The Epiphany (Part 2)

Here she was feeling weak and vulnerable.  She had an emotional breakdown of sorts, and she did all she knew to do...call him.  What she didn't understand at the time, is in his eyes she wasn't weak and vulnerable.  She was gaining strength.  She was finding herself.  She was on a journey of discovery, and, well...that is just what she was doing...discovering herself.  This man was enabling her to see a side of herself she had never seen.  She was feeling emotions about him and about what she had been experiencing like she had never felt for anyone.  She reached down deep and reached out to him.  She needed help and needed guidance.  There was no one else with whom she could talk.  No one else would understand.  But in her heart she knew she didn't want to talk with someone else.  She wanted him all along.  She reached out and he showed up.  That in itself spoke volumes to her.


When he approached she had fear in her eyes.  How could she feel so much?  How could she feel about him the way she does?  Why is all this coming down on her in one big crashing wave?  Why is she so willing to do anything for this man?  She's never had anyone she was willing to do absolutely anything with or for...but she would do anything this man asked or required of her, without question.   Why?  She didn't understand, but she knew he would.  She knew he could guide her through this.  That is what he has told her he would do...guide and lead, and help her through anything and everything.  She was seeing this in him.  He wasn't just words.  He was much, much more.  This was part of what had her so emotional.  She knew he was much more.  He was everything she had ever wanted.  He was everything she had ever dreamed about.  Being with him was like being in another universe.  One where everything else was gone and nothing else mattered.  It was just the two of them together.  She had never been with anyone that made her feel as important and special as he did.  He had swept her off her feet and she knew it.  The best part was he didn't even go out of his way to do any of this.  He was just being himself.  She had never met anyone like him, and knew there was a good chance she never would again.


He asked her to tell him what she was feeling...going through her head...what was catching her off guard.  She knew she had called him out here.  She was the one that needed to talk.  She knew that he would make her talk.  That was the most important thing in the world to this man...being able to openly have a conversation about anything, good or bad.  She wasn't used to being this open.  She never had anyone she felt comfortable enough being around to be that open.  That's just another thing on her list.  With him she felt that comfortable.  She felt like she could tell him anything.  She had already told him more and let him see inside of her like no one else ever had.  Yet, when asked what was wrong, although she wanted to speak, nothing would come out.  She stopped and started several times.  There was so much she didn't even know where to start. 


Finally she began talking and explaining and asking questions.  He would listen and answer, listen and answer.  He would ask his own questions and give responses to her answers.  He would tell stories and give scenarios and make jokes.  They had a serious conversation, one that could possibly even be seen as life altering, yet it was kept light and flowed well.  She felt at ease.  She felt comfort.  She remembered and knew exactly why she called him to talk.  Exactly why she has opened up to him the way she has done.  He actually listens to her.  He remembers things about her.  He doesn't look down or talk down to her.  They talk as if they are equals.  Her views, her thoughts, her opinions...they matter.  She has a voice and she knows it will be heard.  Yet, at the same time, she respects and wants his voice, opinions and guidance.  He doesn't have to do what she says or what she wants.  She knows that.  But he listens, he pays attention, he cares, and he always takes it into account.  She would do anything he said and follow him anywhere without question or hesitation.  Yet, he still cares enough to make her important and a priority in his life.  He doesn't take advantage of her and her feelings.  He doesn't take her for granted.  He may be Dominant and he may have power and control, and she may love that and give every ounce of herself to him in every...but in the end he treats her as his partner.  As they are in this together side by side. 


