October 31, 2011
October 30, 2011
The Push-Pull Paradox
Many times people say things they think they mean. They think they know what they are saying, and the result they want from what they have said. This isn't always the case. Sometimes our subconscious has other ideas. Sometimes, deep down our psyche needs something different than what we really think it needs.
We are all familiar, when it comes to BDSM and/or D/s, that there is the type person known as a brat. This person purposely pushes and acts out with the intention of needing correction. Correction is what they are seeking and hoping to get. Being a brat is their way of getting the control and attention they need. The brat wish push for the sake of pushing, just so they can feel the other person push back even harder. In this dynamic, it is fairly clear what is happening and why. It is not at all hidden, and is typically outwardly obvious.
But what about when the person isn't a brat? What about when the pushing isn't as obvious? What about the times that what a person (in this case a submissive) needs is contrary to what they are saying? That can be much more difficult to see, and can take a trained eye to notice. Or more appropriately, it takes really knowing and understanding your partner.
In my brat scenario, the brat is purposely pushing to feel the push back at them. In many other cases, and I think this happens much more often in every type of relationship, there is almost a contradiction. The push may come in the form of a withdrawal. The submissive can pull back, or even seemingly disguise her withdrawal as giving what she sees as needed space for her Dominant. She may not even realize herself that she is withdrawing and pulling back. That is...until she does it and realizes that this move made things worse. In essence what she is doing, in contrast to the brat pushing to be pushed, is pulling away in order to be pulled back. Depending on all the circumstances at the time, if the Dominant is not paying attention and reading between the lines, he may very well miss all the indications of what is happening.
There is some irony to this whole situation...or a paradox. The sub is pulling back, when in reality she needs to be pulled closer. She may need more attention, but is hiding it by indicating she needs less. This can cause some real tension and issues, if you aren't aware of what is going on. She says she needs or is giving her Dominant space, but the reality is that she needs comfort, at least some slight control, some definition to their dynamic, some attention, support, love and reassurance. She needs to know you are the strong man you have said you are. She needs to know that you really are the Dominant she has come to accept, and that you will stand up and be that person when she needs it most. It doesn't really even matter the type relationship. She just needs you to recognize her needs, even when she doesn't, and be there standing ready to give that to her.
The push-pull paradox...it is something we all deal with and face at some point. The key is to understand the possibility of it, and then be able to recognize it when it may be occurring. And yes, I of all people know this is easier said than done. Especially when it can be hidden and disguised under other behavior. I am guilty of missing it myself. It isn't always blatant and obvious. The key is to know your partner as well as you can, and pay attention to their emotional needs. When they are reaching out, be there to grab them and hold them tight. It isn't easy. It's never easy. But in the end, when you are there for them and recognize their needs...that is when it is worth all the effort you have put into the relationship.
We are all familiar, when it comes to BDSM and/or D/s, that there is the type person known as a brat. This person purposely pushes and acts out with the intention of needing correction. Correction is what they are seeking and hoping to get. Being a brat is their way of getting the control and attention they need. The brat wish push for the sake of pushing, just so they can feel the other person push back even harder. In this dynamic, it is fairly clear what is happening and why. It is not at all hidden, and is typically outwardly obvious.
In my brat scenario, the brat is purposely pushing to feel the push back at them. In many other cases, and I think this happens much more often in every type of relationship, there is almost a contradiction. The push may come in the form of a withdrawal. The submissive can pull back, or even seemingly disguise her withdrawal as giving what she sees as needed space for her Dominant. She may not even realize herself that she is withdrawing and pulling back. That is...until she does it and realizes that this move made things worse. In essence what she is doing, in contrast to the brat pushing to be pushed, is pulling away in order to be pulled back. Depending on all the circumstances at the time, if the Dominant is not paying attention and reading between the lines, he may very well miss all the indications of what is happening.
