Solidifying Feelings

In my last real post I wrote about time and distance.  We looked at how that can be difficult on a relationship, especially one that involves TTWD.  When a submissive comes to rely on her Dominant so much, or even a Dom needing his sub, time apart and distance between you can be very hard.  There are needs that aren't being met.  There is control that can be lost.  The mind can begin to wander and lose focus.  Each side of a couple can begin to drift if attention isn't paid to this time apart, and measures taken to ensure that everything between you stays strong and firm.

Even in tough times like this, there can be an upside.  There can be good that can come from this.  I was reminded of this very thing yesterday.  It made everything come to light in a different and better way.  It made time and distance seem worthwhile...at least on this occasion.  Even though I don't see time and distance as a something anyone of us want, there are times when it can be good.  There are times when it will make a relationship stronger and will bring a couple closer for the long haul.  I will admit that I have had trouble with seeing this myself, in the past.  Many of us are more concerned about the present and the now, and it can be hard to look forward long term.  Especially when you have needs that you need met RIGHT NOW!!!

By know you are asking "what could be good about this?"  I'll tell you!  When you spend time apart, especially when you have very limited contact with your partner, or maybe none at all, it gives you time to think.  It gives you time to reflect.  It gives you time mull over all the two of you have together.  This time apart can help you understand just how much you need each other.  It can help you realize just how much you rely on each other.  It can help you see just how much your partner really does for you, mentally emotionally, and physically.  It can enable to you see just how important TTWD is to you, and how much you truly do want and need a D/s dynamic (or whatever your dynamic of choice may be).  It can solidify all your feelings in a way that you may not have experienced before.  The feelings you have for each other, and the feelings you have about the dynamic you choose to be a part of together.  This can be a great thing.  It can be a beautiful thing.  In the long run, it can make your relationship much stronger by being tested and put in a position that makes you realize just what you have and how much you need it.

So, there is an up side to time and distance.  There are times that separation can be a good thing.  This sort of fits the old analogy of stepping back so you can see the forest for the trees.  Time apart can be equivalent to stepping back.  It can let you see the bigger picture and see what is most important to you.  At times we all need to be able to step back, remove ourselves from the middle of the hooplah, and see the overall picture.  We can learn from this and gain a fresh perspective.  I for one like the view I see as I am away from the tree and looking at the entire forest.  I hope your view is just a beautiful as mine.

DV and the Tornados

Thanks to all of you that have sent an email inquiring about my well being with the recent storms.  I am alive!  The North Alabama area was devastated by a rash of tornadoes yesterday.  I have never in my life seem weather of the likes that came through this area.  Over 120 tornadoes in the state and 16 straight hours of weather warnings.  Every time one would come through, another was right behind it.  But, me and my family are fine, and we had no damage.  Some of the people are work with aren't so lucky. 

We are currently without power, and expected to be that way for the next 4-5 days.  Thank goodness for a laptop, power inverter to use in my truck, and a verizon aircard.  LOL!  For the most part though, I will not be online or able to access the internet.  I'm sorry I couldn't personally respond to each and every email I received, but figured one blanket message here would suffice. 

I will be around as soon as we regain power.  Thanks again for all the well-wishes.  I appreciate the concern of you all.  Take care and have a great weekend. 

DV

PS - no FAF this week!  Sorry!  :)

Time and Distance

Time and distance...time and distance...I don't like those two things.  Especially when they are used together.  Of course I'm talking about in the terms of a relationship.  Not enough time, and too much distance...that can create problems.  It can create stress.  It can create a less than ideal atmosphere, especially in a D/s dynamic and relationship.  I have spoken before about not liking long distance relationships.  I stick to that thought process, and don't think it will ever change.  But let's look at the up side of time and distance.  Or rather, let's look at ways to deal with it. 

This article is aimed at those couples that don't live together and/or are not married.  It is for those that get to see each other fairly regularly, but it is not on a daily basis.  Or it could even be for those that are together all the time, but one member of the couple has to travel or be away from home.  Regardless of your situation, separation can cause the mind to wander.  It can cause the mind to veer off course.  You can lose focus on what matters most and become unbalanced.  When a couple is together, the dynamic between them is in place and in full swing.  Everything feels right, and nothing can come between you.  Yet, put some time and distance between you, and the boat seems to rock a bit, at least at times.