Why was this happening?  What had she done to deserve this?  Why was she so special?  She was finally realizing that none of the answers to these questions mattered.  He was into her for being her.  It was her that he cared for.  It was her that he wanted to be with.  It was her that he wanted to lead and guide and have by his side.  The more they talked the more she realized what she was really feeling.  The more she realized how much she really does need him.  How much she can't stand the thought of being without him.  The ultimate epiphany for her was facing and accepting that she loved this man with all she had.  She had fallen for him, and fallen hard.  Yet, the landing was soft.  Why?  Because he was there to catch her.  He always told her if she fell he would be there to ease the landing and catch her, and he was.  She trusted him unequivocally.  She would trust this man with her very life.  There were things he could say to her and make her melt on the spot.  He could make her instantly aroused with one sentence, and bring her to her knees in another.  But nothing he ever said could make her as weak or affect her and make her feel like the way he was about to do.  Nothing had ever even come close.  He knew how she felt.  She didn't even have to come right out and say it, because he knew.  He always knows.  He knows her better than she knows herself sometimes.  Then in one motion he gently placed his hands on the sides of her head, he pulled her in and held her so tight, and then leaned down and out of nowhere whispered in her ear..."I love you too baby!"
 

The Epiphany (Part 1)

The look in her eyes was one of being scared.  It was one of wanting and needing so much.  It was one of begging for reassurance and explanation.  It was evident she has entered new territory like she had never felt before.  She had never been treated the way he treated her.  Like she was important.  Like she was a priority.  Like she mattered.  She was getting all from him she had ever dreamed about and wanted.  Love...care...respect...control...freedom to let go and be herself.  She had never been able to show anyone all sides of herself.  She had always been guarded and put up barricades.  Only certain people saw certain sides of her, but no one had ever been inside those walls and seen all of her.  

He was like no one she had ever met before.  She never knew she could feel so comfortable and free with someone.  She knew he loved her by his actions and his words.  But this was different...he was different.  He was touching her in places and ways no one ever had.  He was in her head.  He was in her heart.  He was in her every breath.  She felt him from the top of her head to the tips of her fingers and toes and everywhere in between, as he ran through her body in unison with her own flow of blood.  He was consuming her entire being.  This was so new to her.  It was scary to be this consumed.  Her logical mind told her this just can't be.  Her emotions told her to embrace it with all she had.  And that's just what she was doing.  Logic was slowly coming around.  She was beginning to believe this could be real.  It could be more than just a dream.  Reality could be this good.

She was feeling overwhelmed with emotions.  She was unsure just what was happening.  She had never felt this rush of  so many things at one time.  She had that moment where it all clicked and all came together.  She had an epiphany where it all began to make sense.  This was cemented in her psyche with what followed.  They had just spent an afternoon together having orgasm after orgasm.  She had given herself to him...she was his.  She was discovering what it is like to let go...to be herself, and accept all he has to offer her.  He hadn't pushed too hard, just small nudges in the right direction.  He made her feel things on a level she hadn't felt at any time in her life.  Even normal vanilla activities seemed to be much different and better.  How can this be?  How can he make her feel this way?  What was happening to her?  He had a power and control over her.  One that no one had ever had over her, and certainly one that she never let anyone have previously.  Yet, she wanted him to have it.  She needed him to have it.  She had needed this her whole life and didn't even know it.  Now it was sinking in.  But why?  Why now?  The reason...because he pointed it out.  He asked her point blank..."Do you know how much control and power I have over you and your body?"  

This didn't really begin to sink in until her drive home.  Then, just as if she had driven her car straight into a brick wall, it smacked her right in the face full force.  The emotions of all they had were bubbling up.  She loved him and she was admitting that to herself.  She truly needed him, and she was finally admitting that.  She felt things for him she couldn't even describe.  She was beginning to really be able to understand much of what he had been telling her.  She could feel it in her chest like a weight pressing down.  All that did was confirm her trust and belief in him.  What he had told her was right.  What he had told her was coming true.  He had told her that certain things you can't truly understand until you are there, feel them, and experience them for yourself.  It was now making more sense.  She was understanding.  And most of all, she knew he was right...he did have more power and control over her than she even came close to admitting and realizing.  The most odd part to her was that she wanted that.  She wanted him to have that control.  She had never wanted anyone to have control of her, but him...with him...she wanted him to have it all.  She needed to give herself to him and be his as much as she needs water to survive.  On this ride home, all of this came to the surface and came bubbling out.  She broke down.  It was too much.  It was overwhelming.  How could this one man bring out so much in her, she thought?

