It's Short For... (Definitions, Abbreviations and Acronyms)

I received a Formspring question asking me about a specific acronym used within TTWD (that is the acronym).  I tend to use this is my writing, and well...I shouldn't assume that everyone who reads my blog knows what some  or all of the acronyms and/or abbreviations represent.  (BAD DV!!!)  So, I thought I would make a post with some of the more common acronyms and abbreviations related to this lifestyle.  By no means will I know or be able to remember all of them.  I hope all my readers and followers will join in and comment with some I have left out. 

Here we go:

BDSM - This one you can break down into three separate abbreviations: BD - DS - SM.  they stand for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. 

D/s - Dominance/submission or Dominant/Submissive

M/s - Master/slave

TTWD - This Thing We Do - Just a way to refer to the lifestyle.

DD - Domestic Discipline

TPE - Total Power Exchange

24/7 - A relationship in with the involved dynamic is in place continuously, or...24/7.

Top - typically the one "doing"

Bottom - typically the one "receiving".

CBT - Cock and Ball Torture

Edgeplay - scene activities in which almost always involves a chance of bodily or emotional harm...pushing things to the edge.  Examples are fire play, gun play, knife play, breath play, and blood play. 

Hard Limit - Something a person absolutely will not do.

Soft Limit - A limit someone has but may be willing to look into it and/or try it.  Something that makes someone very nervous or hesitant.

Sadist - Smeone who enjoy and/or becomes aroused from inflicting pain.

Masochist - Some who enjoys and /or becomes aroused from receiving pain.

Munch - a group of people from the lifestyle meeting in a vanilla place and atmosphere and wearing typically normal clothing.  A casual meet and greet, so to speak. 

OTK - Over The Knee (in reference to spanking)

Safeword - a codeword used by a bottom to indicate a need to immediate cease whatever activity is currently happening. 

Vanilla - Someone or something that is not a pert of or involved in BDSM. 


These are some of the most common abbreviations, definition, and acronyms.  I will add more as I think of them.  Any of you can feel free to add more in the comments section, as I'm sure there are probably some important ones I have left off. 

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Last weeks winner is posted to the right.  A big thank you to all that have voted.  I appreciate you all stopping by each week to pick your favorite picture/ass and casting your vote.  I also hope you all are enjoying the themes that I have been choosing each week.

I have another theme for you this week.  This week I have couples for you, with an emphasis on the female ass, and mixed with some hints of Dominance and control.  I hope you enjoy the choices.

Have a great weekend everyone!

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The Geek Within - Social Science (Part 3)

By now I think it has been established that many of us (me and those that follow me) are geeks.  Stand up, hold your head high, adjust your horned rim glasses, and salute your pocket protector with all your might.  LOL!

I have taken you down the road and pointed out some important parts of TTWD.  Or maybe I have pointed out some potential obstacles within TTWD.  I have taken a look at psychology and sociology, and how they can play a role in this lifestyle.  There are the feelings, emotions and mindsets of those in this lifestyle, which may be similar or may be very different than those in the vanilla world.  I have also taken a look at some of the outside influences and societal factors that can shape the thinking process of a person.  These influences from society are a huge factor in how a person sees and participates in a power exchange relationship.

Now it is time to try to bring everything together.  I realize I am simplifying all of this and it is much more complex than I may be able to explain, but I'll do my best.  Why do we need to be concerned with psychology?  Why do we need to be concerned with sociology?  If you are strictly a researcher, then maybe you don't need to concern yourself with the whys.  Yet, most of us are more than just a geeky researcher.  We are also practitioners.  In some form or fashion we actively participate in D/s, or some type of power exchange relationship...whether it be the newly found desire, a part-time relationship, a long distance relationship, or one that is constant and 24/7.  It is within these relationships that you need to be able to understand, at least on some basic level, these aforementioned social sciences. 