Many submissives need some level of attention on a regular basis in regards to the D/s dynamic they are involved in.  They need to know their partner is there.  They need the reminders that their Dom is there to preside over them in some form or fashion, no matter how minor what he does may be.  It makes them feel safe.  It makes them feel at peace.  It helps them feel their place, and fill their needs.  This isn't to say that a Dominant can't feel the same way.  A Dom certainly can, and can require attention from his submissive, and need the dynamic between them just as much as she does. 

So...when separation from each other is unavoidable, I suggest you take steps to keep your relationship on track.  For many of us, you know when you are apart from your partner that your mind and submission or Dominance may wane.  Talk about this together as a couple and figure out ways to keep the dynamic going.  Face the fact that you know this is a potential issue for your relationship.  Find new and fun ways to keep in touch and keep the fire burning.  If you don't then you can spend your time being unbalanced and off track.  This is not a good feeling, and not good for your relationship.  It's always better to try to keep an even keel and keep the mind of you both on a clear path.  Use email, use text messages, send naughty pictures, send dirty comments to each other, hand out assignments to be reported on..just do something.  And most of all, communicate and talk with each other.  Let each other know how you feel and how your mental state is handling the absence.  Together you can work through it and possibly grow closer in the process. 

None of us like to be apart or separated from our partner.  Yet, sometimes life just dictates that it happens.  When it does, make sure that the separation is not an issue in your relationship.  Find ways to keep the fun alive between you both, and look forward to when you can see each other again.  Be prepared to help your partner work through these times.  It will build your relationship, let them know you really do care, and build more trust between you when they know you will care for them even when you can't be there.  Time and distance can be your enemy, but you can combat it.  You can work together to meet your D/s needs, even when separated.  And of course...coming together when you can will be that much sweeter.

SOS - DV Needs Your Help!

Ok, my ship isn't really sinking, but I am here today to ask for your assistance.  I have been asked by one of my followers about a situation.  Honestly, I don't know the answer to this.  Yes...believe it or not, DV has been stumped.  But I also am not ashamed to admit when I don't know something.  When you don't know, the best thing to do is tap all the resources you have, and try to find the answer.  Anyway, she gave me permission to post this and ask for the assistance and opinion of you all.  So, here we are!  (and no I won't disclose who it is, so don't even ask!)

I have written quite a bit about submissives.  I have talked about the discovery of the submissive side of a woman, and a lot of what she goes through, from first discovery, to acceptance, and way beyond.  I have even talked about vanilla women finding their true inner self (submissive), and ones who didn't even know they were submissive, or were even trying to find out.  Yet, they discovered this about themselves, and found out what they had been missing for a large portion of their life.  They had no clue what was missing, or even how to look for it, no less in bdsm, but once it was found, they realized that they felt more at peace and at home than ever before.

The issue comes into play for me when we switch this around and talk about a Dominant.  Sure, a Dom discovers himself at some point as well.  I did!  But other than myself, I really have no experience with the discovery of the Dominant side of a person.  I have only dealt with submissives.  Most of what I know about other Doms I have rad online.  In the case of my follower, she is a known submissive, and has been for years.  She has experience, and knows what she wants, likes and needs. 

So the question, or questions, for you all, my faithful followers and readers, is this:

Can a vanilla man with a dominant personality become a good Dominant or Master?  There are undoubtedly men out there that have "it" inside of them, but don't know it.  How does a woman go about releasing this inner Dom within someone who doesn't even know about it?  Can a submissive woman help guide a Dominant vanilla man to be a Master over her?  Can this be done without topping from the bottom?  Is this really even possible?  There are vanilla couples that progress and move into D/s dynamics within their relationships, so how do they do it and arrive at that point?

My general thought is yes it can be done.  It's the how that I'm not sure about. I know I have read some blogs before where the dynamic is just such as this.  I just can't remember who's blog it is.  So here I am asking you all for help, thoughts, views, opinions, etc...  Give some good advice, and better yet insight, to my dear follower.  And of course she will be reading this, and all your comments.  I look forward to being able to learn something from this as well, and better myself from it.