What was she going to do?  How would she deal with this?  How could she possibly process all of this?  She did the only thing she knew to possibly do...she picked up the phone and called him.  She said how much she missed and needed him, and needed to talk.  If it wasn't too inconvenient, she needed to see him again...now.  She shouldn't have been surprised when he said he would be happy to.  When he said he was on his way and would be there in 15 minutes.  When she saw him, it was a relief...a joy...a release.  She needed him and he came to her.  She wasn't used to that.  She wasn't used to someone showing her how important she is, or at least feeling that way.  She needed him right now more than ever, and he came without hesitation.  He was there for her just like he said he would be.  Once again he backed his words with his actions.  She was seeing now more than ever how important she was to him as well.  He really was there to take care of her, guide her, and protect her. She could feel it.  She knew it.  It wasn't just words.  He meant what he said. 

(to be continued)

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Thanks to all that voted last week!  It was a good vote and a very close one, but there was one that came out on top.  (Posted to the right)



No big talks from me this week.  We will get right to the pics!  I hope you all have a great weekend!  Take care and stay kinky!

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Chemistry Lab

We have all been through several chemistry classes together lately.  (see posts Chemistry 101, 201, and 301)  Any of you that know anything about chemistry class in school know that there is classroom lectures and work, and then there is time spent in the lab.  The lab time is there is be able to see in person how the things you have been studying actually work in practice.  Now I would love to be able to invite you all over and give you a hands on personal demonstration.  However...that certainly is not feasible, and many of your significant others may not take too kindly to that.  And I certainly can't have any other Doms accusing me of ruining their subs.  LOL! 

All joking aside, this was the best way I know to show a side of what I have been saying.  This wouldn't work with just any picture.  It had to be the perfect picture.  I really wasn't looking for one, but I saw this and it happened to fit perfectly.  So...your Chemistry Lab Demonstration is this...

 

This picture reeks of chemistry to me.   It is overflowing with want and need.  It is being lost in a moment with that special someone, where time stands still, nothing else matters and there is no place else you'd rather be.  It's feeling so connected to each other that you want to consume every ounce of each others being.  It's needing to have them near you and this close.  It's feeding the addiction you have for that person.  It's breathing each other in and out.  It's feeling the warmth of each others body next to yours and then trying to pull yourself in even closer.  It's total pleasure with where you are, even with your clothes still on.  It's wanting so much and everything with the other person, that you stay frozen because you don't know which direction to go first.  It's hoping this moment never ends.  It's knowing how bad you want to stay when it's time to go.  It's not wanting to be apart even though you know you have no choice.  It's knowing when you are apart how bad you need to be with and see them again.  It's these moments that build the fire and feed the need, and bring you closer than you were before.  

That boys and girls is Chemistry!  That is total connection!  That is what want and need actually looks like!  As for how it actually feels...I can't help you with that one.  You need to conduct your own chemistry lab and experiment.  But I can tell you that when you do find it...you will know.  there won't be a single doubt in your mind.  You will just feel it and know.  I hope you all do feel it and know.  It's not something I want any of you to have to do without.  It is very special and something that everyone should have.

Class dismissed!  

Professor DV

Thursday Humor!

This was just too good to pass up and not share with you all!  :)  (It's a little blurry, but it you click on it, it will open in a new window and is easily readable.)

Chemistry 301 (Need and Addiction)

All of you thought you were here to read sex blogs, learn about bdsm, get turned on and aroused, and get a glimpse into other peoples relationship dynamics.  You had no idea I was taking you back to school...no less to chemistry class.  And just for the record, I got out of high school chemistry by the skin of my teeth, and avoided it completely in college.  :)  But alas, we are talking about a different kind of chemistry, aren't we?!?!  The kind that occurs between two people and pulls them together into a relationship.  The kind that makes two people want each other, feel good around each other, and need each other.  Chemistry 301 is all about NEED! 