As a Dominant, I feel it is my duty to not only be able to participate in physical activities with Sunshine, but to also understand what else is on her mind.  I can do an endless number of things to her physically.  In doing so, I better know how she will react to what I do to her.  I better know what she can tolerate and what she can't.  I better know when I'm pushing too far and when I'm not pushing enough.  I need to be able to have a grasp on her emotions and feelings...both about our current activities as well as her submission in general.  In other words, I need to have a grasp of her psychologically, and know how to handle what may arise.

As a Dominant, I also need to know about the social background of Sunshine.  As we move forward and progress in our relationship, I need to know what obstacles there may be.  It may involve religion, upbringing, family views, etc...  Any or all of these may have an influence or impact on her and how it affects our D/s dynamic.  I need to know where her views are based.  I need to know what factors may influence and affect her, and what may not.  I need to be prepared to deal with these things in a supportive and understanding manner. This knowledge about her is not to use against her in any way.  It is to have a better understanding myself of what her mindset may be, and how to work with that to enable her to be all she desires to be.

As you can see, there is a psychological mindset that can involve the relationship and dynamic itself.  Then there is a mindset that can be influenced by outside factors.  There is the potential stress of specific activities you may engage in, and there is also the potential stress from the outside.  All of these factors need to have attention paid to them.  They can all have a profound affect on your relationship.  As long as you are aware of the influences and mindsets, then they can be handled.

As a Dominant, I feel it is your duty to be aware of these and to research and learn your partner as much as you research specific activities.  Learn how to help each other through stress and difficult times.  Know what to look for and what may be a cause for certain concerns by your partner.  The more you know each other and are able to help each other, the better and stronger your relationship will be.  Being willing to put forth the effort to learn and understand your partner will also build trust and respect.  And what geek doesn't want trust and respect?!?! 

The Geek Within - Social Science (Part2)

In my last post I broke the news that I am a geek.  Well...so to speak anyway.  By the comments received, there are a lot of geeks out there.  It's my love of learning and diving deep into a subject of interest that is why I came to carry this tag.  And yes, it was attached to me in love and fun.  Although, there is some truth to it...that I cannot deny.  Anyway...in my last post I talked a bit about psychology.  I expressed my desire to learn about the inner workings of the brain and how it relates to the D/s lifestyle.

In this post I want to take a look at sociology.  Wikipedia defines sociology as:

"Sociology is the study of society and human social activity.  Its traditional focuses have included social stratification, social class, social mobility, religion, secularisation, law, deviance."

We as humans are very social creatures.  We seek interaction with others, belong to groups of similar interests, and see social class (wealth) as a way to divide and categorize people.  We seek to be accepted and to fit into the world in which we live.  Larger groups of like minded people within our society tend to make unwritten rules as to how they believe a person should behave and conduct themselves.  In the wikipedia definition, this would primarily be religion and law.  There are standards of behavior within our society that are taught and passed down through generations.  these standards are seen as the norm and are what is generally accepted and expected of a person from their behavior.  These behavior expectations are called mores (pronounced morays...like the eel).  Mores are the norms or values of a particular society.

I think some of you can see where I am going with this.  When it comes to TTWD, many people see this as a deviant act, or as behavior that falls outside the typical values of how a relationship should be conducted.  It goes against how men and women are brought up and raised to act and treat others...especially those of the opposite sex.  It goes against all that has been fought for on behalf of women over the years.  (Women's Lib)  In some senses and and in some relationships, it even goes against the abolishing of slavery and all that entire race of people have fought against.  The main difference here is the willingness to be a part of it, since the slavery is a choice and is not forced. 

This can be especially tough for a submissive woman to justify in her head.  She has been taught to behave and act in a certain way her whole life.  She has been taught to stand up0, be strong, and not have to rely on anyone else.  Yet for some women, being submissive is who they are.  It is a need for them.  It is natural to them and a place where they feel most like themselves and most normal.  This can create an inner battle within her mind between how she feels she is expected to behave, and what she feels she truly wants and needs.  This can make her feel bad about herself and as though something is wrong with her.  A great amount of grief can arise from the turmoil all of this creates.