Feel free to ask questions if you need clarification or further information, and I will provide it as I can.  Thanks in advance to all of you, and I look forward to your comments and responses.  

Finding Mr Right

There are several blogs I have been reading lately about a submissive looking for the right Dominant man.  One of these is The empty collar.  In this blog she knows exactly what she is looking for and won't settle for anything less.  She has experience and knows what is good for her and was isn't.  I applaud this on so many levels.  I read a post last night by thesubmissivebf titled You never know until you ask.  The point of this post is that in the right circumstances your views can be wide open.  You are much more willing to do certain things and try new things with the right person, than you would be with someone else, or the wrong person.  Both of these blogs center around a central theme...finding "Mr. Right" and having that special person that clicks with everything you need.

 This theme goes back in part to the series I did on Chemistry.  I encourage you to scroll back and read that series if you haven't read them.  It is all about finding the perfect partner, and what it is like when you find your perfect match and someone you have a connection with like no one else, and also how this relates to a D/s dynamic.  I think what thesubmissivebf points out is something which almost all of us can relate.  I know I can and have been thinking bout this very thing myself lately. 

When you are with the right person, you have trust oozing out your ears, and you want and need each other like nothing you have ever felt, this lends itself to so many new potential experiences.  It enables your mind to open up and be more free and accepting than you may have ever known before. Especially when it comes to situations of a sexual nature, your willingness to try new activities will be endless with the right partner.  The more you try, the more you will like.  The like will become a love, and the love will become a need.  For a submissive who finds the right Dom, she can begin, through her submission, to discover experiences she never even thought about.  She will find that she is willing to do things that once were taboo.

I will give you a few examples.  Let's start with spanking.  There are a lot of women who say they don't like spankings, or any pain for that matter.  I'm sure there are plenty who truly have not one masochistic bone in their body, and don't want to experience pain in any way.  I have also dealt with submissives who have said this, yet once they are exposed to it they find some enjoyment in it.  As this develops, the need grows more and more.  They need to feel themselves submit in that way.  The pain is actually arousing when delivered in the right circumstances and by the right hand.  For most, it's a control mechanism.  They need to feel the power and control their Dom has over them...that they have given to their Dom.  It really doesn't matter what the activity is, they need to more than anything to submit.

Another situation is rough sex in general.  As part of submitting and giving up control, a submissive can need to be handled roughly.  She needs to feel man-handled, so to speak, and feel the power and control, or her lack thereof.  As time progresses, so does her need for rough play.  In a situation of my own, the woman was very sexual in nature.  She loved being pampered and the softer side of the relationship, and all the physical aspects of us being together.  Through the magical hands of DV, she could be made to feel things, and orgasm like she never had previously.  Yet, at certain times she really craved the roughness.  As a result, her sexual experience was heightened by this type play.  She would cum harder and more intensely the rougher I was with her.  Each and every time, it would have to be stepped up.  She needed more and more.  Vanilla was not enough.  She was getting deeper and deeper into her submission and her need for what I could give her.  As many of us have talked about before, once you go here there is no turning back.  Anything less is never enough.

(As a disclaimer I will say this...I don't ever at all condone rough play without full consent of both parties.  It takes time, respect and trust to get to this level.  It has to be consensual.  HAS TO BE!  Otherwise it is abusive!  There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it in my book.  So let that be clear to everyone that reads this.) 

To get to this place, it takes chemistry.  It takes a connection.  It takes two people being on the same page completely and totally.  But if you can find the right person, then the possibilities and experiences are endless.  Being able to completely open your mind to these possibilities is a magical experience.  You can find things you never even thought about, and they can become a true need.  With the right person, you will be willing to do things that you never would even consider with someone else.  So, for all of the subs out there looking for "Mr. Right", don't give up hope.  He is out there.  You will eventually find him.  Don't settle for less than what you want and need just to be with someone.  Once you do find him, the relationship will be all you ever hoped, and then some.  For those of you that have already found this with someone, then you know exactly what I am talking about.  You have felt and experienced this.  You know just how priceless it is to have found your "Mr. Right"!