I mentioned in Chemistry 101 that you can feel so connected to someone that this special connection and chemistry between you could take you higher than any drug ever could.  I'm not going to get into the actual chemical responses of the brain, in dealing with either a relationship or illegal drugs (or even legal ones for that matter).  That's left to the scientists, which I am certain not one.  Yet, there does definitely seem to be some emotional, and I'm sure chemical, reactions within the brain that drive us. There are many times you meet someone, and you just can't totally explain what you are feeling, yet it just doesn't feel right.  The opposite is true as well.  Maybe you can't fully express in words what you are feeling, but you know with this person it just feels right. 

As this continues, your relationship grows and builds, and as you become closer, this special connection and chemistry becomes much more than that.  It begins to evolve into a deep yearning, desire and need.  You begin to rely on your partner for much more than you have anyone in the past, or at least in a long time.  You feel like they are a part of you.  Like they are the missing piece that completes you.  Like they make you feel whole.  This is where NEED really comes in and starts to develop.  The more you are together, the more you need the other person.  You begin to feel lost without having them.  You are driven to be with this person.  They seem to fit you like a tailor made glove, and nothing about your relationship ever seems wrong or out of place.  The growing need for each other can even become physical.  For example...there is an old saying "I need you so bad it hurts", or "I miss you so bad it hurts".  There is some definite truth to this.  The need may be emotional, but it can manifest itself to be felt in a physical way.

This need can manifest on multiple levels.  The first is an emotional level.  You can grow into being so content and comfortable with your partner that you need them emotionally.  You need to have them in your life.  You need to hear their voice.  You need to be in contact with them.  There is an emotional need for their love, care and attention.  You may go hours or days and not hear from them, and begin to feel alone and distraught.  But then when you do hear from them, your whole demeanor changes.  You feel uplifted and much better about yourself.  That is a big part of the emotional connection and need. It's not only being attracted and feeling a connection, but how that person makes you feel about yourself.  It's a constant circle of making each other feel good about the relationship, your partner and yourself.  It's feeling wanted, needed, and appreciated as much as you feel the same about them.

The second area the need for someone can manifest itself is in a physical manner.  When you have all these other things going on (emotions, connection, chemistry), it naturally makes you want to be physical with this person.  That is a natural human response.  When things seem perfect and right, then the physical aspect of the relationship can really kick into gear.  And when things feel perfect on a physical level, they just keep going.  Whether it's kissing, touching, petting, actual sexual intercourse, or whatever you may be doing.  The more you do, the more you want, the more you want to give, the more you want to experience, the more you want your partner to experience, and so on.  The need to be with that person physically really takes off.  If you are in a position like myself, where you can't be with your partner constantly, then this is where the need takes over.  You are apart but feel the need to be with them.  You need to feel their touch.  You need to feel their lips on yours.  You need to be able to make them feel as good as they make you feel.  You need to be able to physically connect on a very basic and primitive, yet intimate level.  In basic terms, you need to be able to feel skin on skin...to feel yourself get so aroused that you think you are going to explode just from their touch...and to know they are feeling the same thing you are.  Being apart can be hard and can make this need grow even more.  It's difficult to want and need someone so bad but not be able to do anything about it.  However, it does make the times when you can see each other, that much more special and intense.

The need for another person, especially when the two of you seem so absolutely perfect together, can become and addiction.  It's just like with any drug...you can become addicted and need your fix.  The need can drive you to be together and take each other as high as you can possibly imagine.  Being apart can be the same as not being able to have your drug, and you can experience withdrawals.  I do believe it's possible to miss or need someone so bad it hurts (withdrawals).  Together, everything seems perfect, there isn't a care in the world, and nothing else exists or matters.  Apart you just need more of what you have had and what you know only that person can give you and how they can make you feel.  It is very possible to get to a point where you say..."I'm addicted to you!"