Let's bring some of this together.  The turmoil in her head, and feelings of being wrong, takes us back to psychology.  It has to do with the mindset about being submissive.  The cause of the mindset and turmoil is the sociological influences impressed upon her by the society in which she lives and has been raised.  Both psychology and sociology play a big role in how a person views TTWD.  First can a person deal with going against society's norm, and then can the person deal with that within their own head and come to terms with it?  This is an age old situational tug-of-war when it comes to this lifestyle.  One side pulling you towards what is considered acceptable behavior, and the other side pulling you towards what you truly need as an individual.

I have said before, and I will say it again...one of the biggest steps a person can take in D/s, and a huge hurdle for so many, is acceptance.  Accepting who you are, what you want and need, and accepting and realizing that it is alright to want and need these things.  You have to realize that is isn't wrong just because you want something that society says you shouldn't.  At times, you have to quit worrying about what everyone else thinks and do what is best for you individually.  Or to put it bluntly...fuck what other people think.  For many people, it is far better psychologically to accept it and be able to be who you truly are, than to deny what you need mentally and emotionally for the sake of what others expect of you.  Those of us in the lifestyle that talk about being free in being owned or collared, this is what is meant by that, at least some of the time.  It can be psychological freedom to accept who you are.  It's as though the weight has been removed and you are no longer held down by the chains of societal correctness.  Hence, there is a freedom in letting go, being able to give yourself to another person, and being bound to them by commitment and love.

I have now showed you some aspects of psychology and sociology within TTWD.  In the next and final post of this series, I will show you I'm not just a geeky research scientist.  I am also a practitioner within the lifestyle.

The Geek Within - Social Science

Back when I was younger, this might have upset me.  It might have rubbed me the wrong way.  I would have fought and denied the very thought of it.  These days...not so much.  In fact, I take it as a compliment...an honor..as something to be a bit proud of about myself.  What is it you ask?  My Sunshine likes to refer to me as a "geek" or a "nerd".  She does it very lovingly though.  And mostly it is in reference to this lifestyle and TTWD.  I am her "sexual geek".  Although, the more I look at it, the more it pretty much covers the way I am overall.  

So what makes me a geek?  It's the way I write.  It's the way I study and research.  Not just about this lifestyle or sex, but anything I don't know about or find interesting.  Google is one of my best friends.  LOL!  It has an answer for everything, or can at least get you started in the right direction.  I do love to discover and learn, in depth, about things I find of interest.  Obviously, D/s is one of those things.  And for me (and any of you that have followed me for a while know this), it's not just D/s...it's the inner workings, feelings, and mindsets associated with this lifestyle.  I would venture to say I'm a social science geek, and how it relates to and involves a D/s dynamic and relationship.  I find the mental and emotional aspects of this fascinating. 

For me (and for the purposes of this series of posts), there are two areas of social science I want to look at with all of you.  They are psychology and sociology.  Then we will also take a look at actual hands-on field practice. 

According to Wikipedia:

"Psychology is the science of behavior and mental processes.  Its immediate goal is to understand individuals and groups by both establishing general principles and researching specific cases.  For many, the ultimate goal of psychology is to benefit society."

The geek within me is intrigued about the psychology of D/s.  I have written many times about feelings and emotions involved in this.  I am indeed very interested and enjoy understanding the mindset of both a Dominant and a submissive.  I am also interested in how this mindset changes and evolves over time.  Everyone involved in TTWD is different and has differing feelings and emotions about it.  Yet, we are all surrounded by some commonalities.  This will almost always be based upon some sort of power exchange between the two people involved. 