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

It's a holiday weekend for most of us here in the US.  The Easter Bunny will be coming and bringing all sorts or sweets to give us all some cavities in our teeth. But DV is going to beat him to it.  I'm going to give you a little candy today, as I do every Friday.   

There was not a very good turn out last week on the vote.  I hope you will all tell all your other blog friends to come by, take a look, and vote for their favorite.  Have a great weekend everyone, and I hope the Easter Bunny is good to you all.

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Trust and Surrender

Many times in my life I have tried to describe what I want...what I need.  More times than I can count I have made an effort here on my blog to say and show how I feel and what I want in a D/s relationship.  I guess, really, it's more of what I ultimately need in a D/s relationship.  I have tried to describe my approach and belief as a Dominant...how I see things, what I want in a submissive, what they can expect of me, etc...  

Every D/s relationship involves a tremendous amount of trust.  A Dom expects and needs it from his submissive, and a submissive needs to be able to trust her Dom with all she has.  This doesn't just happen overnight.  Trust is built over time.  It is gained through actions that back up words.  It is gained by both people by being able to see that you mean what you say.  That you will actually do what you say you will do. 

I was on the website The Iron Gate yesterday browsing around.  I came across this poem, and as I read it I found it to be very powerful.  It moved me emotionally.  The more I read, the more it affected me.  I can't tell you how many times I read it, but it was quite a few.  Soaking in more and more of what the poem said with each reading.  The more I read the poem, the more I saw myself in it.  So much so that I could have easily written it myself.  I think what affected me the most is this poem said everything I think...everything I feel...and everything I don't seem to be able to find the words to express. 

Here is the poem...

Surrender 

Author: PAELUS

Trust Me with your heart.
Place it in My hands,
To crush or caress.
Trust that I will not hurt you.
Give it to Me because you desire Me to possess it,
Not because it is My will.

Trust Me with your mind.
Place it in My hands, also,
To destroy or reshape.
Trust Me to mold it according to your needs
Not simply to suit My own purposes.

Trust Me with your body.
It too, place in My hands.
Mine, to batter or protect.
Trust Me to keep you safe
And to provide for you that which is needed
to ensure your happiness.

Trust Me with your very soul.
Place it in My hands, as well.
Lay it bare before Me, vulnerable to My will.
Trust that I will guide you safely through the darkness
protecting your interests at all times,
regardless of My desires.

Above all, trust Me with your complete and total surrender.
Trust that I will honor and cherish
your submission to Me.
Trust that I will not abuse this gift
That you so lovingly give to Me.

© 6/18/07

Differences In Perception (the meaning of "sub" as I see it)

We all see things differently.  That's part of what makes the world go around.  Many times we perceive the exact same thing very differently...and perception can be everything.  I recently had a conversation about subs, and the meaning of that word.  The word was taken too literally, I think, and out of context.  I was sent this definition of the word:

 sub- prefix definition 

1 : under : beneath : below

2a : subordinate : secondary : next lower than or inferior to b : subordinate portion of : subdivision of c : with repetition (as of a process) so as to form, stress, or deal with subordinate parts or relations

3: less than completely, perfectly, or normally : somewhat

4a : almost : nearly b : falling nearly in the category of and often adjoining : bordering on

The context was that a sub is a person who is less than someone else.  A person that is below their Dom, and therefore, is lower than Him in some way.  That they are not equal, and she is beneath Him.  That a sub isn't nearly the person a Dom is, and doesn't carry as much weight or matter as much.  I had to point out that nowhere...I repeat...NOWHERE...in this definition does the word submissive appear.  In my world, and the context I use it, the word sub only means and is short for the word submissive.  In no way do I feel like a submissive is below me, beneath me, or any less of a person.  We may be able to argue this a bit differently in a M/s relationship, but even in that dynamic it is a consensual agreement between them.  Granted, this is how I view a submissive and how I feel about it.  Some of you out there may see it differently.  But this is my world, and in my world, my views are what matter to me and with those I interact.  With me it is about mutual trust and respect.  It has an element of one being in control and the other submitting to that control.  Yet, at the same time it is about mutual love, admiration and adoration.  

