and text me from a block away and then she walks in the door just minutes later.  This is usually a 30-45 minute drive depending on traffic, to which I say "nice try Hds" and her usual response is "well I did text you to let you know I was on my way home". 

The punishment for not letting me know she is on the road is usually five whips with the belt (not the fun kind).  Granted, I'm not always good with my follow-through on carrying out the punishment.  I have been doing better, but she gets some kind of masochistic joy out of poking the sadist and pointing out that she ca do what she likes because I won't follow through on it anyway.  A couple of days ago Hds comes walking in while not sending me a text she was on her way home.  After pointing this out, I grabbed her hand and began leading her to the bedroom. 

Hds  "Wait... no... where are we going?"
DV  "To give you the punishment you have earned for not texting"
Hds  "Wait... no... you can't do that!"
DV  "Excuse me?!?!
Hds  "I mean... the kids are home!  Grandma will hear it!  Don't wake up Grandma!"
DV  "No the kids aren't home and Grandma is asleep." (as Hds is being bent over the bed)
DV  "Trust me, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." (referring to my arm pain)
Hds  "Damn that hurt!"  (after receiving her 5 lashes with the belt)
DV  "Isn't that the point?  You're not supposed to like it!  You need to be held accountable for your actions, or lack thereof!"  
Hds  "Yes Sir!"

I will be the first to admit I haven't been as good with following through with holding Hds accountable as I need to be.  This has been part of the learning curve and us figuring out how to find our balance.  I need to do better and have been trying to do better at being more of the Master she needs me to be... that I need to be for me.  Least to say, my current health situation has not made this any easier.  It's a daily struggle most of the time right now, and finding the energy, mentally or physically, or difficult.  Yet, we will push through it and persevere.  We will get there, or at least enjoy the Journey in trying to get there.  Even if that means Hds tries to take advantage of my weakened state to do what she wishes, I have to suffer through punishing her and holding her accountable, and knowing that swinging the belt will hurt me more than it hurts her.  In her defense, she really does not like to disobey, or certainly do it on purpose.  She isn't the brat type, and for that I am thankful.  She has been very good to me in trying to help and take care of me.  This is a good thing, because there is much more to come!

~DV~

Adjusting To The new Norm Part 2...a slave's view

Most days my slavery comes so natural, but every now and again I find myself struggling with feeling my slave-hood and I need that little reminder from Master.  Sometimes a look is all it takes to snap me back into my place.  And sometimes I need more.  I need to physically feel his control and ownership.  It could be a sharp slap on my ass or across my cheek that gets my attention redirected and focused on where it should be.  Then there are times that I need more.  I need a firm grip of my hair and being told to please his cock as he pushes me to me knees.  I need to be taken and used merely for his pleasure.  I need a strong hand and a reminder of who I am and where I belong.  I need to feel him!

As you may  have read in Master's previous post, there has been some struggle with adjusting to our new norm.  Adjusting to living together and the day to day stuff has been quite easy and has felt like a natural transition.  However, we have additional responsibilities that the average newlyweds don't normally have.  We have the 19yr old living at home while going to college.   We have the 12yr old that thinks she's 19 and should have the same rights as the 19yr old.  We also have the 91yr old that for the most part is pretty self sufficient, but still needs help on a daily basis.  Our home feels like Grand Central Station with everyone coming and going.  Needless to say, there has been very little alone time for the boss and I.  The cherry on top of our madness...Master's spanking arm is injured! 

*insert tears*

As I sit here writing this, I am doing so with some heavy guilt.  You see, I have been feeling a bit neglected.  Actually, I feel like we have been neglecting "us"  and I haven't exactly been handling it with the grace of a slave.  As I sit here I can hear Master helping his grandmother to bed.  We have a baby monitor in her room so that we can hear her if she needs anything during the night.  Right now I hear him kiss her goodnight and say "I love you MaMa"  

*insert more tears*

That's right kids, the big Domly DV loves his MaMa!  He adores her and she him.  He is amazing with her.  As hard as it has been, and as much work and worry that it can be, I am incredibly happy for Master that he is able to have this time with her.  She tells me just about every day "don't tell anyone this, but he has always been my favorite grandchild"  And just like that the feelings of neglect are replaced with feelings of selfishness.  I've been thinking of myself and my own selfish wants/needs instead of keeping my focus where it belongs...on my Master, on his wants and needs, and my service to him.  

Perhaps I should make time in the mornings for a some slave meditation to start my day off in the right direction.  Perhaps I should stop right here before I give Master any ideas that could result in less sleep for this slave!! 

His devoted slave