The mind is an organ that scientists have been trying to understand for as long as humans have been alive.  It is a very deep and complex network.  Can one truly understand it?  Probably not.  Everyone is different, has their own personality, has varying likes and dislikes, etc...  Even though every single person is made up the same anatomically, it is within the brain that we all differ, are unique, and are individuals.  It is amazing how some people need and crave D/s, while others are appalled by the thought of it.  Some people have a need and desire to be spanked, while others can't even begin to fathom that desire.  Even within this lifestyle, a person can start out not wanting and being against a certain activity (let's say spanking), but then over time they change and grow to maybe not only like it, but need it as part of their relationship. 

I am a geek for liking and being interested in the psychology of TTWD?  I guess so!  I want to understand it more.  I want to learn and keep growing and progressing with my own knowledge of it.  I want to be able to understand Sunshine's mindset, feelings and emotions better.  I believe that in doing so I will be a better person and Dominant for her and us.  Google will continue to be my friend.  I will continue to read and follow blogs related to TTWD.  I will continue to source and browse pictures that involve and illustrate this.  It is through all of these avenues that I learn more and more each day. 

I will learn more about submissives, as well as Dominants.  I will learn more about myself.  For me it is one of those scenarios where the more I learn and the more answers I find, the more questions I have...the more I find I didn't know, and I can feel and see things I hadn't before.  It is as much about discovery of myself as it is about Sunshine and TTWD.  So call me a geek or a nerd...I don't mind at all.  I'm proud of the fact that I like to learn and discover.  Especially when it has direct benefits for me and my relationship. 

In the next post I will delve into sociology and how some of it relates to D/s and TTWD.

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Welcome to the last day of summer and the first day of fall.  I hope you all had a good summer and it continues through the rest of the year.  FAF has been good this year and I thank you all for your continued support and participation.  Last week's winner is posted to the right. 

I will continued with the themed pictures this week.  I'm going to post on something that is a bit more near and dear to your hearts...spanking/flogging/whipping.  I hope you enjoy them.

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Quotes To Make You Think

I'm feeling a bit philosophical today.  So, here are some quotes I found on various subjects.  Just a few things to make you stop and think.  Maybe...just maybe...they will enable you to see life from a different perspective. 



Do not go where the path may lead instead go where there is no path and leave a trail. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~


Never let your sense of morals keep you from doing what is right.  ~Isaac Asimov~


We must be the change we wish to see.  ~Gandhi~


Only those who risk going too far can find out how far one can go.  ~T.S. Eliot~


You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do.  ~ Eleanor Roosevelt~


This I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual.  ~John Steinbeck~


Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.  ~Anais Nin~


The best and most beautiful thing in life cannot be seen, not touched, but are felt in the heart.  ~Hellen Keller~


Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile...initially scared me to death.  ~Betty Bender~



To be nobody but yourself, in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.  ~E.E. Cummings~


Be not what is expected, but who you are...who you are meant to be.  Expectations carry the weight of a thousand mountains from which you can not be freed.  Individuality is the freedom from the expectations, and carry the weight of a feather, allowing you to see and experience the world.  ~DauntlessVitality~

Aftercare (Blog Takeover)

As part of my blog takeover by all of you...my readers and followers...I received this question last night. 

"I have a friend who is exploring his Dominate side. We were discussing aftercare. He stated he wasn't good with aftercare because he lacked empathy. Could you write about Aftercare? The importance. The need. The affect."

This is a good question.  Aftercare is something that we all hear and talk about in this lifestyle.  I think aftercare is just as important as pre-care and during-care.  Ok...I made those two terms up, but I think you get the point.  LOL!  I think we can look at this with the illustration of a "bell curve", as seen to the right.