I know we all have words we take the meaning of, and they mean something to us personally.  They are words that we absolutely despise.  I have no problem with that.  For some people, you can curse all you want, but if you say the word "fuck" (or insert your word of choice here), then it's like the world is going to end.  Some women, and understandably so, never want to be called a slut or a whore.  I totally respect that and really don't blame them.  Yet, I think it's all about the context.  No woman wants to be called a whore in general terms.  Yet, in the context of our relationship, if I call a woman "My Whore", then that has a totally different connotation to it.  Or at least that's my opinion.  

I was reading the blog Finding Sara a day or so ago.  Sara is involved in a completely voluntary Domestic Discipline relationship with her husband.  In one of her posts she wrote (I'm paraphrasing from a couple of different paragraphs):

I submit to my husband. That’s a choice on both our parts. It does not say anything about my abilities, intellect or ethic as a person…or about his, for that matter.  I do not submit to my husband because he is smarter than I am, a better person, has more vision, drive, or because he is superior. Grant would be the very first person to tell you this is true. I submit because we realized that you cannot have 2 captains on a ship that plans to make it successfully through a lifetime of voyages, especially knowing that there will be rough seas and the occasional storm. Sometimes he even asks me take the wheel, if he thinks it’s best, because he’s that kind of captain. He has come to trust me, knows I am capable, and there have been times when he was not at his best, or I simply knew those particular waters better than he did. A good captain will delegate.

This is great and this is powerful.  This is how I view a D/s relationship.  This is how I want and need it to be.  It has absolutely nothing to do with me being better than my partner, feeling like I am more than her, or feeling like she is below me in some way.  I am Dominant as it is part of me and my personality.  I want my partner to be submissive because it is part of who she is and needs to be.  She wants and needs me to guide and lead her.  She needs my steady and controlling hand.  She needs to be able to submit and enjoy all the wonders that come with that.  She does it because it makes her feel more like herself, and because it gives her a sense of total freedom because it is natural for her.  It has absolutely nothing to do with me feeling like a better person and more than her. 

To me, a relationship is just that...a relationship and a partnership.  It is mutually nourishing and we each compliment the other.  It isn't about one person being any less than the other.  It is about needing each other to make each other feel whole and complete.  That without each other, we are missing an important piece of ourselves, and don’t feel whole.  One where we both contribute and are on board with each other’s needs and desires.  We just happen to have a dynamic involved that many people don't like or understand.  This isn't for everyone.  There is no doubt about that.  But for those that do have a need for a dynamic such as this, it can be and is a beautiful thing.   

So, yes I am Dominant.  Yes, I like to have a submissive partner.  Does this mean I want someone that feels she is below me?  Not even close!  I want someone that has her own opinions, speaks her mind, and isn't afraid to share it with me.  Someone that freely and willingly gives herself to me completely.  And by the way, that is something I value and cherish with all of my being.  Someone I can let be the "Captain" when needed.  Someone that wants input and knows her voice will be heard.  Someone that wants my guidance and trusts me to make the right decisions, yet can feel free to ask me why I do something a certain way.  Not because they question me, my ability, or Dominance and what I'm doing, but because we have that ability as a part of our dynamic.  The ability to question as a way to better understand, and maybe she will even make suggestions I haven't thought about, in order to make things better.   

I understand it is our perception and meaning of words that shape our views.  Maybe this perception is right...maybe it's not.  But we all need the ability to be able to ask for clarification and gain some understanding of a view that is different from our own.  Sometimes a debate or argument is all based on a misunderstanding of a faulty interpretation or perceived gesture.  So for me...I don't want a "sub"...I want a submissive partner in crime.  

Let Her Be Your Strength

I read a couple of posts this morning that moved me and got me to thinking.  Did you feel the ground shake just a bit?  No, it wasn't another earthquake or aftershock in Japan...it was just me and the wheels in my head turning at warp speed.  One of the posts was by Kitten for Sir and was titled His, mine, O/ours.  The other post was written by Sir J at A Dominant Character, and was titled But why do you do it?  The general theme of both of these posts is a Dominant dealing with a problem or stressful time, and the role of His submissive during this time.