Since I said this series is about me and my own emotions, I will say this...I believe in everything I have said.  I have been there and felt it all for myself.  I love the feeling of all the emotions, the connection, the chemistry, the need, the desire, and the addiction of finding that special person that makes you feel like no one else possibly ever has.  I don't want my partner to hold back.  Feed my need.  Feed my addiction.  Make me want and need you more than anything else.  I want to feel all of "this" without question or hesitation.  Make me feel like I can't live without you as a part of my life.  When I have this total connection, need and addiction with someone, there is no better feeling in the world!  When I have this and feel this way, not only do I want you to be mine completely and totally, but you will have all of me as well.  Be mine and I will be yours.  Let's be addicted together!  Nothing else could possibly be better than that!

Tuesday Humor

…”and we can have tea parties and play dress-up,

and have a sleepover! 

My mommy is going to be SO surprised. "

I saw this and just had to laugh.  This is so something my daughter would do!  

Reminds me of yesterday afternoon...she was playing in the back yard and was complaining about a wasp flying around.  I told her just to make a funny face, wave her arms, and yell "BOO"!  It would scare the wasp and he would fly away.  So..for the next half hour she is running around the back yard looking for wasps to scare.  Hindsight told me that maybe that wasn't such a good idea.  LOL!  Ahhh...life with a three year old!  :)

Chemistry 201

In our last chemistry class (if you are new here scroll down and read Chemistry 101 first) we learned about attraction and connection between two people.  Well...let me digress...we learned about DV's view of it and what he likes, wants, and needs with a woman.  And yeah, I referred to myself in the third person.  Don't you hate that?!?!  LOL!  Anyway...now we move onto our next class.  I have talked in several prior posts about feelings and emotions.  Most of this has been angled towards women and/or a submissive.  In my "Chemistry" series, I am trying to give you some more insight into my mind, my emotions, and what I want and need.  It may be a scary view once you get a glimpse, so you have been warned ahead of time. ;)

One thing I wanted to touch on is my need for connection and being Dominant.  This was even more brought to light by an email I received in reference to my post "Chemistry 101".  In this email, my ability to Dominate was questioned based on me being too "touchy feely" with my emotions and too feminine acting.  That a Dominant is supposed to be more hardcore, strict and course in his actions and approach.  That I shouldn't be so openly expressive about my emotions to a submissive and my need for her, as it sounds submissive in itself.  It makes me sound weak.  I am paraphrasing, but that is the gist of it.  What do I have to say about that?  BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!! The funniest part of the whole thing, is I never even got mad about it.  If this person was trying to get under my skin...it didn't work.  In fact, it made me laugh, as this person really has no clue or understanding of what it means to be so in tune with their partner.

Let me explain this a bit further.  For males especially, it can be very hard for us to openly express our emotions and feelings.  It is not viewed generally as characteristic of a strong man.  This is a stereotype that has been around forever.  I don't like it and think it's a bunch of crap.  I think it shows that I am strong and I am secure with who I am.  I think that if you can't talk about, realize, understand, and express your own emotions, wants, and needs openly with your partner, then you are the weak and insecure one.  It takes a strong person, male or female, to be able to open up and tell their partner all they are holding inside.  To be able to share like that takes strength.  It is making you vulnerable to your core, and most men avoid that at all cost.  I'm not suggesting this will work, or should be done by everyone.  This is just me, who I am and what works for me personally.  But I do think that being as open as possible has much more upside than downside.

So, by now you asking...how does this translate into D/s (or whatever dynamic you are in)?  I will tell you!  As a Dominant, and like many other Dominants out there, I expect my partner to be open and fully communicate with me.  Is it fair and just for me to require and ask that of her and not be willing to do that myself?  Not at all!  This isn't a one-way street.  She needs to be able to understand me, my needs, and my desires to be able to be the best for me she can be.  Just as I need to fully understand hers to be as good as I can be in her eyes.  How can I expect her to be her best if I'm not willing to share my thoughts and feelings with her?!?!  She isn't a mind reader.  She may try her best, because she doesn't want to disappoint, but running blind like that is a recipe for disaster in my book.  Be open, be on the same page, and be willing to work with your partner.  This is the only way to make it great!