In general, as I noted, there can be three basic stages to play.  There is the warm-up session, also known as foreplay.  It's in this stage that you begin taunting and teasing and getting each other wound up, aroused, and excited.  This is the beginning and up-curve on the illustration.  The second stage is actual play...the meat of your time together.  This is where most of the actual sex and harder play is involved.  This is where the intensity peaks and all the physical sensations and emotions climax.  The third stage is aftercare, or the down side of the illustration.  This is where you slowly come back down from the high you are on, and settle back into normalcy.  Your body relaxes, the sensations subside, the endorphins begin to subside, and you slowly come back from euphoria.

Let me make this part very clear!  Notice on the bell curve how it slowly comes back down from the peak.  There is a ramp up in the beginning, reaching the peak, and then a ramp down period, until you reach the end.  IT DOES NOT ramp up and then just stop at the peak.  In this lifestyle, the ramp down period is just as important as the ramp up and the peak of play.  A sub needs this down time after play to feel her Dom's sensitive side.  She needs to be held.  She needs to be cuddled.  She needs to know and feel she has the appreciation and love she deserves for what she has given to him...her body, mind, and soul.  It is this close time together, after play, that it all comes together.  She is reassured by him of his pleasure with her, and can feel the appreciation he has for what he was able to take from her.  Without the aftercare, she can feel alone and isolated.  She can feel used and unappreciated, and not used in a good way.  Aftercare is just as important as the rest of the scene.

If you are like me, you need scenarios you can understand, so let me use this analogy...making dinner.  You spend time getting everything together for dinner.  You prepare and cook your dinner (ramp up).  Once all has been done and it is ready you reach the peak which is getting to eat and enjoy what you have prepared.  This is the climax and enjoyment of your efforts...a great meal.  Yet, at this point you aren't done.  The kitchen is a mess and there are dirty dishes to deal with and clean.  This is your ramp down period...cleanup.  You can't go to all the effort, enjoy your meal, and then just leave everything laying out and dirty.  You have enjoyed the fruits of your labor, but you also have to get everything back in order to the state is was before you started.  For a sub, it is this time of getting back in order that can be the most important.  It solidifies what you have done as a couple.  It can bring the two of you closer.

I know some Dominants see aftercare as something where they get no benefit.  To them, the control and Dominance is what they need.  I say that it is the aftercare for a sub that will enable a Dominant to get much more of what he needs.  When a sub gets this care, it will make her much more likely to want and need to give even more of herself.  If she feels neglected in a part of her needs, then this will cause problems and drive a wedge between the two of you.  She needs to feel cared for, appreciated and loved.  So, even though some may see aftercare as not important, I think it is more beneficial than you may realize.  This is a two way street...she is giving herself to you for all you need, so give her all she needs as well.  It is well worth the time and energy you put into it.  It will bring all the emotions together and bring the two of you closer.  Don't just use her and leave her to fend for herself.

Use the gift she has given you, but then help her settle back down afterwards, and care for her.  This is part of her needs.  If her needs aren't being met, then she won't be around forever.  To me it sounds pointless to stay somewhere and be with someone that isn't giving you what you need from your time together and in your relationship.  How beneficial is it to you, as a Dom, to not meet her needs?  To not help her become more for you?  To not enable her to become more for you?  Being selfish and only seeing to your own needs will only lead you to being alone in the long run.  So, how important is aftercare?  I guess that depends on if you like having a partner and submissive, or if you prefer to spend your time alone wishing you had one.

Blog Takeover!

I'm going to try something a bit new.  I'm going to let you all take over my blog.  Ok...not totally.  Did you really think I would give up control?!?!  Even of my blog?!?!  NO WAY!!!  However, I am looking for your input.  Yes, from all of you out there that follow, read, lurk, and hide in the shadows.  This is a chance for anyone and everyone to join in, and still hide in the shadows if you prefer. 

I am going to accept questions to answer.  I'm going to take suggestions.  I'm going to accept topics and subjects on which to write.  All suggested by you.  So if it is on your mind, in your thoughts, something you have wondered about, etc... then send it on in.  Whatever the subject or topic, feel free to let me know.  I can't promise I will answer or write on everything that may be submitted, but I will do what I can. 