I won't get into the specifics of these posts, as you can read them yourself.  But these posts got me to thinking about what I want, need, and expect from my partner in times of stress and turmoil.  First let me touch on what I think is not only a typical Dominant response and attitude, but one of men in general.  I think as a Dominant, we want and need to be involved with all that happens with our sub.  We expect her to share with us what all is happening with her, so that we can help and guide her with any problem or issue she may have.  We can even demand that she share these things with us.   We consider this as a responsibility of ours to be able to do this for her.  She belongs to us, and her problems are our problems.  In my case, I not only feel it is my duty and responsibility, but something I want to do for her.  To help her in any way I can, and be there for her through anything and everything.

Yet, when we Dominants have an issue, endure struggles, or face controversy and frustration, we tend to keep it to ourselves.  We don't want to bother our submissive with our problems, or burden them with it.  We are big, tough, strong Dominants!  We don't need anyone's help.  We can deal with our own problems.  We tend to internalize all that happens to us and keep it inside.  We feel the need to find a way to handle it and deal with it ourselves.  Sharing our problems, in the male mind, is a sign of weakness to us.  We can feel like it diminishes our role and the person we are, if we seem weak and open ourselves up.  We are supposed to be superman and be able to deal with anything that is thrown our way.  Apparent weakness is our Kryptonite.  It is the worst thing that we could possibly imagine.

I have touched on this before at times.  Is appearing weak really a bad thing?  I don't think so!  I think it shows we are human.  Is opening up with our issues, struggles and problems really a sign of weakness?  I don't think so!  I think it is a sign of strength.  It is a sign of feeling secure about whom you are as a person and with your partner in your relationship, and not worrying about what others view of you may be.  This can be true for any relationship, and not just a D/s dynamic.  But, I think it is even more important in this type dynamic.  We as a Dominant ask our submissives to respect and trust us in every way, and to do so on a level much deeper than she may have ever done before.  Don't we owe them the same amount of trust and respect?  Absolutely!  For me, I want and need her love, and her care, and her support, and her views to help me get through tough times.

I think almost all submissives would do anything they could for their Dom.  They want to be there for them.  Not just as a submissive, but as a supportive partner.  I, personally, want all she has to give me.  She has given of herself completely...mind, body and soul.  That doesn't mean a Dom should just use her for His pleasure, control her, and make demands of her, and that is all.  She isn't His to just to feed His Dominant needs and desires.  She is a person with her own thoughts and views, and has a lot more to offer than just her body.  She is your most trusted ally.  She is your rock.  Together the two of you make up the foundation of all that you have together.  You should never discount her in any way.  You should take advantage of all she is and can offer you.  Your relationship isn't completely about Dominance and control 100% of the time.  There are moments when you are on more of an equal footing.  I encourage you to take advantage of this, and let her feed your soul.  Let her support you and lift you up.  Let her encourage you.  Let her help you gain some traction and move past whatever struggles you have.

I believe in the long run, it is scenarios like this that will make your relationship stronger.  It will bring you closer.  It will let her learn to trust and respect you more.  You have opened up and shared your own problems, and she has been able to lift you up and help you conquer.  She can see that not only do you require this of her, but you are willing to do the same.  You are relying on her as much as she is relying on you.  Let her be your strength.  Once you do, the two of you will become stronger than either of you can ever achieve on your own. 

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Thanks to everyone that voted last week.  We had a good turnout and good debates on your favorite and why you like each one.  I do enjoy seeing your comments on why you chose the one you voted for.  The winner from last week is to the right. 

This week I'm going to appease to all my female followers, readers, visitors, and lurkers.  This week you get a variety of...MEN!  I am sensitive to the needs of all the females out there, so FAF is not strictly about fine womens asses.  And yes, most of them are quite muscular.  I just have a hard time finding pictures of skinny little white guys like myself.  LOL!  And who would want to see that anyway.  ;) 

One of the pictures this week was even a submission by one of my faithful followers.  Thank you Hedone!  You are all welcome to submit ass pictures, that turn you on and arouse you, of men, women, and couples, if you wish to do so to be used in future installments of FAF. 

I hope you enjoy the pictures this week, and that every single one of you have a great weekend! 