There is some irony to this whole situation...or a paradox. The sub is pulling back, when in reality she needs to be pulled closer. She may need more attention, but is hiding it by indicating she needs less. This can cause some real tension and issues, if you aren't aware of what is going on. She says she needs or is giving her Dominant space, but the reality is that she needs comfort, at least some slight control, some definition to their dynamic, some attention, support, love and reassurance. She needs to know you are the strong man you have said you are. She needs to know that you really are the Dominant she has come to accept, and that you will stand up and be that person when she needs it most. It doesn't really even matter the type relationship. She just needs you to recognize her needs, even when she doesn't, and be there standing ready to give that to her.
The push-pull paradox...it is something we all deal with and face at some point. The key is to understand the possibility of it, and then be able to recognize it when it may be occurring. And yes, I of all people know this is easier said than done. Especially when it can be hidden and disguised under other behavior. I am guilty of missing it myself. It isn't always blatant and obvious. The key is to know your partner as well as you can, and pay attention to their emotional needs. When they are reaching out, be there to grab them and hold them tight. It isn't easy. It's never easy. But in the end, when you are there for them and recognize their needs...that is when it is worth all the effort you have put into the relationship.
October 28, 2011
Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)
We had a good turnout on the voting last week. Thanks to everyone that participated. Last week's winner is posted to the right.
I hope you all have a great Halloween weekend. I have put a bonus picture at the bottom for Halloween, just for all of you. (bonus pic is not to be voted on)
#1
#2
#3
#4
#5
#6
Bonus
October 24, 2011
An Open Letter Of Apology
To My Loved Ones:
Least to say, the past week or two have been killing me. There has been so much going on, and it has me overly stressed. I typically handle stress well, but this go around...not so much.
There was the the whole computer crash, which has been a nightmare. I've built my own computers before, and this time is no exception. Only this time, getting things running has put me over the edge. Any of you who have ever worked and worked on your computer for hours on end, putting on programs and transferring files, to only have it crash again a few hours later...well, you know how frustrating that can be. Been dealing with that for two weeks. Finally figured out the new hard drive I got was bad. At least now I have an answer to all my misery. New drive to arrive tomorrow. Fingers crossed on installing smoothly.
Then there is work. OH GOD...work! So much going on, which I can't get into here, but it has put me in overload. Unfortunately, this stress won't be going away any time soon. I'm learning to deal with it though, and finding a more sunny outlook on things. Throw in some of the travel I've had to do, and being overly tired (my own fault on the tired part), and that hasn't helped the stress any.
So...how does all this manifest itself? DV can be a real ass! Invariably you seem to take it out on those you care for the most. Probably because the are nearby, and are the only ones you can take it out on. Not to mention, if they don't fully understand what all you are dealing with and going through, then those that mean the most to you can actually add to the mayhem. It's not their fault for all you are having to deal with, but they are the ones that receive the brunt of the frustration when it comes pouring out. And this, by the way, certainly isn't fair to them.
With all this...I apologize for my recent behavior. I have not been the kind of man I need to be. I have not acted in a way that is strengthening of my relationships. Farthest from my mind and ability is my being the Dom that I want and need to be. There are times we all deal with stress and problems in our lives. It's how we handle these times that define us. You must be aware of yourself, your attitude, and the affect it has on others, during these times. If you don't, you can create even more problems and stress that you already had, and that does no one any good.
I am fully aware of my misgivings and the way I have handled things lately. My deepest apologies to those I have hurt or caused grief. It was not my intention in any way, and I should have conducted myself in a more favorable manner. Those I love mean the world to me. To know they have been hurt (emotionally, not physically) by my actions bothers me to my core. Please accept my apologies and know that I still love you with all I have. I would never intentionally hurt those I love and care for. Cyber flowers are the best I can do right now (for reasons those concerned will understand, as real ones can't be sent)...please accept them as a sign of my regret and remorse.
With Love and Sincerity,
DV
Least to say, the past week or two have been killing me. There has been so much going on, and it has me overly stressed. I typically handle stress well, but this go around...not so much.