There are several ways you can submit something to me:

1) Leave it in the comments section of this post.
2) Email it to me directly. (dauntlessvitality@yahoo.com)
3) Use my Formspring box in the right sidebar of my blog.  Just remember you are limited to 250 characters that you can write in Formspring.
4) You can use the ASK Box on my Tumblr page. (http://dvsarousal.tumblr.com/ask)

When submitting, please make sure I know your submission is part of this request.  Feel free to submit as Anonymous if you like.  I won't publish any identities if you request I keep them to myself.  If you don't indicate for me to do so, then I am likely to post who sent me the question or suggestion.

So bring it on!  Put them on me!  Let me hear what you have to say or want to know.  I'm hoping this will be a good way for us all to be open and communicate, both with what I say in response and with the follow-up comments from my readers.  I do love an open exchange from everyone.  No question is dumb or stupid...if you don't know but want to, all you have to do is ask.  We are all here to learn.  Seasoned veteran in the lifestyle, or new to the scene...it doesn't matter. 

I look forward to hearing from you all, and seeing what is on your mind and what you would like to know.


DV

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Here we are..ending the week with another highly anticipated edition of FAF.  Thanks to all that have continued to stop by and vote.  I really do appreciate your participation, and there would be no reason to keep doing this without all of you.  So...thanks!

Last week's winner is posted to the right.  We had an ethnic theme last week.  This wee we are going to have a theme of multiple asses per picture.  I hope you enjoy the ones I have chosen for you.

Have a great weekend everyone!

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The Strength Within

In my previous post I spoke about how those outside of TTWD seem to view this lifestyle.  Appearances aren't always as they appear.  Those of us involved in this lifestyle know there is much more to it than what someone may see at a glance.  This goes much deeper than the mere physical appearances of the activities we choose to bring into our relationships...much deeper.  There is a warning label on the passenger side mirror of most cars..."Objects in mirror are closer than they appear".  For all of us, maybe it should read..."Relationships are much deeper and more involved than they appear". 

I had a conversation with Sunshine this weekend that reminded me of just how deep and involved our relationships can be.  I also read some comments on a post this morning at The Empty Collar.  The topic that coincided with the conversation and the post is the strength of a submissive woman.  That is not to say in any form or fashion that any woman isn't and can't be strong.  But alas, here in my world I speak of the D/s lifestyle, so that is the platform from which I stand and speak. 

I think those people that peek in from the outside see a submissive as being weak.  They see a woman being owned and controlled by a man (reverse the gender roles if you like), and view this as a weakness.  Many people don't think a woman should bow and cede herself to a man...or to anyone for that matter.  They think she should stand on her own two feet and be able to take care of herself.  She should be assertive and able to take charge of any situation.  I say this is a bunch of bologna. 

I say that it takes a very strong woman to be willing and able to submit.  It doesn't matter whether she is currently involved with a Dominant or on her own.  The core person is still there and strong.  She has to be strong to be able to not only comprehend her need for submission, but then be able to act upon that need.  A woman must be strong mentally and emotionally to be able to give herself to someone the way a submissive woman does.  There is no weakness in needing to give yourself to a Dominant.  It is that deep inner strength that makes her a good submissive.  Someone without that strength will have a very hard time opening up and baring herself completely.  Not to mention, this strength is combined with raw determination to be able to stay the course and follow through with what she desires the most.  We all know...it isn't always easy. 

Back to my conversation with Sunshine...I didn't talk to her about strength as my submissive.  I spoke to her about the strength she has within her as a person.  Granted the two may go hand in hand, but that wasn't the point.  The point for her, which can also apply to Histoy, is this...  Always stand strong, be proud of who you are, and don't let anyone make you think less of yourself.  Anyone that tries to bring you down is only afraid and insecure about themselves.  They will belittle you and try to make you feel smaller about yourself in order to feel better about themselves.  So, stand tall, smile, and be happy with nothing less than the person you are at your best. This will enable you to become even stronger, more self-aware, and more secure with yourself.  Being able to look inside and being happy with what you see is what matters most of all. 