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The Road Leads To Now

All roads lead to here!  That is what I believe.  Or a better say to say it would be that all the roads I have been down led to here.  I am not a very religious person, and not too big on philosophy.  Having said that, I can't say that I don't believe in some type of higher power.  No, this isn't going to be a post on religion.  I learned a long time ago that there are two things you never debate with people...religion and politics.  It doesn't matter what you say or what you do, people tend to have very set views on these topics, and each side can always have a valid point.  You will never change anyone's mind about these things.  You will just debate back and forth until you are blue in the face, and in the end, they still have their view and you still have yours. 

But that is not what this post is about.  It is about the journey.  The journey of life and it's experiences that we all move along.  I think to some degree that things happen for a reason.  That all we go through in life makes us what and who we are today.  That doesn't mean that your experiences made you either submissive or Dominant.  That is ingrained in your core psyche and personality on a much deeper level.  Yet, the general person we become, and a lot of our views and thoughts are based upon our life experiences.  I think life prepares us for what lies ahead.  We learn from our experiences, good and bad, and that helps us to be better equipped to deal with the future.  It helps us mature.

We don't always know or understand why we go through certain things in our life.  Many times we think we are in a place and are prepared to deal with it.  Yet, it turns out to be a stepping stone to what comes next.  I have left comments on several blogs lately about this very thing.  The blogger is going through a rough time with a breakup or something similar.  As hard as it is, once you get your feet back under you, you can see what you got out of the situation, what you learned and gained from it, and you are now better prepared for what lies ahead.  For me personally, I have had several relationships, vanilla marriages and D/s relationships, I can now look back on and see that they weren't the perfect situation.  They weren't meant to last.  But I did learn valuable lessons about life and have matured through these experiences.  Especially in D/s, I wasn't as prepared or as ready as I thought I was, and neither were the subs.  But together we learned about each other and ourselves, and became better people for it as we moved on.  Although this is not always easy to see and deal with at the time. 

I was recently asked about not only what I see for now, but 10, 20 and 30 years down the road.  Well, I see me being the perfect dominant of course.  LOL!  Ok, being serious, I think all I have learned has made me a better person.  It has taught me about relationships, what makes them good and what certainly harms them.  I have learned more about myself over the past few years than probably in my entire life.  Especially in being a Dominant, how I fit into that, how to be one that works for me and for a submissive, and how to better care for her and treat her like she deserves and expects.  Does that mean I'm perfect?  Not by any means.  But I am much better suited for what I feel lies ahead, and able to deal with a relationship on many levels, that can be lasting and meaningful.  If I hadn't been through all I have, then I would not have the understanding and knowledge I do today. 

I found a song recently that pretty much says this very thing.  Every action leads to the next, which leads to the next.  If one thing in your past was different, then it would change everything after that.  The song is called "This" by Darius Rucker.  The chorus is:

For every stoplight I didn't make
Every chance I did or I didn't take
All the nights I went too far
All the girls that broke my heart
All the doors that I had to close
All the things I knew but I didn't know
Thank God for all I missed
Cause it led me here to
"This"

Below is the video you can watch as well.  And just remember...all things happen for a reason and lead us to where we are supposed to be.  I for one, even with all I have been through in my life, am happy with who I am and what has gotten me to this point.  It wasn't all fun and games, but it all did lead me to where I am now.  Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.  I am very happy with where my road has led me, and look forward to the continued journey ahead...with a continued 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years of the possibilities.



 

Formspring Issue (updated - see comments)

First of all, to the person that sent me a formspring question this morning and requested I not post it here...I did not get anything but the first couple of lines of what you sent.  For some reason my formspring cuts things off like that.  ARGH!!!  So please find a way to re-send it, as I would love to read the rest of what you wrote.  The easiest way may be to use my tumblr site and put it in my ASK box on there.  I know it works well, or standard email.  I hope to hear back from you and read what you had to say. 

Now...for anyone else that uses Formspring.  Do any of you have the issue I'm having?  I receive a question/comment, and it will show a sentence or two and then it cuts off.  I can't figure out how to read the rest of what was sent.  But obviously it is letting the sender type and send much more than what I am seeing.  Any assistance from any of you using FS would be greatly appreciated.