Now let's take this one step further.  If we look back to my original post, I talked about chemistry, connection, attraction, and the feeling that you have met your eternal soul mate.  Isn't this what you want in a D/s relationship?  It should be! You should want that complete and total connection with someone.  Someone that makes you feel complete and whole.  Someone that makes you feel more special than you ever have before.  And this is before we even bring D/s into the equation.  D/s requires respect for each other, a lot of trust, and there are a lot of raw emotions that become involved.  So why on earth would you not want your partner to be this total connection I have spoken about.  Not just a mutual interest in D/s, but a connection on every possible level.  When you have this connection and feel as one emotionally, then everything you do can be taken to new heights.  You can experience things like never before.  It can take you higher than any drug you can think about.

Without the emotional connection, you will always be lacking.  You can never reach as high as if you did have it.  It is something extremely special.  As a Dom, you will be able to push her further and harder, based on her trust, respect and the connection the two of you have.  Without this connection, the two of you will never be able to fully reach your potential.  There will always be a roadblock.  With the connection, the sky is the limit.  Who knows how far the two of you can go and what all you will experience together.  But together, feeling as soul mates, and connected with each other like never before in your life...that is one ride that I know for sure I don't want to miss.

Chemistry 101

There is a topic that has been on my mind lately.  It goes way beyond TTWD.  Or actually, it happens outside of TTWD.  It is totally separate, yet is the most vital and basic of all necessities.  I have had multiple conversations recently in regards to this.  It has nothing to do with giving yourself to someone, or desiring to be in control of someone.  It has nothing to do with being submissive or being dominant.  It is and has everything to do with...CHEMISTRY.   

There is something very raw and basic about attraction.  Yet, initial physical attraction only goes so far.  There is so much beyond attraction.  For two people to go further and get beyond initial attraction there has to be a connection.  There has to be chemistry between them.  They have to understand each other, be able to think along the same lines, have similar wants and needs, and have similar goals.  Many times the chemistry between two people can't even be expressed and put into words.  Yet, it is an electrifying feeling that you know is there.  It can even be a gut feeling where things just seem to fit into place and just feel right.

I have met women in the past, based on our mutual desire for D/s.  We may email a bit, and then plan a meeting.  But after the meeting it just wasn't there for me.   Whether it was lack of attraction, lack of a connection and chemistry, or whatever the reason.  Sometimes I just haven't been able to put my finger on what the reason is, but it just didn't feel right.  We could both want a D/s dynamic and be on the same page with that, but if the rest isn't there, then for me it just isn't going to work.  I need more!  I need a mental and emotional connection.  I don't want just a physical relationship with someone.  I need a relationship on many levels.  I don't want just her body...I want her mind.  Once you really connect with someone, have great chemistry, and have an emotional connection, then the physical aspect of the relationship can go so much further than just a physical relationship alone.

The example I have used in the past is this...you can be a super-model, be gorgeous, and want me to do every bad thing to you in the world that sounds great to me.  But...if you are dumb as a rock, can't hold a conversation, and can't stimulate my mind to some degree on an intellectual level, then it will never work.  I'm ultimately not going to be or stay interested.  I feel the more you connect with someone on a mental and emotional level, the more attractive they become.  Physical attributes can only take you so far, at least with me.

When you find someone, that special person you totally have this chemistry with, then it is the greatest feeling in the world.  Nothing feels better.  You can enjoy talking about anything under the sun.  You feel wanted as much as you want.  You feel important and like a priority to them.  You feel giddy and like you are smiling all the time for no reason.  You get overly excited every time you see an email from them, or their name and number on your caller ID.  You get butterflies just thinking about them.  You can't wait until you get to see them again.  It's not even about the sex or potential sex (which may be absolutely fantastic in its own right).  It's more about being with that person.  It's about how you feel and they make you feel when you are with them.  It's like an electrical current flowing back and forth when you touch each other.  It's all the little things that may normally sound silly and pointless, but are important now.