"You are stronger than you think, and I have shown you just how strong and important, and appreciated you are.  Let your inner strength flow and don't allow what anyone else says or does make you think any less of yourself.  Let them look like a fool on their own with the less than desirable behavior they may exhibit.  In the end, it will be they that will be seen as a lesser and weaker person.  I am proud of you as a person...all that you are and can be.  I am proud and honored to be able to call you mine." 

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Thanks to everyone that came by and voted last week.  There was a good turn out and number of votes, making it interesting.  I like a lot of votes and it being a close race.  The winner from last week is posted to the right. 

I'm going to try to have a special theme each week for the next few weeks.  I haven't done this in a while, so I thought we would shake things up a bit.  This week I'm going to do something that was requested once before.  I haven't done it in a while, so it is overdue to get back on FAF.  I hope you all enjoy it.

This week's theme is...Ethnic.  Have a great weekend everyone! 

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The View From The Outside

How are we perceived?  How do others see us?  How do others view this lifestyle?  These are questions we all face and think about at one time or another.  Those of us in this lifestyle know what it is all about, or are at least learning.  We see things that we know we need from it.  Those needs may vary, and the dynamic you need may be different from the next person, but we all fall under the umbrella in some form or fashion of some type of power exchange relationship. 

I have had some conversations with my Sunshine about this very thing...how this lifestyle is perceived by those outside of it.  The view from the outside is much different than the view on the inside.  We did not meet under the assumption of a D/s relationship, but I did make it clear very early on that this was a big part of who I am.  She had her own views of what all it entailed, which is like so many people not involved or having experience in TTWD.  Yet, her views and perception of this has changed dramatically.  She has found a side of herself that was hidden...and maybe she didn't even know existed.  She knows it now, and is embracing every ounce of it she can, and I couldn't be happier about that.

I was reminded of the perception of others when I read a post of another blogger this morning.   The post was written by ALuv at Sincerely Yours... , and the post was titled In Search Of.  It made me think of the saying...don't judge a book by it's cover.  First appearances may make you think or believe a certain way, but if you take the time to look inside and delve a little deeper, you may see much more than you initially thought was there.   You may be missing a lot if you take something at mere face value and look only at what is seen on the surface.  Underneath it all there is much more than may meet the eye.  ALuv points this out and says it very well. 

"If someone would have said to me 4 years ago that D/s relationship is something I was going to be longing for I probably would have said "you are nuts!" and one of the reason was because I really didn't know what it was about, what it meant, how the dynamics of the relationship works.
I honestly thought it was only about leather, whips and chains, inflicting pain in others and getting a kick while doing so, so yeah, I sorta knew the basics *giggles*. I heard and seen the collars, the toys and just about a great deal of the kinks but I was unaware of the most important part of such relationships; trust, respect, communication, and obedience. The closeness between two people without inhibitions, absolutely no fear to say how one is feeling, please and be pleased, be heard and understood, understand and not judge, be so open that even when dressed in their presence they can see you completely naked. So wonderful *shivers"

I think people on the outside see and believe exactly as ALuv pointed out.  This is strictly about leather, whips, and chains, making demands and inflicting pain.  What is seen on television and on the internet does nothing to dispel this myth.  Yet, when you look beyond the surface, there is a whole other world of feelings, emotions, needs, and desires.  It is about the closeness, the respect, the trust, the love and care, the connection between two people.  It can be a relationship that is stronger and more open than any traditional relationship.  