DV

Fantastic Ass Friday! (FAF)

Welcome to another edition of FAF!  Thanks to all that voted last week.  We had a great vote and went to a runoff, which turned out to be tight as well.  But, we did finally come out with a winner, posted to the right. 

One point I would like to clear up.  I do have a one vote rule.  Meaning that I ask that you vote only once and for for only one picture.  I have talked with several members of couples who like to look at FAF together and decide on their choice.  We all have different views as to what we like, turns us on, and we find artistically pleasing.  So, if you are part of a couple that views FAF together, you may each vote one time each, not just one time as a couple.  Also sounds like a good way to cause some fun competition amongst a couple as to which of your choices gets more votes.  LOL!  Yes...I am a bit devious!  :)

Also one more note...I will accept submissions and use them in the weekly voting.  So, as you travel the internet, if you see a nice ass and think it would fit well in FAF, please feel free to send it to me by email.  I received one last night from Hedone that will fit nicely into an upcoming FAF edition.  So feel free to submit pics that you come across, if you are so inclined. 

Ok...on to this week's pictures!  I hope you enjoy and hope everyone has a great weekend!

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Formspring Question/Comment

I recently received the following comment on my Formspring:

This isn't really a question. I just wanted to say I am really beginning to love the name Dauntless. Sometimes I find myself thinking, "Man, this is daunting." And then I think Dauntless Vitality. Oh, I get it. Starting to love it. Really love it.

 

I'm not real sure how to reply to this honestly...other than to say thank you, and glad I can be of assistance.  I don't know which should scare you most...the fact that you are facing daunting situations, or that when you do you think of little ole me.  LOL!  Whatever the case, thank you and I am flattered.  

While we are at it, let's look into this a bit further, and I'll give you a little insight into me.  When I originally came up with my pseudo name for the internet and email (DauntlessVitality - DV), I had to think on it for a long while.  I wanted something first of all that didn't sound stupid or cheesy.  I wanted something that would stand out and resemble someone strong and stable.    Yet, it also needed to truly be me and who I am.  Something that was characteristic of me.  So what's a guy to do but break out the dictionary and thesaurus.  Back and forth, and back and forth I went in looking up words and meanings based on how I would describe myself.  

I see my self as dauntless...meaning fearless, bold, courageous.  My commenter mentioned the word daunting, or being overwhelmed or intimidated.  That I am not.  I am calculated and not easily intimidated.  I needed another word though too.  Just calling myself Dauntless didn't feel right.  Back to the books I went.  I ended up with the word vitality.  That was me for sure...full of life and power and an enduring person.  Yep, I had it!  Enduring, fearless, and full of life.  That is me for sure.  I started using DauntlessVitality and never looked back.  It has stuck with me and has served me well.  

So, back to my formspring comment...I'm happy I can assist you with being able to see and get it.  When ever you feel overwhelmed, just think of being fearless and full of life, and someone that can endure.  If me being here, and you thinking of me in those times of trepidation, helps you in some way, then I am glad I can do that for you.  Sometimes we all need the strength of someone else to help pull us through a tough time.  If I can do that for you, my anonymous commenter, then being here is worthwhile, and all my ranting and thoughts and views on my blog have made a positive impact.  

So, thank you for the kind words!  

(of course I could be completely misinterpreting the comment, in which case please correct me.) 

 

FAF Runoff Vote

There was a tie this week for the most number of votes on Fantastic Ass Friday.  Therefore, we must have a runoff vote to decide a winner for the week.  The two pics that made it into the runoff are listed below and the voting is n the right sidebar, as usual.  Voting will run until midnight Thursday night, April 7. 

Thanks for a great vote this week, and I look forward to your participation in the runoff to declare a winner. 

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Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Happy April everyone!  I can promise you there is no April Fools here on FAF.  Nothing but real and fantastic asses.  That's what you want, expect, and deserve.  We had a good vote last week, and it was pretty much a runaway by the winner.  Once again, I was a bit surprised by what you all liked the most.  Goes to show what I know.  Last week's winner is posted to the right. 

I have a special theme for you all this week.  I am dedicating this week to to couples, with an emphasis still on the fantastic female ass.  I hope you all enjoy!  Have a great weekend!

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