Having that special chemistry is something we should all want and need.  To need to have that feeling with someone.  That person that you call your best friend, your partner in crime, your lover, your confidante, and any other term that you can describe.  When you find that with someone it is truly special and amazing.  It is something you need to hold onto tight and never let it go.  It doesn't come around everyday.  Some people look for this for what seems like a lifetime.  Give all you have to that person, and never regret being open and vulnerable to them.  Let them see every piece of you, just as you want to see that in them.  When you do find and have this, whatever dynamic plays out within the relationship will be that much deeper and more involved.  You will both give more and get more in return.  It is something to never take for granted.  Love it and nurture it every single day as though it was your last.  It's not too hard to remember what things were like before this person came along.  So...do whatever it takes to keep the fire going.  Don't let go!

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

Fantastic Ass Friday is here once again.  I want to thank all of you that have been voting and making comments.  You all the reason I do this.  If it wasn't for your interest, there would be no point in continuing.  So...thank you all.  I do enjoy getting and reading your comments each week about the pictures.  It fascinates me how everyone sees different things in the pics.  What one person likes may not appeal as much to someone else.  I have mentioned before how you all surprise me with your choices and votes.  You never seem to pick and vote for the one I think you might.  Goes to show, my taste is different than many of you.  But...to each his/her own.  All of our differences is what makes this world and interesting place.

I'll stop rambling now!  I know you don't want to keep reading my thoughts.  You want the pics already.  In fact, you probably didn't even read this and scrolled down to the pics immediately.  LOL!  Can't say that I blame you.  I hope you all have a great weekend and enjoy this week's choices.  As always, last week's winner is to the right.  Take care all my sexy, perverted, and kinky readers, followers and lurkers.  :)

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DV

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

I welcome you all to this week's brand new episode of Fantastic Ass Friday.  The one place you can visit weekly with absolutely no drama introduced.  No Charlie Sheen!  No Middle East fighting!  No Japanese tsunamis!  Nothing but a few minutes of escape from the real world while you try to decide just which fantastic ass is your favorite of the week.  Last week's winner posted to the right, as always. 

It is finally sunny here in the south, or at least my part of it.  Not a cloud in the sky and temps in the 60's for the next week.  Sure can't complain about that.  I hope you all have a great weekend, and get all the kink you want and need. 

This week I am going with black and white closeups.  I hope you enjoy!  On with the pics...

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DV

Kick The Ego To The Curb

The male ego is strong and powerful thing.  It can help us stand our ground, and drive us to push through situations we wouldn't normally attempt.  Many times this is done in order to save face and avoid looking weak in front of others.  This ego especially kicks in when we males don't know or are not familiar with something.  Rather than admit we don't know, we will bullshit our way through it as to not look weak in not knowing.  Once this behavior starts and continues over time, it becomes habit.  It becomes ingrained in us.  It is our natural reaction and how we respond to everything.  This where the problem begins. 

I have spoken with quite a few women over the past few years.  Ones that I have met online, through my blog or other means.  Whether it's general conversation or someone has emailed me about a specific topic, there seems to be a common them with many men out there...a disconnect between men and women.  What do I mean by this?  Over and over again I have heard about how men don't know what they are doing sexually.  They know very little, do the same thing over and over, and aren't willing to try something new.  The women on the other hand want more...need more.  They want to be satisfied.  They want to feel like attention is being paid to their needs.  They want to try new things and get outside the box a little bit.  This has nothing to do with whether you are vanilla or into bdsm.  It can cross all borders. 

Now we come back to the male ego.  As previously stated, he either knows or will act like he knows everything.  He will try to put up a strong front and be as masculine as possible.  But what is this really doing?  It is hurting him and his partner.  It is being narrow minded and unwilling to look into new things, especially at the suggestion of someone else.  The downward spiral has begun.  He won't look at new things, thinks he knows what he is doing, and won't entertain new ideas...all in order to save face and maintain his manhood.  Who suffers most from this...his partner.  She becomes more and more unsatisfied, and emotionally disconnected.  The longer it goes, the more disconnected she will become, and this will make it even harder for her to find the pleasure she is so badly needing.