There was the the whole computer crash, which has been a nightmare. I've built my own computers before, and this time is no exception. Only this time, getting things running has put me over the edge. Any of you who have ever worked and worked on your computer for hours on end, putting on programs and transferring files, to only have it crash again a few hours later...well, you know how frustrating that can be. Been dealing with that for two weeks. Finally figured out the new hard drive I got was bad. At least now I have an answer to all my misery. New drive to arrive tomorrow. Fingers crossed on installing smoothly.
Then there is work. OH GOD...work! So much going on, which I can't get into here, but it has put me in overload. Unfortunately, this stress won't be going away any time soon. I'm learning to deal with it though, and finding a more sunny outlook on things. Throw in some of the travel I've had to do, and being overly tired (my own fault on the tired part), and that hasn't helped the stress any.
So...how does all this manifest itself? DV can be a real ass! Invariably you seem to take it out on those you care for the most. Probably because the are nearby, and are the only ones you can take it out on. Not to mention, if they don't fully understand what all you are dealing with and going through, then those that mean the most to you can actually add to the mayhem. It's not their fault for all you are having to deal with, but they are the ones that receive the brunt of the frustration when it comes pouring out. And this, by the way, certainly isn't fair to them.
With all this...I apologize for my recent behavior. I have not been the kind of man I need to be. I have not acted in a way that is strengthening of my relationships. Farthest from my mind and ability is my being the Dom that I want and need to be. There are times we all deal with stress and problems in our lives. It's how we handle these times that define us. You must be aware of yourself, your attitude, and the affect it has on others, during these times. If you don't, you can create even more problems and stress that you already had, and that does no one any good.
With Love and Sincerity,
DV
October 21, 2011
Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)
The winner from the last FAF is posted to the right. I hope you all enjoy this week's choices. Have a great weekend everyone...and may your most favorite of asses win the vote!
#1
#2
#3
#4
#5
#6
October 20, 2011
An Open Letter Of Rambling
Dear Someone,
Sometimes you just want to run away.
What are you running from?
Stress? Family? Work?
Does running make you feel better?
Does it make the problems go away?
Doesn't it just create a whole new set of problems to go with the ones you already had?
We all have bad days to go with the good ones. We all have bad situations that arise to go with the good situations. We all have periods of time in our lives we would prefer to not have to deal with, and that go along with the periods of time we wish would never end. This is life. This is how it is. Good or bad, it is just how things happen and go sometimes. But you know what? This too will pass. Things will work out.
Sometimes you have to stop, step back, and look at the big picture. Are things really that bad? I can can promise you they can always be worse. You just have to find your own way to deal with the problems, get them behind you, and get on with the important and enjoyable parts of life. In the process, don't ever forget what is most important to you. Don't ever forget those people that are most important to you. Don't ever beat down those around you just because they happen to be close by. Don't ever take your frustrations out on those you love, just because you can. That never settles or fixes anything.
When it comes to relationships and TTWD, there are always obstacles. There is always "life" getting in the way. You may not feel Domly. You may not feel submissive. You may hate how you can't see that person that is most important to you. There may be too much distance. Schedules may make life hectic. But no matter what, don't forget what got you here. Don't forget what there is between you and the one you love the most. Don't forget the feelings and emotions that have brought you this far. Just because things aren't "perfect" right now, doesn't mean it's an omen for everything to come.
You must have faith. You must be strong. You must not lose hope. You must keep your eye on the future and the possibilities. Without that there is nothing. Without hope, and dreams, and a goal, there is no point. Without that special relationship, we wander alone and aimlessly. Don't let the bad times sour everything that is good. The good far outweighs the bad...it just doesn't seem like it sometimes. Don't lose sight of what you know you want and need. All the good is worth whatever bad must be faced. If it's not, then you are better off cutting your losses now, and moving on to where the good is worth all the extra effort.
