So many times I think people get way to caught up on names and titles. Especially in the various aspects of the bdsm lifestyle. People tend to think they have to have a certain title or be called something specific. That they feel less important with out it. Some people are offended by being called one thing while reveling in being called something else. And to those that are new to this and trying to learn, all the different monikers can be...well, confusing and daunting.
Are you a Dom, Master, Daddy, Top, Domme, Switch, Mistress, Sir?
Are you a sub, slave, bottom, lil, babygirl, pet, brat, kitten?
Are you kinky or vanilla?
Or you monogamous you polyamorous?
Is it just the two of you, or are you part of a House, a Pack, a Group, a Family?
Are you a sadist,. masochist, or sadomasochist?
Are you in a relationship, owned, collared, in training, being mentored, mentoring?
Are you straight, gay, bi, queer, heteroflexible, curious, pansexual, asexual?
Does any of it really even matter?
Hell, I got confused even writing this. I'm not sure what my orientation is now?!?!
Yes, I think it matters, to a degree, but don't get stuck on a name or title. Really it doesn't make you any more or any less than you were five minutes ago before having that name. Yet, within certain circumstances, it does help define and describe who you are and how you fit into this. But, don't get too caught up on names and titles.
In the big picture, it doesn't mean that much. What does matter is what you and your partner have with each other. It's how you see each other and how the names you use with each other plays into your dynamic. As long as that works for you, then the rest doesn't matter. Yes, you may be submissive, but if being his babygirl makes you feel your place and special with him, then by all means use it. Yes, I may be a Dominant, but if she needs to call me Daddy, and that is what helps define our relationship, then we will use it.
I may classify myself as Dom (which I do), but that really only matters to one person...the one I'm involved with. Otherwise, it has no real bearing on me and the person I truly am. It's just a title or name I use. It's a description. It doesn't make me any more or any less than someone who calls themselves a Master or a Top, or a sub or a slave. It's just a way of defining myself within this lifestyle, based on how you see yourself and what you want from this.
So, don't get too caught up in names and titles. Don't let all the possibilities overwhelm you. Just be yourself. Yet, if you really want to mess with some people who seem to be caught up in titles and what you call yourself, then pick as many of these adjectives as you possible can and throw them at people just for fun. Such as...
I am the Dominant Daddy of a kinky submissive heteroflexible babygirl, who is owned and collared within our monogamous yet sometimes poly relationship, in which she is exploring her masochistic tendencies and bringing out my sadistic side, as I train her to go further and eventually become my bisexual slave, at which time I will introduce her to the House Of DV, where she will become a part of the rest of my harem and officially be a part of DV's Family.
(and yes that last part was way over the top sarcastic) ;)
I think as you have stated that a name/title is what people choose to define themselves as, what they are comfortable with and thats whats important.
ReplyDeleteI do think labels are useful in that they can give a more clearer picture on who we are and the relationship we are in but of course there is no definite definition of what some of these labels mean so they are open to interpretation.
I define myself as a bisexual masochistic slave in a tpe dynamic, so that gives people a rough idea of what i identify with and the type of relationship im in, but then 'slave' and 'masochistic' may mean different to others.
What i call the bossman (how i refer to my Master) varies, i tend to address him as Sir but if he is hurting me or being what i consider mean then quite often "bastard" fits the bill as well!
Then you have the Gorean culture where its expected that all dominants are addressed as Master.....but really the only people it matters to are the people in the relationship.
I Giggled at the the bit about not knowing your own sexual orientation after that impressive list!!! It is funny how out community which is so individualized and prides itself on pushing boundaries and limits and transformation really also promotes titles and definitions by names.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sir, Master, Top, Daddy...
Dear Dom DV,
ReplyDeleteI'm a wife, a sub, and a little girl. I have a husband, a lover, a dom, and a daddy. Mostly I am a happy girl. This post was fun.
maryann