So what is the answer?  Take your ego and your manhood and throw it out the door.  My view is that it makes you look stronger to admit things you don't know, have an open mind, and be willing to learn new things.  Just as in D/s we say that it takes a strong woman to submit, it also takes a strong man to admit where he is lacking.  That is half the fun of a relationship....being willing to look at new things together, try new experiences, new techniques, and be willing to be taught as well as teach. 

For a basic example, let's look at him performing oral sex on her.  Maybe he doesn't really know how, so he shy's away from it.  Maybe he doesn't do it exactly the way she needs.   Maybe it's too gentle.  Maybe it's too rough.  The answer is simple.  Ask her and talk about it.  There's nothing wrong with saying I'm not sure about this, so teach me how to make it as good as I can make for you.  It shows you care for her, love her, and want the best for her.  It shows that you are willing to go the extra mile to bring her pleasure.  Mentally and emotionally, this can be huge for a woman and her perception.  She needs to see that you are willing to learn.  Many times that is all she will ask of you.  Just be willing.  She doesn't need you to move a mountain.  She doesn't need everything money can buy.  She just wants to see and feel that you are interested in her enough to be willing to learn and grow with her. 

Not to bring my own ego into this (lol), but this is an area that I pride myself on being able to do.  Even in being Dominant, I pride myself on being able to please my partner, and knowing that I can do that for her.  I do get pleasure from pleasing...albeit in my own special Dominant way.  You can admit when you don't know, learn about it, and still be Dominant.  Anyone not willing to learn and grow and become a better person for their partner is headed for trouble in the long run.  I'm always willing to look at new things and activities, and adjust what I currently do and know how to do to make it better for us both.  As the picture says..."Learn to fuck me right!"  That's a great thing to be able to do and learn.  Be willing to do that.  Be willing to make adjustments and change.  Be willing to admit your shortfalls, and gain from them.  In the end, it will make you both better and happier people, as well as strengthen the relationship and the bonds between you. 

what should I do if my Dom is requiring more of me than I am prepared to give? Also, I feel like I'm not really getting anything back from him. I love him but I don't know what to do.... advice?

Thanks for the questions. The most important thing here is something that should be an integral part of every relationship, not matter what the dynamic is...communication. If you feel you are being pushed beyond where you are comfortable or want to go, then you should bring this up to him and have an open discussion about it. It's not about arguing and upsetting anyone. It's about you being able to express your concerns and what you do want and expect, as well as he expressing what he needs and why he has taken you so far. In any D/s dynamic, a sub needs to be able to share her thoughts, views, wants and needs. They can't be met if she doesn't share them, and her Dom should always be willing to listen to what she has to input into the relationship.

I'm all about pushing boundaries and limits. I think you have to push past your comfort zone to e able to progress and grow. Yet it needs to be done in steps. You have to walk before you run. You have to be worked up to the greater level of involvement. You can't just jump from A to D...you need to also go through B and C. A good and caring Dom will be happy to work with you on your concerns, take a look at things, and take a step back when necessary to be able to re-gain some footing. There will always be times in a relationship, especially D/s, where you hit a wall, and run into a potential conflict. These times show how strong the two of you are by how you can work each other through it and become stronger together n the end.

I hope this helps you at least a little bit. Feel free to let em know if you have further questions or concerns.

DV

Ask me anything

Fantastic Ass Friday (FAF)

I know...you are all anxiously trying to get on blogger this morning to see what asses I'm going to post this week.  You juts can't stand the wait.  Will it be guy?  Will it be girls?  What will it be?  Well...here we go so you don't have to wait any longer.


Last week was a good voting week, and several of the pics were in the running.  Thanks to all that voted.  The winner is posted t the right.  I can't say that I disagree with that winner!  :)  Now it's on to this week.  I hope you enjoy and that you all have a great weekend!

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DV