With Love,
DV
(Sorry to ramble and be so cryptic. I just needed to vent, get some things out, and get them off my chest. I know you all are thinking DV has totally lost it and gone off the deep end. I promise you I'm as sane as ever. You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.)
Sometimes you just want to run away.
What are you running from?
Stress? Family? Work?
Does running make you feel better?
Does it make the problems go away?
Doesn't it just create a whole new set of problems to go with the ones you already had?
We all have bad days to go with the good ones. We all have bad situations that arise to go with the good situations. We all have periods of time in our lives we would prefer to not have to deal with, and that go along with the periods of time we wish would never end. This is life. This is how it is. Good or bad, it is just how things happen and go sometimes. But you know what? This too will pass. Things will work out.
Sometimes you have to stop, step back, and look at the big picture. Are things really that bad? I can can promise you they can always be worse. You just have to find your own way to deal with the problems, get them behind you, and get on with the important and enjoyable parts of life. In the process, don't ever forget what is most important to you. Don't ever forget those people that are most important to you. Don't ever beat down those around you just because they happen to be close by. Don't ever take your frustrations out on those you love, just because you can. That never settles or fixes anything.
When it comes to relationships and TTWD, there are always obstacles. There is always "life" getting in the way. You may not feel Domly. You may not feel submissive. You may hate how you can't see that person that is most important to you. There may be too much distance. Schedules may make life hectic. But no matter what, don't forget what got you here. Don't forget what there is between you and the one you love the most. Don't forget the feelings and emotions that have brought you this far. Just because things aren't "perfect" right now, doesn't mean it's an omen for everything to come.
You must have faith. You must be strong. You must not lose hope. You must keep your eye on the future and the possibilities. Without that there is nothing. Without hope, and dreams, and a goal, there is no point. Without that special relationship, we wander alone and aimlessly. Don't let the bad times sour everything that is good. The good far outweighs the bad...it just doesn't seem like it sometimes. Don't lose sight of what you know you want and need. All the good is worth whatever bad must be faced. If it's not, then you are better off cutting your losses now, and moving on to where the good is worth all the extra effort.
With Love,
DV
(Sorry to ramble and be so cryptic. I just needed to vent, get some things out, and get them off my chest. I know you all are thinking DV has totally lost it and gone off the deep end. I promise you I'm as sane as ever. You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.)
October 16, 2011
DV Update
For those that have asked about me, thank you for checking in. I am alive and well. Things at work have been extremely hectic the past few weeks and show no signs of letting up. So, not much online time at work. (ARGH!)
At home, my computer decide it didn't want to work anymore. (Damn motherboard) It is a system I built myself a few years ago. I've spent the last week getting in new parts to build another one. You might as well upgrade while you're at it, right?!?! The new system is together, and after a lot of issues with bad drivers and Windows 7 installations, I finally have it back up and running, and all my files transferred. Woohoo! Now the only question is will it stay running. LOL! Time will tell, I suppose.
I have a week of travel coming up for work. Hopefully after that I can try to get back in the swing of things. Thanks again to those that checked in on me. Take care everyone!
At home, my computer decide it didn't want to work anymore. (Damn motherboard) It is a system I built myself a few years ago. I've spent the last week getting in new parts to build another one. You might as well upgrade while you're at it, right?!?! The new system is together, and after a lot of issues with bad drivers and Windows 7 installations, I finally have it back up and running, and all my files transferred. Woohoo! Now the only question is will it stay running. LOL! Time will tell, I suppose.
I have a week of travel coming up for work. Hopefully after that I can try to get back in the swing of things. Thanks again to those that checked in on me. Take care everyone!
October 7, 2011
Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)
This week I am going with horizontal asses. You know...the kind that are laying down. I think there will be some tough decisions to make on your vote this week.
I hope you all have a great weekend! Take care and enjoy the fall weather and football!
#1
#2
#3
#4
#5
#6