So many people are afraid of the unknown.  They will look down upon something based upon how they perceive it...even when they really know nothing about it.  We all have our opinions.  I prefer to have an educated opinion, rather than making judgements on things I know nothing about.  There are many aspects of play in this lifestyle that aren't for me.  Does that mean I will talk bad about them?  Not at all!  Everyone has what works and doesn't work for them and there respective personalities and situations.  It's too bad so many people see TTWD as being out on the fringes, kinky, and as an alternate lifestyle.  To me it is a normal lifestyle.  I know this isn't for everyone, but it is for me...and obviously a lot of you as well. 

Don't be deterred by those that are ignorant to what we do.  There will always be people who don't understand.  Just as there will always be people who understand wholeheartedly.  Allow yourself the freedom to be who you are and to seek out what you need.  When dealing with those that aren't in the know...just smile, feel good about yourself, and know you are feeling and experiencing things that they will never even come close to knowing personally.  Maybe someday they will open their eyes enough to know what you know and be able to find a little piece of heaven for themselves. 

We Are Parts Of A Whole

This was taken from a post on a Tumblr Blog I follow...Desire's Journey.  She posts some great things so you ought to check out her Tumblr Blog.  Anyway, I thought this was fantastic.  When I read it, I felt as though I could have written this myself.  This encompasses my views and approach to TTWD so well. 

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What Is A Master?

 

I am a dominant man. I am just that.
I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part.
Not because I feel I am more intelligent, or wiser.
I am not dominant because of the strength or mass of my body.
I am not, nor would I want to be dominant with all women.

Yet to you, I am Master.

I am your Master only after earning your trust and I embrace your submissiveness.
I have looked into your heart and mind and clearly see your desires and passions.

You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions.
You tell me of the needs of your heart and body.
You have given me total access to your soul, and I accept the responsibility and honor.
You are a woman.
You are not weak or inferior because of it.
You are a treasure to be cherished.

We are not equal.

I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend and provide for you.
You are a woman and instinctively stronger of will and heart.
Your belief in me gives me courage and direction.
Your strength disperses my doubt.
Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts.

We are not equal. We are parts of a whole.
We complement each other and make each other complete.
My desire to dominate you is instinctive.

It is not to degrade you nor is it degrading to you because you are secure in being totally feminine.
We each recognize and accept our worth, and our need for someone to trust and fulfill our needs.

You are sure, strong and proud in your womanhood.
You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion.
You expect a man to stand strong and be a man.
You desire and flourish in the strength and control of a man.
In return you present control of your body, unqualified trust and honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart.
You submit because I have earned your trust.

Because I have opened my heart and soul to you.
Because I have listened to your words with my ears and heart and have learned to anticipate your needs and emotions. And because I have proven worthy in your eyes, you have given me the only true treasure of life;

You have given me dominance over you.
What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural and the rarest gift a woman
could give a man.
You have given me complete and unshakable assurance of your commitment to me.
Your submissiveness is a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility.

I accept this from you with humility and joy.
I understand the rarity and purity of this gift.
I recognize it is your body and soul,
your heart and mind.
I dominate you only because you have allowed it.
I dominate only because you have allowed me to and when I see your body kneel before me, in my mind and heart you are raised above all other women and all the treasures of the earth.

What you give freely cannot in reality be bought and if it could, it would never mean the same..

 (Michael P. - Feb, 1994 - Compuserve)

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Thank God it's Friday!  For those of us in The U.S it is a Holiday weekend.  That means an extra day off for most of us on Monday.  Woohoo!  What's not to like about a long weekend.  And since the Holiday is Labor Day, that sort of marks the end of the summer.  Cooler weather will be moving in soon, and pushing out the repressive heat we have had in the south. 

Thanks for all that voted the last two weeks.  We had a great turnout, and it was a very tough and close vote to get the eventual winner.  The one that came out on top is posted to the right.  I hope we have just as good of a vote this week.  I think I have chosen some nice pictures for you this week. 

I hope you all have a great weekend, and a great Holiday for those of you in the States.  Stay safe, take care, and may the best ass win. 

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